Huh? Why Is the Water Jug So Heavy?
Section Chief Dongcheol's face flushed red.
The truth was, Dongcheol treated his own people well enough — but to anyone outside that circle, he was a tiger. Even back in the military, he'd been infamous as a hot-tempered, terrifying senior.
"What did you just say? What was that — idiot?"
A skinny woman with a short haircut stood up from her seat.
"Yeah, I called you an idiot. What are you gonna do about it, you old fossil?"
People at the other tables whipped out their phones and started filming. The place erupted.
"Whoa, a fight's breaking out."
"This is peak popcorn material."
"I'm putting my money on Short-Hair Unnie~"
"Eh, but there's a physical difference. I'm all-in on the old guy."
The short-haired woman looked twenty at most. Dongcheol had enlisted late, so he was already past thirty.
"You look a whole lot younger than me. Is that any way to talk to your elders?"
If this had been the military, the curses would've been flying already. He was holding back a lot, clearly, because they were out in public.
"I heard from the kids that you started it first — going on about the military like some idiot and picking a fight."
"What? Picking a fight? We were talking a little loud, you asked us to keep it down, and after that we talked quietly the whole time."
The short-haired woman looked over at her friends.
"Those old fossils picked a fight talking about the military, right?"
"Yeah, that's right. Going on about soccer in the army and making a goddamn racket."
"Fucking fossils. Don't they ever get tired of it? Like going to the military is something to brag about. If those assholes hadn't gone, the Korean Peninsula would've been peacefully unified ages ago. The only reason this country's still divided is because those bastards enlisted just to snag employment bonus points."
What kind of batshit logic is that?
We went to the military young and risked our lives protecting South Korea so that fat pig Kim Jong-un couldn't play land-grab with our country, you know?
Even Dongcheol seemed too stunned to process it. He let out a long sigh.
"Where do you even get logic that ridiculous? You've never suffered through the military, so of course you have no idea how much of a load of crap that is."
"What? A load of crap? Look at this guy, talking trash to a woman like the Han-nam parasite he is. And while we're on the subject — you keep picking fights about how hard you had it in the military. For fuck's sake. Do you dick-swinging bastards have any idea what childbirth feels like for us women? Compared to giving birth, the military is nothing. You could do it ten times over."
Oh, for fuck's sake.
They started the fight, and somehow it always ends with 'childbirth pain is the ultimate trump card.' There it is.
"Hey, Hyerim. How can you even compare sacred childbirth to something as filthy as prison life in the military?"
One of the short-haired woman's friends pushed back.
"Ah, sorry, Jiyoung. I just meant the level of pain is comparable. You're right — I ended up putting down the most sacred thing in the world. Not that those idiot bastards would understand. Typical useless, ignorant men — all they have is their physical size and a loud voice."
You fucking bitch.
Your voice is louder than ours.
And how the hell would you know whether we're useless and ignorant? From where I'm sitting, we're a hell of a lot more civilized than you.
"What?! Useless and ignorant? I've had just about enough of this!"
Dongcheol had reached his limit. He roared like a tiger.
"What? So what? What are you gonna do if you've had enough, mister? You gonna hit me? Huh? You gonna hit me?"
Dongcheol seethed, breathing hard through his nose, unable to swallow his rage.
"Come on, hit me. Hit me, you idiot bastard."
The short-haired woman shoved her face right up into Dongcheol's.
Dongcheol's eyes went wide. He glared at her like he wanted to kill her.
If he takes the bait here, this is going to get ugly.
And then—
Smack!
The short-haired woman raised her hand and cracked Dongcheol clean across the back of the head.
"You bottom-tier piece of shit. Acting tough when you can't even throw a punch. Hey!"
Smack!
She raised her hand again and hit him in the head.
Seonghyeon and I both shot up from our seats. If we didn't step in, Dongcheol looked ready to snap and do something he couldn't take back.
"Scared? You scared, mister? You piece of shit — you were yelling so confidently a second ago. You scared now? You idiot bastard."
Dongcheol bit down hard on his lip, holding himself back with everything he had.
Flush with victory, the short-haired woman wound up for another shot at his head.
Ah, fuck. This is too much.
I reached out and caught the bitch by the wrist.
"That's enough. We've put up with a lot already."
The short-haired woman looked down at me like I was some pathetic little insect. Then her eyes dropped to the wrist I was holding.
"Hey. Film this, quick. This bastard's sexually assaulting me."
At the crazy short-haired bitch's words, her friends lifted their phones and started recording her. Panicking, I let go of her wrist immediately.
She clutched her wrist and put on a whole performance of being in agony.
"Ah, oppa. Why are you doing this? Don't hit me — just talk to me. With words........"
Wow! You fucking bitch! That acting is insane. Her tone and expression flipped in an instant.
You bitch, if you went to the Oscars it wouldn't be Yoon Ijeong taking Best Supporting Actress for playing a fox — it'd be you.
I was so dumbfounded I had no idea how to even react.
She kept the act going.
"Oppa, we already told you we're not going out with you. Why are you forcing us?"
What is this, a movie set?
"Ah, excuse me, ladies. Could I have a word?"
Assistant Manager Seonghyeon stepped in for me.
"What is it, oppa? You're scaring me."
"Come talk to me in the back for a second. Just for a moment. Let's settle this cleanly."
At Seonghyeon's words, the short-haired woman gestured to one of her friends. Then that friend and Seonghyeon headed off somewhere quieter.
A short while later.
"Hey, Hyerim."
"Yeah? Talk go okay?"
"Yeah, that guy was actually reasonable. We'll take good care of him."
Seonghyeon led a fuming, teary-eyed Dongcheol and me out of the bar.
"Hyung, what the hell did you talk about with those crazy bitches?"
"Talk? I just gave them some pocket money and sent them packing."
Ah, those fucking bitches.
Of course. They'd picked the fight on purpose, angling for cash.
"How much did you give them, hyung?"
"Ah, forget it. Let's grab another drink in front of the convenience store."
"Ah, hyung! Are you serious right now? If you pull this, I'm not coming into work starting next week."
"Ah, come on. I only gave them a little."
He said "a little," but judging by those crazy bitches' energy, it was definitely not a small amount.
"So how much?"
"Eight bills."
"Seonghyeon hyung! Are you for real?"
"Ah, you little shit. Fine. Eighty. Eighty thousand. Happy?"
Those fucking bitches.
Of all the people to shake down, they go after guys like us — mid-sized company nobodies who are already barely scraping by.
Dongcheol sighed.
"Ah, drop it. Those crazy bitches — I was the one who took the bait, so it's on me. I'll transfer you the money later, Seonghyeon."
"Dongcheol hyung, what money do you even have? Look, I grabbed that crazy bitch's wrist and made it worse, so I'll chip in too."
"Ah, I said drop it. The biggest fault is mine for just standing there while Dongcheol hyung got smacked in the back of the head by some brat half his age. Leave it. I'll handle it."
"Seonghyeon hyung. Keep that up and your wife's gonna crack your skull open."
Seonghyeon flinched. The thought of his wife's scolding sent a chill down his spine.
"Ah, seriously, this is killing my manly pride. Fine — Sihyun, you're the youngest, so twenty. Me and Dongcheol hyung, thirty each. No more arguing."
Nobody said a word. Carrying eighty thousand alone really was a lot to swallow.
"By the way — Dongcheol hyung was crying earlier, right?"
I deliberately needled him, trying to lighten the mood.
"What was that, you little punk?"
"Aigoo, he really was crying. You can still see the tear tracks. Next unit reunion, we've got a new story. Tiger Sergeant Dongcheol got smacked around by a twenty-something girl and bawled his eyes out."
"You slippery little bastard. You're dead. Fine! I'll give you a hundred thousand won — take a hundred hits from me right now. A thousand won a pop."
"Ah, Dongcheol hyung. If you hit me, my skull's gonna have a hole in it. You used to go toe-to-toe with Special Forces guys, remember?"
Dongcheol hyung's crushed spirit was starting to bounce back a little.
"Those bastards were nothing, I'm telling you. Back in my day, I used to take on UDT guys and Special Forces two-on-one, no problem......."
Hyung. If you actually fought guys like that, ten of you still wouldn't be enough.
Anyway, we listened to Dongcheol hyung's revived bluster and sucked down soju at the convenience store.
I drank so many bottles I lost count.
"Ah, I'm dying. Dying. Those goddamn bitches..........."
Still fully dressed, I loosened my tie and collapsed face-first onto the bed.
"Ah, fuuuck! What a pussy-ass world! I should've been born a woman~! Mother, why'd you birth me with a dick? You should've given me a pussy,,,,,,,"
I rolled around on the bed, drunk-rambling.
"Ah, fuck........ W-water."
The second I lay down, the fridge felt impossibly far away. I fumbled through my pockets.
My hand closed around a bottle.
Gulp, gulp!
"Ah, fuck, did I buy a drink at the convenience store? Ah, whatever."
And just like that, I downed the whole Bakgyeosseu in one shot and passed out cold on the bed.
What the fuck, it's not like I'm gonna die.
I had a dream.
Or was it a dream?
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I was half-asleep, half-awake.
I opened the window.
"Huh?"
"Hello, young man."
"The grandmother from the subway?????"
"You still remember me."
Whoosh!
It was summer, but the wind was cold.
"Come inside, ma'am. The cold air's getting in."
"May I come in?"
"Ah, of course. Hurry up. You'll catch a cold."
"Thank you, young man. I can only enter if I'm invited, you see."
"More importantly — how did you even find my place at this ungodly hour?"
"Hm? Young man. Listen carefully to what I'm about to say."
"Yes?"
"Originally, this was my job to do. But I figured you'd handle it better, so I dumped my burden on you."
"Burden?"
"Mm. It's nothing major. You'll understand everything once tomorrow comes. Just remember one thing."
"Yes? One thing?"
"Mm. Here — repeat after me. Boji~~chang!"
"Bo? Bojichang?"
What kind of middle-of-the-night ghost nonsense is this?
"Ma'am?"
But the grandmother had already vanished.
And then it hit me.
My apartment was on the thirteenth floor.
Fuck. What a ridiculous dream.
"Aigoo, my head."
Whether it was from the Bakgyeosseu I'd downed half-asleep last night, my skull felt like it was splitting open.
Selling this crap to grandmas and grandpas as a 'nutritional supplement'... goddamn quack medicine peddlers. Not a shred of conscience between them.
I went out to the living room, opened the fridge, and pulled out the water jug.
I chugged the cold water.
Gulp, gulp!
Haaah~ Okay. Starting to feel human again.
Sunlight streamed in through the window.
My parents weren't home. They got along so well they always went on hiking dates over the weekend.
"Ah, have I really been slacking on exercise that much? Even the water jug feels heavy now."
The jug was heavy.
I'd overdone it yesterday moving the flowerpots and the water purifier jug. Must be muscle soreness.