They Call It Divine Punishment
Dream? You think this is a dream?
"......"
This is reality. The reality staring you right in the face.
"......"
If you die here, you actually die. You get that?
"......"
When someone talks to you, you answer!! You half-assed little shit..!!!
"......"
This damn dream just would not break. And who the hell has a dream this exhausting?
"Ugh..! I'm so sick of this.. Just wake me up already."
Haha.. Hahaha!! Sick of it? You're already dead. Fine. Let's just kill you clean and be done with it. I hate wasting time on a worthless human like you anyway.
"What should I eat when I wake up? Do I even have food at home? Going out sounds like a pain."
....You really picked the wrong god to mess with. I'll show you exactly what happens when you don't show a god proper respect.
"Seolleongtang..? Yeah. When you're locked up somewhere like this, you're supposed to eat seolleongtang."
I flung off the blanket I'd been buried under and sat bolt upright.
"Officer! Seolleongtang over here~ Extra meat! Make it a special! Lots of kkakdugi!"
"Has this bastard lost his mind..?! You think this is a restaurant?!"
"Aigoo~ First the prosecutor beats me while the cops block the cameras and play along, and now you're starving me too~ Is this country really this bad at protecting human rights? Reporters~!!!! Over here! Over here!!! I have something to sa—"
"Just get him the damn soup! Seolleongtang, special! Extra kkakdugi!"
"Extra meat too."
"Extra meat..!!!"
It was a dream, so eating wouldn't actually fill me up — but when else was I going to get seolleongtang in a holding cell?
"......"
"What? Want me to order you a bowl too?"
"Ha..! You shameless bastard..! Food can actually go down right now?!"
"Dunno. Haven't tried yet. You only find out if it goes down after you eat it. Quit being stubborn and order one yourself. If you're not gonna eat the galbitang, just hand it over to me."
"I'm good, thanks?! You crazy bastard..!"
"One special galbitang over here too~ Extra meat~"
"I said I'm not eating!!!"
Once I accepted it was a dream, the whole thing started feeling like some hilarious little skit.
"Here. Seolleongtang..! Special..! Extra meat..! Extra kkakdugi too..!"
"And the galbitang?"
"The galbitang..!! Hoo... Rookie, even if he says he won't eat it, bring that too."
"Ah.. Yes, sir.."
"You added extra meat to the galbitang too, right? Special?"
"Yeah, extra meat... Wait, you little shit, why are you casually talking down to me?!"
"There's nothing casual about it. I'm talking down to you right to your face, you dumb cop bastard."
"What?!!"
"And you started with the casual speech first. Why are you flipping out at me? You talk down to me 'cause you wanna be friends or something?"
"This little shit is really..!!"
"Hey, galbitang's here. Take it."
"The galbitang goes this way...."
"Senior..?"
"Pfft!! You only just got out of rookie status, huh? How old are you? You sure we're not friends?"
"You little shit!!!!!!"
A full spread got laid out inside the holding cell. All kinds of side dishes, a mountain of kkakdugi, and seolleongtang and galbitang both loaded with meat.
I dunked the somyeon noodles into the broth first and slurped them down..
"Sluuurp!!! Ooh!! This place is a hidden gem??"
"Ha... You freeloading bastard. Of course a punk like you can shovel it down no problem."
"What? Now that you gave it to me, you want it back? Want me to return it?"
"I'm not eating that crap!"
"Come on. We ride the same subway and you're acting like you're loaded."
"Ha! You think I take the subway 'cause I don't have a car?! I got drunk last night, left it somewhere, and was on my way to pick it up!"
"If you had money, you'd have called a designated driver."
"I didn't skip the driver 'cause I was broke — a man gave me a ride, obviously..!"
"Oof~ What a slut."
"What..? A, a slut..? Hey!!!!! You done talking?!!"
"Yeah, I'm done, so shut up. Big brother's eating."
"This crazy bastard is really..!!!"
"Sluuurp!!"
I ignored the lunatic woman screaming her head off right outside the cell and finished off the rest of the noodles. By the time I'd polished off the seolleongtang, I was so stuffed I couldn't even touch the galbitang.
"Ah... This dream's got insane realism... Being full actually feels like this?"
I flopped onto my back in the cell, belly so swollen I could barely breathe. Honestly, once you were in here, it wasn't that bad. Free food, plenty of blankets.
"But this bastard's at it again..!"
The message window that had been flickering annoyingly in front of my eyes reappeared — only this time, the format was a little different.
Escape the Police Station.
▶ On Success: Status Window created
▶ On Success: Random Box granted
▶ On Failure: Death
They really do come up with everything. I had zero intention of leaving this place. If I failed the quest and died, maybe I'd just wake up?
I waved my hand and swatted the floating quest window out of existence, then rolled onto my left side to help digestion. But that quest window just now... I'd seen it somewhere before.
"Ah.. That webtoon from last night..... Nah, no way.. My brain's just scrambled from reading all night. Like how thinking about an idol before bed makes you dream about them."
"Crazy bastard. What are you mumbling about by yourself?"
"......"
"Hey, can't you hear me?!"
"......"
I could hear her. I was just ignoring her. I was full and comfortable right now, so she needed to leave me alone.
But if this was a dream about that webtoon, shouldn't at least one of the characters show up?
"Whatever.. Just sleep.."
If I fell asleep inside a dream, I'd wake up from the dream too, right? I closed my eyes to sleep.
And then I heard it.
"Ghhk..!! Ghk..!! Gghhhk...!!"
What was that sound? I peeled back the blanket covering my head and looked toward the noise. It was the guy who'd been lying in the corner like he owned the place since before I even got thrown in here.
"H-hey.. You okay..?"
"Gghhhk!!! Ghk..!!!"
"H-hey..! Yo! Officer!! Something's wrong with this guy! He looks sick!! Get over here!!"
"This bastard's at it again..! You ate, so shut up and sleep!!"
"I said this guy looks sick! You gonna take responsibility if he dies?!"
"Gghhhk..!!"
"Wh-what's wrong with that guy now?! Detective Park! What are you doing?! Get over there!!"
"Ah.. Yes, ma'am!!"
Wait a second. It was a dream anyway. So why was I panicking like this?
"Ha.. This is driving me insane..."
I was ridiculous for keeping getting sucked into this dream. I shook my head and lay back down as two officers opened the cell door, dragged the groaning man outside, and left.
"......"
Escape the police station.
The quest window from a moment ago suddenly floated back into my mind. It was a dream anyway. Might as well try it? Could be fun.
I was staring blankly at the cell door that still hadn't closed when the same cop from earlier shoved into my line of sight and slammed it shut hard.
"Stop thinking stupid thoughts and just sleep."
"......"
Yeah. Just sleep.
But I couldn't. Because a horrific scream started ringing out.
"Gyaaaaaaah!!!!!"
"What's going on?!"
"Detective Kim got bitten!!"
"Bitten??"
"Kraaaaaagh!!!!!"
"Uh.. Uhh...! Uh..!! Uwaaaaagh!!!!!"
"This crazy bastard..!!"
"Why is everyone just standing there?! Get that bastard off him right now!!!"
"Hey!!"
"You not letting go?!!"
"......"
Whoa... Holy shit..
So this was what "blood everywhere" actually looked like. Three officers finally managed to pry the man off — a scrap of torn flesh still clamped in his teeth — while blood fountained from the throats of the two cops who'd gone down.
"Kyaaaaah!!!!!"
"Ambulance!! Call an ambulance right now!!!"
"Requesting emergency backup! Requesting emergency backup! Officers under attack! Throats torn open, severe bleeding...."
"Ghk..!! Gghhk...!!"
"Hey! Stay with me!! Kim Dohoon!!!"
"S-senior... Senior..."
"Why are you just standing there?! Go grab towels or something! We have to stop the bleeding first!!"
"Th-that's... Be careful... Be careful!!!!"
"Kraaaaaagh!!!!"
"Uwaaagh!!!!"
My hands clenched into fists on their own. The trembling in my shaking fists traveled up my arms, then spread through my entire body.
Shudder shudder shudder..!!
I-it's a dream..
This is just a dream...
So... why is my body shaking like this...?
"Have you all lost your minds?! What are you doing!!!"
"J-Jonggu... Jonggu..."
"Kraaaagh!!!"
"Uwaaagh!!!"
"Krahk!!"
"Kraaaaaagh!!!"
"Kraagh!!!"
"Kraaaaaa!!!!!!"
Was this even possible..?
They were getting completely wrecked with no way to fight back. A single zombie was turning all those cops into its own kind.. Just like that webtoon I'd stayed up all night reading.
Kikikiki~ Starting to get the picture now?
There it was again. That message..
"Wh-who the hell are you?!!"
Who do you think? The webtoon author you left 238 half-assed comments on. "1"? You dropped 238 ones? If that was all you had, you shouldn't have commented at all!! Do you know how excited I was checking those comments..?! Do you have any idea what that hollow rage feels like?! Do you?!!!
"Bullshit!! No webtoon author could pull off something like this!!"
Sure, a normal webtoon author couldn't. But I'm not a normal webtoon author.
"What..?"
I told you. I'm a god. Webtoons are just a hobby.
"You crazy bastard...!"
Ah-ah~ Keep blaspheming a god like that and the difficulty just goes up~ Don't you want to live?
"......"
I genuinely had no idea anymore. Whether this was reality or a dream. If it was a dream, it was a nightmare from hell. If it was reality, it was hell itself.
Hold on! You butting in here is against the rules!
"Wh-what the hell are you talking about?!"
Get lost! I said get lost!! This is the punishment I'm giving him!! Punishment for blaspheming a god!!
Why was this bastard freaking out so hard now..! What now? What else was happening?!
It was different. The quest window was blue. The insane god who claimed webtoons were a hobby used black windows. And this time — pure white.
Difficulty is being readjusted.
Rewards are being readjusted to match the difficulty.
Divine intervention is being minimized.
"W-wait! Are you a god too?! Then send me back!!"
A punishment handed down by a god cannot be revoked. Admittedly, even I am somewhat bewildered — this is the first time I have seen a punishment issued for such a reason... Instead, I have adjusted the difficulty so that the human Kang Juhan may overcome it. My role ends here. Other gods are also watching the human Kang Juhan. I wish you luck in battle. May you survive.
"Hey.. Hey!! You crazy bastards!!!!!"
My head felt like it was splitting open. Like my brain had shattered into pieces and gotten stirred back together.
"Hoo... Hooo..... Think calmly. Calmly. I'm Kang Juhan. I've been reading webtoons for over ten years. I've seen every kind of crap there is. Getting pulled into a webtoon while reading it? Super common. A basic cliché."
Except for that part, that is.
"Kyaaaaah!!!"
"Urgh..!! Urgh..!!"
"Uwaaaaagh!!!!"
"Save.. me...."
"Kraagh!!!"
"Krahk!!!"
"Kraaaaaaaaagh!!!!!"
"......"
Normally when you get dropped into a story, they give you at least a little time to adapt, right?? And the opening is supposed to let you settle in and survive naturally — that's the golden rule!
But no. I start locked inside a holding cell with iron bars, a latch, and a padlock, no key in my hands, and outside it's nothing but zombies.
No Status Window, and I'm supposed to escape this place how?!!!!!!!