Veteran Camper's First Gambit
Here, have a taste. After leaving the gukbap joint, we headed to the dock. With my belly full, it was time to put my body to work. The staff were bustling around, loading heavy gear onto the boat—cameras, lights, sound equipment, and all sorts of survival supplies. The sheer volume of stuff was insane.
I felt uneasy just standing there watching. 'I've been working out now, you know.' Sure, the trainer still treated me like a rehab patient, but my body was packed with those "reinforced jelly muscles" I'd sweated for at the gym. I could probably handle a light box or two, right?
I rolled up my sleeves and approached a nearby staffer. "Hey, let me help out. This one okay to grab?"
The guy about to lift the box recoiled in shock, stumbling back. "Whoa! Areum-ssi! Absolutely not! We've got it!"
"But it looks light..."
"No way! That'd be a disaster! Just rest over there, please!"
He waved me off like I'd handed him a live bomb. The other staffers were the same. Every time I reached for something, one would pop up yelling, "Aigoo, leave it!" and snatch it away.
'...What's their deal?' It wasn't just polite consideration—their eyes had this weird pity, like I was some poor soul. It left a strange taste in my mouth. My gym-hardened (sorta) muscles were weeping.
With no choice, I gave up on helping and squatted in the corner of the dock. As I stared blankly at the churning sea, a low rumble approached—vroom. A black Carnival pulled up. The door opened, and a familiar burly figure stepped out.
"......"
One look at his outfit, and my jaw dropped. 'Heading to the Himalayas?' Thick expedition-grade puffy jacket, waterproof ski pants, wool scarf around his neck, and a fur hat pulled low. He looked every bit the mountain expedition leader. Clearly geared up for midwinter uninhabited island survival.
O Seokgyun waddled over to me. "Areum-ah! You beat me here?"
"Oppa, your outfit... looks super warm."
"Hey, it's an uninhabited island. Can't freeze to death, so I bundled up tight. You... not cold?"
He eyed my clothes with concern. I was in my usual puffy jacket and jeans—seemed light by comparison. But he didn't know my secret. Heh. Under these jeans lurked top-grade fleece long johns I'd snagged from the market. With these, subzero temps were no biggie. Veteran camper's know-how.
I smiled leisurely. "I'm good. I'm young, after all."
"...Yeah, youth is nice."
O Seokgyun smacked his lips enviously. He was visibly tense—maybe even more than me, if I exaggerated a bit.
"Couldn't sleep a wink. Shook more than during script readings. Not sure if I can pull it off."
"Don't worry. You won't get any sleep there anyway."
"......"
"Kidding. It'll be fine somehow."
His face paled further. Then a staffer approached and shouted, "Talents! Mics on—we're shooting the intro!"
Here we go. My first variety show shoot ever.
O Seokgyun and I lined up in front of the camera. The body pack mic tucked under my clothes felt alien. The transmitter clipped to my waist kept slipping. 'Heavier than I thought.'
I straightened my outfit and stared ahead, waiting for the camera director's cue.
But...
"......"
No one said a word. Ha Bong-seok PD just stood there, arms crossed, staring us down. The camera's red light was on, but no start signal.
One minute. Three. Five. The awkwardness thickened with every passing second. Waves crashed—whoosh—but silence reigned. O Seokgyun was just rolling his eyes, gauging the vibe too.
'What's going on? Something wrong?' I couldn't take it anymore. "...Um, are we rolling?"
Ha Bong-seok PD grinned like he'd been waiting. "Been shooting for five minutes now?"
"Huh? Then why no—weren't we doing an intro?"
"This is the intro. You two standing there all clueless? Perfect. Super real."
"......"
Ha PD nodded, satisfied. Was this that "seizing the initiative" thing I'd heard about?
O Seokgyun sighed in resignation and patted my shoulder. "Get used to it, Areum-ah. That's just how he rolls. Master at draining your energy."
"This is really it? No opening lines, just straight to the island?"
"Don't sweat it. They'll jazz it up with subtitles and effects. We'll look like lovable idiots."
Ah... so the dazed celeb faces in TV openings weren't acting. I was tasting variety show's spicy side right off the bat.
"Alright, hop on the boat! Heading to the island!"
At Ha PD's command, we boarded the small motorboat. It was tinier than expected, crammed with staff and gear—no proper seats. I squatted in a corner, watching the waves. Staff hustled even on board. Meanwhile, the talents—me and O Seokgyun—had nothing to do. Just cargo.
'Really feeling like dead weight.' No one wanted my help. Was I this useless?
As self-pity crept in, whispers from the back reached me. "Hey, maknae. Areum-ssi kept trying to lift stuff earlier—never let her. Block it every time, got it?"
"Huh? Oh, sure. But why? She's nice, offered to help..."
"Don't worry. She'll suffer way more than us on the island. Let her rest now. Poor thing."
"Ah... right."
...I can hear you, you know? What the hell are they planning to make us do on that island?
O Seokgyun had heard too—his face turned ashen. And the camera kept rolling, lens zeroing in on me. Physically close. Uh, director? It's about to touch my face...
About 20 minutes in, a small island appeared ahead. A tiny uninhabited rock off Geoje-do's coast—Mokpo Grandpa's land, our survival ground.
The boat slowed. No proper dock—just rocky shore. "Careful getting off! Slippery!"
The captain's yell coincided with the boat bumping rock. I leaped off unsteadily. "Hup!"
Safely ashore. First thing, I scanned the terrain. 'Hmm... narrower beach than expected.' No sandy shore, just pebbles and rocks. Dense forest behind. Good news: flat ground at the forest edge.
'Tents go there...' Instinctively mapping the campsite. Staff unloaded and set up. Ha Bong-seok PD grabbed a megaphone and faced us.
"Quick rundown. You two survive here 2 nights, 3 days, as briefed."
He pointed at the island. "Supplies: water, hot packs, flashlights. Your tents and bedding are okay to use."
"......"
"No food. But here's a fishing rod—catch some fish."
O Seokgyun whined pitifully. "Hyung—no, PD-nim. That's really it? Not even rice...?"
Ha Bong-seok PD chuckled amiably. "Haha, do we seem that heartless?"
"Yes."
Instant answer. From me.
"......"
Silence fell. Ha PD's eyebrow twitched. "Areum-ssi...?"
Whoops. Inner thoughts slipped out loud. But it was true.
Ha PD cleared his throat, smoothing things over. "Ahem. Scary lady... Turns people bad in a flash."
'You are a bad guy.' I pretended otherwise inwardly.
Ha PD pressed on. "We won't starve you, of course. We'll give missions and quizzes midway. Succeed, pick one essential item!"
Staff hauled out a box packed with goodies: cans, ramen, pots, utensils, chopsticks, butane gas... Jeez, just give the chopsticks already.
Ha PD showed items one by one. "Some real must-haves here, right? First supply—my pick."
He pulled out a shiny silver pot. Copol.
"Ta-da, copel! No this, no ramen, no boiled water. Essential, yeah?"
True. No copel, you're sunk. But.
"Hold up! Stop!"
I yelled urgently. All eyes on me. Burning stares.
Ha PD looked intrigued. "What's up, Areum-ssi? Hate copel?"
"No, not hate..."
"Then?"
"Wrong order."
"Order?"
"Copel now? Useless without fire."
"......"
"Winter, seaside—everything's damp. Rubbing sticks for fire without pro gear? Impossible. Half a day minimum, if at all."
I met Ha PD's eyes. "Not copel. Something else. Fire steel or matches. Fire first."
A smile spread on Ha PD's face. He nodded, impressed. "Ah... not biting. Most jump at the pot or ramen."
He set the copel down. "No wonder you brought Seokgyun-ssi, the camping pro. Sharp situational judgment."
Exactly. Copel without fire? Pointless. I'd done bushcraft, rubbing wood for fire—brutal, time-consuming. Producers probably giggling at our struggle.
Ha PD pulled something from his pocket. "Fine. Logical counter accepted. Fire steel it is."
"Whoa!"
O Seokgyun cheered. But Ha PD wasn't done.
"But no free lunch. Mission time."
His eyes gleamed. "You get exactly 15 minutes. Perfectly pitch both tents in time—success! Fail, fire steel confiscated."
"...Tents? 15 minutes?"
"Hyung—no, PD-nim. For real?"
Our eyes met. My lips twitched upward.
Ha PD shrugged smugly. "What? Can't do it? Aw, too bad—oh well..."
"PD-nim."
"Yes?"
"Take it. 10 minutes."
"......?"
Murmurs rippled. Staff whispering. "10 minutes? Tough..." "No way."
Ha PD looked flustered. "Areum-ssi, you said 10? Serious?"
"Yep. Dead serious."
Time to haggle. I pointed at the copel in the box. "Pitch in 10. Success? Fire steel plus copel. Deal?"
Ha PD's fluster was delicious. First talent to counter-offer time limits? Now taste what a veteran can do.