Role Reversal (2)

Noona seemed to have already arrived at the café; she shared a photo of her location with me.

So I headed straight inside.

There she was, sitting at a window table.

She held her phone up with one hand, as if checking her own reflection. She brushed her bangs lightly aside, then turned her head this way and that, as though confirming something.

I walked over to her with a blank expression.

"Ah, hello…"

"You startled me—!"

"I didn't mean to… haha…"

Seeing her jump far more than I'd expected left me a little sheepish, so I let out that awkward laugh.

"No mint chocolate today?"

"Nah. Eating that at night makes you gain weight."

She wasn't drinking her usual mint chocolate, so I asked out of habit.

I pulled out the chair across from her and sat down facing her.

The truth was, I'd made it this far, but the whole thing had been so impulsive that I still felt a little dazed. My head was faintly foggy. "Blank" might have been the better word.

Just a few minutes ago I had been living through the worst moment of my life. And now I was trying to hold a normal conversation with Noona as if nothing had happened—it left me feeling strangely off-kilter.

The image of Seoa crying so wretchedly in front of me still flickered at the edge of my mind. No matter how much I resented her or blamed her… I wasn't the kind of person who could just smile and walk around after seeing something like that.

Only minutes earlier I had been shut inside a dark room having that emotional conversation; now I was sitting in this bright, cheerful place trying to feel its warm light. The stark contrast made me feel a little unhinged.

She must have gone home by now…

I might have been thinking something like that.

"Have you managed to sort out your thoughts a bit?"

Noona tilted her head as she looked at me and asked first.

She was probably referring to the way I'd been acting lately, out of concern. She ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠had no idea what had just happened to me. She must have assumed my dark expression was because of that earlier gloom.

As for "sorting out my thoughts," not much time had passed since then… but a lot had happened in that short span.

In a way, it had been a kind of sorting-out, just as she said. I had been ready to give up completely at rock bottom, yet somehow I had managed to stand back up. I had forced myself to change my mind.

So I could say with certainty that I was better than before.

"Well… I think I'm doing better than I was."

"That's a relief."

"What was it you said you wanted to show me?"

I already had a private guess. She was probably going to ask for help with the game she was making. Even knowing that, I asked first.

"Ah… this might sound a little funny…"

"What is it?"

"You can't laugh, okay?!"

"Come on… don't worry about it."

She started searching for something on her phone by herself.

Thinking about it, if she had come looking for me over a development problem, she wouldn't have shown up this lightly—she would have at least brought her laptop. That detail felt odd now that I considered it.

"Look at this."

She must have found what she was looking for; she thrust her phone toward me so I could see the screen.

I studied it carefully.

"University Indie Game Development Competition," I read the words on the screen aloud without realizing it.

"Yeah! How about we enter this as our club?"

"…What?"

For a second I wondered what on earth this girl was talking about.

A competition…

"I thought if we had a goal like this, maybe we could find the energy to start being active again."

"Is this… about me?"

"Well, it could be, or it might not be. I also wanted to try making a real game properly."

Even so, Noona still wasn't at a level where she could enter something like this. Coldly speaking, it was completely impossible.

But… she seemed to have gone out of her way to find this for my sake, so I couldn't just shut the suggestion down flat. I hesitated, turning over in my mind how ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to respond to that bright, excited face of hers.

No. Wait.

Why was I starting from the idea of refusing?

Where else was I going to find a better opportunity than this right now?

I had just let a huge chance slip through my own fingers. For someone like me, having this chance still open was like a single ray of hope.

This could be the thing that lets me pull myself together and stand up again. It could serve as a turning point that means a real new start.

Where was I going to find anything better? I should be bowing my head in gratitude that an opportunity like this was still left for me.

But… fine, say I handle the programming. Then what about the art?

Yes—that was the biggest problem. After what had just happened, I could no longer work with the illustrator I'd been collaborating with. And filling everything with basic or cheap assets felt wrong. At the very least, the art would need to be outsourced if we wanted any real competitiveness in this contest.

"W-well… realistically, the art seems like it would be the problem, doesn't it?"

"Ah! I've already roped someone in for that."

"What? Someone who can draw for us?"

"Yeah… they're originally in our club too. I asked before coming here, and they said they could probably join."

"R-really?"

So there was someone like that in our club.

I had thought I was attending ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠pretty diligently, yet I hadn't even known such a person existed. There were supposedly five members, but the only ones I'd actually met were Noona and that one other person from before.

I had no idea how good they were, but for now I should just be glad.

"When I saw their work last time, they drew really well. They said they'd even released a game using art they drew themselves. That should be good enough, right?"

"Yeah… if they've got that kind of experience, they sound like a real talent."

Just as I was still harboring doubts about skill, Noona supplied the answer.

Someone with actual game-release experience… that meant a solid floor was guaranteed.

No—maybe we were even assembling a top-tier team right now. Including me, that made two people who had already shipped a game. We might actually have a shot at placing.

"Shall we give it a try?"

"Yeah! It sounds fun. I probably won't be much help, but… I'll do my best."

"Even so, we should make it so everyone can take part."

"Huh? I'm not at that level yet…"

Hearing that, it really did seem like Noona had sought out this competition for my sake. She just wanted me to get my energy back. Her claim that she wanted to try it herself wasn't a complete lie, of course, but more than that, she wanted me to come alive again.

I had no intention of leaving her out, though. If we were going to start, I ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wanted her to enjoy it with us.

"Let's make the game Noona wants to make. That means I'd like you to take the role of planner."

"Me? Is that really okay?"

"Of course. Let's all pool our strength and make the game you want to create."

"Th-thank you."

Noona suddenly and awkwardly lifted her already-empty coffee cup, as if she meant to eat the ice. That little gesture was probably because the sudden responsibility had made her feel the weight of it.

The truth was, right up until I arrived here, I hadn't been sure. Was what I was doing the right choice? Had choosing to meet Noona after pushing away the hand of my precious friend Seoa been the correct decision? Wouldn't taking Seoa's outstretched hand again have been the right answer?

I had been thinking those things a little. A small hope that maybe I could go back to the way things were had made me entertain the idea.

On the other hand, I also wondered whether I was just arbitrarily deciding that Noona was someone who could save me. Was I simply trying to lean on her all by myself?

Those worries had been there.

But with the proposal she had just made, I felt a little more certain.

I could be saved by Noona. She was someone who would save me. I could be a little more sure that I wasn't just selfishly trying to depend on her.

If that weren't true… it wouldn't make sense for her to go this far for me. She must have been acting this way because she wanted me to stand up again. Right? Then the only thing left for me was to take her hand.

And this wasn't going backward—it was moving forward in a new direction. In other words, a true new beginning.

Not a departure toward a predicted future that might simply repeat itself if I returned to Seoa's arms. I was looking toward a new place and walking forward, leaving that past behind me.

"Minjae, your face looks better. I'm glad."

"Ah… does it?"

Apparently I had been making that kind of expression without realizing it.

Was it because I had seen the hope of a genuine new start? Because I felt proud of myself for trying to move forward? Or… because I had found someone I could lean on again?

I couldn't tell, right now, which of those had put that look on my face.

I came home.

I returned as a completely different person from the one who had left this place.

About two hours had already passed… so Seoa must have gone home by now. For a brief moment I fretted over what I would do if she were still in my apartment, but looking at how much time had gone by, I decided that wouldn't be the case.

A room still thick with lingering sorrow.

Yet… I could tell at a glance that something had changed.

It was clean. The house I had dirtied, the house I had painted over thickly with depression and grief, now looked neat and tidy. A faint cigarette smell still tickled my nose, but what met my eyes was an ordinary, clean version of my room.

And just as I had expected, Seoa was not here.

Perhaps because of the deeply settled cigarette odor, not even a trace of the scent she had left behind remained in this place.