Winter, and the Banquet (1)
The falling leaves had vanished from sight. The beautiful colors that had once painted the streets in vibrant hues had faded back into the asphalt, and winter had arrived—the kind of cold that made me shrink deeper into my thick coat. Around this time, after the college entrance exams, it was common to see advertisements from cram schools targeting soon-to-be high school seniors. Every time I saw them, thoughts of Jimin’s exam would surface, but I would force them back down into my subconscious. Since Jimin no longer contacted me, it was no longer my concern. I simply walked on, burying my chilled hands deep into my pockets.
“Mr. Kim, you’re here~ It’s so cold today, so I turned the heater up full blast!”
“Yes, it’s nice and warm in here.”
I took off my coat and hung it on the rack inside my counseling room.
“That girl who used to come by often—has her counseling ended? I haven’t seen her around lately.”
“...Yes.”
I wanted the warmth to seep all the way into my frozen core. I walked over to the water dispenser, mixed cold and hot water to the right temperature, and drank it down.
“Well, I’m sure Mr. Kim handled it just fine!”
At the woman’s trusting words, I could only offer an awkward smile. There must be a reason she stopped reaching out. Unless she brought it up first, I shouldn’t try to dig into it. And the fact that she no longer contacted me meant she had grown strong enough to endure without me. Like a parent supporting their child’s independence, I had to let her go.
“Oh, Jihyun. Perfect timing.”
The director opened the door to his office and called out to me.
“Can you step in for a moment?”
His unusually formal tone made me instinctively sense that something was up. I finished the rest of my water, tossed the paper cup into the trash, and followed the director—who had been waiting by the door—into his office. The door clicked shut behind us.
“So, Jihyun, how’s your studying going?”
“There’s still a lot to learn, but I’m working hard at it.”
The director sat down at his desk. I took the seat across from him.
“It’s nothing too important, I was just curious about your plans going forward.”
“I’ll keep studying, doing counseling, and learning from you… that’s the plan.”
“No, no—I meant about university.”
University… Thanks to my leave of absence, I still had two more years to go.
“To be honest, I haven’t thought much about it. I’ll probably return to school next year.”
“Makes sense. You do need to graduate, after all.”
The director stroked his chin and continued.
“Have you met with Professor Kim lately?”
“No, it’s been quite a while.”
“What about Jimin?”
“No. Is… something wrong?”
“No, no. I was just wondering how things were going with my old friend. That’s all.”
The director gave an embarrassed laugh and ran a hand through his hair.
“So, what did you call me in for?”
I asked him directly about his reason for summoning me.
“Haa… right.”
The director’s expression grew serious.
“I’m taking some time off for Christmas, so you should rest too, Jihyun.”
“...Pardon?”
“Huh?”
“Ah…?”
“Do you… not want to?”
“No, no—it’s just not what I was expecting.”
“Thank goodness~ I was worried you’d say no because you’re always trying to work so hard. I’ll give you a bonus, so take a nice holiday with your mother.”
“Ah, yes…”
“Just kidding. Professor Kim wants to meet with you.”
I knew it.
“...When?”
“Next Monday. We’ll go to the academic conference together.”
“I’m not sure what an academic conference is… but is it really okay for me to tag along?”
“Of course! Just think of it as a gathering for people who study psychology.”
“It sounds like it’s mostly professors.”
“No, no—lots of other people come too. Just come and enjoy yourself. Professor Kim feels bad about more than a couple of things regarding you, so he wants to treat you. He was too embarrassed to call you himself, so he asked me to pass on the message.”
The director looked relieved now that he had gotten it off his chest. He laced his fingers behind his neck and stretched out his legs.
“Understood.”
“Jimin will probably be there that day too.”
The director glanced at me slyly.
“While the professor and I catch up over drinks for the first time in a while, you and Jimin should meet up too. It’s been ages.”
Jimin…
“...Understood.”
Today, for some reason, the session with Yujin wasn’t going well at all. Even as we talked, our rhythms felt strangely off, as if we were each lost in completely different thoughts.
...It seemed my thoughts about Jimin were ruining the counseling.
“By any chance, are you busy after today’s session?”
Yujin suddenly asked about my schedule ten minutes before the awkwardly progressing session was due to end.
“Not particularly. Is your father looking for me again?”
“...No. My mom is.”
I was slightly surprised to hear the word “mom” come from Yujin’s lips. I briefly wondered why she would want to see me.
“Does she want to meet with just the two of us?”
“She invited you to dinner tonight. She wants us to eat together.”
“At your house?”
“Yes.”
That must have been why Yujin couldn’t focus. Still… I should refuse. Yujin was my client. There was no need for me to join her for dinner. Even less so for a family gathering. I wanted to maintain our current distance.
“...Yujin, I’m sor—”
“Don’t ask anything. Just come with me.”
Yujin lowered her head. It was the first time I had ever seen her like this.
“Please.”
I realized once again how much Yujin had changed. At the same time, I wondered what could possibly make someone as proud and fierce as her bow her head to me like this.
Her mother…
“...Alright.”
I could picture her sitting beside me at the dinner table, shrinking endlessly small in front of her mother. Knowing she was relying on me, I couldn’t bring myself to refuse. Just dinner. Only dinner…
In the parking lot of the counseling center, Suhyeong and the other attendants had the cars waiting. After greeting him politely, I got into the car with Yujin. The two of them seemed unusually tense, making the ride feel somewhat awkward.
“Is today a special occasion, by any chance?”
I broke the silence with a question.
“Both of you seem nervous.”
Suhyeong glanced at me through the rearview mirror.
“Actually, Jihyun—”
“Shut your mouth.”
At Yujin’s harsh command, Suhyeong apologized and focused back on driving. I watched her for a moment as she scowled, clearly angry, before turning her gaze out the window. With her legs crossed and a hand pressed to her forehead as if she had a headache, what could she possibly be thinking? I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t tell me anything.
...There must be a reason.
Countless cars, dazzling lights, and a flurry of waiters rushing about.
“Oh my, Jihyun! Come in, come in~”
In the midst of it all, her father greeted me with great enthusiasm. I had expected a rather unpleasant atmosphere, but this felt more like a festival.
“My wife insisted we bring you along. What could I do? On a day like this~”
He shook my hand vigorously, looking thrilled. I asked him,
“Um, sir… is today a special day…?”
Her father’s eyes widened as he looked back and forth between me and Yujin.
“What? Yujin didn’t tell you? Lee Yujin, you really…”
He glared at Yujin before turning back to me with a bright smile.
“Anyway, come on in, Jihyun. Let’s enjoy ourselves tonight! Alright?”
He came up behind me and gave me a push. I let myself be guided forward. Behind me, Yujin let out a deep sigh and disappeared somewhere with Suhyeong.
The farther I was pushed, the louder the sound of violins and voices grew. Putting all the pieces together, I finally understood.
Her mother’s birthday.
In a grand hall that resembled a banquet venue, people dressed in luxurious attire filled the space. Laughing, chatting, and exchanging greetings, they created a lively atmosphere. Her father pushed me into the middle of that vast room.
“Darling! Jihyun’s here too!”
Countless eyes holding champagne glasses turned toward us. Past the elaborate dishes arranged in the center, he pushed me toward a staircase rising along one wall. Just a few steps up, her mother—elegant in a stunning dress—extended her hand, signaling for me to come up.
I gently placed my hand in hers and slowly ascended to stand beside her. On the flat landing between the stairs—a round, stage-like platform that reminded me of something from a movie mansion—her mother placed a hand lightly on my shoulder and announced in a loud voice to the crowd.
As soon as her mother finished speaking, the crowd burst into laughter, cheers, and applause. My face burned bright red at the insane introduction. With no idea what was happening or how to handle it, I simply stared at her mother in stunned silence.
In that moment, her father came up and placed his hand on my other shoulder.
In the midst of that atmosphere, all I could do was offer a polite smile to the people cheering for me. And from among those people, Yujin stepped forward.
Her face was just as flushed as mine. Wearing a sleek black party dress that seemed to make her uncomfortable, she walked carefully with Suhyeong escorting her. She stopped right in front of me.
“...I’m sorry.”
In that absurd and mortifying situation, the only thought in my head was how incredibly beautiful the woman standing before me was.