The Weight of the Name "Mother"

"Do you resent Eunsu's mom?"

"I don't know. I wanted to kill that ×× bastard with my own hands, but then she goes and kills him herself and dumps Eunsu on me. I don't get that woman."

"Then why are you out here crying in front of the house like this?"

"I don't know... I'm just sad... foolish and stupid... just so sad."

"Mom wants both Eunsu and her big sister to live happily."

"Which mom?"

"......Both of them."

"You think so?"

"Yes."

As we climbed the mountain for the 49th ritual, I gazed at Mother's back leading the way. So narrow. The lives of two children rested on those small shoulders.

Heavy. Heavier than the simple offerings ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠in my hands, surely?

We spread a mat by Father's grave and set out the modest spread, and Mother, drained from the climb, sank right down onto her spot.

'Did the mountain tire her out?'

I couldn't see her face as she turned away from me, staring endlessly at the grave while spreading the mat.

The moment I thought my mind was growing hazy, my body froze—I couldn't move a single finger.

A familiar valley appeared. Misty fog drifted along the stream, glowing with an ethereal light. An old hut that looked ancient yet warm and inviting stood before me, and in front of it, a red-skinned elder with a long white beard hunched toward me.

Breathing the mist-shrouded valley air cleared something deep in my body and soul.

I thought the old man was far away, but in just three steps, he was right in front of my nose.

Up close, his face lit up with joy as he spoke.

'Dae-baek-gong?'

'It's been a while... young friend.'

'Huh?'

'Heh heh, looks like the connection worked properly.'

'What does that mean?'

'I was worried since we forced the link when your earth energy was weak, but now it's stabilized...'

'Ah... I see... But last time, you said you'd cast a spell so I'd know if anyone standing on the same land harbored evil intentions, making it easier this time. What's the standard for "evil intentions"?'

'It'll show you intentions different from what they say to your face. Past, present, or future—it doesn't matter. The spell covers more than just evil intentions; I made it broad for versatility. We might not connect properly, so I had to protect you somehow... If it's inconvenient, I can tone it down?'

'No. This is good. Actually, can you make the spell's effect stronger?'

'Hm... This spell is like maximizing human senses. If hearing gets too sharp and you hear every tiny sound, the brain can't handle it. Make it stronger than now, and you might drown in too many minds—lost in illusions and hallucinations from others' hearts, detached from reality. That's why I strengthened your body first once the earth energy recovered. Otherwise, the spell could consume you.'

'Ah...'

'Excess in anything is harmful.'

'Then can you strengthen my body more than now?'

'Hm... Looks like our young friend is getting greedy. I could, if I wanted. Just needs more earth energy. But there's a caution.'

'Yes?'

'Don't invade another's domain. That's absolute. I'm an earth spirit; encroaching on others' territory demands a price.'

'What does that mean?'

'Simply put, if you use a strengthened body to win Olympic gold, you'd inherit the karma of whoever would've won otherwise. There are ways around it... but I don't recommend them. It'd violate your contract with your father.'

'Contract with Father?'

'Can't mention that... It's the power that freed you from your regret-filled life. Such great power requires precise terms; even speaking of it could have unknown ripples.'

Even in death, Father was protecting me?

'Think of it as ancestral spirits helping you live well. But... a major singularity occurred for you, so I appeared before our young friend.'

'Singularity? What's that?'

'An event that changes your life like a turning point. You overcame it safely, so there's reward or punishment accordingly. That's why I can show myself and talk to you.'

'Then... that recent... incident?'

'Probably. A blocked flow opened through you, creating the singularity. How you use it is up to you. A number should come to mind. Use it well.'

'Ah... Is this Father's and Mother's birthdays? Lottery numbers maybe?'

'Heh, that's for you to decide.'

If singularities are needed to talk to Dae-baek-gong, I should learn more about the spells he gave me and his powers.

'From what I looked up, earth spirits like you are sometimes called seonghwangdang in other regions, usually managing ghostly energy around graves.'

'Heh heh, more precisely, we're intermediaries sending human energy smoothly from earth to sky without blockages.'

'Human energy?'

'Yes. The land that gave you earth energy was once full of human life.'

'Not just the ghostly energy of the dead?'

'No, but stagnant ghostly energy harms the living, so we watch karmic flows to keep it moving.'

'Living people's energy ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is better?'

'Hm... Concepts differ between human and land views. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Heaven, earth, man—does that help?'

'Pardon?'

'Earth touches heaven; their energies harmonize. Between them, humans and creatures thrive on that energy. But if human energy surges or weakens drastically, creatures die in the flux. So earth spirits like me ensure smooth flow.'

'That's not quite what I wanted explained.'

'If more explanation is needed but beyond understanding... it's not fate.'

'Pardon?'

'Instead of questions yielding incomprehensible answers, why not ask what you truly need, young friend? Like how to increase earth energy.'

'Ah... The land I bought recently isn't in my name, but the earth energy increased?'

'Hahaha. Then is this ancestral grave in your name?'

'Wise answer to a foolish question. So land contracts don't matter?'

'Not quite. It's about recognition. If surroundings see you as the owner, that's the contract.'

'Then...'

'Unlike human paper contracts. Recognition matters. Now, people recognize the buyer as owner, so it's easier.'

'Was it harder in the past?'

'Even actual farmers weren't seen as owners if landlords and kings took taxes. Much confusion back then.'

'You watched?'

'More like dormant. Weak earth energy means no action. Just wait.'

'Ah...'

'Your task is strengthening earth energy. Part of your father's contract too. Weak earth energy weakens my spells inevitably. Fill it more, and I'll add useful ones. Effort now. And don't get devoured by dark energy. Your earth energy would corrupt, leading to greater...'

I stood dazed beside Mother, who stroked Father's tombstone endlessly at the finished grave.

The talk with Dae-baek-gong cut off abruptly—perhaps the singularity's power ended, or someone disliked our chat—leaving me staring at Mother's back as my mind slowly returned.

'Dark energy?'

The unfinished talk nagged, but I hid it, gently taking Mother's small, sturdy hand to help her up.

'I'm the one who can lift Mother. And the one who could break her.'

Thinking of my pre-regression life of regrets, I vowed to be her great strength, to give her energy.

I never knew Mother's expression at the grave then or now.

But she packed the simple offerings, stood firm, softly gripped my hand, and we slowly descended the mountain. No words, but as a child I didn't know my small hand was her solid support—now I do.