Judge?! (1)
Today, Yu Seona is reflecting.
No talking back about anything. Just reflect. If I can't reflect… I have to go to the police station.
Yu Seona, sexual harasser. Bad person. Has to eat bad food.
Honestly… I can't believe I was this kind of person. Even I'm shocked. This is a monster the world created… Is the world blameless? Maybe the world made me worse than this, and my fault is… ugh. No.
It's my fault. My fault is right. Today's reflection mode, after all.
No excuses… I just have to reflect.
"It's my fault. Crystal clear. I can't argue it. Yeah… that's how it is."
But… the me inside keeps thumping away.
Was the world really fine? I needed to dig into that.
What did Motteok and Nem-mo do? Ugh… don't. Today's reflection mode. Reflect.
But that doesn't mean I should take the fall alone, right? Ugh… today's reflection mode.
Just admit it cleanly.
The angel and demon inside me were slamming into each other like crazy.
Angel-nim insists we go by the book. We decided to reflect today, so absolutely no blaming anyone else… my fault, full stop.
Demon-nim, on the other hand: no. The world made Yu Seona like this. A burden everyone has to carry!!
As always, Demon-nim says such nice things.
But whenever I listen to Demon-nim, things get hard. Angel-nim is a bitter-mouthed demon king, but following her advice often actually solves stuff.
"Hmm…"
Angel-nim's probably right…? But Demon-nim's also convincing. That's why I can't pick.
If one of them were clearly wrong, I wouldn't have to choose.
But that's not it. From where I stand, both make sense. Both are reasonable.
"Ugh… this is hard!! It's hard… wait, no. You idiot. Today's reflecting Yu Seona, remember!!"
I almost forgot the promise I made myself.
Right. Today's RP is reflecting Yu Seona. A reflection letter… yeah, write a reflection letter.
I typed into GPT how to write a reflection letter.
These days nobody writes by hand. Gotta be trendy and use machines. Yeah. Cleaner this way, and people like it.
That said, it can't sound like GPT. If it's too obvious, they might hate it even more.
"Hello. This is Yu Seona. I apologize for the sexual harassment portion yesterday. I have reflected. Please believe in me just once!! Done. My masterpiece. There is no cleaner apology letter than this… ehehehe."
Satisfying. Now if I just say this well, okay…!! Perfect.
So today, for real… reflecting Yu Seona. Stick to it.
Today I'm going to apologize so beautifully and be reborn.
"Yu Seona. You can do this."
People are allowed to mess up a little, right?
Maybe I should check how other people handle their mistakes?
I searched reflection YouTube.
I typed "reflection YouTube," and the algorithm pointed me at Maru.
Maru… did she mess up a lot? No, this is pure hate-bait.
I've watched every single one of Maru's videos. The viewers are the ones force-hating. That's a fact!!
I even watched one yesterday.
Something about launching a virtual group? Said they were holding auditions. Hope it goes well for her.
She left that MCN too and started a new one of her own, apparently.
I watch all of Maru's videos. I never skip a single one.
Seriously, I watch so hard… sometimes I do a second pass. The fun ones are genuinely fun.
"As expected of Maru. Even her apologies are first-class."
Looking at the apology video… she apologized for swearing too much.
That can happen. People are allowed to swear a little. I get Maru.
"As expected of Maru!!"
I binge-watched Maru's videos for the first time in a while. Actually fun.
Maru… I hope things go well for her.
She's been saying she'd hold virtual auditions for a while… should I apply this time and lend her some strength?
Just throw one in? Or should I tell Pyeong-nim to apply? Have Pyeong-nim apply and give her a boost? I was actually going to bring this up. When was that. Think I saw it when we went to the amusement park with Motteok.
But humans are animals of forgetting… I accidentally blanked on it.
Only remembering now. Too late. Applications already closed, and it probably went fine. She's our Maru—no way she failed!!
So Maru's dream was being an MCN boss.
Incredible. Best I could ever manage is neighborhood hole-in-the-wall shop owner.
Someone with real ambition. Now that I've noticed again, good. Time to pray to God.
"Please let Maru's MCN company and VTubers do well…!! God. I'm sincerely praying. Please make it work!! Then I'll repent."
I prayed to God with my whole heart.
At this point I've done everything I can for her. Please, may only flower roads stretch ahead for Maru!!
"Title is… Apology Stream. Good. Great for aggro. Ehehehe."
My inner Sjji-jjang went completely feral. If I'm doing an apology stream anyway, it'd be nice if viewers went up too!!
In the old days I didn't look at viewer counts. Kept checking and… I couldn't focus.
So I tried not to look… and it wasn't even thanks to the effort—it was growth that made me stop looking.
I was just wringing my brain dry for content so hard I forgot to check the numbers.
Then. At some point, the viewer count caught my eye.
The second I saw it… my eyes rolled back. Forgotten brain cells went babababak. They went wild and made me keep checking the count.
I… I… before I knew it. Hit the thousands.
Really lucky. Luck was the only way to explain it.
Honestly, I said I grew, but that growth wasn't that big.
When I get cold, I get endlessly cold. Growth?
Looking at it truly coldly… growth? Still far off.
Just… constantly saying "I did it because I grew." That was just mind control.
Teachers always say praise me even for a little growth. That's what got drilled into my head.
Without that, growth and I would have been miles apart.
Anyway. As the viewers grew… there's a little pressure to do well. Not a lot. Just a tiny bit.
And with more viewers, I have to be careful too.
Later this stuff comes back as karma. Not my line—Motteok told me that last time we hung out.
Ring-ring. Ring-ring.
I was about to start the stream.
A call from Maru. What's this about? We only ever talk in the evenings—a daytime call is rare.
"Huh? Oh!! Maru, it's me, Seona!!"
"Hello?"
"Maru!! It's me, Seona!!"
"Seona~ What are you up to?"
"Me? Streaming. It's about time!!"
"Oh. Perfect timing, then. Could you check Discord for me? Look and then call me back? I'll explain after that."
"Ooh!! Got it. Checking right now. I'll call the second I see it!!"
I jumped onto Discord and checked Maru's message.
"Oof… way too long…"
Actually long. I dry-washed my face with one hand and started reading slowly.
If this had been Motteok or Pyeong-nim, no exceptions—I'd have skipped.
But it's our Maru… so I read the whole thing.
"Read it slow. You can do this, Yu Seona."
I went through it line by line. Every single line was explosive. Whoa…!! So cool. She's going to be a VTuber boss? I already know. I watched the video.
But… so what? Go for it. If it's Maru, she'll crush it.
Why send this to me? Is she fishing for flowers? Flowers… I should give her some!!
I called Maru back.
"Maru!! I saw it!!"
"Oh, you saw it? What do you think? I left my MCN, you know. Contract ended. Wayyy back… But. What do you think? Thinking of chasing the dream."
"I love it!! You'll do amazing."
"You didn't read it, did you?"
"Uh… I did… I read it… You're making first-gen VTubers and becoming the boss, right. I didn't use GPT—I actually read the whole thing. So you're launching first-gen VTubers."
"You didn't finish it."
"Uh… ugh… I speed-read. I'm great at speed-reading."
"That… last part. Did you read it?"
"I almost read it…"
I opened Discord again and read. How did she know? Dead accurate. I did that "focus-speed" thing where you only read the important bits and skip the rest.
Honestly, I only read this much because it was Maru.
Even stuff my parents send, if it's long I don't read it. I did this out of genuine respect for Maru.
Was Maru more of a… lead-with-the-point person? Lead with the point… is that right? Put the important stuff first. That thing.
Would've been nice if she'd written it that way. Next time I see Maru, I should give her that feedback.
"Wait!! No. I'm a judge?"
"Yeah. So you didn't see that part."
"Uh… oh!! That actually sounds so fun. What about those people? Do they keep RP?"
"Not sure yet. Still in the planning stage. Want to come by sometime later?"
"Where? Ah!! That office from the video? You bought it?"
"Bought… that's impossible… We're all remote. That was a delusion."
"Then!! Use our office!! We've got one room free."
For Maru I'd clear a seat right away…!!
"Ah, that's okay. We'll probably get a place later if we need one. So, Seona. Want to be a judge?"
"Ahh!! I see. Then I'll do it!! I want to!!"
"Great."
"So what do I do?"
"Be a judge. A singing judge."
"Ooh…?! I can't sing either."
"Listening is different, you know."
"Oit?! Okay. Then I'll do it!! I'll ask the questions…!! Ah, but today I have to reflect."
No secrets from Maru. My teacher Maru. Ehehehe.
"Reflect? What did you do?"
"I, uh, did way too much sexual harassment yesterday and shocked myself when I watched it back. So I'm reflecting…!!"
"Ah, that can happen. Got it. I'll call you again later. Feels like it's been forever since we collabed, right?"
"Right!! I've been waiting!! I wanted to game with Maru!! Ehehehe."
"Hahaha. I'll call you again later."
"Yep!! I'll be waiting. Loyalty!!"
My mood lifted before the stream even started.
As expected of girl-power Maru. Ehehehe.