Looking for a Housekeeper?
Sizzle— sizzle—
Flip! Flip! Flip-flip!!
The meat on the grill vanished the second it got turned over.
"Hyungs, even if it's beef, maybe wait till it's actually cooked?"
"Meat loses nutrients the longer you cook it."
"And beef's fine~ Just wait till the blood's gone and you're good~"
"That thing's dripping blood. That's not rare—that's raw meat."
"As long as you don't die from eating it."
"Ha..."
I'd known these hyungs for six years now.
It had started with something completely trivial.
A convenience store night-shift worker and his regular customers.
At first, when a pack of rough-looking guys kept swarming in together, I figured they were gangsters. Turned out they were aspiring fighters bunking in a semi-basement near the store.
They bought water every single dawn, I rang them up every single dawn, and we got close without even trying. Of course, they were the ones who started talking to me first.
Then one of them said, "If you ever want to sweat it out, drop by sometime," and I shamelessly started showing up every day. The gym master said I had grit and let me train for free. Thanks to that, I learned martial arts without spending a single won.
I hadn't been going much lately after the military, but four years of training still meant punks like those didn't scare me. What scared me was the idea of hitting them and something going wrong.
"So what's the occasion? The tightwad who never even bought a drink is grilling us meat—and it's beef."
"Did you hit the lottery or something??"
Why does everyone jump to the same conclusion? The second I spend a little money, it's lottery this, lottery that.
"Holy shit..!"
"Hey!! Don't tell me you're trying to settle everything with this?! After everything we've done for you?!"
"Then what else do you want?"
"Buy us beef two more times!"
"Haha~ Fine. I'll buy it ten more times."
"Whoa... Did you actually hit the lottery??"
"Just a hundred-million-won lottery ticket."
"Hyung..."
"Hyung-nim!"
"You're not feeling unwell anywhere, are you?"
"I'll grill it myself!"
"What is wrong with you people?!!"
I barely managed to wrestle the tongs back from them and kept loading more meat onto the grill.
But damn, those two looked pitiful.
"Ahh..!! Hic.. sob.. I'm sorry... Please forgive me... Just let me go home..!!"
"Come on, baby..! Bang your head already..!!"
"It hurts!! It hurts so much I can't bang it anymore!!!! Fuck...!"
"This crazy bitch is swearing...!! I-I'm sorry! I was wrong! Please forgive me!!"
While we grilled our beef, the thug couple was off in the corner slamming their heads into the floor. That was the part that worried me. If this ended up online, it could get ugly.
"Hyung, you sure this is okay? An OFC fighter bullying some random punks—if that hits the internet, it won't look good."
"I'm not on TV like the gym master. Why would I care? I don't even shoot commercials."
"Still, image matters. You never know what happens later."
"That so?"
OFC record: fourteen fights, twelve wins, two losses—all twelve by KO.
Korea's Nuclear Punch, Kim Geon.
The other hyungs were either active in the Asian circuit or had briefly cracked OFC. Geon hyung, though—he was one of the most watched fighters even on the world stage. A monster who completely shattered the prejudice that East Asians couldn't thrive in the heavier weight classes because of physical limitations.
His goal was to dominate middleweight and then jump up to light heavyweight. Even with a dream like that, he had no interest in heavyweight. That was a stage for beasts, not humans, or so he claimed.
From where I was sitting, Geon hyung was plenty beast already.
"Hey, punk."
"Yes! Hyung-nim!!"
"Who the hell is your hyung-nim?"
"I'm sorry! Correcting myself! Ugh..!"
"Stop wobbling."
"Yes!!"
"You planning to post this online?"
"No, sir! Absolutely not!"
"Good. Don't post it. Just use it as drinking banter a few times and forget it. If you never want to see my face again."
"Yes! Understood!!!"
"That enough?"
"You really think they won't post it? They're thugs by nature. The second they walk out of here, they'll call the cops and dump it on SNS."
"That right?"
"Is that right?"
At my words, the other hyungs heaved their heavy bodies up. They crouched in front of the thugs and started the real threats.
"Hey."
"Yes!! Speak, sir!!"
"Geon's a famous fighter, so he can't kill you. We don't give a shit what people see."
"Yeah. We've got nothing to lose—just like you."
Whoa... If I were them, I would've pissed myself a little. These hyungs did not mess around with intimidation.
"P-please spare us... Please...."
"Live quiet."
"The second you walk out, you forget everything that happened here. Our faces, all of it. Or the last faces you see before you die will be these ones."
"Yes... I-I-I'll forget everything... Just spare our lives......"
"You too, miss."
"I'll forget.. I'll forget, so... please just let us live... hic.. sob..."
"You've got ten seconds. Bring your IDs."
"W-why do you need our IDs..."
"So we know who you are when we come looking. If you break your promise."
"Starting now. Ten seconds. Go."
"Go!!!"
"Go!!!"
The thug couple bolted out of the house like maniacs and actually made it back with their IDs in ten seconds. Granted, the hyungs counted nice and slow for them.
"Alright, we've got your identities. Get out of here. Oh—and you've got one week. Empty the place."
"Yes! We'll clear out first thing tomorrow!!"
"Get lost."
"Get lost!!"
"Get lost!!"
Did they really need to parrot that last part too?
Anyway, after thirty minutes of head-banging and pouring sweat, the thug couple made it home in one piece. Judging by the frantic footsteps ten minutes later, they'd packed up and fled on the spot.
"Thanks for today, hyungs."
"Thanks nothing. We're the ones who should thank you for the free meat."
"Eunho, next time something like this happens, don't overthink it—just call us."
"Yeah, kid. An amateur like you hits someone and it turns into a real problem. If someone's getting hit, better it be professionals like us so nobody ends up in a hospital."
"Haha~ Got it. I'll call you guys again. Head on home."
"Yeah~"
"See you around~"
"Next time, take us to a restaurant~"
"Later, Eunho."
Before turning to follow the others, Geon hyung pressed his hand down on my head and walked off.
I was twenty-six and they still treated me like a kid. He was only a year older than me.
More importantly, I needed to get out of this place myself soon...
"Where would be good?"
When I had no money, there were so many places I wanted to live.
Brand-new riverside apartments along the Han River. Ultra-luxury villas that celebrities dropped tens of billions on. Hell, even those sprawling chaebol mansions you only ever saw in dramas.
But the moment the money actually showed up, choosing got hard.
Even apartments worth tens of billions weren't free from noise between floors. Ultra-luxury villas had maintenance fees that rivaled a regular worker's salary. And a sprawling mansion? No way I could manage that alone.
"Whew... Too much money is its own problem. When I was broke, I just looked for whatever fit my budget..."
I shelved the dilemma for a moment, took a cold swig of canned beer, and chewed on butter-grilled squid. Drinking beer with dried squid at rush hour... Honestly, living just like this didn't sound half bad....
"Hello..."
"Jesus—you took the glasses off."
"Ah... yeah..."
"See? You look way prettier without them."
"....Thank you..."
Her clothes were the same as always, but just removing the glasses completely changed her face. And that was without a scrap of makeup. If she looked that good bare-faced, she was genuinely pretty.
Did Unit 301 not know she was pretty? Why didn't she ever dress up? Was she so broke she couldn't even spare the effort?
"Is that your breakfast?"
"Ah.. yeah..."
One triangle kimbap and a 500ml bottle of water. That was exactly how I'd lived when I first came up to Seoul.
"Sit here for a second."
"Huh??"
"I said sit."
"......"
The second the girl from next door carefully pulled out a chair and sat, I stood up. I ducked into the convenience store, grabbed a side of stir-fried kimchi, a lunchbox, a drink, and another can of beer for myself, then came back to the outdoor table.
"Eat."
"I-I'm fine!"
"Then just keep me company while I drink. Only till you finish eating."
"....Do you have something on your mind..?"
"Do I look like I do?"
"You're drinking... first thing in the morning..."
This was just drinking. Still—something on my mind, huh? Maybe I should try saying it out loud.
"Unit 301, if you suddenly got stupid rich, what kind of house would you want to live in?"
"Uh, how... rich are we talking..?"
"Rich enough to buy any house in Korea?"
"Ah.... If I had that much money... I'd... want a big house.."
"How big?"
"Seventy pyeong or more..?"
"Could you manage a place that size by yourself?"
"With that kind of money.. couldn't you just hire a housekeeper..?"
"Ah... a housekeeper..."
Hiring a housekeeper would mean at least two million won a month. Call it two million—that was twenty-four million a year. Ten years: two hundred forty million. If I lived another sixty years: one billion four hundred forty million. Even factoring in wage hikes from inflation, it wouldn't top three billion.
Not bad at all.
"D-do you..! Are you looking to hire a housekeeper..?"
"Huh??"
"Th-that's...."
"Oh, there you are!"
"Ah..! H-hello...."
Who was that? Definitely not her mom.
"Hey, Unit 301 girl!"
"Yes...."
"Why aren't you answering your phone?!"
"I-I'm sorry..."
"Ha... You don't have rent money, but you've got money for this crap? I really didn't take you for this kind of person. You've got some nerve!!"
"I-I'll pay... I'll pay the rent..."
Ah. The landlady. I'd never even met her when I signed the lease, and here she was.
"Forget it. Your deposit's already eaten up by the unpaid rent, and I'm sick of chasing you for money. Stay through the end of this month and get out. Got it?!"
"Th-then I have nowhere to go..!"
"I have to live too! Me!! Am I supposed to stress myself sick over a few hundred thousand won and come all the way out here?!"
"I'm sorry...."
"Haa... I don't need the apology. No more excuses—out by the end of the month. If you're not gone, I'll have you thrown out. Understood?!"
"....Yes..."
"Stir-fried kimchi, even..! Living it up, aren't you!!"
"I'm sorry...."
I'd bought that for her...
Anyway, now I understood why she'd asked if I was looking for a housekeeper. She was desperate for money.
"I'll head out first... This... I'll finish it later..."
She was already closing the lid on a lunchbox she hadn't even taken a single bite from and stuffing it into a bag when I grabbed her wrist.
"Ah..!!"
"If I say I'm hiring a housekeeper, will you do it?"
"....I-if you just give me the job, I'll work hard!"
"Then I'll look into the salary, you look into it too, and we'll negotiate. But you won't start right away—I haven't bought a house yet. Instead, I'll pay the first month's salary up front. We'll settle the pay tomorrow, same time, right here. Over breakfast."
"Yes!! Thank you! I'll work hard!"
"Wh-what are you doing..! Stop that..!!"
"Thank you! Thank you!"
"I said stop..!!"
I broke into a cold sweat trying to stop the girl from next door from bowing over and over.
Well. At this point, I needed to find a house fast.