Suck It

It wasn't as if I'd been given nothing at all.

The single greatest advantage handed to me was right there in front of me.

Clang!! Clang!! Clang!! Clang!!

The iron bars that kept me safely sealed away from the zombies.

"Kraaaagh!!!"

"Krahk!!"

"Kraaa!!"

"Kraaaaaagh!!!!"

I couldn't get out — but the zombies couldn't get in either.

Yeah. That was exactly the problem.

"Quest check."

Because this goddamn quest was to escape from here.

I had to get past the bars locking me in — and out of the building itself.

There were already this many zombies just outside the cell. Was escaping the whole building even possible?

And even if I did get out, that wouldn't solve anything. There would be zombies outside too. Would I be safe from the ones out there?

Absolutely not.

Which meant blindly making a run for it was off the table.

"Think… just think…"

There were basically two ways I could survive this.

Clear the quest, somehow rack up a mountain of rewards, and get strong enough to make it on my own.

A method with zero chance of working.

So I had to pin my hopes on the other option.

Join up with the protagonist's party — the ones who made it all the way to episode 238.

Sure, some of them died along ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the way, but stick close enough to the main character and my odds of surviving would shoot way up.

But how the hell was I supposed to join them?

"The police station arc…"

There wasn't one.

Cops showed up, sure, but there was never a scene of the protagonist's group doing anything inside a police station.

Which meant even if I sat here waiting forever, there was zero chance of them showing up to rescue me.

And our starting points were completely different to begin with.

The protagonist's party started in Sinchon. But this place was…

"Mapo Police Station…"

They survived in Sinchon for a while, then headed for Yeouido — because the military was stationed there. Mapo Police Station never appeared in that journey.

Which meant if I wanted to join the group with the highest survival rate — the one whose story I actually had memorized — I had to get there on my own power alone.

Sinchon, Yeouido, or somewhere along the route between them.

By myself.

"Damn it…"

The situation was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠hopeless, but at least I had a little breathing room. The bars protecting ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠me were one thing — but there was also the leftover galbitang I hadn't finished, the side dishes, and even a bowl of rice still sitting there.

I could hold out for a few days.

Within those few days, I had to find a way out — saw through the bars, punch a hole in the wall, dig a tunnel under the floor, climb through the ceiling, whatever it took.

Still, thanks to that crazy bitch, I'd bought myself some time.

I'm so grateful I'll make sure to kill you before I leave.

Had she already run off, though?

"Can't see her…"

"Krahk!!!"

"Whoa!! Jesus—! You scared the shit out of me, you bastard!!"

"Kraaaagh!!"

"Krahk!!"

"Kraaaaa!!"

"Krahk!!!"

"Kraaaa!!!"

"Kraaaagh!!"

"…Just the first verse, please."

I shook my head and backed well away from the bars. They couldn't get inside, but their arms could reach plenty far enough.

I pressed myself against the wall, pulled a blanket over my body to hide, and decided to wait it out — until some kind of plan came to me.

Scrape…!! Scrape…!! Scrape…!!

Day two of being locked in here.

I'd tried every method I could think of. I'd jabbed at the lock with chopsticks. I'd tried sawing at the bars with chopsticks. And now I was scraping at the floor with a spoon.

I'd started out standing, scraping the wall — but my legs hurt too much, so I'd ended up lying down to do it.

Not that it mattered. No matter what I did, escaping this place was impossible.

"Fuck…"

I flung the spoon onto the floor and checked the food left on the tray.

One more bite of each side dish and they'd be gone. About a third of the galbitang broth remained, along with two bones still holding scraps of meat, three thin slices of beef, and two spoonfuls of rice.

"Ah… I'm so hungry… Should I just eat it all and die…?"

Even clinging to empty hope was exhausting now. The harder I thrashed trying to do something, the deeper I sank into the swamp of despair.

I just wanted to give up. I just wanted to stop.

Grrrrrlk—

Yeah, they say even a ghost that dies full looks better. Let's eat. My stomach's screaming for food, so I'll eat and di— wait.

What was that? That sound just now didn't come from my stomach.

Don't tell me zombies' stomachs growl when they're hungry too?

Grrrrrrrlk…!

The sound came again. This time I pinpointed the direction.

But with the zombies packed thick around the bars — drawn by the noise of me scraping the floor with a spoon — I couldn't see a thing.

So I waited. Blanket over my head, I held out and held out some more.

How long had it been?

The wet, phlegmy sounds around me had gone quiet. I carefully peeled back the blanket and checked my surroundings.

"Are they… all gone…?"

"Krrruuuh…!!"

"……"

Not quite. Most of the zombies that had been surrounding the holding cell had scattered off elsewhere, but a few still lingered inside.

Even so, this was good enough.

Ssshk— Ssshk— Ssshk—

Blanket over my head, I carefully crawled across the floor. Then I lifted the edge just enough to free my line of sight, looked toward where the growling had come from, and whispered.

"Is someone there…?"

Nobody? Had I just been hearing things?

"Hey…! Is anyone over there…?!"

"Sh-shut up…!"

There was. I'd thought everyone had turned into zombies — but there was a living person. Outside the holding cell, no less.

Then it could be opened. If I secured the key, I could get this godforsaken cell door unlocked.

"It's safe, so just come out for a second…!"

"Shut your mouth…!"

Wait a second. That voice — that was the crazy bitch.

"Hey, you crazy bitch…! Get out here already…?! It's safe right now…!"

"Please just shut up…! You pervert bastard…!!"

"So you're not coming out, is that it?"

I needed that crazy bitch's help to get out of here. I had to move her somehow and make her find the key.

Which left me only one option.

"Should I have some of this galbitang meat?"

"……"

"There's rice, meat, side dishes, broth. But once I eat it, that's the end of it, right?"

"W-wait…!"

Not from the desk right in front of me — from the one across from it, her face rose slowly into view like a morning sun cresting the horizon.

How the hell had she survived?

Well, that didn't matter. What mattered was using this crazy bitch to get out of here.

"D-don't eat it all…"

"Want some?"

She nodded hard. Just two days ago she'd said she wouldn't eat that crap, called me a beggar — and now she was drooling like a dog at the sight of a bone with meat still on it.

"G-give me that…!"

"Didn't you say you don't eat this stuff?"

"That was just talk…! I love galbitang… I'm seriously so hungry… At this rate the growling's going to get me caught…"

"Krrruuuh…!!"

"……"

"……"

At the sudden zombie noise, the crazy bitch's face vanished from above the desk, and I yanked the blanket back over myself and flattened against the floor.

Talking from this far away was way too risky.

I lifted the blanket a little and waited. After a moment, the crazy bitch peeked her face back up over the desk.

Crook— crook—

No words needed. I crooked my index finger, signaling her to come over.

She shrugged and raised both hands, palms up. But the second I held up the bone and opened my mouth wide, she frantically waved her palms at me — don't — then started carefully checking her surroundings.

All she had to do was come out from under the desk and crawl around the two desks facing each other. Of course it wouldn't be easy. I couldn't see from here, but the way she kept glancing in one direction, there was probably a zombie shambling around over that way.

Still — had she decided she could make it?

The crazy bitch's face, which had been watching the zombie's movements, disappeared under the desk. Then she came into view crawling on all fours across the floor beside it.

Whoosh!

I shot my palm up. She froze on the spot, her face crumpling, huge eyes welling with tears.

Too bad. I was just messing with her.

"That's right. Wait."

"……"

"Good girl."

"What…?"

"Attagirl. That's it."

"You…!"

"Alright. Come on now."

"You pervert bastard…!"

I slowly brought the bone with its scraps of meat toward my open mouth, and the crazy bitch — face twisted, shaking her head hard — started crawling toward me again.

When she finally arrived, instead of the meat I passed several blankets through the bars.

"Why are you giving me these…!"

"Lay them on the floor and cover yourself."

"Just give me the meat…!"

"Don't want it?"

"Seriously…!"

I couldn't just hand over the meat that easily. People always change their tune once they've gotten what they want — and there's a reason the old saying goes that you shouldn't take in a black-haired beast. One wrong move and I'd get freeloaded dry.

"There, happy now…?! Just give me the meat already…! I'm so hungry I could die…!"

The crazy bitch, blankets laid out and pulled over herself just like mine, begged pitifully — but I still had no intention of giving her the meat.

This meat was getting traded for a key.

"Look up. See the lock?"

"I see it…! So what…!"

"Go find the key. Then I'll give you all this meat."

"The key…? Where am I supposed to find a key…!! I don't even know what it looks like…!"

"Then starve."

"Hey…! Don't be like that, please just one piece…! Okay? I'll give you money…! As much as you want…"

"Who the hell do you take for a beggar? You joking?"

"Ah… s-sorry…! That came out wrong…! So don't be mad, just give me some meat…"

That was when it happened.

Just like the message from the mad god who'd dragged me into this webtoon, a black quest window floated up in front of my eyes.

And I took off my pants. Underwear and all.

"Wh-what the hell are you doing…! You pervert bastard…!!!"

Don't ask. Just open that cheap, reckless mouth of yours and take this.

"Suck it."

"What… did you say…?"

"Didn't hear me? Suck my dick, you whore."

I had a quest to do.

Man, this pervert bastard really has some unique tastes…!!

What the hell are you saying?! You ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠pervert bastard!!