Super Express Delivery
As dawn broke, my eyes snapped open like clockwork.
I dragged my heavy body upright and stretched both arms high above my head.
“So sleepy...”
A massive yawn tore through my mouth, and I blinked blearily against the morning light. Wait... why in the world was I awake at this ungodly hour anyway?
“It’s not like I have a part-time shift to run to anymore...”
My brain scrambled to come up with an excuse to crawl right back under the blankets. They always say beauties need their sleep, don't they? With a face and figure this drop-dead gorgeous, sleeping in a little longer ought to be fully forgiven by the universe.
Ding!
Ding!
The obnoxious, relentless chiming of system notifications shattered the quiet morning. Thoroughly irritated, I grabbed my pillow and hurled it across the room.
“Let me sleep in for once, damn it!”
Throwing a tantrum accomplished absolutely nothing, of course—there wasn't another living soul around to care. Scratching my cheek in sheepish embarrassment, I pulled up the auction exchange interface first.
“Huh?”
Was my vision blurry because I'd just woken up? The numbers looked completely wrong.
“Didn't I set the starting bid at 30,000 Estel yesterday?”
I rubbed my eyes vigorously and checked again. The sheer count of zeroes...
“O-One hundred and fifty thousand Estel... each?!”
Shock jolted through me. Eyes wide as saucers, I leaned in to reexamine the digits. Could it be a graphical glitch? Maybe if I viewed the window from a different angle, the text would render normally.
Nobody asked you, thanks.
Besides, if this game was so damn infallible, why did the developers have to roll out patches and hotfixes every single week?
“Did someone try to corner the market...? Ah... the community board.”
I hurriedly logged onto the Adventurer Community Board.
No more rotting like a dog in the library meditating and reading boring-ass books all day—now I can roam around outside like a normal human being! Grinding your ass off for an entire year barely gives 3 INT if you're lucky, but this gives it in a single click?!
What in the world was all this...?
More importantly, why wasn't anyone mentioning how much it hurt? Don't tell me I was the only person who drank that damn potion and suffered agonizing pain?
I had anticipated some level of market excitement, but the gnawing worry that I was the sole victim of that brain-splitting torment made my fingers move across the holographic keyboard.
Gah, why is my forum handle so embarrassing?!
Hyuna, what on earth were you thinking when you made this account?! Still, there was no time to figure out how to change my username. I hurriedly posted the comment and stared anxiously at the screen, waiting for replies.
Branded an utter lunatic in less than thirty seconds, I snapped the forum window shut.
Why was I the only one who felt real pain? Come to think of it, of course normal players wouldn't get splitting headaches from downing a video game consumable! I was the only one stuck with an actual physical body in this hellscape!
“Whatever... let's just collect the payout.”
I switched tabs to the exchange. With a delightfully crisp, resonant jingle of heavy coins, the transaction proceeds flooded into my account.
Before I could stop myself, I leaped clean into the air.
With this kind of money, what housing loan?! What debt?!
Forget a month—if I kept this up, I could wipe the slate clean in a couple of weeks!
Wait. Grinding is great and all, but... shouldn't I relieve a little stress first?
I quietly reopened the exchange search bar. In an unfamiliar world like this, there was only one foolproof method to blow off steam: spending cold, hard cash!
“If I had friends, I could meet up with them to grab drinks and pig out, but...”
Just in case, I tapped open the friends interface.
“Iris, you're an absolute outcast just like me, aren't you?”
Heaving a heavy sigh, I closed the empty friend list and clicked straight into the weapons category.
“Ooh, look at this greatsword!”
As a former hardcore vertical gamer who lived and died by combat progression, window-shopping for weapons was pure ecstasy. Why do people grind for money in MMOs? To deck themselves out in overwhelmingly superior gear, obviously. And wasn't dishing out astronomically higher damage numbers with that gear the true essence of an RPG?
“Mmm... but wait...”
Why wasn't my heart racing at the sight of these gigantic, sharp blades?
Instead, my eyes kept drifting toward small, quaint gathering daggers and dainty gardening hoes.
“Oh, wow, this is adorable!”
Before my rational brain could intervene, my hands were already buying daggers and hand hoes stamped with cute little animal insignias.
I wonder if there's anything featuring our cute little Teddy...
After scouring the search results for what felt like an eternity, a specific listing caught my eye.
Three years ago, it had been released as a limited-edition cash-shop cosmetic, but it flopped miserably. Naturally, given the extortionate price back then... A purely cosmetic apron with zero stat bonuses costing fifty thousand won in real cash, coupled with a ridiculous design that had even the most dedicated cosmetic fashionistas asking, 'Why the hell would anyone pay for this?'
“Hrmm... five million Estel...”
I popped open my inventory to check my current balance.
This was well within my budget.
Besides, looking at the preview screen, it genuinely felt like that chubby little cartoon bear was waving its tiny paw at me. I wasn't wasting money; I was rescuing this poor little teddy from the suffocating, dusty depths of the auction house!
“Right. Animals deserve to be treated with care.”
Armed with that utterly unassailable logic, I slammed my finger onto the purchase button.
Naturally, I opted for express shipping! Faster was always better.
Just then, a sparkling prompt featuring the words Super Express Delivery caught my attention.
“It's a little steep, but...”
Who cared about an extra fee? Speed was king! I wondered how Super Express Delivery even operated in a fantasy setting.
Between the five million Estel of blood money for the apron, the assorted gathering tools, and the premium delivery fee, I ended up blowing a grand total of 5,900,000 Estel in under two minutes.
“Wait... how do purchases from the exchange actually get delivered to you?”
Back when this was just a game on a monitor, you simply opened the system mailbox and clicked a button to deposit items directly into your bag... Blissfully unaware of reality, I flopped back onto the bed, lazily fiddling with the system interface.
Fwoooooosh—!
Plummeting from the upper atmosphere, a blazing meteor streaked across the clear morning sky, charting an unerring course directly toward the tranquil cottage of a certain alchemist.
“Hope it gets here soon~”
As I hummed a cheerful tune while rolling around on my bed, a bright blue notification pinged into view.
Did they offer doorstep delivery?
How incredibly thoughtful! Since this was a fantasy world, maybe a trained giant bird or a dimensional rift would drop it right at the porch...
“Wait, why does it say the items are approaching?”
Not a courier or delivery driver, just... the items themselves?
Assuming it was some kind of spatial teleportation effect, I hopped out of bed and pushed open the wooden window to take in the crisp morning air.
“Mmm~ what refreshing air... Is this that phytoncide stuff people talk about?”
Ah, so peaceful.
Right at that moment, what looked like a brilliant shooting star flared across the azure sky.
My luck was on fire today. First I got treated to a delicious free meal yesterday, and now I was witnessing a daytime meteor...
Should I make a wish?
...Wait, why was it getting bigger? Why did it look like it was heading straight for me?!
“W-Wait, NO!”
I haven't even paid off my debt yet! Technically this cottage isn't even mine; it belongs to the creditors!
I bolted out the front door in pure terror and stared up at the descending fireball.
Veer off! Turn around! PLEASE!
Tearing through the atmosphere with a deafening roar, the blazing projectile slammed dead center into my front yard.
BOOM!
The explosive shockwave blasted outward, and with the sickening realization that everything had gone horribly wrong, my body was launched airborne. In that split second of flight, only one thought flashed through my mind: A lucky day, my ass... that free meal yesterday wasn't good fortune, it was my funeral feast!
Right as I was hurtling through the sky, solid stone arms intercepted me midair. It was Teddy, the bear statue guarding the garden. Clearly, protecting my fragile, squishy body took precedence over protecting the crops.
Being scooped up into its rocky embrace felt surprisingly reassuring...
A few moments later, as the towering cloud of dirt and dust slowly dispersed, the utter ruin of my front garden came into view.
“*Cough... hack!*”
I waved a frantic hand through the grit and patted the statue, signaling for it to put me down. Teddy carefully lowered me to my feet.
H-Huh? Are you telling me... this apocalyptic disaster zone was caused by the package I just ordered?!
“WHO THE HELL DELIVERS PACKAGES LIKE THIS?!”
I surveyed my pulverized field and let out a deep, soul-weary sigh.
Thank goodness I had already harvested everything yesterday... One wrong move and my entire inventory of rare herbs would have gone up in smoke.
Sitting squarely in the center of the smoking impact crater was a charred, rectangular wooden crate. I edged closer with cautious steps.
The scorched earth was still radiating intense heat. I never imagined I'd experience something like this firsthand. How many people in this world could claim they'd had a ringside seat to a meteor strike in their front yard?
“Is the merchandise even intact after that?”
Ignoring the blistering heat seeping through the soles of my shoes, I reached out and touched the crate.
Click.
The wooden lid unlatched and smoothly popped open, revealing the apron patterned with cute little bears nestled safely alongside the shiny new gathering tools.
“Whoa...”
I eagerly snatched the bear apron and held it up toward the sky.
Did this little apron have any idea what kind of cataclysm had unfolded just to bring it to my doorstep?
“Well then... I promise I'll put you to good use!”
I slipped the apron on over my clothes and turned to model it for the only companion standing by my side—Teddy.
“How do I look?” I asked, twirling gracefully on the spot.
Teddy enthusiastically clapped its massive stone paws together in approval.
That's... that's great and all, but every single clap shakes the entire ground!
Betrayed by my pathetic physical stats, the resulting tremor knocked my weak legs out from under me, sending me tumbling straight onto my rear.
“Ugh... I just paid five million Estel for this...”
A miserable groan escaped my lips as I dusted soot and grime off the pristine fabric. So this was the tragic despair of staining brand-new luxury clothes on day one. What a waste.
Struggling back to my feet, I shoveled the heavy wooden delivery crate out of the crater.
Beneath where the crate had been embedded, deep within the cracked fissure torn open by the impact, a faint, crystalline light caught my eye.
“What in the world... is that?”