Rest
The words from Ha-jun caught me completely off guard. “Your face is really red.”
“H-huh?”
My voice cracked awkwardly. For a moment, it felt like the air inside the elevator had frozen solid.
“…Ugh.”
I bit my lip, but Ha-jun turned his head and tried to hold back his laughter. His shoulders shook, and eventually a small chuckle slipped out.
“Hup… I’m sorry. You’re just so cute…”
“…”
I felt my face grow even hotter and ducked my head. I tried to convince myself it was just from the cold, but that laugh kept echoing in my ears.
[6th Floor]
The same announcement I’d heard just hours ago rang out, and the elevator doors slid open slowly. The hallway lights seemed brighter than before, welcoming me.
“Um… are you really not going to let me down?”
Ha-jun shook his head firmly.
“No. Absolutely not.”
It felt like he was holding me even tighter than before, as if determined to stop me from trying to get down. I was grateful no one else was around to see. I held my breath and buried my burning face against him so he couldn’t look at me. The sound of the door lock clicking open was followed by a familiar voice.
“Daddy!”
A bright, energetic voice rang out immediately. Then came the rapid patter of little feet filling the living room. When I lifted my head slightly, my eyes met Ji-an’s.
Her eyes widened. The moment she spotted me in Ha-jun’s arms, she pointed and shouted.
“Princess carry!”
At her exclamation, my face flushed even hotter.
“Th-that’s why I said put me down… ugh…”
Suddenly, tears welled up. I was startled by my own reaction. There was no reason for me to cry like this.
“Seoyeon?”
Ha-jun called my name, clearly flustered, but the tears wouldn’t stop. Come to think of it, my emotions had been all over the place lately.
The cold words I’d heard from my family—if this had been the old me, I might have held them in. Even Ha-jun’s simple words of comfort would have been met with a quiet thank you. But somehow, I couldn’t manage that anymore.
I felt like a stranger to myself. Had my heart changed along with my body?
“Eeeek! Daddy made Mommy cry again! You said you wouldn’t!”
While I was lost in my thoughts, Ji-an pointed at Ha-jun and scolded him.
“N-no, Ji-an, that’s not—”
Ha-jun waved his hands in panic, but Ji-an crossed her arms and glared at him.
“Liar! You said daddies aren’t allowed to lie!”
Her pouty voice and his desperate excuses echoed through the house, and I couldn’t help but smile. Even though tears were still streaming down my cheeks, I couldn’t hold back the laughter.
“Hic… ugh… pfft…”
The sound of crying mixed with laughter sounded strange even to my own ears.
“Seoyeon…?”
Ha-jun looked at me with worried eyes and called my name carefully. I covered my eyes with my palms and shook my head.
“I… I don’t know either… why I’m like this…”
My lips were smiling, but tears kept falling. I was starting to get scared. It felt like my emotions were broken, running wild on their own.
“Well, you can cry and laugh at the same time.”
That simple sentence lifted the weight from my chest. Even if something inside me was broken, what did it matter when someone was right there telling me it was okay? Ji-an stared at me intently, then came closer and peered at my backside.
“Mommy… they say if you laugh while crying, you’ll grow hair on your butt!”
Her completely random remark made my tears stop and laughter take their place.
“Pfft… then… just like you said, Ji-an… I’d better stop crying so I don’t grow any hair…”
When I said that, Ji-an nodded with a proud little smile. Seeing her like that warmed my chest, and my tears finally dried up.
“Ahem… well then… shall we go inside?”
Ha-jun cleared his throat and looked away. He carried me through the front door and gently set me down on the living room sofa. The moment my feet touched the floor, an odd sense of disappointment washed over me.
“You should rest for a bit and then take a warm shower. You got caught in the rain, so your body feels cold.”
Ha-jun looked at me as he helped me out of my shoes. I nodded.
“…Yes. That sounds good.”
If I washed up, maybe this feverish heat would calm down a little. I tried to blame the flush on my face on the cold, but my heart was a tangled mess.
“I want to shower with Mommy too!”
My eyes widened at Ji-an’s sudden words. She was looking up at me with sparkling, expectant eyes.
“Ji-an, Seoyeon is tired. You shouldn’t do that.”
Ha-jun tried to reason with her, but Ji-an showed no sign of backing down. She grabbed my hand tightly and shook her head, whining.
“No! I want to shower with Mommy! You carried her earlier, Daddy, and now I want Mommy to carry me too…”
Her voice was full of both poutiness and hurt feelings. Ha-jun and I looked at her in silence.
“Seoyeon… would it be all right to ask you to do this just for today? She seems really upset…”
Ha-jun let out a long sigh, his expression full of apology. Between his guilty tone and Ji-an’s pleading face, I couldn’t refuse. I nodded before I could stop myself.
“Okay…”
At my answer, Ji-an’s face lit up instantly. Looking at her bright expression, a sudden thought crossed my mind. I had never bathed Seo-a or Seo-jin when they were little either.
From around age four, my wife had always been the one to bathe them. I had only done it when they were younger than that. Now, the idea of bathing a six-year-old felt overwhelming. I was about to say I couldn’t after all, but—
“Mommy! Let’s go, let’s go!”
Ji-an grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the bathroom. I hadn’t even had time to prepare myself mentally and could only stumble along after her.
“W-wait a second. Ha-jun…?”
I looked back at him desperately, sending an SOS with my eyes, but he just smiled awkwardly and watched.
“It’ll be fine. She can wash by herself just fine. She probably just doesn’t want to do it alone.”
He spoke so casually, but it was no comfort at all. All I could do was glare at him, feeling utterly betrayed.
“Mommy! Hurry!”
And so I was helplessly dragged away by Ji-an. When I glanced back, Ha-jun had turned his head away, pretending not to see. The smile in his eyes and the way he was pressing his lips together to keep from laughing made me want to smack him.
“Traitor…”
“Ahem…”
Whether he hadn’t heard my mutter or was pretending not to, Ha-jun only cleared his throat. Before I knew it, Ji-an had pulled me all the way to the bathroom door. She opened it energetically and waved for me to come in.
“Mommy! Hurry~”
I had no choice but to step inside. The moment we were in the bathroom, Ji-an threw her arms up, clearly expecting me to help her undress. The natural way she did it showed me how she usually interacted with Ha-jun.
“Ji-an… um… I might not be very good at this…”
When I hesitated, Ji-an beamed.
“It’s okay! Daddy’s not good at it either, so I always wash by myself!”
Her words made me sigh and laugh at the same time. Thinking there was no way out of this, I helped her out of her clothes and folded them neatly in the corner. I started to take off my own clothes, but the gaze beside me felt far too heavy.
“Um… Ji-an? This is a little embarrassing…”
“Yeah! It’s okay!”
Even when I told her I was shy, Ji-an didn’t look away. She just stared at me openly. I had washed alone for a long time, and I had bathed in this new body before, but right now I felt strangely nervous.
I steeled myself and began to undress. With every layer I removed, I could feel her gaze growing stronger.
“O-okay! Ji-an, let’s get in!”
Once I was completely undressed, I gently pushed her from behind, trying to hide my awkwardness. Even as I pushed her forward, Ji-an kept turning her head to stare at me. Specifically… at my chest.
“Whoa…”
Her single word was enough to fluster me completely. I tried to cover myself with my hands, but the reflection in the mirror looked even more provocative than before I’d covered up.
“Will Ji-an… grow up to be like Mommy someday?”
Completely unaware of how I felt, Ji-an chattered away. All I could do was lower my head and nod.
“Yeah… probably…”
At that, Ji-an smiled brightly and climbed into the tub, turning on the water. It filled quickly, and warm steam began to rise.
“Mommy! Come in quick, it’s warm!”
I carefully lowered myself into the tub. The moment the warm water wrapped around my skin, a heated sigh escaped me. The tension melted away, but an unfamiliar sensation kept tickling my chest.
Before I knew it, Ji-an had come over to my lap, leaned her back against me, and exclaimed in wonder.
“Wow! It’s so soft!”
At those words, my face burned. I muttered quietly.
“…You don’t have to say that out loud, Ji-an.”