First Glances from Men as a Woman

The feeling of receiving men's gazes for the first time as a woman was hard to call even remotely pleasant, not even as an empty compliment.

This attention wasn't the kind I'd earned from being good at LoE like before.

Hell, what was grabbing a few kills? That wasn't "good" by any stretch. If I hadn't turned into a woman like this, I wouldn't have gotten this kind of attention in the first place...

Ah, but thinking about it, I probably would have. I was a pro gamer with my own share of popularity, even if not on Proud's level.

Anyway, what mattered right now wasn't that attention—it was my game skills. I'd found that my playstyle still worked up to the early Master tier. If I rehabbed slowly and got used to this body, I could definitely return to my old form.

I hadn't been good at the game from the start either. Just think of it as going through that process again.

Turning those thoughts over in my head, I took another taxi home. The place was chilly. Dad still hadn't come back at all. Part of me hoped he never would. I headed to my room and changed clothes.

Order some dinner, play some games.

As I booted up the PC to game again, my phone rang from someone. Thinking it was the coach, I nearly answered out of habit, but I saw the name and hit end call.

It was the same casual back-and-forth as always. For a split second, I wondered if I should tell this guy that I'd become a woman. Unlike me, he kept his mouth shut and was trustworthy. I'd have to go public eventually anyway.

Honestly, I still didn't get why the coach was dragging his feet on making it public.

I mulled it over but ultimately didn't say anything.

He'd been out for over a year with a wrist injury. Bringing up my issues would just give him more to worry about.

Why was this guy suddenly getting serious? His abrupt tone made the mood heavy. No way...

Huh?

What the hell? I'd worried for nothing. It was good news, but it still felt a bit anticlimactic.

Still, relief washed over me. He'd looked seriously rattled since starting his break, but now he was healed and set to return smoothly. No more worries.

God, I hate sharp guys like him.

After my chat with Yuseung ended, as I was about to game again, I remembered something I'd forgotten. Right, the apology statement.

Since I'd written one before, it wasn't hard.

I explained that I genuinely hadn't known Woongnyangnya was a girl, but admitted it was still an unacceptable thing to say.

My condition was off, so my gameplay sucked, and in my frustration—wait, "unintentionally" sounds like an excuse. Anyway, I couldn't hold back my anger and did something stupid and shameful... Yeah, something like that should work.

I banged out the apology in 30 minutes and sent it to the coach. Soon, he replied with a lightly edited version.

Sigh. I just wanna game.

It was just copying what I'd already written, so it didn't take long. The pen felt awkward after so long. I snapped a pic of the finished handwritten apology and sent it. My phone rang right away.

I'd really hated the community service idea, but luckily he'd nixed that for sure.

Shortly after hanging up, I checked the team's official Twitter. My apology was up alongside their statement.

To sum it up: My words were unforgivable, so they'd internally disciplined me. And my solo queue fiasco wasn't intentional trolling—it was due to my poor condition.

...This should be the end of it.

Not easy at all.

None of this would've happened otherwise.

Then I heard the front door open outside my room. Probably Dad. It was already getting dark out. Overtime till now? Not my business. He didn't call for me, and the footsteps faded toward his room.

...Time to game.

My smurf account, Ace, should've ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠been on a tear, hitting Challenger in a day.

...If only. Reality was 3 wins, 2 losses.

It worked in Master, sure. But not the one-sided stomps from before. Worst, my judgment was still sharp.

Why's sharp judgment a problem? If it's sharp but results are this meh, it means my mechanics had tanked even ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠more.

Improving? Hard to say. Only two days back in games—no visible progress, or I wouldn't be stressing.

"Just sleep it off."

I lay down after games, but sleep didn't come easy. Never crashed this early in the dorm, plus I ended up ego-searching naturally.

So, when do I go public about turning into a woman? Weirdly, the coach didn't seem keen on announcing it. I'd questioned it at first, still do.

But right now, even temporarily, my skills are down. Going public like this isn't ideal. Can't imagine the haters piling on.

Sigh.

Oof.

A bit,

rough.

"What the hell is this now."

That's how it started.

Restless and sleepless, I scrolled communities. It only pissed me off more, but curiosity killed the cat.

Then I spotted a post about Woongnyangnya and Crisu.

...She's climbing to Challenger?

I was intrigued. Not my place after saying girls can't game, but Woongnyangnya was a solid support. I'd never seen her ADC, but her play in yesterday's replay was worthy of the tier.

Bot lane getting pushed first game? Opponent bot duo were pros. Not her fault.

But Challenger? No way. And as ADC now? Supports get leeway, but ADCs need way more. Hard to picture.

History had a few female Challengers—all supports, and short-lived.

Woongnyangnya hitting it as ADC? That'd be huge. Even temporarily.

Curious, I hopped into Crisu's stream. Sure enough, Woongnyangnya was on a insane win streak.

No cam, no mic, pure grind.

The title screamed dedication. Checking records: over 10 wins in a row. GrM loss broke it once.

Mix of supp/ADC, but mostly ADC. Good team RNG, but still tough record.

Wait—she grinded nearly 30 games today?

That's...,

she knows something.

No love for Crisu after yesterday. Calling my bad game "intentional trolling" was insulting for a pro.

But this grind? Had to respect it.

Even our pros don't grind like this lately. If they did, we wouldn't have folded so hard in Eld Cup finals.

Props on this, at least.