Role Reversal (5)
She wanted me to give her the password to my place?
What kind of absurd request was that?
Whatever the case, I couldn't just stand there and watch Seoa keep acting like this.
"Stop coming around already."
When I said that, Seoa bit down lightly on her lip.
Something about her face set off every alarm I had. It was the kind of expression that said something was about to happen.
But then, just as quickly, her face settled back into calm.
I wasn't sure whether to call that a relief.
"I'm hungry. Want to grab something to eat?"
There she went again—trying to start a normal conversation like nothing was wrong. And she was standing right in front of my door, blocking it, so I couldn't even ignore her and go inside.
We just stood there facing each other in the dark hallway.
What a ridiculous situation.
"I told you to stop. Why do you keep doing this?"
I had no choice but to say it again. Maybe I was just sick of these scenes repeating themselves over and over.
And this time, Seoa seemed to react. Earlier she'd managed to hold herself back—but now it looked like she had no intention of backing down.
All of a sudden, as if she'd made up her mind, she grabbed both of my hands. There were rough little cuts on her fingertips.
Then she lifted my arms and wrapped them around her own shoulders, arranging us so it looked like I was the one holding her.
Caught completely off guard, all I could do was watch and try to figure out what she was doing.
Seoa nestled softly into my arms.
To anyone walking by, it really might have looked like I was embracing her.
"You… you said you liked me. Right? You said so yourself."
"……"
I couldn't get a word out, but I could feel my heart pounding.
Of course I could. Even if I'd given up on whatever feelings I'd had for Seoa, being this close to a girl was still going to make me shake.
Her slender frame, small enough to fit neatly in my arms—and the warm pressure of something soft pressing against my chest even so. I felt all of it, clearly.
And from Seoa came that familiar scent.
The same one I'd always caught standing in her shadow.
It was so welcome it nearly dragged the old feelings right back to the surface.
But that was only a fleeting impression. The moment I understood what this gesture actually meant, anger surged up in me just as fast.
Lately, looking at Seoa had only left me with a faint, dull emptiness, and I'd started to think I'd really gone numb. I'd been sure of it—and yet the rage came roaring back in an instant.
That was how far past the line this went.
"So… just forgive me this once."
"What the hell is this all of a sudden?"
"You said you liked me… so we can just go back, right? You forgive me for this, and we go back to how we were."
"……"
"Don't tell me… holding me like this doesn't make you feel anything anymore?"
Ah…
I felt like I was losing my mind.
So she's trying to mess with someone's heart again.
That was the thought that hit me. She'd found out I'd liked her, and now she was trying to force those feelings back into place like this.
Of course, a part of me did waver. How could it not?
She was the girl I'd loved—and I'd had to bury that love without ever even getting the chance to give it. Of course a whole lot of that love was still sitting inside me with nowhere to go.
So yes, I wavered a little. But the anger rising past it was stronger.
How do I put it… I think I was disappointed in Seoa as a person.
It was only my guess, but it felt like she was using those old feelings of mine to try to patch things up—and that made the fury climb higher.
"Going to play with someone's heart again?"
"It's not like that! I—I also…"
"Just stop already!! Leave me alone. I'll be the one begging if that's what it takes… just stop toying with me."
I shouted and shoved her off. Seoa couldn't finish whatever she'd been about to say; she just stood there staring at me.
"I'm struggling too. Do you get that? Because of you I can't even go to school in peace. Because of you everything I was working on fell apart… so please, stop making me feel this pathetic. If you don't want to watch me fall apart any further, stop coming to find me."
Tears spilled out before I even realized it. The anger must have been coming out as tears.
They poured from my eyes without my permission, like someone whose rage had finally cracked open.
I tried hard to hold the crying back, but there was no hiding the tears that had already fallen.
"I—I'm sorry… I didn't know it would get this bad."
Seoa looked shaken by the sight of me crying and reached up to wipe the tears away with her hand.
I didn't let her.
When I knocked her hand aside, she pulled it back and hid it behind her.
"Just go home. I want to be alone."
"M-Minjae… stop crying, okay? I was wrong…"
I just nodded. If I tried to say anything more in this state, I'd only look even more pathetic—so I nodded, and that was it.
Then I reached out and took hold of the doorknob. Seoa had no choice but to step aside.
I opened the door and started to go in. She lifted a hand like she meant to do something, but she must have thought better of it—her hand dropped again.
"J-just tell me one thing. You don't like that girl, do you…?"
Right as I was about to close the door, she forced the words out. Was she really only ever going to think about herself, right to the end?
Even now, that was what mattered to her?
It was too much. How could anyone be like this?
"Stay out of it."
And I shut the door.
Whenever I started to go numb to the old pain, Seoa found some new way to dig the knife in.
It made me sick.
I needed the cigarette smell out of this apartment already.
Only then could I… invite Noona over, or not, or whatever I wanted.
But it wasn't that easy. Of course it wasn't.
Because there I was again, cigarette between my lips out of pure habit.
After that, Seoa never came to my place again.
Apparently crying in front of her had done the trick.
I hadn't cried because I was sad. Those tears had come from pure, overwhelming anger.
I didn't know what meaning that crying had carried for her—but she didn't come back.
Maybe the sight of me like that had finally killed whatever attachment she had left… or maybe my wish had finally gotten through.
If it was the latter, maybe she'd finally realized I was someone she shouldn't keep reaching for.
Either way, it was for the best. It was a good thing.
Something in my chest still ached, and I clenched a hand over that spot and talked myself through it alone.
It was a good thing.
I still wasn't going to class, but I kept showing my face at the club room.
Today was one of those days.
I was sitting with Noona like always, talking about the competition, when the door flew open.
The sound made both of us jump and look over.
Nobody had ever made an entrance that aggressive around here before…
"Unnie—! Long time no see."
The person who walked in was someone I'd never seen before. Judging by how casually she came right up to Sebin Noona… this had to be our club's illustrator.
"And this is…?"
After a quick greeting with Sebin Noona, she turned and looked at me. She clearly had no idea who I was either.
Sebin Noona introduced me for her.
"This guy? This is the one making the game?"
"Yeah. He's only a first-year in Comp Sci, but he's really good. Impressive, right?"
She listened to the introduction, then said it with a face full of doubt.
Was there some rule that said I wasn't allowed to make a game?
"Huh? A first-year? You're seriously handing this off to a first-year?"
I'd been sitting quietly listening—and it was starting to get under my skin.
Wasn't this a little too rude for a first meeting?
Even so, I couldn't really say anything. She didn't look like someone I could push back against.
You could tell at a glance. She had that kind of aura.
"I get why you'd be worried… but I'll do my best."
That was all I managed—timid and small.
She'd been nothing but rude from the start, and I still couldn't call her on it.
"I kept wondering who kept dragging me out here for nothing… and it was just some first-year?"
"……"
"Nari, we already agreed to enter the competition together. Of course you have to show up."
Sebin Noona must have thought the attitude was out of line too, because she stepped in to mediate.
This was bad.
I couldn't even meet this person's eyes properly.
I never expected someone to come in this openly aggressive… What was she, some kind of delinquent?
"I'm an upperclassman in the same major, so I can talk casually, right?"
"Ah—yes… please, however you're comfortable…"
"You said you needed to see my art?"
"Ah… I think so?"
"I think I need to see your skills first."
"Ah… maybe so?"
God.
She was draining the life out of me. I couldn't get a real sentence out.
I had no idea how someone like her had ended up connected to Sebin Noona, but one thing was clear—our personalities did not match at all.
"I'll show you my work first. I came all the way here, after all."
She pulled a tablet out of her bag, tapped the screen a few times, then raised a hand and motioned for me to come closer.
So I scooted in as close as I could. There was still about a chair's width of space between us.
And for me, that was already as close as I was willing to get.
"Can you even see from there?"
She said it and closed the gap herself.
We really didn't need to sit this close… but the sudden proximity made me tense up.
So she was just that oblivious. Closing the distance without warning, treating a complete stranger with zero hesitation—
All of it was coming out with no particular intent on her part.
There was no other way to explain sitting close enough that the sides of our thighs were touching!
All I could do was lock my eyes on the tablet.
"These are my regular pieces, and these are the ones that actually got released officially."
She flipped through several illustrations.
And the more I looked, the stranger the feeling got.
Wait… this art style. And these characters.
None of it felt unfamiliar. That sense of having seen this somewhere before, over and over.
Don't tell me… she wasn't who I thought she was… right?