A Fucked-Up Dream
"Ugh...!!!"
What the hell?
I didn't even drink, so why does my head hurt this bad...?!
No way I got wasted just reading a webtoon....
"Huh...?"
I'd crawled into bed at eight in the evening, planning to fall asleep while reading the webtoon.
And the last time I left a comment on chapter 238 was 3:17 a.m. the next morning.
Yeah. I distinctly remember lying in my own bed last night, reading the webtoon until I dozed off.
So why the hell am I sitting on a subway right now?
"Is this a dream...? Ow!!"
"What the..."
"Haha..."
Doesn't feel like a dream.
The pain when I pinched my cheek was real, and the woman next to me sliding her ass farther away while staring at me with pure contempt looks way too vivid.
Sleepwalking, maybe?
"Short sleeves...?"
Why am I wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt?
It was winter—I'd gone to bed in soft pajamas... yet I'm not cold.
I glanced around. I wasn't the only one dressed light.
The woman who'd scooted away was in something pretty short herself, and most of the other passengers were lightly dressed too.
A few people still wore outer layers or long sleeves, so maybe it was that in-between season—late spring into summer, or summer tipping into fall?
Not that it mattered right now!
It had been December when I fell asleep!
"Ph-phone...!"
I patted the jeans I somehow found myself wearing, hunting for my phone.
Only four pockets, and none of them held it.
Thud!
Oh, thank god.
When I shifted, the phone slipped to the floor. I leaned way forward, stretching out a hand to grab it.
And then I froze halfway through sitting back up.
"......"
Holy shit... that nearly gave me a heart attack...
A pair of smooth, perfect legs filled my entire field of vision, spilling out from under a skirt so short it might as well have been a handkerchief.
Damn, those legs are gorgeous.
Is she a model?
And that little flash of red I can just barely see through the gap where her legs are crossed—is that her pant—
"......"
Ice ran down my spine.
My head snapped up on pure instinct.
"......"
"......"
Our eyes locked. She was holding a phone to her ear, looking down at me with pure disgust.
I bolted upright, buried my face, and locked my gaze on the phone I'd just picked up.
Even so, every nerve stayed fixed on the woman sitting across from me.
"Yeah, hold on a sec. Some pervert just took a picture of my legs. Yeah, I'll call you back once I deal with it."
Hold on a sec yourself.
That "some pervert" better not be me.
For the record, I do not have a hobby of secretly filming people!
Click-clack. Click-clack. Click-clack.
Every hard click of her heels made my body flinch.
Then the footsteps stopped. A pair of black high heels and the feet inside them appeared right in my downturned line of sight.
"Hey."
"......"
"Hey!"
"M-me...?"
I hadn't done anything wrong, and this wasn't even my personality—so why was I acting like such a loser?
If I kept looking this flustered, the misunderstanding would turn into "fact"!
"Give me your phone."
"......"
Right. Even if you walk into a tiger's den, you survive if you keep your head.
Stay calm.
Everything about this situation is insane, but the more chaotic it gets, the calmer I have to be.
One wrong move and I become an innocent sex offender.
"Why should I?"
"You just pretended to pick up your phone and took a picture of my legs."
"No I didn't."
"Then show me."
"What the hell...!"
"Fucking disgusting..."
"Total pervert..."
"God, what a creep...!"
Contemptuous stares and whispers from the women around us poured down on me.
But there was no reason to panic.
I genuinely had not taken a single picture of her legs with this phone.
"I told you—I didn't take any pictures."
"Then show me."
"Don't talk down to me."
"Guys like you don't even deserve polite speech."
"Want to make a bet?"
"What...?"
"If your legs are on this phone, I'll go quietly to the police station. Everyone here is a witness, so I won't be able to take it back."
"Of course you will, you fucking pervert! Even if you don't go, I'll drag you there myself!"
"So that condition's accepted. And if your legs aren't on this phone?"
"There's no way that happens!"
"Right. And if that 'impossible' thing turns out to be true, you apologize. Ninety-degree bow, nice and polite."
"Ha! This pervert's got some nerve...!! Fine, I'll apologize. So just hand over the damn phone!"
"Here."
"Unlock it first!"
"You're really high-maintenance, you know that?"
I spun the phone between thumb and forefinger, slipped it into my palm, and pressed my thumb to the screen for fingerprint unlock.
"...Huh??"
"Hah... figures. What, scared now that it's unlocked?"
"W-wait a second! Why isn't this working...?"
Fingerprint recognition failed.
It kept saying the print didn't match.
"Unbelievable. Someone call the cops already!"
"Call the cops for what?! Just use the pattern!"
"Then unlock it already, you fucking pervert!!!"
Give me a break.
Of all the ridiculous misunderstandings to get hit with in a lifetime...
My fingers danced across the screen—and handcuffs snapped shut around my wrist.
Click—
This is a dream, right...?
It has to be a dream, right...?
"You are under emergency arrest pursuant to the Act on Special Cases Concerning the Punishment of Sexual Crimes. You have the right to remain silent, and anything you say may be used against you in a court of law..."
"W-wait!! I really didn't do it!!"
"We'll sort that out at the station."
"This is insane...! I didn't do it!!!!"
"What do you mean you didn't?! Officer! That bastard stole the phone too! Add theft!"
"What kind of crazy bi—!!"
"Don't swear at a woman, and just come quietly."
"You're completely fucked now, you pervert!"
"I really didn't do it!!!!!!!!"
I was so furious with the injustice I thought I'd lose my mind, but not a single person believed me.
I'm going to go crazy.
I woke up on a subway.
I bent down to pick up a dropped phone, caught a glimpse of some legs, and got branded a sexual harasser for illegal filming.
At the next station the cops arrested me and slapped on the cuffs.
And now here I am at the police station, being interrogated.
"Name."
"......"
"Name!!"
"I'm losing it...! Kang Juhan."
"Resident registration number."
"Huu... XXXXXX-XXXXXXX."
"Twenty-six? Aigoo... Then go date someone. You're decent-looking—why the hell are you taking pictures like that on the subway?"
"I didn't take any!!!!"
"Then unlock the phone. We'll check it ourselves."
"About that...!"
Fingerprint didn't match, the pattern I always use didn't work, and the password was a bust too.
That's how I ended up here under this bullshit false accusation.
Why? The slightly dented corner made it look exactly like my phone.
"Occupation?"
"...I'm job hunting... and working part-time at a convenience store..."
"Hah... Convenience-store guy? Fuck, you're never getting hired anywhere for the rest of your life. I'll make sure every company you apply to knows you're a sex offender!"
"This crazy bi—!"
"Hey! Don't you dare swear at a woman!"
"How am I supposed to not swear when she's spouting that insane crap?!"
"Hold on. Are you sure you gave us the right name and resident number?"
"Yes I did. Why?"
"Give me your ID."
I didn't have an ID.
I'd already checked when I was looking for my phone on the subway—my pockets were completely empty.
"Rookie. Come fingerprint this guy and run an identity check."
"Yes, sir."
"W-what are you talking about?!"
"There's no one matching the name and resident number you gave us."
"That's impossible!"
"We'll verify that. For now, home address."
"Huu... Gwanak-gu, Bongcheon-dong..."
"You little shit!!!!"
The roar that shook the room made everyone—including me—snap their heads toward the man who had just kicked the door open.
"P-Prosecutor...!"
"Prosecutor??"
"You?! Is it you?!!"
"Daddy...."
"Jihye!!"
"That bastard...! That bastard took pictures of my legs!!! Waaaaah!!!!"
"You piece of shit lower than a dog...!"
Wait a second.
This crazy woman's dad is a prosecutor?
Am I actually completely fucked??
"P-Prosecutor, please calm down first...."
"Cover the cameras!!"
"C-cover the cameras!!"
"Yes!"
"Hey! The cameras..!!"
"Excuse me, Prosecutor! I really didn't—it's a misunderstanding..."
"You son of a bitch!!!"
"Guhk!!"
Is this guy really a prosecutor?!
Prosecutors do flying kicks now?!
This whole father-daughter pair is completely insane..!!
Ow, my ribs...!!!
"How dare a piece of trash like you lay a hand on my daughter?!"
"Kehek!! Who laid a hand on anyone...! I didn't even touch her with a finger...!! Aaagh!!"
"You!! Will!! Rot!! In prison!! For the rest of your life!! You dog-shit bastard!!!"
"Guhk!!!!"
He stomped on me without mercy while I was down.
With his dress shoes, no less.
After getting trampled for a while, rage finally climbed all the way to the top of my skull.
Fuck this, I can't take it anymore...!
"I said I didn't...!!!"
I wrapped both arms around the prosecutor's legs and hugged them tight.
Then I slowly pushed myself up.
"Let go of me, you bastard!"
"I didn't...! I didn't...!! I already told you I didn't!!!!"
"Aaaagh!!!"
"P-Prosecutor!!"
I heaved the legs I was clutching skyward like I was tossing him and surged to my feet. The prosecutor toppled straight onto his back.
I wanted nothing more than to stomp him right back, but that would guarantee real prison time, so I settled for screaming.
"I didn't!! Fuck, I didn't!! Your crazy daughter got the wrong idea! You gangster prosecutor bastard!!!!"
"You little shit...!! What are you all standing around for?! Lock this bastard up right now!!!"
"Yes!!"
"Hurry up and grab him!"
"Why the hell is everyone only losing it at me?!!! I've been the only one getting beaten this whole time!!!!! Fuuuuck!!!!!!!"
The injustice still burned, but screaming my lungs out at least made me feel a little better.
The price was getting locked in a holding cell.
"You're completely fucked now. You dared to hit a prosecutor?"
"Your dad is the one who hit me, you crazy bitch! And for god's sake just go home already!! Victim statement's done!"
"Why should I? I'm not taking a single step until those pictures on your phone are deleted, you pervert."
"Hah... I'm going to lose my mind... Fine. Do whatever you want."
"Pervert...! Human garbage...! Sex offender...!"
"Yeah~ yeah~"
I had zero desire to keep arguing with a lunatic who wouldn't listen to reason.
I just lay down on the holding-cell floor and pulled the blanket over my head.
And that was when I realized this situation wasn't reality—it was a dream.
So leave proper comments next time, you rude-ass reader.
"......"
A message window floating right in front of my eyes.
If this isn't a dream, what the hell is it?
Man. What a fucked-up dream.