Short-Cut Hair, Again
Inside 2580 Hof
"Hey, Sihyun—Seonghyeon and I are over here. Our usual spot."
"Got it, hyung. On my way."
Thud, thud!
Deputy Manager Dongcheol and Assistant Manager Seonghyeon came into view.
Oh, no. What the hell was that?!
Puhahahaha!
I couldn't hold back the laughter that burst out of me.
Dongcheol had originally been 182 centimeters tall. Whether in the military or at the company, height was the one thing he'd never had to feel inferior about. It was his only real pride.
But now—
Dongcheol looked like the protagonist of a Hobbit movie. His head was the same size as before. His height had always covered for it, but the man had always had a massive head. That same head, now sitting on a body twenty centimeters shorter.
What the fuck—this wasn't Doraemon. He was kind of cute, in his own way.
I looked at the man beside him. Seonghyeon. Seonghyeon looked back at me.
Ah, Assistant Manager Seonghyeon. T_T
Seonghyeon was even shorter than Dongcheol. He hadn't been particularly tall to begin with. Maybe that was why the debuff had hit him harder? At least his face wasn't oversized, so he looked better off than Dongcheol.
But his face was wrecked with exhaustion. Dark circles covered his eyes like a panda's. Was he about to drop dead like that? Looking closer, even his legs were trembling.
"Hey, hyungs!"
I called out cheerfully to Seonghyeon and Dongcheol. They'd be shocked when they saw me. I was looking forward to it.
"Huh? Slick? You made it?"
"Sihyun?"
I'd expected both of them to freak out over my pretty-boy looks. But they were surprisingly calm.
"Yes, hyungs. Surprised by how I look, right?"
I said it with a triumphant air. This was a face people had mistaken for a celebrity's.
"Yeah, well. Sure, sure."
"Hey, Slick. Just order some drinks already."
Ah, fuck. I'd turned into a pretty boy and they couldn't care less.
"Come on, hyungs—don't I look different?"
Ah, maybe it was the hat. I took it off.
There! Look, hyungs! Behold my radiant pretty-boy glow!
"Hey, you're all pale and pasty. Did you put on makeup? Wipe that shit off. You're not a girl. Ugh, I'm gonna puke. This Slick bastard. Always copying weird shit. Even if this is a world where men end up dick-height short, get your head straight. Private Yu Sihyun! Once a man, always a man! Don't you know that? This kid's hopeless. PT exercises one through ten—ten reps!"
"Sihyun, are you sick? You're not a patient. Why do you look so pale, like you haven't even had thin rice gruel? And wash your hair once in a while. It's all greasy and matted. Looks like you've had a rough time coming to this world. Not that I've had it any better. Sigh."
What was with these old guys. This was nothing like the reaction I'd expected. So pretty-boy looks didn't work on middle-aged men?
"Hey, wait a second, Slick!"
Dongcheol shot to his feet. Ah, there it was. Pretty boys worked everywhere!
"Yes, Sergeant Dongcheol."
"Why are you the only tall one? You little shit. That's not fair. You used to be shorter than me!"
"Oh, you're right. Sihyun, you're still better off than us. I don't even think I hit 160 centimeters. Ha, fuck. This world is bullshit. For real."
What these middle-aged guys cared about wasn't my pretty-boy face—it was height.
"Ah, well. I seem to be about 168 centimeters. A bit better than you hyungs, but it's all just comparing acorns, really."
I deliberately played it down so they wouldn't feel too bad. Truth was, 168 centimeters for a man in this world was like 182 centimeters back in the original world. It was a massive buff for me.
"Hey, at least you can still press elevator buttons and open cupboard doors, right?"
"Yes, that much I can do."
"Fuck, today I had to go up on my tiptoes just to hit the thirty-eighth-floor button. It was so goddamn humiliating."
Seonghyeon, who'd been quiet, let out a sigh.
"Hyung, on the way here my hand couldn't reach the bus stop button and I rode past several stops. Sigh...."
Dongcheol and I immediately shut up.
"Hey, let's just drink. But Seonghyeon, why do you look so pale? Are you sick?"
"No, I'm not sick."
Tears welled slightly in Seonghyeon's eyes.
"I got… taken. By my wife. Forcibly."
"What! What do you mean, forcibly?"
"She kept giving me these lewd looks, and I said no because I was tired. Then she stripped my clothes off by force and started groping me."
"And then??"
"I pushed her off and told her to stop. But she overpowered me and pinned me down....... sob."
Dongcheol and I fell silent with solemn faces.
"Don't cry, you bastard. A man crying over that? It's not like some random woman forced herself on you. It was your wife, so just deal with it."
"Hyung. What if she jumps me again when I go home tonight? I'm scared of the night. Can I sleep at your place?"
"What kind of bullshit is that. Leaving your rabbit of a wife at home to sleep at someone else's place. Shut up, drink, and go home early, you idiot."
"Rabbit? Please. She's taller than me now and stronger too. She climbs on top and forces herself on me—she's a gorilla, not a rabbit. Like she was starving for it, even when I told her to stop, she just kept going by force. Like some beast in heat that couldn't get enough sex."
Seonghyeon seemed to have developed trauma around sex.
"Hey, more importantly—what do we do now? We're weaker and shorter than women. Just thinking about getting wrecked by those crazy bitches at work starting Monday makes my head spin."
"Getting wrecked by women? What do you mean, Deputy Manager Dongcheol?"
"Slick. You just saw Seonghyeon get sexually assaulted by his own wife and you still don't get it? We're fucked. Those crazy bitches already boss us around and grind us down every single day. Now they'll be stronger than us and throw better punches. They're going to work us like slaves. Ah, fuck. Just thinking about it sends a chill down my spine."
As expected, Dongcheol was simple-minded—he thought the world always belonged to whoever was strongest!
"Assistant Manager Seonghyeon, say something to Deputy Manager Dongcheol, please."
At least Seonghyeon should have some basic knowledge about this gender-reversed world.
"Huh? Say what?"
"He's calling this gender-reversed world—which is heaven for men—a living hell. Assistant Manager Seonghyeon, if you looked anything up online, tell him. Tell him how advantageous this world is for men."
"Huh? I spent all day getting raped by my wife. I barely escaped after being at it all day."
Ha, fuck. I was genuinely about to cry. I had to admit it—Assistant Manager Seonghyeon was a pure victim of the gender-reversed world.
"Alright. From now on, I'm going to explain why this place is heaven for men like us with dicks attached. Listen carefully. Deputy Manager Dongcheol. Assistant Manager Seonghyeon."
"No, I keep telling you we're fucked. What more bullshit are you spouting? Women are stronger! They're taller too! Only women are on TV! Cops are women. National Assembly members are women. Even the UFC main-event fighters are women!"
Ha—the all-powerful strength theory. Classic Dongcheol. Did he crawl out of the Stone Age.......
If I explained it complicatedly, he wouldn't get it. Better to use an example that hit home.
"No, just listen to what I'm saying. We ran into those crazy bitches here yesterday, right?"
"So?"
"And?"
Dongcheol and Seonghyeon answered at the same time.
"Even after those bitches beat us up, we gritted our teeth, paid them, and sent them off. Why was that?"
"Because they were women."
"Because they were women?"
Ha, these dense hyungs.
"No, that's not it. Hyungs!"
"Hyung! Sihyun. Duck your head. Quick."
Seonghyeon spotted someone and dropped his eyes under the table. Dongcheol looked toward the entrance and hurriedly hid his body under the table too.
"Ah, hyungs, what's going on?"
"Hey, shut up and duck already. Those bitches from yesterday are back. Fuck. You bring them up and they appear—speak of the devil. Those crazy bitches showed up! It's all your fault, you Slick bastard. Why'd you have to bring up those crazy bitches."
I looked toward the entrance with a leisurely smile.
Sure enough, the three bitches from yesterday walked in through the door. Same clothes as yesterday. Same faces. They'd crossed over from the original world into this one with us. Seemed like they were hunting for victims again today. They scanned around, looking for tables with only men.
Perfect. You bitches. Today I was going to give you a proper re-education. Just wait. It was time to blast open all that pent-up frustration with a cold shot of cider.
"Excuse me!"
I called out to the three bitches.
"Hey! Slick! Have you lost your mind? Trying to get shaken down for money again today? I don't have any."
"Sihyun. Hyung's already wiped out today—why are you trying to start trouble. Ah, shit. For real. Just thinking about getting tormented by my wife all night is exhausting enough."
"Hyungs, just stay put. I'll show you properly. Why this world we're in is hell for those feminist bitches and heaven for men like us with dicks."
Right then, the three crazy feminist bitches spotted me.
"Did you call us? Why? Something you want to say?"
Even hardcore feminists must be weak to pretty boys. Their attitude was much softer than yesterday.
"You recognize my hyungs, right?"
The hyungs covered their faces with their hands. Scared of getting hit and shaken down for money, I bet. You hopeless idiots. When you drop into another world, the first thing you do is study up. Not that I was any better—I just lucked into it while mindlessly reading webtoons.
Among the three feminist bitches, the one who'd smacked Dongcheol's head yesterday recognized them.
"Oh! Aren't those the old guys from yesterday? You already looked like total losers yesterday, but seeing you here you look even more pathetic. I woke up and Korea's turned to shit and gotten all weird, so I'm already pissed as hell. Perfect. You loser bastards. I'll take my frustration out on you today. Men with dick-sized heights. Ugh, just—I could just beat the crap out of you!"
Crazy bitch running her mouth. Still hadn't figured out this world, had she. Perfect. You're done for today! You fucking bitch.
"Hey, big-head old man. Did it hurt when I hit you yesterday? So you brought your little brother for revenge? Too bad. Your little brother's got a pretty-boy face that looks even more like a loser."
"What! Pretty boy? Loser? You've said enough! I've been holding back, but—!"
I deliberately made a scene. And I pressed the REC button on my phone. Everything from here on would be recorded. People's attention turned toward us.
"Yeah, I called you losers. So what? Huh? Gonna hit me? Go ahead. You retard. Didn't your hyungs tell you? Your big-head hyung got the back of his head smashed yesterday and went home crying. That Hobbit hyung over there even gave me allowance money. Begging me not to report him to the cops. Retards."
"Ah. Is that so? So you're saying this young lady hit my hyung in the back of the head yesterday and shook him down for money?"
"Yeah? So what? You fucker. Want me to hit you too? Shall I?"
I held up my phone.
"I recorded everything the young lady just said, word for word. Listen carefully."
I played back the recording of her own mouth admitting she'd hit Dongcheol and shaken Seonghyeon down for money.
"Ha, you sneaky fuck. Recording me? So what. Let's go to the police station. That should settle it. Let's go settle who's right. Whether you bastards harassing a fragile woman in public is the bigger crime, or whether that shitty voice-modulated phone recording of yours holds any weight."
"Ah, sure. Call the police. Call them."
When I confidently told her to call the cops, the short-cut hair bitch seemed surprised and pressed harder.
"You think this is the first or second time we've tangled with sucker old men like you? You retarded sucker bastard. When the cops come, we win in the end. Korean law is set up so women—the socially vulnerable—win. You dick-dangling men who don't even know the sacred pain of childbirth, what do you know? Huh? What do you know. Scared now? You know you're fucked even if the cops come, so you're shitting yourselves, right."
When I stayed quiet, the short-cut hair bitch's confidence surged.
"Hey! You pretty-boy retard bastard! Call the cops. Go on, call them!"
The short-cut hair bitch shoved my head.
"Why so quiet? You fucker. You were so confident a second ago. Ha, real retard. Bastards like you need a good beating. Like a dog or a pig that doesn't know women are scary."
As if out of habit, the short-cut hair bitch raised her hand and swung it toward the back of my head.
And I had been waiting for that exact moment.