Oppa, Do You Hate Orange Juice?
“Yes, I’m a guy?”
“........”
Silence fell again.
Instead, the chat window exploded.
What the hell is this reaction?
Why is everyone suddenly acting all demure and shit?
I answered over voice chat.
“Uh, I live in Jamsil. Why?”
Were they trying to start an IRL fight just because I played top Teemo?
Ah, fuck. Were they all trying to jump me IRL as a group?
Why the hell were they so obsessed with where some stranger lived?
Did top Teemo deserve a mass IRL beatdown?
..
The answer was
yes.
Hmm, should I switch PC bangs?
“Hey.”
The girl with the cute voice from earlier spoke up on voice chat.
Her ID was probably…
WannaSuckBigCockGuys?
What the fuck was this insane ID.
“Ah, yeah.”
“Teemo-nim. Fighting!”
“Yeah, you’re in a promo series too, so do your best.”
Her voice was cute.
But honestly, most girls who played ROL were orcs.
If they were pretty, where would they find time for ROL?
They’d be too busy dating their boyfriends.
Cute voice only, probably.
Ignore it.
First Kill!
Yeah, Silver was still Silver.
I easily snagged first blood off the top Garen.
Was that Garen bastard retarded?
He kept trading after eating a full Teemo blind.
That’s why you’re still stuck in Silver.
While Garen was forced to respawn, I farmed CS hard.
Was he gay?
His ID was ILoveDildo too.
Fuck. Ignore it.
Ah, what the fuck were these psychos doing.
Were all these bastards gay?
“Teemo-nim~ Nice shot!”
WannaSuckBigCockGuys chirped cutely over voice chat.
This bitch didn’t seem right in the head either.
No way someone who made an ID like that was sane.
Ah?
Come to think of it, my own ID was pretty unhinged too.
ImAPussyGuard.
Suddenly felt secondhand embarrassment.
Anyway, the game under Teemo’s house went smoothly.
A grown Teemo’s mushrooms were nuclear bombs.
Right then a message popped up in all-chat.
(*WorldLikeAPussy: Ah, fuck. Teemo bitch. Hey! Which PC bang are you at. You whore. I’m coming to find you. Stop planting so many fucking mushrooms. You whore.)
The enemy Garen was pissed.
Well, he’d already stepped on Teemo mushrooms and died five times.
Must’ve felt like shit.
Huh? Why were our teammates going even harder.
It was like they were bodyguards protecting me.
Seriously, were they gay bastards.
The feeling was weirdly unsettling.
“Alright, let’s take dragon. Go go. I’ll turn the area around dragon into a mushroom field first.”
My teammates followed my orders in perfect unison.
At the start they’d been bitching about throwing, but once I started carrying, they all shut up and fell in line.
A little later.
—Boom! Boom! Boom!
A teamfight broke out near dragon.
And the sound of people stepping on Teemo’s nuclear-grade mushrooms rang out.
They must’ve been absolutely seething by now.
Moments like this called for one of Teemo’s smug lines to shatter the enemy team’s mental.
(*ImAPussyGuard: It’s a mushroom! Looks like the mushroom likes you. A gift just for you!)
Fuck.
I sent it in all-chat but it was pure evil.
The replies came instantly.
(*WorldLikeAPussy: Whoa! Fuck Teemo bitch. Just wait a little. Garen’s coming back and I’m gonna tear you apart.)
(*SiberianHeoSukhui: Garen. You fucking bitch. You shut the hell up. The shit you took top has overflowed and is flooding everywhere. Ah, fuck this is so pissing me off. For real.)
(*MimeOppaFuckMe: Unnie, why are you being like that to Garen? What did Garen even do wrong. In that spirit, I’m throwing top. Garen fighting!)
After rolling around in the mushroom field once, the enemy team’s mental completely shattered.
And a little later.
An enemy summoner has left the game.
Once mid Veigar started throwing to top, Garen rage-quit.
An enemy summoner has left the game.
The enemy jungle Zac bailed too.
Just like that, we won easily without even a proper teamfight.
Glass-mental Silver bastards, seriously.
In the low tiers like Bronze and Silver, just holding your mental well already gave your team a huge chance to win.
Naturally, MVP was top Teemo.
After the game ended, messages came in.
Ah, fuck, these gay bastards for real.
Since when did ROL become gay paradise?
Idiots should just go to the Itaewon gay bars.
Hitting on people in-game.
I pulled out a cigarette and headed to the smoking room.
Haa~ Even winning the game felt dirty with gay bastards hitting on me.
The smoking room was packed with women.
What the hell. Today was seriously weird.
Did women get a discount at PC bangs or something?
Well, maybe they did.
Business had been bad because of COVID-19 lately, so places were running all kinds of weird events.
With so many women crammed into a small space, it felt awkward.
Ah, better smoke quick and get out.
But I didn’t have a lighter.
I’d left it at home.
Normally that never happened.
To a smoker, a lighter was like dog tags in the military.
Unless you took a bullet to the head, it always had to be in your pocket.
Would someone lend me one?
No lighter meant I had to borrow one just to smoke.
But the smoking room was nothing but women.
Women who smoked tended to be feminists.
Hostile toward men.
Scary to even talk to them.
I carefully spoke up to the one who looked the kindest.
“Excuse me, lighter please.”
Three of them pulled out lighters at the same time.
“Here!”
“Use mine.”
The woman who’d looked kind glared sharply at the others like a beast hunting prey.
“He asked to borrow mine!”
I took the lighter from the kind-looking woman.
“Thank you.”
—Click.
It wouldn’t catch properly.
The kind-looking woman cupped her hands around the lighter to block the AC breeze.
—Click. Click.
I took a long drag and the cigarette lit up satisfyingly.
“Here, thank you.”
The kind-looking woman waved both hands side to side in refusal.
“Keep it. It’s inconvenient for a smoker without a lighter.”
“Huh? But you’ll be inconvenienced without a lighter too, miss.”
“Ah, I’m fine. I’ll just buy another.”
Well, if she was giving it, I was grateful, but…
Man. Today was weird.
It felt like I was receiving a lifetime’s worth of kindness from women all in one day.
I took a long pull of nicotine and exhaled the smoke.
—Cough, cough!
Huh? What the hell was this.
The cigarette felt especially harsh today.
Just like the first time I smoked in high school.
Fuck, had I been smoking too much from the stress of those crazy bitches lately?
I took one or two more drags then stubbed it out in the ashtray.
Ah, I can’t smoke this.
Only twenty-six and already my body was rejecting cigarettes.
Was my body falling apart?
But for something falling apart, my condition was ridiculously good.
I actually felt several times more energetic than usual.
I returned to seat 77.
But there was an orange juice and a note sitting on my desk.
What was this?
I read the note.
Don’t feel pressured, just drink it. I’m giving it because you’re too cute. ( ´╹ᗜ╹`*)
Manly Yu Sihyun.
From middle school through high school and university graduation.
I had never once received a gift from a girl.
This orange juice.
There was definitely a hidden agenda.
I pushed the orange juice to the side.
Whoever gave it, their intentions definitely weren’t good.
Maybe the enemy Garen from the ROL game was in the same PC bang?
So they mixed laxatives into the orange juice?
That was the most plausible scenario right now.
Just because a lot of good things happened today didn’t mean I should let my guard down.
That Socrates old man said know your place.
I opened a browser and went to the ROL homepage.
I was curious about info on the new champion Gwen.
Ding!
A message came through the PC bang window.
What the hell! Creepy as fuck.
Someone in the PC bang was watching me.
I lifted my head and looked around.
In the corner there was one shady-looking bastard.
Was that the Garen?
I blocked the PC bang message window.
Bastard must’ve been super pissed.
Impressive dedication.
I’m not falling for it. You little shit.
I switched back to the ROL game screen.
Silver ranked games weren’t even fun, so maybe I should practice Gwen?
I picked Gwen and set it to AI match.
Gwen was a pretty blue-haired crazy bitch who ran around with scissors.
Oh! She looked like an ADC but was a melee champ?
I was in the middle of pentakilling with Gwen when a message came.
Better than messages from gay bastards, but WannaSuckBigCockGuys? I wasn’t one to talk as ImAPussyGuard, but I didn’t really want to get involved with this bitch either.
—Ding!
WannaSuckBigCockGuys wants to add ImAPussyGuard as a friend. Accept?
Well, a ROL friend was no big deal.
I hit accept.
What the fuck!
Goosebumps everywhere.
I immediately blocked WannaSuckBigCockGuys.