The Meaning of Discipline 5
Unlike usual, the walk home began in unusual silence. Jong-hyuk and Kyung-soo walked ahead, quietly chatting, but their conversation didn't reach me. More precisely, I had no spare attention to spare for it.
Father's case is an unsolved mystery?
Thinking back to the scene I'd seen in the counselor's office, it made sense. Because Father's case remained unsolved, that's why Sergeant Heo had pushed me toward becoming a cop. He must have formed a team to investigate it. Was the team called the Unsolved Cases Unit?
I thought Father died in an accident... and we even received a settlement.
"Hey, what if your mom lied to you?"
My sudden question made Jong-hyuk and Kyung-soo stop in their tracks, both reacting with surprise. Then they started firing back answers.
"Depends on the lie, right?"
"My mom always says she made just the right amount of food, but there's always a mountain of it. Maybe she doesn't think it's a lie. And she always brushes it off as 'adult circumstances.'"
"My mom lies about coming home early too, but I bet she wants to. Work just keeps her late, so we end up with ramen for dinner. I get it, but it stings sometimes."
"You still having ramen for dinner? Come eat at our place."
"Too far since we moved. But thanks to your mom's side dishes, I'm surviving. Tell her that."
"What if they don't even realize it's a lie?"
"Exactly. It's consideration, or they're just thinking from their own perspective and don't see how it feels like a lie to you."
"Why? What'd the detectives say? And why bring up moms lying out of nowhere? Did that lady lie?"
"No... not that."
"It was about the case, right?"
"Yeah, but... my mind's elsewhere right now. They came about the case, but at the end, they mentioned Dad's case is unsolved. I know Mom got a settlement—how could it be unsolved?"
"Cases vary. No law says settlements have to come from the perp. And wasn't it an accident? The place where it happened might have legal liability, so they offer compensation. Without details..."
"Come to think of it, all I know is that he died in an accident."
"Probably hard to explain the details to her own kid, so she glossed over it."
"Shouldn't your own parent tell you more?"
"Kyung-soo, we forget our age sometimes—we're middle schoolers. My mom would keep extreme news short or skip it. I only learned later from a cousin that someone in the family committed suicide."
"What? Suicide in the family?"
"Don't know details. My cousin clammed up like he'd said too much. Your mom probably feels the same. Not hiding it forever—just waiting till you're older. Or too painful to bring up."
"Maybe..."
"That's why you zoned out during the case talk?"
"If it's unsolved, the perp's still out there. The one who took Dad's life."
"Don't know what kind. Traffic accident? Probably hit-and-run."
"Never even asked what kind... and Mom never mentioned it."
Before regression... she never said a word. Was I not trustworthy enough? Or...
"Easy fix—ask her straight up."
"What?"
"I asked my mom when I was curious. Cousin mentioned the suicide first, but I followed up."
"She answers? Probably says kids don't need to know."
"She did. 'Too hard for you to understand yet. I'll explain when you're older.'"
"And you bought that?"
"Couldn't understand without details. Head says no, but heart... just accepts it."
"Accepts what?"
"Pretend to get it and wait. Family, right? I'm still a minor, and when they say they'll protect me, why not let them? Once you're grown, you have to face it whether you want to or not. Play hard while you can—get protected while it's offered. Right?"
"That's why you're wasting that brain on slacking off?"
I kept thinking as I trailed the bickering Jong-hyuk and Kyung-soo.
Even if your head can't grasp it, your heart accepts and waits? So before regression, did Mom just wait till I was mature enough?
My chest grew heavy with frustration until Kyung-soo, clinging to my back like a koala, yelped in surprise and snapped me out of it.
"Dude, been impressed since soccer, but you're walking like the Terminator even with me hanging on?"
I shook off the amused Kyung-soo and got to talking.
"Cops came 'cause that lady witnessed the car from yesterday."
Learning plainclothes cops had come for counseling piqued Jong-hyuk and Kyung-soo's curiosity, but they waited till my mood lifted. I explained the situation in detail, though they hadn't asked much.
"Like the owner suspects, cops think she's the perp too. Probably checking her movements since motive's unclear."
"Beaten and beating back—that's motive, no?"
"Too simple. Then every thug in the neighborhood deserves death?"
"I feel bad for her. If cops figured it out sooner..."
"How, with her lying and not confessing properly?"
"Fear."
"Huh?"
"Living with a husband who beats her like he wants her dead. Easy to speak up? With a kid?"
"If she did it, what happens to her?"
"Probably arrested."
"Then will Eun-young unnie get released?"
That question resolved itself right away.
"Joo-shin?"
"Uh... bro, you know Eunsu's face, right?"
"Why are you with Eunsu...?"
"She was waiting for Eun-young unnie, so we hung out."
No sooner had he said it than the black sedan from yesterday pulled up to the school gate. The door opened, and the driver stepped out.
It was her.
"Eun-young unnie?"
"Hi... thanks for last time. Ride?"
We dropped Kyung-soo first and arrived at the red brick house.
"Um... mind if I come in?"
"I'd be lying if I said yes. But nowhere else to go. Can't sell since... that happened."
"Eunsu's okay?"
"Even quieter. And she avoids me now."
"What?"
Eun-young unnie seemed to have more to say, but seeing Eunsu and Joo-shin, she just said goodbye and go on in.
Jong-hyuk and I glanced once more at the red brick house before turning our heavy steps homeward.
"What'll happen to Eun-young unnie and Eunsu?"
"Who knows... hope it works out."
Bitter taste lingered, but I forced a cheerful goodbye to Jong-hyuk, headed home, and prepped dinner.
"Bro, your kimchi stew's the best. Don't tell Mom."
"Still, Mom's is better."
"Why? Yours tastes better."
"Mine has the ham you gave me. Hers is healthy for us. So hers wins."
"Fine, whatever. Wish Mom'd hurry home."
"Yeah..."
Can I risk shattering this quiet happiness to ask Mom the truth about Dad's accident?
Such worries faded as Mom, exhausted from work, came home and smiled warmly at me and Joo-shin. No room left for doubts.
Thud thud.
I grabbed the trash bag from Mom, who was heading out to dump it, and hurried down the alley. Night had fallen like a lie, pitch black, impossible to see ahead.
Feels like ghosts'll pop out.
No sooner had the thought crossed my mind than...
Sob. Hic... hic-sob.
What sound is that?
I ignored the goosebumps rising on my arms, stared straight ahead like a robot, and marched to the alley's end.
Just get there. Drop the bag by the road and sprint home.
Self-hypnotizing to ignore the sobbing, I braced to run—
"Huh?"
"Hic... sob... Joo-in?"
"Eun-young unnie? What... you okay? Why crying in front of the house? Thought it was a ghost for real."
"S-sorry if I scared you... Eunsu's home, can't go in... nowhere else..."
"Sit in the car then."
"Didn't think of that. Too..."
"What happened?"
"Honestly... been resenting my stepmom."
"Huh?"
"Dumb woman rushed in right after Mom died. Stole her place. Never said it, but she felt it in my actions. That's why Eunsu avoids me too. Or maybe 'cause I ran off right after and it's unfamiliar."
"What was your mom like?"
"Weak... total idiot."
"Harsh on her."
"Yeah... I'm a bad kid."
"You? Bad?"
"Abandoned Mom and ran. Makes Eunsu better than me."
"What're you..."
"Not for you. Pretend you didn't hear."
"I suspected your mom died from abuse by that house's guy."
"How'd you..."
"Eunsu's mom got beaten too, right? Eunsu tried to stop it, got hit together. Case blew up."
"How much do you know?"
"Just guessing. If cops caught on sooner, arrested him... keeps replaying in my head."
"I... I ran 'cause I was a kid."
"You were supposed to."
"No. You—no, Eunsu protected her mom."
"I thought my mom might've died by that monster too. But I'd already run away, knew nothing. Just hoped it wasn't true."
"Unnie..."
"I knew deep down. Mom died by that monster. That's why I haunted this red brick house. It's fine. She's fine—that stepmom's okay, right? I was wrong. Mom just got sick. Clung to that delusion to endure."
"You probably confronted that monster—got hit resisting."
"How do you know? I don't even remember properly!!"
Because I saw your grim memories firsthand.
"Probably trauma. Shock blocked it to protect your mind."
"What?"
"Otherwise, why freeze in terror at the sight of that monster?"
"Really?"
"Your mom probably shielded you till the end, told you to run. She couldn't abandon you, nor you her."
"How do you know?"
"Look at his victims."
"What?"
"That monster targeted women struggling alone with young girls."
"What...?"
"The closer the mother-daughter bond, the more he went for them. He preyed on the weak, those with clear vulnerabilities. So... no guilt."
"Really? You too... can I believe it?"
"Huh?"
"Detective said it wasn't my fault. And you... this letter."
"Letter?"
"From stepmom. To me."
"...!!"