Teemo Might Put Out Once, Right?
Haa. Another boring day.
The second I woke up, I threw on my Adidas tracksuit out of pure habit and headed straight for the PC bang.
"Sena! Jajiru~"
Trash bitch.
True to form for a freeloading NEET, she'd already clocked in at the PC bang the moment she opened her eyes, parked in front of a League client.
"Sena, you eat breakfast?"
"Kang-jwi, I think it's from knocking back soju with shrimp chips with the high school crew last night? My stomach's wrecked. Nothing's going down. Which is why you should buy me a cup ramen. Deal?"
"You crazy bitch. You just said your stomach's too fucked to eat."
"If I buy it with my own money it won't go down. If you buy it, Unnie will specially make sure it tastes delicious."
"Crazy bitch, where the hell would I have money? We're both freeloaders."
"You fucking bitch. You've got cash to renew your PC bang membership but not enough to buy your best friend a ramen?"
"Crazy bitch, coming to the PC bang is the same as breathing. You gonna stop breathing just because someone says you have to pay for air? Fuck, you think I come here because I want to? I bolt the second I'm home because I can't stand Dad's side-eye."
"Tell me about it. God, I need a job already. Our graduating class is completely fucked. I heard Samsung's cutting open hiring this year too."
"Ha, look at Sena doing mental gymnastics. Samsung cutting open hiring has jack shit to do with you. Even if you donated a hundred million and begged on your knees, a mega-corp like Samsung wouldn't give your ass a second glance."
"Kang-jwi, you fucking bitch. It's just a figure of speech. You really gotta shatter this unnie's fragile little heart first thing in the morning? God, I need a job already. Fuuuuck~"
I shot to my feet.
"Shena, where you going?"
"Huh? To top up my hours. PC bang's running an event right now. Load a hundred hours, get ten free. Absolute steal~"
"Crazy Sena. You just said you need a job and you're loading a hundred hours?"
"That's that, and this is this. You fucking bitch."
"Hey! Kang Sena!"
"What? Kang Jieun!"
"Load a hundred for me too. Fuck."
"Crazy bitch, I knew you'd say that. Hand over the money."
"Just put it on yours for now…"
"Kang-jwi. You wanna die?"
"Ugh, you petty bitch. Fine. Here, take the card."
I snagged Jieun's card without ceremony.
"Hundred hours plus two ramens. That work?"
"What, you fucking bitch? Why are you buying ramen?"
"You don't know what an errand fee is, you dumb bitch? Your card's already in my hand. So be careful with your card. Got it?"
"Aah, that psycho bitch. Fine. I want Chapagetti."
"Yes, yes. Thank you, Unnie~"
When you're freeloading off someone, you call them Unnie. Temporary rule.
I scratched at my leg and trudged over to the counter. The hundred-hour event could only be processed at the register. What a pain in the ass.
Haa. Fuck.
Of course it's that Gold Sun part-timer. Reeking of pussy. No wonder this PC bang never takes off. A proper PC bang hires a cute boy if it wants to stay in business. Then people order an extra ramen just to look at his face one more time — throw on steamed dumplings while they're at it.
Thud. Thud.
"Yo, isn't Seat 77 crazy cute? That cool vibe is lethal."
"You thug bitch. I called dibs on 77 ages ago. Don't even look. I'll dig your eyes out."
"Crazy bitch, 77 doesn't give a single shit about you. Ugh, I should secretly film him and use it as fap material."
"You thug bitch. Don't defile 77 with those filthy eyes. For real. 77 doesn't even take shits. Doesn't fart either. Someone that pure-looking — I can't even imagine he's the same species as us."
"Crazy bitch, stop overdoing it. Yo, I'm hitting the bathroom. Gonna rub one out thinking about 77 and come back refreshed."
"You walking cumrag. Fine. Hurry up."
Haa. Crazy bitches.
The PC bang part-timers were deep in guy talk. Not that it was surprising — when women gather, the only conversation left is sex jokes about men.
But who the hell was Seat 77?
My eyes drifted toward the seat on their own.
Sixty-five…
Seventy…
Seventy-seven!
A boy who looked about twenty, hoodie and shorts. Even from the side profile, he had celebrity aura pouring off him.
Holy shit.
Weren't PC bangs supposed to be the natural habitat of short, potbellied, bespectacled hikikomori losers?
I couldn't tear my eyes off him — like I'd run into an angel in the flesh. The more I looked, the cuter he got. The more I looked, the deeper I sank.
Was this what they meant by love at first sight?
I could stare at that face all day and feel full. Every worry would just evaporate.
Even the counter girl kept sneaking glances at Seat 77.
Pervert bitch.
"Seats 103 and 105. Hundred-hour event top-up."
"Yes…"
"And one Anseong Tangmyeon for 103, one Chapagetti for 105."
"Yes…"
What the hell. This crazy bitch had completely checked out. Her mouth said yes, but her eyes were locked on Seat 77 like a targeting laser.
"Excuse me? You need to take the order."
"Y-yes? Yes?"
That finally snapped her back. Embarrassed, she rushed through the payment.
I paid, turned back toward my seat, and swept a look around the PC bang.
Crazy bitches acting like they'd never seen a man before — every single one of them was sneak-peeking at Seat 77. Even the ones who'd come with their boyfriends.
"Nuna? Why do you keep looking over there? Do you know someone?"
"No, Chanyeong. Don't worry about it. Just do whatever you want."
"What are you talking about. I only came to the PC bang because of you. What's a guy even supposed to do in a place like this."
"Ah, just— watch a movie or listen to music or something, Chanyeong."
"God, you've been so different lately. I'm going home."
"Ch-Chanyeong. No. Nuna's sorry. I won't look anywhere else. Forgive me just this once, okay?"
"You mean it, Nuna?"
"Yeah. Chanyeong, Nuna's sorry. It was all my fault."
"Then buy me the new PlayStation 5. Then I'll forgive you."
"Chanyeong, Nuna has to pay rent this month, and the performance bonus didn't come through, so the paycheck's already tight…"
"I'm going home."
The guy named Chanyeong grabbed his bag and stood up.
"No! Chanyeong. Chanyeong! Nuna will take out a loan if she has to — I'll do everything. Don't go. Okay? Nuna only has Chanyeong. I mean it. Chanyeong, please!"
Haa. South Korea gets more of a circus every single day.
What, does he have gold plated on his dick or something?
These days, male bastards put out once and act like they're royalty.
Eh. Whatever.
Even a guy who looks like that plays expensive just for being male. There's no way a carved-from-marble pretty boy like Seat 77 would ever look twice at someone like me.
For a second there, I'd actually gotten my hopes up.
Time to kill that feeling.
"Kang-jwi! Yo, the vibe in this PC bang is unreal right now. All-time-high Elf just dropped."
"Ah, Seat 77? Crazy bitch, is your pussy fluttering? Yo, drop it. You think an elf like that would give hobbits like us the time of day?"
"You fucking bitch, I was just saying. Can't I even talk?"
Honestly, Jieun had a point.
In this day and age, neither Jieun nor I even cleared 170 centimeters. Men weren't exactly lining up to notice hobbits like us.
Still — face and proportions alone, both of us were pretty decent. We both picked up face-model gigs now and then.
But so what if your face is pretty?
Attractive and single. That's us.
Then again — the bitches who actually have boyfriends these days are the real legends. Because the gender ratio in South Korea has gone completely insane.
"Haa. I'm so jealous of those bitches with boyfriends…"
"Tell me about it. Forget the dildo — I just want a real guy's cock shoved in my pussy once. That'd be my one wish granted."
"Fuck, then go to an officetel or something, you bitch. Did you jerk off while I was gone? Your pussy-squid stench is lethal. Crazy bitch."
"Crazy bitch, what did you just say? You fucking bitch. That's pussy smell, okay? Sniffing your own cunt and then screaming that it reeks — the audacity. And you think officetels are free? You think guys just fuck you for fun? Everything costs money. Money! Rates went up — three hundred thousand won for thirty minutes now. Dick prices these days aren't what they used to be. South Korea's gonna collapse like this. Collapse!"
"Crazy bitch, when did you even look that up?"
"I checked so I could go once I get a job. Why?"
"Ah, yes. So never, then. Just make the dildo your boyfriend. Give it a name and everything."
"You otaku bitch. Done. I'm done. My mistake for talking to you."
"Yo, shut up with the nonsense and let's play League. I've got a Gold promo series right now. If I lose I'm genuinely suicide-angling."
"You go kill yourself, crazy bitch. Even when I bus you, you auto-dismount. Unnie's in a foul mood today so I'm playing FIFA. Hope Son Heung-min unnie shows up."
"Eat my pussy, you bitch. Who do you think made me drop every promo series? Bus my ass. More like a shitmobile. Because you take so many dumps mid-game."
I ignored Jieun's sniping to the bitter end and logged into League.
Ah, for real! Just give me a proper team.
I'll carry. I just need to not get matched with Teemo and a squad of disabled bastards.
But of course —
Ominous prophecies always come true.
Fuck. That ImAPussyGuard bitch insta-locked.
Top Teemo.
Haa. Fuck.
This promo series was already dead.
Crazy Teemo bitch.
A cancerous tumor, exactly as expected. She'd made such a fucking scene about locking Teemo, and two minutes into the game she still hadn't moved.
Rage-quit angle.
Haa!
So I get to 4v5 carry a team of disabled bitches. Great.
And then —
Voice chat.
"Summoners, Teemo's got his head on straight now. Let's play this properly."
Huh?
What the hell is this?
Teemo was a guy?
And that voice was insanely fresh. Like a blueberry just plucked off the bush.
As a ten-year League fossil, I had a hard rule: a voice that clean meant the face wasn't rotting. That much was certain.
I steeled myself and spoke as cute and polite as I could manage.
"Um, excuse me. Teemo-nim. Are you by any chance a guy?"
These days you also got crazy gay bitches faking male voices just to hitch a bus ride. Better double-check.
"Yeah, I'm a guy?"
Teemo answered.
Ah. That voice wasn't just fresh — it was bursting. The kind of moan that would kill you during sex.
The other bitches had caught on too. They were all over Teemo like flies. Those bitches. Fast on the uptake when it counts. Thrashing around trying to manufacture even one scrap of connection.
EngineeringSeungwonIsMine took point and asked where he lived.
"Uh, I live in Jamsil… why?"
Teemo answered, wariness thick in his voice.
Fair enough. This kind of thing probably wasn't a one-off for him. A woman he'd just met in-game asking where he lived — of course he'd be on guard.
And that cold, guarded voice was even cooler. Even sexier.
I wanted Teemo's dick in my pussy. Wanted to grind on it.
Wait. Hold on.
He said Jamsil, right?
I live in Jamsil too.
Should I say I live in Jamsil?
No — that might freak him out.
Think carefully.
Play this right, and Teemo might put out just once.
The other bitches must have been thinking the exact same thing — they were too busy sucking up to Teemo to breathe.