Then What Should I Say?
Then What Should I Say?
Crunch. As I held a biscuit in my mouth, I could see honey dripping from Agnes's eyes, who was sitting opposite me.
I definitely instigated it yesterday, but I wondered if a person could change so much in an instant.
Seeing honey drip from her eyes, it felt as if a non-existent sweetness was palpable, so I casually averted my gaze.
And sure enough, Linda, sitting next to Kylon—that is, opposite Agnes—was subtly clinging to Kylon, wary of Agnes.
Flora, perhaps annoyed that her spot next to Kylon had been snatched away inadvertently, knitted her brows and was merely shoveling a spoonful of stew into her mouth with an irritated spooning motion.
I could already sense the atmosphere of a catfight brewing.
I thought Kylon would handle things well on his own now, but I noticed that the way Kylon looked at me was subtly unusual.
"......?"
It certainly seemed like they had lovey-dovey sex, judging by Agnes's appearance, so I seriously reflected on the past, wondering why he was giving me such a look, let alone thanking me.
But I couldn't recall doing anything wrong, so I just let out a 'hmm' several times.
Anyway, it was a relief to have biscuits.
Since I couldn't taste much and didn't particularly enjoy chewy textures or drinking watery soup, it was good that I could fill my stomach by eating the biscuits, which didn't taste particularly good.
Most importantly, there was no risk of dying from malnutrition.
This body kept restoring me to optimal condition so I wouldn't die.
As a fierce war of nerves ensued, and the meal, filled with stinging gazes, concluded, just as we were packing our bags to depart again and leave the Holy Kingdom, Kylon subtly approached me and spoke when everyone else was far away.
"Veronica, but why do you want to go home?"
What kind of question is that?
He glared at me so fiercely during the meal earlier, and now he suddenly comes over and asks why I want to go home.
What on earth am I supposed to say to that?
Do I really need a special reason to go home?
My entire daily life was suddenly taken away from me, so it's only natural that I want to return there.
So I expressed a feeling that the question itself was wrong.
"It's home, so of course I want to go. It's safe, too."
"...I don't know if it's 'of course'."
But Kylon had a look on his face as if he didn't understand my words.
He said she was a rich girl with many friends, so I couldn't possibly understand why she hated home so much.
If it's a wealthy family, don't they usually have spacious rooms and kind parents? They say that wealthy homes have leisure, and homes with leisure are filled with laughter.
As I thought that and let out a 'hmm', Kylon merely let out a sigh.
"Never mind. I'm just troubled."
Then, despite being the one who initiated the conversation, he scratched his head as if he didn't know and just walked away somewhere.
As I watched his back casually walking towards the heroines, I flinched, and a sense of unease flared up in me, so I urgently tried to call him back in a small voice that only he could hear.
"Surely you're not suddenly thinking of just settling down and living here..."
You're not thinking of just staying holed up here after having that lovey-dovey sex with Agnes yesterday, are you? I tried to dissuade him, thinking it was absurd, but he didn't even listen to me and just went his own way.
If I raised my voice any louder, others would hear, so I, unable to raise my voice any further, just followed behind him with slumped shoulders.
If only he would listen to me.
Did I do something wrong?
With Kylon's strange mood since this morning, I felt as if all my energy was draining away.
*
Traveling was always tedious.
Of course, it was natural since there were no monsters on the way from the Royal Capital to the first village, but it was truly disheartening to think that we had to spend nine days just on this path.
We spent three days going to the first village, then three days returning from there at Kylon's word, and now we had to spend another three days to pass through again, so I couldn't help but inwardly marvel at the inefficient route.
No, it wasn't inefficient. Thanks to revealing myself as the Saintess, I had confirmed the pilgrimage route that seemed to be where the Pope had gone missing.
Furthermore, I had heard that if I offered a heartfelt prayer, and if I had true faith, my prayers would gain power, so it wasn't a completely fruitless journey.
And Flora's attack power seemed to have increased, so should I say that's even better?
Well, anyway, as we walked all day again, the sun set once more, and it was time to prepare for camping.
Kylon took charge of everything: meals, Cheonggyeol Mabeop, and even cleaning up afterward.
Kylon was the best at cooking, and there was no need for dishwashing thanks to Kylon's magic, and cleaning up was simply a matter of him quickly putting things into his Inventory.
When all the cleaning was done, and the tent was fully organized, Kylon cautiously called me into the tent.
At that moment, a single murderous gaze directed at me felt like it would pierce me, to the point where I was startled.
I realized it was Linda's gaze, who had her spot next to Kylon—which she had always considered hers—snatched away last night, but fortunately, only Linda's gaze was fierce; Agnes didn't send me such a look.
Right, Agnes shouldn't be like that towards me, even so....
Though there was no basis for it, I thought, 'Still, I pushed them together, so surely I wouldn't do that? Trust me, the one who pushed them!' With thoughts like that, I moved my steps, leaving the stinging gazes behind.
Following him, I cautiously entered the tent and found Kylon sitting cross-legged with his arms crossed in front of me.
"...What's wrong?"
Honestly, I was a little late after being called, dealing with the heroines' gazes, but I wasn't so late as to warrant such a look.
Wondering what was up with him again, as he had been giving me unpleasant looks since this morning, I cautiously went in front of him and sat in seiza.
It was surprisingly comfortable to sit in seiza in this body.
After we sat facing each other, a few seconds passed, Kylon scratched the bridge of his nose and continued speaking.
"...Well, it's nothing much, but I don't think I can do the conditioning."
"What are you talking about?"
For him to suddenly drop the bombshell that he couldn't do the conditioning, it couldn't get any worse than this.
I mean, he was having sex just fine with Agnes until yesterday, so why?
Kylon's statement was utterly incomprehensible to me, so I could only ask again in a bewildered voice.
But Kylon, perhaps having thought about it continuously since morning, or rather, since last night, was muttering, pondering, and agonizing, knitting his brows.
Then he slowly spoke to me.
"I can't do it when I try to do it myself."
"Why is that...?"
I couldn't give any particular reaction to his words.
I just cautiously asked for the reason.
After all, I couldn't know what he had grown tired of.
He might have had sex with Agnes and then thought he'd rather just have normal fun than conditioning.
It was no easy feat to fathom a person's feelings, so I bit my lip and waited for his answer.
After a brief silence, Kylon took a deep breath and then opened his mouth.
"It's completely different doing it in a game versus trying to do it myself. I guess I just preferred watching. When it comes to doing it myself, I think sex where we can embrace each other is better."
"......."
Hearing that, it didn't seem entirely incomprehensible.
Conditioning, by its nature, is about forcing one's will without interaction and making the other person subservient, so it might not appeal to someone who wants to confirm mutual feelings.
So I maintained my silence before cautiously opening my mouth.
"...So, that's why you asked why I wanted to go home so much?"
What he had quietly said to me while pondering this morning echoed in my ears.
As if that voice was still vividly ringing, I knitted my brows, and his blue eyes met mine confidently.
"Yeah. I was just thinking of living a normal life without messing with other girls' feelings."
Indeed, you never know what will happen in life.
I thought things were progressing well, what on earth was the problem?
What exactly was the issue that caused such a blockage?
Not knowing this must mean that I simply don't understand Kylon's feelings, right?
There must be nothing else besides that, right?
As I groaned and looked at him, I saw his face, which seemed unwilling to yield, and could only sigh.
After all, going for an Ending for my sake was something he had to want to do, so I could do nothing but go along with it and urge him on from the side.
So I closed my mouth.
And then, I opened my mouth.
"I see."
I, who spoke a beat late, nodded and said.
"Alright. Then do that."
Since I judged that pressing him further here would be poison, I didn't encourage him any further.
If he wants to do that, what more can I do?
My desire to return was certainly earnest, but if the one with actual power didn't want to go, I could only give up.
When he was hesitating, I might have rushed in to try and persuade him, but if he had thought it through and made a decision in the end, there was even less room for my opinion to intervene.
So I gave up.
As I nodded and moved to leave my spot, Kylon opened his mouth as if to stop me.
"Why are you just agreeing?"
"You said you wouldn't do it. Then what am I supposed to say?"
"Well, don't you have something to say to me, or something like that?"
"...I don't know."
What should I say?
I didn't know the answer, so I just groaned with my head bowed low.
Then Kylon placed both hands on his knees and let out a groan.
"Damn it, I was just trying to condition Agnes yesterday, but I saw her crying and my heart softened, that's all."
She cried? Kylon didn't tell me, so I didn't know.
I just thought she had a good night's sleep because honey was dripping from Agnes's eyes.
"So I comforted her, and the conditioning... I'm not sure."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"That's a good question."
In the end, he couldn't choose anything, could he?
He's just saying he wants to live like this.
But even so, I couldn't scold him.
Because I vaguely understood what emotions he was speaking with, I simply accepted it in my own way.