It's Your Fault, Doctor
"It's your fault, Doctor."
"I don't know my own feelings..."
The Doctor's answer emerged after a long, agonizing struggle. It made sense. Right now she was drowning in longing for her husband. With my confession dropped into that storm, she couldn't tell if she saw me as a man or merely as a replacement. But these feelings had risen because of me. The old Doctor had thought about her husband, yet she had never suffered this badly. It was only after I began taking care of her and openly showing affection that those bittersweet memories of her husband started to resurface. I needed to remind her of that.
"I'm afraid this won't work. I'm sorry..."
I asked in a tone of genuine confusion.
"You just said you didn't know how you felt. Do you hate me?"
"N-no, that's not it. Why would I ever hate you? You're smart, kind... and thoughtful..."
"I meant as a man. Do you dislike me as a man?"
"....."
The Doctor fell silent again. The way she avoided a direct answer and the way her eyes trembled told me she had already carved a statue of me deep inside her heart. I reached out and gently brushed a few sweat-curled strands of hair from the side of her face, tucking them behind her ear. Her lips quivered, pale and fragile. She spoke with visible effort.
"I told you not to do that..."
Even as she said it, she made no move to stop me. Cheerfully ignoring her protest, I swept her bangs to the side and smoothed them down.
"Haa..."
She let out a single sigh yet accepted my touch. I offered her a warm, gentle smile.
"So you don't dislike me as a man."
"....."
"I'm sorry."
The sudden apology made her eyes widen in bewilderment.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"It seems like it's my fault you're missing your husband again."
She flinched. In an instant the corners of her eyes grew wet. She had realized it—that my presence had brought those memories of her husband flooding back. She looked ready to spill clear tears, but she fought for composure; only the red tint beneath her eyes remained.
I pulled out a clean handkerchief and held it out to her. After a moment's hesitation she took it and dabbed at her eyes. Then she spoke.
"....I don't suit you."
The lack of confidence in her gaze told me this wasn't a roundabout rejection. She truly believed it.
"Why do you think that?"
"For someone like me to be loved... you're far too wonderful a person..."
"Don't belittle yourself like that. You're wonderful too, Doctor. Far more than I am."
Her pupils shook violently, as if struck by an earthquake. She, who had been holding her breath, shook her head.
"You have Sehwa. This can't happen..."
"Then you should have cut me off cleanly from the start. When I tied your hair for you at the hotel, and again just now when I swept it aside, you should have pushed me away. But you didn't, Doctor."
"....."
"Truth is, I didn't start liking you the day we drank together. It began long before that."
"What... are you talking about?"
"Do you remember Syria? When you held me and said we should share the pain together. From that moment on, I kept you in my heart. Ever since you gave me the same comfort you give Sehwa."
The Doctor squeezed her eyes shut. It seemed her heart had tilted fully toward me now. I continued.
"Without you, Doctor, I would have become a useless drunkard by now, drowning in alcohol every single day. It was thanks to you that I was able to grow this much."
"Stop it... This is wrong... You have Sehwa..."
She seemed to believe that building any deeper bond with me would leave her unable to face Sehwa. The very fact that she was tormented by such thoughts was proof she harbored feelings for me. If she had truly been worried about Sehwa or the future of the world, she would have rejected me immediately. On top of that, she must feel crushing guilt toward her dead husband. Her once-pure, storybook love was beginning to fracture because of me.
I slid closer on the bench and carefully drew her into my arms. One arm slipped over her shoulder to cradle the back of her neck as I pulled her against my chest.
"Ah...!"
She let out a short gasp and pressed both hands to my chest, trying to push me away. But...
"I like you."
When I pressed my face into the curve of her neck and whispered those words in a gentle voice, every ounce of strength drained from her body. After a brief moment of restless squirming in my embrace, she reached both arms beneath mine and wrapped them around my back. Her large breasts squeezed against my chest, soft and yielding like warm jelly.
Aah... I want to bury myself between those huge tits as soon as possible.
I held her like that for a long time before finally releasing the embrace. Her face was deeply flushed. She was embarrassed. Once she returned home she would probably cry her eyes out from guilt toward her husband. I'd have to watch it all through the tracking monster.
"Doctor."
At my warm call she flinched, shoulders twitching, before answering.
"Why...?"
"You seem sober now. Shall we go for another round?"
"....Can we just... go back? My mind is too complicated. Let's meet next time..."
"Instead of 'next time,' give me something concrete. When do you want to meet?"
"Um..."
She fumbled awkwardly before answering in a tiny, shrinking voice.
"Tomorrow...?"
"What time tomorrow?"
"I-I'm not sure..."
"How about four in the afternoon? Let's meet at the lab at four."
The lab was like a second home to her. Suggesting we meet there would help settle her fluttering heart and minimize the discomfort she felt right now. She avoided my eyes and gave a small nod. My plan had worked. Satisfied, I smiled and placed my hand over hers where it rested on the bench, then gently laced our fingers together.
Startled, she yanked her hand free, stood up, and said, "Let's head back. It's getting cold...?"
So hand-holding was still off-limits. A shame.
"Alright. I'll return the bike and walk you home."
"No. I'll go alone... I want to go by myself."
She clearly had a lot to think about. Pushing any further here would only damage my image.
"Understood."
The next day I arrived at the lab right on time. The Doctor looked half-dead as she worked on her equipment. The heavy drinking from the night before had left her with a brutal hangover. On top of that she'd caught a cold and kept coughing nonstop. It was exactly what happened when you drank the moment you got home without even washing up. I had watched it all through the tracking monster, but I approached her pretending to know nothing, my face full of concern.
"Are you alright? You don't look well at all."
"My body is just a little off... cough!"
"Did you catch a cold?"
"Looks like it..."
"Then you need to use the medical device."
"Viral illnesses like this are hard to cure. I'd probably have to go in and out several... no, more than ten times. Do you have any idea how expensive one session is? It's too much. A cold will heal naturally after a few days of rest anyway..."
The Doctor rattled off every excuse she could think of. I nodded along and sat down right beside her. She would probably tell me to move further away now. Afraid I'd catch it.
"Will you sit a little further away...? You might catch my cold."
There it was. Exactly as predicted. Was this why she had refused the medical device? I let out a small sigh.
"So you are trying to keep your distance from me."
She set down her soldering iron and waved her hands frantically.
"N-no! That's not what I meant at all. I was only worried about you..."
Mid-sentence she covered her mouth with her arm and turned away.
"Achoo!"
A surprisingly powerful sneeze.
"Haa... See...? My cold is pretty bad..."
"Get it treated."
"I told you it's expensive..."
"If a monster appears while you're like this, will you even be able to give proper orders?"
"....."
The Doctor clamped her mouth shut. Sniffling pathetically with a dazed look on her face, she was unbearably cute. Yeah, nothing to say to that, is there?
I smirked and placed my hand on her forehead.
"You're burning up."
"....Jihyeok."
"Yes."
"You have Sehwa..."
She had been parroting Sehwa's name like a broken record since yesterday. Fuck. To be blunt, you kept me in your heart while still missing your dead husband. So why the hell do you keep bringing up Sehwa? Trying to ease your own guilt? I didn't expect you to shift responsibility like that. I'm disappointed. Let me comfort you with those massive breasts of yours. Then I'll forgive you.
"Right now I'm only worried about your health, Doctor."
"I'm fine..."
"Your face is bright red. It looks like the flu, so get in the medical device. Don't worry about the cost."
"I said it can't be cured..."
"Get up before I throw you in there myself."
The Doctor rose with obvious reluctance. She had been deeply troubled since yesterday. She was already mentally exhausted, and my arrival at the lab had only made it worse. With a severe cold on top of that, it was inevitable she would stagger the moment she stood.
"Ah...!"
As she started to collapse, I instantly reached out, caught her arm, and steadied her.
"You're this sick and you claim you're fine..."
"....Let go..."
The once-strict, domineering Doctor was now acting completely submissive toward me. The difference from our first expedition in Incheon was night and day. I felt an overwhelming sense of how far things had come. And I felt proud. All the effort I had poured into the lab and the Beast Slayers had not been wasted.
"Let go... I don't want to go in... It's expensive..."
"Be quiet."
"I said I don't want to...!"
She swung her arm hard to shake me off. The motion caused her to strike my chin with surprising force.
Thud!
It was clearly an accident. The Doctor panicked.
"A-are you okay?"
I rolled my jaw a few times, then gave her a kind, benevolent smile.
"You really must be quite sick to act like a child like this."
"I'm sorry... I swear it wasn't on purpose..."
"Am I really that uncomfortable to you?"
I wore the face of a man whose love had been rejected. The Doctor studied my expression, then shook her head vigorously.
"....No..."
"I told you to speak up if it felt awkward. I said I wouldn't do anything you disliked in the future."
"It's not that it's uncomfortable..."
"Then what is it?"
"That..."
She trailed off. I knew exactly what she was thinking. The more I pushed, the stronger her feelings for me grew, and she was terrified the solid, towering statue of her husband would begin to crack. She was scared, yet lonely too. That was why she couldn't push me away coldly.
"Should I stop doing this from now on?"
"....."
"What do you want me to do?"
"I can't answer..."
Look at her, wavering back and forth. The Doctor's emotions were running high from thoughts of her husband and of me. On top of that, the cold had left her mind hazy. She couldn't make proper judgments right now. In that case, it was time to floor the accelerator.
I stepped boldly right in front of her. She retreated half a step. I looked down with the expression of someone pained to see her trying to distance herself, teeth clenched. She flinched at my face and instinctively moved closer again.
"J-Jihyeok... I didn't mean to... You just came so suddenly... Ah!"
Clear panic flooded her face as I grabbed her arm and yanked her firmly into my embrace. I stared at her dazed expression with trembling eyes, looking exactly like a man who had lost control to sudden desire.
"Doctor."
"....."
"It's your fault, Doctor."
"What...?"
"It's your fault."
"What on earth are you—Hup!"
My lips crashed down on hers, and her eyes widened to twice their normal size. My tongue drove straight between her lips. She struggled desperately, trying to close her mouth, but with a cold weakening her and no chance of overpowering me in strength, the Doctor had no choice but to accept the kiss. She couldn't even bite my tongue. After all, it was me, not some stranger.
"Hup! Kkhup!"
She coughed against my sealed lips. The warm breath flowing into me felt strangely pleasant. Her saliva, thickened by the cold until it was almost mucus-like, tangled with my tongue and formed sticky threads.
"Khhup! Ji... hyeok... Hii... a..."
After several coughs she mumbled for me to stop. I kept our bodies pressed tightly together and continued the wet, sloppy kiss, both hands sliding down to gently squeeze her ass. Her arms were trapped between our chests, unable to move. She kicked at my shins, but it didn't hurt in the slightest.
"Chup...! Huuu..."
Her hot breath tickled my lips. When her eyes began to glaze over, I finally pulled back. A long string of saliva stretched between our lower lips, swaying dangerously. I licked it up with my tongue, then gently wiped her lips clean with my thumb.
Her body, which had been thrashing wildly, had gone completely rigid. The shock must have been overwhelming. Her face was flushed crimson, as if it might explode. I grinned and gave her lips a loud, playful smack.
"Ah...!"
Only then did she snap back to her senses. She scrunched her face in fury and growled at me, whose hands were still firmly on her ass.
"Move... your hand... Get off..."
I obediently stepped back half a pace. With her hands free, the Doctor swung her right arm and slapped my cheek hard.
Smack!
It stung. It felt exhilarating. I turned my head back into place and asked calmly.
"Feeling better now?"
"Shut your mouth... You... This kind of thing..."
"You kept giving me such ambiguous signals. I had no choice but to do this."
"What kind of nonsense is that...? Don't you dare shift the blame...!"
"You were the one who shifted blame first by bringing up Sehwa."
"You—!"
She tried to slap me again. I caught both her arms, spun her around, and shoved her against the wall. Her back hit with a heavy thud as she glared at me.
"Let go...! Cough!"
I shook my head, refusing, then lifted one knee and wedged it between her legs. Slowly, I brought my lips closer. Her face jerked backward, desperate to escape. It was useless. By the time my mouth hovered just before hers, the back of her head was already pressed flat against the wall.
"I like you."
"I'm not going to fall for—Mmph!"
I cut her off with another kiss. If the first had been fierce and passionate, the second was soft and tender. The Doctor, who had tried to struggle at first, gradually lost strength beneath the affection pouring from my lips. Eventually she accepted my tongue completely. When her mouth opened wider and her eyes fluttered shut, I released her arms. She immediately grabbed my cheeks with both hands and began kissing me back with aggressive hunger. She had been starving. Absolutely starving.
"Huuung... Chup...! Kkubup!"
She coughed while letting out a long, heated breath, her cheeks puffing slightly. Even hotter air swirled inside my mouth. This kind of kiss wasn't bad at all. Maybe I should just leave her with this cold after all.