The Crossroads of Repetition and Growth (4)
"Noona, once this competition is over… what are you planning to do?"
"……Hmm."
Noona rested her chin in her hand for a moment, thinking it over. Until just a short while ago we had been savoring that overwhelming rush of joy, but she seemed to settle those feelings in an instant, as if something had come to mind.
I felt a twinge of regret, wondering if I had asked the wrong question about the future at completely the wrong time. We could have just enjoyed the moment as it was.
"Well… I suppose it's about time I focused on my career path, right? I'm becoming a junior. I need to start thinking about getting a job."
"Ah… r-right. Hahaha…"
Of course. The reason Noona could suddenly become so calm was that she had come back to reality. For her, this was club activity. And… nothing more than a hobby.
My livelihood and my dreams were tied to this competition, but for Noona that had never been the case. It might help her somehow, but I had never heard about her dreams or career plans. It might not help her much at all.
Which meant that maybe Noona really was doing this competition for my sake. And… once the competition ended and she became a junior, even I might have to wake from this sweet dream.
"Well… if Minjae keeps making games with me… I might consider it?"
She said it with a little grin, lightly ruffling my hair.
Apparently I hadn't managed to keep my expression under control after hearing what she'd said earlier. She was probably saying and doing these things just to soothe me.
Right… maybe this competition was the last one.
Knowing that, was it okay for me to just leave things as they were? Should I wait until we had finished this game and successfully closed out the competition before telling Noona the truth I had been hiding—my feelings?
Would it be too late by then? Would Noona still be by my side until then?
No. No. I didn't know any of it. I hadn't even seen Nari's betrayal coming. Everything ahead was unknown.
Putting that future off on my own terms… that was no different from a dangerous gamble.
Yes. Right now, Noona was everything. The Noona still at my side was my everything. I wanted to work hard on this game for her. I wanted to give her success in this competition. And I wanted to keep making games with her.
That feeling was something I could no longer deny.
"Noona, the truth is… there was a reason Nari betrayed me."
Just say it. Liking Noona while I still had things I couldn't be proud of was the wrong way to go. Be honest. Show her the real me that remained. Tell her my feelings as the unadorned version of myself.
Not the version of me I had constructed—let me convey my heart as the honest me.
Maybe passing the first round of judging had given me confidence. The reason I could bring this up at all was probably because success had made me believe I could go further.
"When that thing happened with Seoa, and I couldn't even go to school properly… back then, I really couldn't do anything…"
And so, with difficulty, I forced out the things I had never been able to say. Success brings courage. It made even a coward like me feel that, right now, I might actually be able to speak.
Noona said nothing for a while, listening to me with complete focus.
"I'm sorry for hiding it all this time. But from now on, I'm not going to keep anything from you. I know for certain what I have to do now."
Speaking this honestly was a first for me, so I might have looked a little clumsy. But that was the real me. Not the version of myself who always acted like he knew everything when it came to games, who made it look as if he could solve every game-related problem—this was my honest self.
"I'm going to make this game something truly great for you. I'm going to see this competition through to a successful end for you. I want to offer you this game as a gift. So… so please, even if I look a little pathetic sometimes, stay by my side. Everything I do is for you."
Noona said nothing. I couldn't read her expression either. Was I saying this well? Was I being too presumptuous? This wasn't the situation for it at all… was I just doing whatever I wanted?
"Someone who claims he's going to do something for you shouldn't be hiding things from you, right? That's why I told you everything honestly. And from now on, I might end up dumping too many of my worries on you without holding back… I'm sorry. Even so, I want to ask you, shameless as it is, to wait for me just a little longer. I swear I'll make that wait worth it…"
Wait… this feeling…
As I stood there trembling, laying bare everything I was, Noona wrapped her arms around me. She gathered my head into both hands and drew me into her arms.
Warm. Noona really was… a warm person. Her embrace was so snug and so warm. It had been a long time since I had breathed in that strong scent of jasmine.
"Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much for telling me that, Minjae. Honestly, I'm so happy. That you'd open your heart to me like this. And… I was the one who reached out to you from the start, wanting to hear your worries. Do I look like the kind of person who'd pull away from you now, just because of that? No. Not a chance. If anything, I'm really glad it finally feels like you're leaning on me."
"Noona…"
I could hear her heartbeat. Unlike her always-calm exterior, her heart was racing wildly. I almost wondered whether I was even allowed to hear something like that.
Riding the momentum, I thought about just confessing to her right then and there.
But I held back.
I wanted to confess properly. After succeeding in the competition, I wanted to go to her looking impressive, to stand in front of her with my head held high. Not as the weak version of myself who was always being comforted by her warm hands, but as a man who had seized success and come back to her with it.
And sometimes, the chronically awkward make a fatal mistake. Things are going well, they start thinking they're somebody, and they floor it without thinking.
That kind of thing ruins everything they've built more often than not. If I suddenly confessed right now, it would probably feel exactly like that. So I wouldn't do it on impulse. I would confess the way I had planned.
"It's okay. Even if you get weak, I'll hold you through it. So just don't carry your worries alone and suffer."
"Yes… Still, I'll do my best not to be a burden as much as I can."
"Mm. I can look forward to it, right? The gift you're going to give me."
"Of course. It's one of the few things I'm genuinely confident about."
And so, held in Noona's arms for a while longer… the club room was filled with a warm kind of day.
Yes. Once this competition was over, I would confess to Noona properly—and impressively.
Back home… I sat staring at my phone, turning something over in my mind.
I was looking at my bank balance. And the reason I was studying that balance so carefully was that I intended to send money to Nari.
Back when I had ruined that contest, I had owed her compensation. In the end, all that development work had come to nothing—but that was separate from the fact that Nari had still done the work.
Of course I thought I should pay her for it.
She had said at the time that she wouldn't take any money, but I was going to send it anyway.
I figured that was the only way to end things cleanly. It would be a problem if something came up about it later. And more than that, it was my resolution—a signal that our relationship was truly over.
It wasn't simply about sending money. It was a message that our business together had come to a complete end.
In other words: let's never get tangled up again.
For the record, someone might think we were even now, since Nari had done the same thing to me in the competition—but the nature of it was a little different.
Participating in the competition had been club activity. We had all gathered under that concept and taken part unpaid from the start.
The contest, on the other hand, had been a project I entered personally, and in the process I had hired Nari as a contractor. So the nature of it was different.
But… how much should I send? She had official experience, so… did I need to compensate at about this level? Just counting the number of finished illustrations alone, it seemed like I should pay at least this much. And she had said she couldn't take other work during that period, so… should I add this much more on top?
Before I knew it, I was looking at a fairly large sum I would have to send her.
Haa… once I paid this out, I was going to be poor.
The hit was big enough that the worry came on its own. Until now, the revenue from my games had been enough that I could cover the studio apartment rent alone without a part-time job and still live fairly comfortably. But once I sent Nari that money, I would really be in a position where I had to start working one.
At this rate… would I even have enough left to hire a new illustrator for the second round of judging? I still had to keep paying rent every month, too.
I held my head for a moment and fretted. Not over whether to send Nari the money… but over whether I would have enough left to outsource work to a new illustrator.
Fine. No choice. I'd just have to get a part-time job. Worrying wasn't going to make money appear out of thin air, and if I was short, I had to work and earn it. That was the obvious thing to do.
I sketched out a rough plan in my head… and sent Nari the money.
Cutting Nari out cleanly came first. From now on, this was my game with Noona.
Hmm… but where was I supposed to find a part-time job? How did you even look…
I was turning that over while browsing a job-hunting site on my phone when it happened.
A message arrived from Nari. And of all moments, it was the exact second I was about to tap the very top of the screen to refresh.
So in less than a second, I had already read Nari's message.
Honestly, I had expected her to take the money quietly and disappear. I never imagined she would contact me like this.
It made sense—even when we ran into each other at school, we had just pretended not to know each other.
I never thought she would message me this casually.
Or maybe… no matter what kind of relationship you had, if this much money suddenly showed up, you would message to ask about it.
I didn't know. Well, I had already read it… so I just needed to explain what the money was and be done with it. Nothing worth getting worked up over.