Surrounded by the Advancing Pussies
I hadn't washed my hair all day.
Even with a pretty-boy base, I looked way too scruffy right now. I jammed a black cap down deep enough that my face barely showed, then pulled the hoodie up over it.
2580 Hof sat right in the middle between my place and Deputy Seonghyeon's and Manager Dongcheol's. Unless something special came up, that was where we always met.
I stepped outside and started walking. The evening air felt clean and cool. Even with the cap pulled low and the hoodie covering everything, I must have still given off that expensive vibe. Women kept shooting me glances.
Well, the sharp V-line of my jaw was still alive and kicking. Skin pale and almost translucent. Even with my face half-hidden, of course they were going to stare. On top of that, the gender ratio here was one to ten. One man for every ten women. The streets were overflowing with girls who would take anything that had eyes, a nose, and a mouth in the right places.
"Damn, look at that slim, well-built body. Those legs are killer."
Fuck. Wearing shorts and walking through the entertainment district had been a mistake. When I went to the PC bang it was close enough that I never noticed how bad the sexual harassment from women got.
"A sexy little thing like that—if he just fucked me once with that dick, I'd die happy."
"Ass that sexy? I could ride it all night. Look how firm those cheeks are."
They were talking among themselves, drunk, but they made damn sure I could hear every word. Perverted bitches. Too chicken to actually approach me, so they settled for indirect sexual harassment.
And someone was following me, clever about it.
Click!
I might not be great at studying, but my instincts were sharp. A woman with her own cap pulled low was secretly snapping pictures of my back with a digital camera. Without permission.
I strode right up to her.
"Hey! Why the hell are you taking pictures of people without asking?!"
"Ah—what?"
She flinched. I shot my hand out and grabbed the camera.
"Ah!"
I yanked. Surprisingly easy to snatch it from her. Weren't the women in this world supposed to be stronger than men? Weird.
I flipped through the gallery fast.
Snap. Snap. Snap.
It was packed with photos of me. Jesus fucking Christ. In that short time she'd taken a ton.
"I—I'm so sorry. Please just don't report me. Please."
She yanked off her cap and dropped to her knees, begging. Sexy-looking woman. Big cat-like eyes, high nose bridge, tanned skin that looked good enough to eat. Pure sex appeal dripping off her face. Back in my old world, guys would have been drooling over looks like that. With that face she could walk into a high-end hostess club and rank near the top. Born into this gender-reversed Korea and reduced to a peeping-tom stalker—rough life.
A crowd started gathering.
"Whoa, that bitch is insane. She must be begging for handcuffs."
"Crazy slut should just stay home and fuck herself with a vibrator. Why the hell is she taking secret pics of a young guy?"
"Call the cops! Police!"
Ah, come on. Just for a few photos? I hated complications. I selected every picture of me and deleted them.
"Here. Don't take secret photos of people anymore. It's creepy. People have privacy."
The peeping woman bowed at a perfect ninety degrees.
"I'm sorry. I'm really, truly sorry. I'll never do it again."
The crowd murmured.
"What, is that guy an angel? He's not even reporting her?"
"Settlement money alone would've cost her thousands. That bitch used up all her luck for a lifetime today."
"They always say handsome guys have kind hearts too. Even with his face covered he's glowing. Bet if he took the hat off he'd be drop-dead gorgeous."
Then one woman caught a glimpse of me and shouted.
"Hey—isn't that Park Jihyun from Producer 102?!"
One little ball tossed into the air set off a tidal wave. The misunderstanding snowballed. I needed to get the hell out of here. If I got stuck any longer I'd be late, and Seonghyeon and Dongcheol would tear me a new one.
"Excuse me."
A girl who looked like a high-schooler shoved her face in close. Cute student.
"It is, right? Oppa. You're Park Jihyun, right?"
"No, I'm not."
I dropped my voice and kept my head down.
"Hey! It is! It totally is! It's Park Jihyun! Oppa~ give me an autograph, please!"
"For real, Park Jihyun? I knew he didn't look like a regular person. Hey! Block the road so Oppa can't run!"
What the fuck?! Who the hell was Park Jihyun?
The high-school girls had cute faces but they were taller than me. Japanese-style makeup, short school skirts—they looked like delinquents. Fuck, if I screwed this up I was about to get surrounded by high-school girl thugs. Back in high school I used to dodge girl gangs just so they wouldn't shake me down for money. Now at twenty-six I was getting blocked in the street and harassed? Goddamn it!
"I love you, Park Jihyun! Milk-white Park Jihyun! Angel-smile Park Jihyun!"
"Oppaaaaaa! Kyaaaaaaaah!"
What the hell was that pterodactyl screech?! Some hardcore fan of this Park Jihyun bastard must have shown up. Time to run.
"M-move! I told you I'm not Park Jihyun!"
I slipped past the high-school girls blocking the way and walked faster. But the women who'd just been watching joined in. They formed a circle around me and started snapping photos. More and more women poured in.
"Hey! There's a celebrity here shooting a commercial!"
"The fuck? Seeing a celebrity doesn't put money in my pocket or rice cakes on my table!"
"They say it's Park Jihyun from Producer 102?"
"Park Jihyun? You stupid bitch, what are you waiting for—grab the camera and charge! Oppaaaaaaah! Just one selfie, please!!"
"For real, Park Jihyun? That kid is so fucking cute. Shit, just yesterday I was looking at Jihyun's pictures while I fucked myself with a dildo. Fuck it, at least let me touch Jihyun's chest once!"
I couldn't breathe. Ah, fuck, this wasn't Attack on Titan—this was Attack on the Pussies. Every single one of them was about ten centimeters taller than me. Surrounded by giant pussies. I was losing my mind. No escape route in sight.
"Hey, move! Get out of the way. Anyone who lays a hand on our Jihyun is getting criminally charged."
A woman in a black jacket and sunglasses shoved through the crowd, voice sharp and threatening.
"Who the fuck is this ajumma?! Bullshit! Get lost, you bitch!!!!!! Jihyun Oppaaaaaaah!"
"I'm Jihyun's manager. Our Jihyun has a shoot to get to, so move it."
The word "manager" made the women surrounding me step back.
"Manager unnie! Just one photo with Jihyun Oppa, please!"
"Jihyun Oppaaaaaa! Give me your number, please!"
The so-called manager shielded me and carved a path straight through the advancing pussies.
"Jihyun-ssi, this way."
"I'm not a celebrity........."
She leaned in and whispered right against my ear.
"I know. Just get out of here first."
She cleared the road. I kept my head down and followed where she led.
"Get in."
A car was waiting. Was I about to get kidnapped just because I looked cute? Sold off as a sex toy for rich ajummas?
I hesitated.
"Don't worry. This is a Kakaong Taxi. Let's just shake the kids first."
The woman in black sunglasses held up the Kakaong Taxi app. The waiting car and the plate number matched. I glanced back—the high-schoolers were still coming after us like a zombie horde. One girl's eyes locked with mine.
"Kyaaaaaaaah!!!!! Oppa just shot me a heart with his eyes!"
Ah, fuck. Pterodactyls. Just get out of here first.
I climbed into the Kakaong Taxi.
"Where to?"
"Seolleung, 2580 Hof."
"Ajumma, Seolleung 2580 Hof, please."
The driver ajumma answered.
"Yes, understood."
Huh? Even Kakaong Taxis were driven by ajummas now. Designated drivers would be women too, right? Focus. I bowed my head to the woman who'd saved me.
"Thank you."
She eyed my clothes critically.
"Why are you walking around the main street dressed that sexy? Of course you stand out."
Shorts were sexy clothes? The world was unfair as hell again. A guy should be able to wear shorts and a hoodie on the main road. But I couldn't snap at the woman who'd just helped me.
"Ah... yes........."
"When you go home, take a car. A young guy walking around at night in shorts that short is asking for real trouble."
Trouble? What kind of trouble? Did she mean getting raped? The image of getting piled on by women until I was gasping for air made me shudder.
"Yes. Thank you for worrying about me."
Ah, fuck. So now even on hot days I couldn't wear shorts at night because I might get raped? Did I have to start wearing long skirts or something?
She held out a black mask.
"Wear this when you go out. Even I can tell—without a mask you look enough like Park Jihyun that you're going to keep running into problems."
"Who's Park Jihyun?"
"What? You're Korean and you don't know Park Jihyun? He's the hottest male idol right now. Winner of Producer 102."
Huh? First I'd ever heard of him. Couldn't care less about some idol with a dick.
Right then the driver ajumma pulled over.
"We've arrived. That'll be eight thousand won."
"Ah, yes. Here........."
I was pulling money from my wallet when the sunglasses woman stopped my hand.
"A man doesn't pay. It's fine."
"What?"
"I'm taking this car back anyway, so I'll pay when I get out."
"No, still—"
"Ah, I said it's fine. Are you really going to make a woman lose face like this?"
"Ah... yes......."
I was happy to save the money and embarrassed at the same time. Was this how women felt back in my old world?
"I'll be going then. You saved my life today."
"Ah, and this."
She pressed a Soksok orange juice into my hand.
"Drink it when you get thirsty. You like orange juice, right?"
"Huh?"
"Ah—nothing. Ajumma, let's go."
Vroom. Whoosh—!
The car pulled away. What the hell? Weird woman. Because of the cap pulled low I never got a good look at her face, but that cute voice felt familiar. Whatever. I stuffed the Soksok orange juice she'd given me into my pocket and walked into 2580 Hof.
I made the call.
"Dongcheol hyung, I just got here."
Meanwhile.
Inside the Kakaong Taxi.
"Where shall I take you, miss?"
The taxi driver asked. The woman in sunglasses took them off as she spoke.
"Let me out here."
"Excuse me?"
"The man who just got out left something behind. I want to return it."
"Ah~ yes."
The woman who stepped out of the taxi had pretty eyes that turned sharp. She stared at the orange juice bottle and muttered to herself.
Teenmo.
I'll protect you so the world's bitches can't get near you. You just stay pure like a flower in a greenhouse.
From the moment Teenmo drank that orange juice in front of me, all sexy and gulping it down, we became a couple.
If I can't have Teenmo, no one can.
Teenmo is mine. Teenmo is mine. Teenmo is mine.
Anyone who touches him dies.
Teenmo, I'll wait right here in front of 2580 Hof until you come out.
We're always together.
The empty orange juice bottle clenched tight in her hand, the woman's eyes glowed red with madness.