The Weight of Tears
Once the dam broke, there was no stopping the tears. It was the way he said my name—so warm, so long overdue. A word I hadn't heard from my own family in what felt like forever, and it carved straight into my chest.
“Hic… haaa…”
I buried my face against his chest and clamped a hand over my mouth, but the sobs still leaked through. On the other end of the line, Ha-jun’s voice continued, careful and steady.
Those words felt like they were cradling the shattered pieces of my heart.
“Hngh… ugh… I-I’m sorry… I keep… hic…”
My voice was so thick with crying it must have been nearly impossible to understand, yet Ha-jun answered without hesitation.
There were police officers and people from the substation all around me, but the only thing I could hear was the voice coming through the phone.
“Hic…”
My sobs were loud enough for every stranger in the room to hear. Strangely, though, I didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. Instead, a sense of release flooded my chest.
Ha-jun paused for a moment, then asked again, softly.
I answered in a trembling voice.
“…At the police substation.”
The words came out tiny and weak, but he responded immediately.
I passed the phone to the policeman standing beside me. He gave me a puzzled look but took it right away.
“Yes, hello… Yes, that’s correct. We’re at the OO substation.”
The officer’s tone was calm. I strained to catch the fragments of Ha-jun’s voice on the other end.
The intermittent words sounded firm.
“Yes. Understood. May I ask the name of the person coming?”
The officer nodded while looking at me, then continued the call.
“Yes. Yes, I understand.”
A moment later, the policeman handed the phone back to me and said quietly, “He’ll be here soon.”
I clutched the phone tightly. My heart was still racing and my eyes stung, but I felt strangely refreshed. When I gripped the blanket wrapped around me, the trembling remained but wasn’t as violent as before. I hadn’t realized how much comfort there could be in the simple fact that someone was coming.
“Haa…”
The long breath I let out felt lighter. The eyes inside the substation were still fixed on me, but my mind was occupied by only one person—the one who would arrive any minute now.
I kept staring at the door, certain it would open at any second. The clock seemed to move slower than usual. Every time someone opened the door, I lifted my head, only to lower it again in disappointment when it wasn’t him. Even though he had said he was coming, anxiety began to creep in—
[Creak—]
The sound of the door opening was followed by ragged breathing. When I looked up, a familiar face stood in the doorway. The person who was catching his breath and walking toward me.
It was Ha-jun. At that moment, the corners of my eyes grew wet again.
“Seoyeon…”
The voice that reached me between labored breaths wasn’t coming through a phone this time. It was right in front of me.
“Hic…”
I clutched the blanket and tried to hold back my tears. Ha-jun walked straight to me and said,
“You’ve been through a lot. All this time.”
Swallowing the tears that had risen to my throat, I managed a small nod.
“Thank… you.”
I kept my gaze lowered, afraid I would cry if I looked at him. Ha-jun simply stood beside me and watched without saying anything more. Strangely, that alone eased my heart.
“Thank you… for coming.”
My trembling words made him look at me for a moment before he gave a small nod. He didn’t speak, but that gesture sank deeper into my heart than any words could have.
After a while, the officer who had been watching us approached.
“If… anything happens at home, or if you face any difficulties, please tell us. We can only help if we know.”
I avoided his eyes. I wanted to speak, but the words wouldn’t come out. I knew that what I was doing could be called foolish by anyone watching. My family had abandoned me, but I couldn’t abandon them. So I simply clenched my hands and answered in a small voice.
“Yes…”
The officer stared at me for a long time even after hearing my reply, then nodded quietly. The weight of his gaze made me lower my head. That was when Ha-jun, standing beside me, spoke softly.
“I’ll keep a close eye on her.”
At those words, I slowly lifted my head to look at him. His eyes were filled with warmth, and they put me at ease. I couldn’t say anything for a while, just stared, until the officer approached again and said quietly,
“You may go home now. Be careful on your way, and please stay together.”
Ha-jun nodded and held out his hand to me.
“Let’s go.”
That hand felt like it was pulling me out of a swamp. I stared at it for a moment, then carefully took it. It was warm. The chill that had settled deep in my own hand seemed to melt away.
“…Yes.”
I answered shortly and stood up, but my legs gave out and my body swayed. Was it because the tension had finally broken, or because I had stood in the rain for so long? As I tilted, Ha-jun quickly caught my arm.
“Seoyeon, are you all right?”
I steadied my breathing and nodded, but I could feel my body trembling more and more, heat rising inside me. The rain that had soaked me was drying, yet the cold seemed to burrow into my skin.
“Th-thank you. I’m just a little dizzy…”
My voice shook so badly it had no strength. I tried to smile anyway, but my lips kept trembling.
“Are you sure you don’t need to go to the hospital?”
Ha-jun looked at me with worried eyes, but I shook my head.
“I’m fine…”
“Understood. Still, if it becomes too hard to bear, please tell me.”
His voice still sounded weak, but Ha-jun nodded. I took a careful breath and leaned on his support.
When we stepped outside the substation, the rain had already stopped. Sunlight was beginning to break through, sparkling on the wet road and the droplets clinging to everything.
“Let’s take it slow.”
At Ha-jun’s words, I took a step. The car wasn’t far, but with every footfall, the things that had been clinging to my heart seemed to fall away a little more.
My son’s sneer, my daughter’s disgust, my wife’s mockery—they all felt like they were growing distant. They hadn’t disappeared completely yet, but each step lightened their weight.
“…”
No words came out. But thanks to the man walking beside me, my heart felt at peace. I looked at Ha-jun. The sight of him walking forward in silence was reassuring.
“…Thank you.”
The words I barely managed to speak were so soft they could have been carried away by the wind, yet they carried more weight than ever before. Ha-jun gave a small nod in response, and that tiny reaction made me smile.
He opened the car door and gestured. I hesitated for a second, then slowly bent down and climbed inside.
The inside of the car was cozy. I wasn’t sure if it felt that way simply because it was warm, or because Ha-jun was sitting right beside me. Questions I couldn’t easily answer swirled in my mind. But one thing was certain—this comfort was loosening the knots inside me.
As the shoulders that had been stiff with tension finally relaxed, my eyelids grew heavier. I could still sense Ha-jun’s presence beside me, but it felt like a lullaby now.
When my eyelids finally closed completely, a wave of peace washed over me. The faces and voices of my family that had been circling in my head began to fade.
…It’s okay…
I comforted myself and quietly drifted off to sleep.
How much time had passed? The faint glow of passing lights brushed against my consciousness, and my eyes fluttered open.
“…..Huh?”
I wasn’t sitting in a seat. Instead, I was leaning against something solid. While I was still trying to make sense of it, a voice came from right beside my face.
“You’re awake.”
It was Ha-jun’s voice. I could only blink. Was my brain still lagging behind the situation?
“…I’m… right now.”
I tried to deny what I was seeing and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I wasn’t standing on the ground, nor was I lying down somewhere. I was being held in Ha-jun’s arms.
The solid thing I had been leaning against was his chest. My heart suddenly began to pound violently. It was beating so hard I was afraid he would hear it.
“….!”
My face burned. No sound would come out. My lips opened and closed uselessly. Ha-jun met my eyes in the mirror and spoke gently.
“You were sleeping so deeply, and you’ve had a hard day. I didn’t want to wake you.”
His tone and the faint smile on his face only made me more flustered. I prayed the hair falling across my face would hide me and ducked my head.
“…P-put me down…”
The words I forced out in embarrassment were so small they were nearly swallowed by the sound of the elevator. But Ha-jun must have heard, because he shook his head and said,
“No. You’re not heavy, and we’ll be there in just a moment anyway.”
Maybe I had caught a cold from standing in the rain—every time I looked at Ha-jun’s reflection, my whole body felt feverish.