The Dangun Myth Project
Ugh, my arms...
Did I go too hard with the pestle?
Maybe that was why my stomach felt even hungrier than usual.
"Huh?? Unit 302! Over here~!!"
"Keep it down a little..!"
"Everyone's staring..!"
"Ah.. sorry... Unit 302, over here..!"
They were all clustered over there. When I came downstairs for breakfast, the residents who'd gathered in one spot greeted me warmly.
"Everyone's up early, huh?"
"It's Monday... But why are you dressed like that? Don't you have to go to work too, Unit 302?"
There were civil-service exam prep students and job hunters like the girl next door, but most of them were new company employees just like me. We never really exchanged greetings, yet because our commute times lined up, we all had a rough idea of who was working and who was still hunting for a job.
"I quit a little while ago."
"Why?? It's not exactly easy finding another place these days..."
"Come on~ Unit 504, can't you tell just by looking?"
"Tell what?"
"Unit 302 hit the lottery, right? That's why he dragged all of us to a hotel? Am I right??"
"Lottery??"
"This is insane..."
Revenge for noise complaints isn't a one-on-one exchange. The racket I raised to get back at them hit the other residents too. So I'd left only Unit 402 behind and brought every last one of the other fourteen households—including myself—to a hotel. We were all going to stay there until the Dangun Myth Project was finished. On my dime, of course.
"Not the lottery. I won a hundred-million-won scratch ticket."
"Holy crap, jackpot! I'm so jealous..."
"But after taxes a hundred million only leaves you with about eighty, right...? Are you sure you can just throw money around like this??"
"It's free money anyway. Even after spending like this, there's still plenty left."
"Wow.. that's some mindset...."
"Aaaah! That is not the important part right now! What about those thug couple in 402? How are they reacting?"
"Curious?"
"Yes! Curious!"
"Very curious!"
"Just tell us already!"
"Ahem..! I don't really have anything special to say... See for yourselves."
I'd filmed everything and recorded everything. Them screaming at me to shut up in the middle of the night, kicking the door and throwing a fit, then suddenly claiming they were the victims the second I called the cops, only to end up groveling and apologizing.
"Puhahaha!!!"
"Pffft!!"
"Heheh...!!"
"Ah, that feels so good! I should've seen it with my own eyes! Damn, what a waste!"
"Can you send that to me??"
"Send it to me too!"
"Sure, I'll drop it in the group chat."
"But Unit 302... are you going to be okay..?"
"About what?"
"That guy's a pure thug with nothing left to lose. If he gets any nasty ideas and tries to get even.... Honestly, that's exactly why I never even thought about noise revenge myself.."
She wasn't wrong. People don't put up with it because they're saints. They put up with it because they're scared of retaliation. But I'd already planned for that too.
"Don't worry about me. I've got it covered. What about everyone else?"
"Some already left for work, a few took half-days and are still sleeping, and the rest... no idea. They don't even check the chat much."
"Ah... then I guess I can't ask for help."
"Help? With what?"
"I was pounding garlic until four in the morning, so by seven they should be dead asleep. Time to go wake them up."
"Holy crap, you did that until four??"
"Aren't you exhausted??"
"Try it once and you won't say that. It's more fun than sneaking games at dawn when you were a kid without your parents knowing."
"Hahaha~ Yeah, I can see that~"
"Sounds ridiculously fun~"
"I want in next time! On the weekend!"
"Sure."
The office workers who'd finished breakfast first filtered out. Left alone, I was quietly eating when a familiar face appeared. She'd dressed up a little since we were in a hotel, though somehow she looked even more gloomy.
"Unit 301~"
"Ah.... Did you... sleep well..?"
"Come over. Eat with me."
"......"
I sat down with the girl next door—hoodie pulled over her head, baggy sweatpants with the knees blown out.
"Just wake up?"
"Ah... yes... I slept really well thanks to you... Thank you...."
"No need for thanks. Hey, are you free today by any chance?"
"F-free..?"
Is she misunderstanding something weird again?
Both hands—still clutching fork and spoon—pulled protectively toward her chest, just like when she'd clutched her clothes shut the moment I mentioned a hotel.
"You're misunderstanding something weird again, aren't you?"
"N-no..! I'm not... misunderstanding anything.... But why do you need the time...."
"Time to go do it again. Noise revenge."
"......"
What the hell? Those hollow eyes suddenly sparkled so hard they almost punched through her glasses. And then—
Thunk!!!
The croissant met a tragic end under a fork slammed down hard enough to crack the plate.
"I've got all the time in the world. Hehehehe..!!"
"......"
Maybe I shouldn't have asked.
I was watching. Watching what happens when a person is completely consumed by spite.
"Garlic! Give me more garlic! More! More!!!"
"......"
Could she even see? The girl next door, thick horn-rimmed glasses plastered with bits of garlic, kept demanding more without pause.
"Uwaaaaaah!!! You crazy bastard!! You're from 302! Why the hell are you upstairs throwing a fit?!!!"
"Stop it already! You son of a bitch!!!!"
"Hehehehehe...!!!!"
Every time the 402 couple screamed and cursed, she seemed to feel an even greater rush of pure joy. Of course I understood the feeling. I'd felt the exact same thing at dawn.
But was she done now?
"Haa..! Haa..! Haa..!"
The girl next door finally stopped pounding, panting hard enough to break a sweat.
"Want me to take over?"
"No. I'll do it. But if it's the same sound over and over, won't they just get used to it??"
"Huh?"
"So we need variety! They did the same thing, right? Stomping! Cranking game sounds and movie volumes! Smoking inside! And....! And.....!!"
"And?"
"They... made noises too...."
"What kind of noises?"
"....Noises.."
"What?"
"M-m-m...!"
"M??"
"Moaning sounds!!!"
"......"
"......"
Why is she the one getting embarrassed after saying it herself?!
Ears flaming red, the girl next door yanked her hoodie over her face and hung her head. I cleared my throat and headed for the kitchen, then brought a cutting board and kitchen knife back to the floor. I'd bought green onions along with the garlic, after all.
"Chopping sounds are a little different, right?"
"Ah..! Yes!! I'll do it! Um, could you... give me one more knife..?"
"......"
I saw it again. What happens when a person is completely consumed by spite.
"Hahahahahaha!!!!!"
"......"
"The green onions are flying everywhere!"
"Ah.. yeah... they sure are."
A kitchen knife in each hand, she was absolutely massacring the green onions against the board. Was this really just noise-stress relief? It looked an awful lot like she was working out civil-service exam stress at the same time...
"Haa..! Haa..! Haa..! My arms hurt...."
"Want me to take over now?"
"Yes. Please!"
"Th-the knives..!!"
"Huh??"
"When you hand a knife to someone, you give them the handle side..."
"Ah..!! S-sorry...."
Her whole body hunched as she lowered the blade tips she'd been thrusting toward me. She lowered them a little too hard. No—way too hard.
Thunk!! Thunk!!
She drove them straight into the cutting board.
"Well... at least the handles are pointing my way..."
"Huh??"
"Haha... nothing."
"Ah.. then I'll go clean my glasses. I can't see a thing."
"......"
She can't see, yet she still planted those knives dead-center in the board?
From now on it was probably safer if I just did this alone.
Whooosh—
While the girl next door disappeared into the bathroom to wipe her glasses and wash her face, I diced the green onions into fine pieces like I was putting on a percussion show. But why had the reactions suddenly stopped? For the last few dozen minutes there had been nothing.
"Why aren't they reacting anymore?"
"Right? I was just wondering the same.... Whoa—"
"Huh??"
"......"
I jumped. Not because the girl next door was crouched right beside me with her face too close. Because that damp, freshly washed face was far too pretty. Taking off the glasses changed a person this much?
"Did you hurt your hand or something??"
"No.. it's not that.... Can I ask you one thing?"
"Sure. Go ahead."
"Why do you wear glasses?"
"Because my eyes are bad."
"Wear contacts."
"Contacts are uncomfortable..."
"Wear them even if they're uncomfortable. You look way prettier without the glasses."
"......"
Damn it, why did I say that?
What was I supposed to do with this atmosphere? Better to call it a day. The thug couple's reactions had gone lukewarm anyway.
"Shall we wrap it up for today..?"
"....Okay..."
In awkward silence we peeled off the raincoats spattered with garlic and green onion and headed back to the hotel. Of course, before we left the studio I also left a little present for Unit 402—the minced garlic the girl next door and I had so diligently prepared, along with a single memo.
Eat plenty and become a human being.
Dangun Myth Project — Day 2
Having me do all the physical labor every time felt inefficient, so I changed methods.
In my own unit, 302, I installed bone-conduction speakers on the ceiling. Against the shared wall with next-door 403 and into the floor of upstairs 502 I mounted subwoofers, then ran every kind of noise on a twenty-four-hour loop.
Ghost wails. Porn moans. Drill whirrs. Gunfire.
—Uhehehehe...!! Heuuuuuu...!!
—Haang!! Haaang!! Aaang!!!
—Ddrddddrrrr!!!!
—Tadang!! Tadadang!! Tadadadadang!!!!!
Dangun Myth Project — Day 3
This was stuck to the front door.
If you really want to die, keep it up.
They told me to keep going, so I kept going. This time I used Oi Market.
"You'll really pay two hundred thousand won an hour just for this??"
"Yep. Come blow off all the noise stress you've been bottling up at home."
"Yes!!"
I recruited people suffering from noise complaints through Oi Market. Twenty people signed up almost instantly. I gave them a chance to vent plus a daily wage of two hundred thousand won an hour. The results were decisive.
"You crazy bitch! Stop it already!!!"
"What are you gonna do about it! I'm hanging out at my friend's place and I'm gonna have fun! If you don't like it, move!!"
"You fucking bitch!!!!!"
"Kyaaak!!! This bitch...!!!"
The part-timers had all suffered noise themselves, so they never backed down. When they started grabbing hair and fighting for real, I doubled their hourly rate.
Dangun Myth Project — Day 4
Please stop. We'll stay quiet at home from now on.
At last a surrender note appeared. But the wording itself was still arrogant. They hadn't truly repented yet. So I unleashed thirty elementary-school kids at ten thousand won an hour into the studio building. Of course the little ones knew the door codes for every unit except 402. And because they proudly reported that they'd even done doorbell pranks, I paid them an extra ten thousand each.
Dangun Myth Project — Day 5
Starting on day three the police began calling me like a morning alarm. Now they were begging me to please just stop. I left them with the words "Justice always wins" and hung up.
Dangun Myth Project — Day 6
After breakfast, on my way to "work" at the studio, the thug couple from 402 appeared. With surprisingly polite words and manners they proposed a truce. I accepted, stepped inside to shut off the speakers that had been blasting for twenty-four hours straight—and heard them cursing me behind my back. So I turned the volume up a little higher before I left.
Dangun Myth Project — Day 7
These bastards were something else. How were they lasting a whole week? Were they that far removed from the human species? But today something felt off. So I didn't go to the studio. In fact, I decided I wouldn't for a while.
Dangun Myth Project — Day 14
Those disgusting thug couple finally exploded. And they exploded big.
"You son of a bitch! I told you I was gonna kill you!!!!!"
"I'm really gonna kill you! You fucking bastard!!!!!"
They kicked open the front door I'd deliberately left slightly ajar and charged in. Baseball bat in the guy's hand, scissors in the girl's. But why did it have to be today of all days?
Today was... the day I was having a meat party with the hyungs from the gym.
"The hell is that scrawny twig?"