What the Hell? The Girls Are Acting Weird Today
I lay back down on the bed.
It was a rare, free Saturday.
Grrrrrk!
The second I woke up — grrrrk. Honest little bastard, wasn't it? The stomach never lied.
Alright. Time to eat something.
I threw on a hoodie and a pair of shorts. Summer, so it wasn't cold. I crumpled a twenty-thousand-won bill into my pocket. Hit the PC bang, play a round of ROL, slam a yukgaejang ramen and some kimbap. Just picturing it put me in a good mood. The PC bang had been my sanctuary back in college.
Huh?
The hoodie and the shorts both felt weirdly baggy. I cinched the waistband tighter. Had I lost weight from all the stress lately? Those crazy bitches were going to starve me to death. Starve me dead.
I slipped on my sandals. My feet looked whiter and smaller than usual today. Had my feet always been this small?
I stepped outside and hit the elevator button. Even the buttons looked higher up.
"Something's off."
I felt shorter. My whole body seemed frailer. Nah — just my imagination. Nobody changes overnight.
I shook off the nonsense and headed to the PC bang. My usual seat. Number 77. I sat down there again today.
There were a lot of women in the PC bang for some reason. The part-timer used to be a guy, but today it was a girl — a tanned blonde. Oh, hell yes. Big chest, thick ass. Straight-up sexy.
I was staring when our eyes met. I dropped my head fast. The part-timer girl strode straight over.
Ah, fuck. Don't tell me she's about to make a scene just because I looked. Even in this feminist hellhole of a country, she wouldn't throw a fit over a glance… right? I'd been getting wrecked by women so much lately that every paranoid thought was fair game.
"Excuse me."
Her voice was husky. Classic voice of a girl who'd run wild in school — but sexy, too. What was she about to pick a fight over? My nerves spiked.
"Yeah?"
Wait — had my voice always been this cute?
"Um, this…"
She held out a steaming hot dog.
"What's this?"
"You're a regular here, so it's on the house."
"Huh?"
Free food just for coming to the PC bang a lot? I hadn't even been here in over a month. Whatever — free was free. Jackpot.
"Thanks."
I took it without hesitation. No take-backs~
The PC bang's Blonde Tan girl — blonde, tanned, thug energy — flushed shyly. Wow. Look at that bashful act. A Blonde Tan of that caliber was the final evolution. Catlike, sultry face. Sexy bronze skin. A white crop top that showed her navel. A C-cup that strained against the fabric even under a plain white tee. White shorts hugging a firm ass. Black boots to finish it off. The kind of face that could reel in a hundred guys easy.
She tilted her chin up just a little, bit her lip, and looked at me. That sultry gaze no man was supposed to resist. But I wasn't falling for it. I'd already taken enough hits. I dodged the final-evolution Blonde Tan's eyes.
"Enjoy~"
When her charm offensive bounced right off, she looked embarrassed and headed back to her post.
"Hey, I thought you said you could get his number?"
"Hey, you bitch. He's got walls up like that — how the hell am I supposed to get a number?"
"That's why I'm saying a pussy-faced mug like yours doesn't cut it. Someone at a 77? Regular people don't even register."
"Ah, fuck. Back in school I used to pull cute girls' numbers no problem."
"Stop talking out your cunt and go clean the bathroom. These crazy bitches — how do they even piss? It's all over the toilet. Reeks of piss."
That was Blonde Tan and the counter girl talking.
77? Were they talking about me? Nah. No way. Some insanely hot guy must've shot her down. Anyone who could reject a sexy Blonde Tan like that had to be at least a solid 10. What kind of life did guys like that live? Man. I was jealous.
I lifted my head a little and looked at Blonde Tan again. She happened to be turning around. Killer body line. A slim waist and an ass that sat up high and firm. Fuck, that got me hard. My dick stood straight up.
Huh? What the hell was this? It felt heavy.
Once it got hard, it wouldn't go down easy. Guess I'd been holding in too much protein lately and it was pissed. I'd have to jerk off once I got home.
I clicked into ROL. Entered my ID.
Imabojiguard
I'd originally tried to make it "Bodyguard." Already taken. So I mashed in whatever. And this was the disaster that came out. A little embarrassing as IDs went, but my friends loved it. Guys are all like that — simple creatures, suckers for dirty old-man puns.
Who was online today?
Huh? Most of the names on my friends list were ones I didn't recognize. What the hell? Had my ROL account gotten hacked? Work had been so busy I hadn't logged in for about a month. And looking at it now, my rank was absolute garbage. It was supposed to be Diamond. It was Silver.
Ah, fuck! How hard had they inted? Dropping from Diamond to Silver meant they'd been sprinting straight into the enemy team. Motherless bastard.
I couldn't pour my soul into ROL the way I used to, but it still felt empty. After all the work I'd put into this account. Now I had to play with Silver trash?
Whatever. One game. First ROL run in forever — I was hyped. I put on the headset. Talking to random dickheads was awkward, but if you wanted to win, you didn't have a choice. Voice chat versus no voice chat made a real difference in win rate. As long as our mid or ADC didn't throw, I was confident I could carry.
I locked in top Teemo. The chat exploded.
These assholes. If they'd just shut up, I'd carry them. Haa… Fine. I wasn't backing down either.
Hah. Fuck. Called it. Just play the damn game. But who the hell was FAKON? Fuck, I hadn't touched ROL in so long I didn't even know who the good players were anymore.
While I waited for the game to start, the counter girl brought over my food. Yukgaejang cup ramen and a triangle kimbap. The counter girl was pretty cute herself, but Blonde Tan was still sexier. A little disappointing she hadn't been the one to bring it. There was a cola, too.
"Uh, I didn't order a drink?"
"Oh, the drink's on the house. You ordered a lot."
Huh? Ramen and a triangle kimbap counted as ordering a lot? Free was free, though. Always good.
"Okay, thanks."
The PC bang was feeling generous today.
"Um, also…"
"Yeah?"
"Do you do Insta? I feel like I've seen you on there."
Insta? Work kept me too busy for it now, but I'd used it in college. The number of women I followed just kept climbing — everyone looked like a model or a celebrity in their photos. The number of women who followed me back? Fewer than ten in a whole year. And those were either accidental follows or fake accounts pushing illegal adult ads. Fuck this filthy world. If you give, shouldn't you get something back? I quit after that.
"Is your name Yu Sihyun, by any chance?"
Huh? How did she know my name?
"Yeah, that's right."
Well — it was on the PC bang membership info. The part-timer girl pulled out her phone, scrolled around, and showed me an Insta. An account with a full 520,000 followers.
"Huh? This guy's also named Yu Sihyun?"
"This is you, right? Right?"
I tapped the Insta she held out. Haa. Figures. A pretty boy even shorter and cuter than me. And this kid was that popular? Looking closer, there were a few tiny bits that resembled me. 520,000 followers? Full-on celebrity tier. Women really were impossible to figure out, though. One minute they said if you weren't 180 you weren't even a man. This other Yu Sihyun was only 168. I was 176. Still — he was pretty the way a girl was pretty. White skin, big eyes, a high nose bridge. As long as that face wasn't just photo-app plastic surgery, the popularity made sense. Song Joong-kim was short too and still popular because he was handsome.
"You've got the wrong person. Same name, but as you can see, we look completely different."
The part-timer girl stared straight through my face.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Looking at you now, you're way cuter than him. My bad. That was rude of me. I'll extend your time by an hour on the house."
Huh? Did this girl have knotholes for eyes? She thought I was better-looking than that pretty boy on Insta? Whatever — being called cute felt good. Free extra hour of PC bang time, too.
"Um, if you ever make an Insta, please let me know. I'll follow you right away."
"Ah, yeah. Thanks."
"No, I should be thanking you."
Every day at work I just got torn apart by feminist bitches. Meeting a normal woman for once felt good. How long had it been since a girl showed me any goodwill? Of course, I wasn't getting my hopes up. She and Blonde Tan had probably made some bet about me. No way a cute girl like that would actually be interested.
Ah, right! I was in the middle of a ROL game. The chat was a war zone.
The game was about to completely implode. The yukgaejang cup ramen would get soggy, but first I had to save the match. I turned on voice chat.
"Summoners, Teemo's back in his right mind. Let's play this properly."
Sudden silence. Then one of the four on my team spoke up over voice.
"Um. Teemo-nim. Are you a guy, by any chance?"
A cute girl's voice. Damn. ROL really was a mainstream game. Running into nothing but women in a random queue.