Echoes of the Past
The Doctor gripped her head tightly. Why does everything feel so dizzy…? Instead of the lab, she had returned home, only to be struck by a sudden wave of vertigo. The cause was likely the mental strain she had endured on the plane. It had been a long time since she last stepped foot inside her own house. She pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator, drank it down in large gulps, then sat on the sofa for a moment, trying to steady her troubled mind.
After pressing firmly on her temples for a while, the Doctor picked up her phone and opened the photos her grandfather had taken at the art gallery. There she was, standing with her hands neatly clasped, smiling brightly. And beside her, Jihyeok, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, grinning so widely his cheeks looked ready to burst. The way he gazed at her with that perfect curve of a smile on his lips was incredibly charming.
The mental exhaustion had come from this very photo. She had been nervous that Jihyeok might ask her to send it to him. Fortunately, it seemed he had forgotten all about it and said nothing. “Haa…” The Doctor let out a deep sigh and, without realizing it, brushed her thumb across Jihyeok’s face in the image. Staring at that happy smile brought back memories of the days she had spent with Edward. At the same time, resentment toward him welled up inside her. If only he hadn’t died so young… they could have been living happily together even now.
They had met fifteen years ago, married two years later, and shared three passionate years together. She had loved his eccentric, genius-like personality. Compared to her own calm and cool demeanor, his lively spirit had been refreshing. Even when they struggled with infertility, he had comforted her, saying it was alright. Every little thing Edward did had been utterly lovable. And that feeling had not changed even now. Every moment they shared remained vivid in her memory. Not a single detail had faded.
That was precisely why it hurt so much. Lately, he kept appearing in her thoughts. The Doctor rose from her seat and entered the bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the small framed photograph on the nightstand. There she was in a beautiful wedding dress. And behind her, carrying her on his back with a mischievous grin, was a young Edward Parsons—his short brown hair particularly striking.
“….Hic!”
The moment she saw the happy couple in the photo, a sudden surge of sorrow overcame her, and tears spilled from her eyes. Crying like a child at her age… it felt ridiculous, but today, she simply wanted to cry. She wept silently for a long time until her phone buzzed. She wiped both eyes with her palms and picked it up.
Why did that single line—“no one’s here”—feel so lonely? Of course, it couldn’t compare to her own solitude, but it seemed Jihyeok had something weighing on him as well. It was only a hunch, yet that was how it felt. He had also grown quiet lately about how things were going with Sehwa…
Should I suggest we grab a drink?
Today had been an especially difficult day. She needed alcohol badly. But the memory of the mistake she had made while drinking with Jihyeok made her hesitate. After agonizing over the touchpad for a while, the Doctor finally replied.
Exercise all of a sudden? The Doctor tilted her head in confusion.
Exercise, huh… Jihyeok definitely had an impressive physique. The last time he had come out of the lab shower completely naked, she had been embarrassed, but she couldn’t help admiring those firm muscles. Even with clothes on, his good body was clearly visible.
It’s true… my body has been feeling quite stiff lately…
Without thinking too deeply, she replied.
The Doctor had been about to ask how he knew her address, but the memory of her mistake at the drinking party made her face flush red.
The Doctor placed her phone on the wireless charger and lay down. Lately, Jihyeok’s behavior had become a little more forward. The way he had tied her hair for her at the hotel, the expression on his face in the photo, the way he added extra comments beyond what was necessary… She didn’t know why he was doing it, but… could it be that he liked her?
At that thought, the Doctor let out a small, bitter laugh. It was ridiculous. Jihyeok was a handsome, intelligent young man with a bright future ahead of him. There was no way someone like him would abandon a perfect girlfriend like Sehwa to like someone like her—a widow who would soon be entering her forties. He was simply kind and genuinely respectful toward her as his mentor, which was why he was being so friendly. Since she felt nothing for him either, she told herself not to entertain such strange thoughts.
With that in mind, the Doctor turned on the air conditioner and pulled the blanket over herself. Don’t think about anything. Just sleep. Sleep is what I need right now.
In the quiet bedroom, she closed her eyes. But the moment she did, a voice echoed in her mind, startling her.
—No feelings at all? Really?—
It was a woman’s voice, ringing inside her head. The owner of that voice was herself. It felt as though it were correcting the very thoughts she had just had. The Doctor frowned with her eyes still closed. She tried to organize her mind by thinking about equipment development and Evilion detector maintenance. When the voice did not return, she finally relaxed and let the tension leave her eyes.
She had no idea why such strange thoughts were occurring to her. It seemed she was far more exhausted than she had realized.
@@
The next day, I arrived at the Doctor’s house right on time. She was waiting for me at the front gate, dressed in comfortable workout clothes. A tight-fitting top and loose three-quarter training pants. It would have been nice if they were leggings… I felt a pang of regret that I couldn’t admire her plump backside. Still, her large breasts were prominently displayed, which was quite satisfying.
Beep—!
When I honked the horn briefly, the Doctor flinched and looked toward my car. She narrowed her eyes for a moment, then quickly walked over once I opened the passenger-side window and got in. The moment she sat down, she fastened her seatbelt. The strap disappeared between her ample breasts, a sight that caught my eye.
I handed her a bottle of water and asked with a smile, “Did you sleep well?”
“I did. What about you?”
“Me… I slept so-so.”
“So-so?”
“My mind was a little restless…”
I trailed off and started the car. The Doctor looked at me with slightly narrowed eyes. “Why were you restless? Did something happen with Sehwa?”
“Sehwa stayed out last night. And it’s not because of her.”
“Then?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
I acted like someone carrying deep worries. Ever since the incident at the art gallery, the Doctor’s thoughts about me had grown considerably stronger. If I continued to act this ambiguously, she would likely try to create an opportunity for a serious conversation. And my prediction was spot on.
“How about we talk after we finish exercising? Let’s clear out whatever’s weighing on your chest. I believe the mind is more important than the body. Only when your mind is clear can you create Devices without mistakes. Don’t you agree?”
Saying that while her own mind was unstable—how convenient for me.
“Mm… that makes sense. Alright.”
“Good. Are we heading to the gym now?”
“No. We’re going to the Han River.”
“The Han River…? Why there?”
“You haven’t exercised in a long time, so I thought we should ease your body into it slowly. Plus, working out while staring at screens at the gym gets boring. I think it’s better to build a hobby first by exercising like this.”
“Is that so…? If you say so, then I guess that’s fine… Alright.”
Once we reached the Han River, we rented bicycles. I even borrowed knee and elbow pads and a helmet. As the Doctor looked around at the bikes, I approached her and asked, “You know how to ride a bike, right?”
“Are you joking…? Of course I do.”
“You were looking at them so curiously…”
“It’s just been a while since I last rode one.”
I nodded and moved behind her, intending to help her put on the elbow pads. The Doctor sighed and scolded me. “Didn’t I tell you to ask first?”
“Ah, I forgot.”
“Give them here. I’ll do it myself.”
“But I want to do it for you.”
“Haa… Why exactly?”
“Because you’d probably do it wrong. You’d probably put the helmet on backwards too.”
At my teasing, the Doctor smiled awkwardly and gave a small nod. With her permission, I helped her put on the protective gear and said, “Look at me.”
The Doctor turned her body to face me. The way she slightly lowered her gaze made it clear she found the situation very awkward. I placed the helmet on her head, then reached near her chin to tighten the strap. After that, I grabbed the top of the helmet and shook it lightly. “It fits well. Shall we go?”
“Yeah. This is making me strangely nervous…”
I chuckled, corrected her posture on the saddle, and started riding first while she hesitated. She immediately shouted after me.
“Hey! Wait for me! Don’t leave me behind!”
The moment I heard that urgent voice, I was certain. It was time to move on to the next stage.
**
Surprisingly, the Doctor was quite good at riding a bike. I had been hoping for a romantic scene where I would catch her when she fell since she said it had been a while, but that was a little disappointing. After riding for two hours, we took a short break on the grass beneath the Han River Bridge.
I bought water from a vending machine and handed it to her. The Doctor, who had been sitting on a bench, smiled sweetly and thanked me. “Thank you.”
“It’s nothing. Don’t chug it down—drink it slowly.”
“Do I have to drink water that way too?”
“It’s good to be consistent with everything.”
The Doctor nodded, unfastened her helmet strap, and set it aside. She drank the water slowly as I had suggested, then closed her eyes and enjoyed the cool breeze. Seeing her blonde hair slightly damp with sweat made me want to kiss her so badly it drove me crazy.
“You have surprisingly good athletic reflexes.”
At that, the Doctor opened her eyes and turned to me. She smiled brightly and said, “I may not look it, but I’m pretty confident in my stamina.”
In bed too? The words almost slipped out but sank back down my throat. Barely suppressing my desire, I reached out toward the Doctor as she drank again and brushed aside a few strands of hair that had stuck to her cheek.
“Pffft!”
Her eyes widened at my action, and she spat out the water she had been drinking. Thankfully, she had turned her head to the side before spitting, so none of it sprayed on me. What a shame. It would have been a nice reward.
Some of the water must have gone down the wrong pipe, because she coughed and frowned at me. “Hey…! Are you actually crazy?”
I gave her a sly smile and shrugged. “Why?”
“Why do you keep doing things like this? That’s a bad habit, you know?”
“It’s not a habit. I just suddenly felt like doing it…”
“…..”
The Doctor looked troubled. After a long moment, she finally spoke with difficulty. “Haa… Don’t do that in front of Sehwa. Got it?”
“If Sehwa isn’t around, can I keep doing it?”
“That’s not what I meant. I’d appreciate it if you could restrain yourself a little. Actions like that are bound to cause misunderstandings with other people.”
“I don’t mind if people misunderstand.”
“I do.”
“Why?”
“Well…”
The Doctor, at a loss for words, pressed her lips together tightly. Why? Because it bothers you, doesn’t it?
After taking a deep breath, she finally continued. “Never mind… Now, do you want to tell me why your mind has been restless?”
“I don’t feel like saying it anymore.”
“…. Are you mentally unstable or something? Are you upset because of what I just said? Or is it the atmosphere? Should we talk somewhere quiet?”
“No. If I say it, I think you’ll get angry, Doctor.”
The Doctor tilted her head in confusion. “You think I’ll get angry?”
“Yes.”
“I’m the one who asked you to speak first. Why would I get angry?”
“If you promise not to get angry, I’ll tell you.”
“Are you going around badmouthing me? You’re not about to confess that you’ve been talking behind my back, are you?”
“Please stop joking.”
My expression grew serious. The Doctor flinched, then nodded. “I promise.”
“You absolutely must.”
“Yes. I won’t get angry no matter what.”
I stared intently into the Doctor’s blue eyes for a moment. Just as her gaze began to drift to the side, I spoke in a calm tone.
“The reason my mind has been restless… is because of you, Doctor.”
“…. Me?”
“Yes. It’s because of you.”
“Why…?”
Her voice had grown very small. It seemed she had roughly guessed what I meant. Well, with me looking at her with such deep eyes, only an idiot wouldn’t notice.
“Do you remember the day we drank together?”
“Yes… I remember.”
“It started from then.”
“…..”
This was direct enough. Anyone listening would immediately recognize it as a confession. I licked my lips as if nervous and continued.
“I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I can’t seem to fix my heart.”
“…..”
“Do you think this is wrong?”
“…..”
“If my behavior makes you uncomfortable, Doctor, please tell me right now. If so… I won’t do anything you dislike from now on.”
The Doctor did not answer immediately. She lowered her head, staring only at the ground, fidgeting with her foot and smudging the toe of her pristine white sneakers with dirt. She was probably replaying everything I had said and done so far. I waited silently. She needed time to organize her feelings.
If I waited patiently, the loneliness she had been forcibly suppressing deep inside her heart after hearing my confession would rise to the surface. That loneliness would clear a corner of her heart and create space right beside Edward Parsons’ statue to place a statue of me.
For nearly twenty minutes, she stared at the ground. Then, very slowly—ever so slowly—her head began to lift.
“I…”