What I Missed (3)

After taking the medicine prescribed at the hospital, I fell straight back asleep.

It felt like the first proper rest I'd had in ages.

I'd been waking up over and over, but this time I slept straight through. My body felt refreshed. My mind felt clearer, too. That unpleasant headache—like someone had shoved a hand into my brain and was kneading it—was gone.

A faint feverishness still lingered, but it felt closer to a low-grade fever now. I thought I might be able to go to school tomorrow.

Which meant that tomorrow, I could face Minjae at school and apologize to him.

Maybe it was because I'd escaped that one-dimensional pain that had been tormenting me. My heart felt strangely buoyant. Perhaps that was why—now I was even getting excited at the thought of apologizing to Minjae.

The idea that once I apologized, Minjae would stay by my side again made me flutter with anticipation. The thought that I could keep him close again brought a sense of calm to my heart.

And… this was a small feeling nestled in one corner of my heart. I was thrilled at the thought of taking Minjae back from that girl.

I'll show her who his real owner is.

I'll show her who Minjae used to follow.

Once I came back, Minjae would definitely dump that girl and choose me. That was the depth of our relationship, after all. Some girl he'd only known for a few days could never beat that depth.

A hum slipped out of me without my noticing. Then I picked up my phone.

Several messages had arrived.

Huh…?

What on earth were they talking about?

Those kinds of messages were lined up in my friends' group chat. What were they saying? Don't take ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it too hard? The only reason I hadn't been coming to school was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠because I was sick.

Of course, I'd never told them I was sick. I hadn't even thought to. At the time, I'd been in so much pain I couldn't even think of sending those kinds of messages on my phone.

But what was this about?

The conversation my friends had been having in the group chat felt somehow meaningless, hard to parse. Still, I didn't ask about it right away. If I replied, I'd probably have to spend more time on that topic. It seemed like it would become a hassle. I didn't want to deal with that right now. I wanted to rest alone a little longer.

So I just previewed the messages in the group chat and closed it. Then I opened SNS to catch up on the flow of the world I'd missed while I was sick.

Woo-bin's story caught my eye first.

Come to think of it—Woo-bin hadn't contacted me once since then. I'd told him I was sick… Didn't he even worry?

With that thought, I checked the story. And the photo in that story immediately sank the buoyant mood I'd just managed to recover.

A picture of him drinking with other people. And the person next to him looked like a woman. You could tell just from the hand that it was a woman.

The story had been posted thirty minutes ago.

I'd finally gotten a little of my composure back, and the moment I saw that story, my insides started boiling. I called him right away.

Honestly, I'd expected him not to pick up, but somehow he had the nerve to answer after only a few rings. His voice already carried the sound of being drunk.

I couldn't really argue with that. Right—we weren't a couple yet.

But… if he was going to come at me like that first, I had no choice but to do the same.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That sound went on for a while.

This wasn't the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Woo-bin I knew. He was saying that to me? Was he out of his mind? Was it because he was drunk?

Even if he was drunk… talking to me like that was going too far.

My hands were trembling. And it wasn't simply anger at what he'd done.

The thought that I'd chosen this person over Minjae… made me dizzy. The fact that I hadn't believed Minjae back then, and had swallowed this man's words whole instead… that terrified me.

Something was wrong. I was starting to feel it in my bones. The suspicious feeling I'd had all along was now too clear to keep ignoring.

Why had I forced myself to look past that suspicion back then and decide to believe him? Why… even after seeing that bleak bruise on Minjae's cheek… had I decided Woo-bin must have been right?

Maybe at the time, I'd just wanted to believe it. I'd been angry at Minjae then, too. Minjae had been furious with me. He'd acted like he was out for revenge.

I'd believed Woo-bin's words and used them as a convenient excuse. I'd needed ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠that excuse to justify being angry at Minjae. I'd needed that excuse if I was going to stay mad at him.

"It's fine… I was going to apologize to Minjae anyway."

My startled heart kept hammering in my chest. So I soothed myself, trying to calm down even a little.

Right. The truth of that whole thing didn't matter anymore. Regardless of it, I'd already planned to apologize to Minjae.

Let's just leave it the way Woo-bin said—that Minjae was the one in the wrong. If I didn't dig any further, the truth would never come out.

And if it stayed that way…

I'd be the person who knew Minjae was wrong and still apologized to him. The generous one. The big-hearted one.

Right. Let me at least manufacture that qualification for myself. The right to apologize to Minjae. Without it, I felt like I wouldn't even have the face to look at him.

If I had to accept that even that had been my misunderstanding… I'd be too sorry to face him.

So I don't know. I don't know the truth about what happened back then. I'll apologize to Minjae without knowing. That works, right? Then Minjae can accept it, right?

Besides, whether it was a misunderstanding or not still hasn't actually been proven. I genuinely don't know anything. I'm not telling a complete lie.

Pull yourself together. Go to school tomorrow and apologize to Minjae. And go back to the way things were, like nothing ever happened.

It was the day of reckoning.

There would never be a more important day for me than today. No matter what, I was going to make up with Minjae today.

We'd fought far too long over something that wasn't even that big.

Minjae… I'm sorry.

I arrived at the lecture hall. Maybe I'd gotten there too early. Just thinking about apologizing to Minjae first had made me so nervous I'd prepared faster than I meant to.

I hoped Minjae would show up before class started. That way I could get my feelings across quickly. I didn't want to watch him avoid me all the way through the end of the lecture again.

I was planning to approach him again starting today—and if he tried to avoid me without knowing that, it would hurt. I'd also feel guilty for putting him in that position.

So I wanted to apologize as soon as possible. I wanted to make up.

With that in mind, I waited for Minjae from a seat in the back of the lecture hall.

Students filled the room one by one. But there was still no sign of Minjae.

Class was about to start…

"Seoa—! Long time no see. Feeling any better?"

My friends clustered around me and started talking. But I had no attention to spare for them right now. All I cared about was when Minjae would arrive.

"Looks like you've been through a lot. Your face is half the size it used to be."

"Want to hit a café today? Or should we all go drinking?"

What were they even going on about?

I let their words go in one ear and out the other. Then, out of sheer frustration, something slipped out of me before I could stop it.

"Where's Minjae?"

The professor was about to walk in and start class any second. So why wasn't he here?

That restless, impatient feeling made me mutter it without thinking. My friends wouldn't know either—I was just throwing the words into the air.

"Him? He walked out in the middle of yesterday's class and hasn't been back since."

"What? Minjae? Why isn't he coming?"

Wait.

What was this enormous sense of dread?

"Huh? We kind of gave him a hard time, you know. So he must've felt guilty—he just left without saying a word."

"I mean, Seoa's the victim here. Who does he think he is, showing his face like nothing happened?"

"Peak hypocrisy, honestly."

What the hell were they talking about?

Gave him a hard time? Victim? Hypocrisy?

What were they saying right now?

"What? Wait… what exactly are you guys talking about?"

Just wait a second.

In that moment, my head went ice-cold and rigid. Something swept through my brain like a chill.

A terrible possibility rose in my mind—something so awful I could barely stand to think it. My brain froze around that thought. Maybe even my brain didn't want to imagine the catastrophe that would follow.

No… please tell me I'm wrong. Please don't tell me you did that.

I was terrified.

My friends still hadn't said what kind of pressure they'd put on him, but my heart was already dropping through the floor.

"Well… the stuff you said in the group chat."

I had no choice but to clap a hand over my mouth.

That terrible thing that had been radiating dread inside my head the whole time had become real. I'd prayed it wasn't true, but it was no use. It had already happened.

"When did I… ever tell you to say that to him."

"Seoa…?"

"I never asked you to do that. Why are you just doing whatever you want?"

"Th-that's… you said that and then you stopped coming to school… we were worried about you… but Minjae was still showing up like nothing was wrong. It just felt…"

My friends stared at me, dumbfounded by my reaction. But that didn't matter to me right now.

I stood up immediately and walked out of the lecture hall, crossing paths with the professor who was just coming in to start class.

I'd thought today was the day I'd make up with Minjae.

I'd thought all I had to do was apologize.

So I'd waited for him to apologize—but I never saw Minjae in the lecture hall.

Minjae hadn't come to school.

Because of me, Minjae hadn't come to school.