Jjang-ham and the Snappy Cat (3)
I'm sick of soothing girls. It was fun for about ten minutes, but now I'm over it.
What a pain. Just tell me when you've cooled off on your own. Until then, I'm not saying a word either. Ugh. I'm so done.
Yeah, I'm changing the concept. Hmm… okay. I'll admit it. This outfit isn't me. Let's try on something else.
Hmm, what would work? Ah!! Yeah, let's go with that. If you work hard enough, you can get a girlfriend!! Pickup artist? Was that it? That's what I'm going with.
Yu Seona's Pickup Artist Guide to Getting a Girlfriend. Doo-doong. First lecture of the day.
Today's lesson: how to start dating a girl you've just met.
Step one: nail the self-introduction.
Use your silver tongue to… win her over, basically. Taking that goodwill and turning it into full-on desperate craving for you — that's the first job.
"Hello, Nem-mo-nim… I'm Jjang-oppa."
"Excuse me?"
"My MBTI is… INSA. Nice to meet you."
"Uh… okay. Mine is CUTE, da-yo~."
"Ohhh…!! You dirty girl. You beach."
"Whaaaat? What? Where is that coming frooom? Huh?"
Got her already. That's technique. Making the other person squirm for you.
This is how the popular kids do it. They just… reel people in like that.
Look at her, all flustered over me already.
Are you watching and learning, chat? Yu Seona did it!!
Everyone. If you just watch Yu Seona and learn…
"You're jealous, aren't you. Ehehehi. Jealous that I get to talk to a girl? I'm popular!! Ehehehi."
Drop the stubbornness and absorb Jjang-oppa's lines!!
Then you can talk to girls every day too. I worked hard for this. I'm giving you all that free effort, so don't get snippy with me or I'll be sad.
No, this won't do. Time for a proper educational broadcast.
"Learn from my lines. If I'd been born in Japan, I'd have been the… number one oppa. That one… yeah. I'll teach you properly. I'll show you something cool."
"Wait, you were that kind of person?"
"Ah. The mic. That was intentional too, of course. Playing hard to get."
I went and made another mistake in front of the lady. Too nervous today. I'm not usually like this.
Focus. Focus!!
Slap. Slap.
I smacked both cheeks to snap myself out of it.
Yeah, that woke me right up.
"Why. Why are you doing thaaat? What. What is it."
"Ah. Nothing. I keep looking off to the side when I should only be looking at you, my lady, so I slapped myself to focus."
"Oof… okay… got it, da-yo…"
"Let's start over. My lady. Hmm… step two. Doo-doong."
Step two isn't hard… what was it again. Ah!!
"Distance."
Once you've won her over, you pull back. Keep your distance. Make her even more desperate. Make her think about you every day.
Yeah, yeah. That's what they said.
"Huh?"
"We need to keep our distance now. You know… distance."
"Distance…? Wait? Distance?"
See? Ehehehi. She's already desperate. Ehehehi. Ehehehi.
I can't stop laughing. I can't. All I knew was the theory, and I just pulled it off in real life.
"Ah!! Push-and-pull. You mean push-and-pull."
"Push-and-pull? Yeah. Exactly. I pushed, and Nem-mo came right after me."
"So that's what distance was about."
Is that different? Isn't it the same thing? Why's she acting like that?
Huh? What's the difference between push-and-pull and distance? I kind of wanted to ask that myself.
But this time, I held back.
Why? Because Jjang-oppa is cool. Super cool. Got to keep the concept. I'm the cool oppa.
That's me. Jjang-oppa. The coolest, most awesome oppa around.
"Yeah. Distance."
"You're trying to put distance between us?"
"When I pull away, Nem-mo's supposed to cling tighter."
"Hah. That one's actually cool, though?"
"Ehehehi. Jjang-oppa is cool. Ehehehi."
Getting praised made me feel so much better. Time to work even harder. I'll show you the real coolness of Jjang-oppa!!
It felt like about thirty minutes had passed since we started riding around in the taxi.
Nem-mo had already fallen for Jjang-oppa. That was official now.
But then one little question popped into my head.
This was pure curiosity and nothing else. Absolutely no bad intentions. Just pure curiosity.
Really, not a single bad intention. I was just wondering, so I asked.
"Um. I'm honestly just curious, so. Can I ask a question?"
"What kind of question?"
"How long are you going to keep doing the yong-yong thing?"
"Huh?"
"Yong-yong. How long do you do that? Yoyong. Yoyong."
Thinking about it, the reason I respect Nem-mo-nim is exactly her RP stamina.
Look at me. My RP's already running on empty and I can't keep going.
Anything over thirty minutes is rough. Jjang-oppa isn't fun anymore. Feels like I've done everything there is to do.
I'm so over it my whole body's itchy. But…!! Compared to that, Nem-mo-nim just kept… kept holding the RP.
Even though it felt like I'd been watching her for three days… she was still holding the RP.
That's genuinely impressive.
"Ah… well. So, um."
"I'm not uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable at all. If anyone starts flaming you, just ignore them!! Ignore. I am not uncomfortable in the slightest. But I'm curious. I'm curious about your RP stamina."
I was really just curious.
If mean people start force-hate-watching… you have to ignore that.
I genuinely respect her.
"I'm asking because I truly respect you. People saying I'm doing a mask-off bit. That I'm trying to kill Nem-mo. Or… what? Laundry? I don't even know what that is. None of that is true. Let me be crystal clear. I just think Nem-mo-nim's RP stamina is admirable. I want to learn. I…!!"
Ugh, I was out of breath. I exhaled once and kept going.
"I. I want to be a VTuber too. A pure-blooded VTuber. You know? Uh… the god who came down from heaven. Fresh-ah. Ultimate: Judgment of Light. Judge them all. All the haters get judged. Passive: can judge haters. How's that sound?"
"Oh… okay."
"Next, the Demon King. King Seona. Ultimate: Express to Hell… send every hater straight to hell. No wait. Yama-Seona. How about that? Super scary. Or Jade Emperor Seona. I can write the Book of Life and Death. Uh… Asura-nim… is blasphemy. My parents believe in Jesus. So I can't stick 'su-nim' on the end, uh. Right. Then Seonus. Cheat on them. Turn every hater into my girl. How's that? Amazing, right?"
"Uh… yeah…"
"There's more. Lots more. I'll keep going. Or wait, I'm an actor. I'm a VTuber actor so I'm the god of acting. A singer. Uh… but that breaks immersion. I can't act, honestly. And my singing's a little lacking too. So then… hmm, what would be good?"
"Yong? How about yong."
"Yong? Dragon?"
"Yep. Yong, da-yo. The euaang thing you do."
"Euaang!! Seon-Dragon… ah. That's not great. I'd get compared to the chairman with ten trillion in assets. I'll go with Seon-yong. Ah, Seon-yong's nickname would also become Seon-Dragon. Nope."
"Pfft. What?"
She's not wrong. If you call yourself a dragon and then you're nothing in front of a real dragon… there's no point doing the RP. You do RP to be the best. Second place… no, more like third, since there's the singer too. Dragon is scrapped.
No matter how I think about it, dragon's no good. Even if Breath is strong, if you make a shield out of ten trillion, you'd block it for sure.
"Something else."
"Puhahahaha. Are you actually being serious right now?"
"Nem-mo-nim, you should change the yong too. Do yot. Yot. You'll get buried under real dragons."
I was giving sincere advice. The whole point of RP is to be number one.
What kind of idiot does RP as a normal person? A weak person? Everyone does it to be first.
"Yot yot. Do yot yot. Healthy feedback incoming. If you do yong, you can't be number one. Immersion. Continuity. It breaks. Go yot yot and take first place!!"
Wow, now I was a streamer who gave feedback too.
Truly moving. Moving again.
"Yot. Yot. Me, yot."
"…"
"Yot. Yot. Yot yot. Yot. Yot yot yot yot."
"…"
"Yot yot yot yot yoyoyot yot yot. Yot yot."
"…"
We're having a conversation right now. Nem-mo-nim is absorbing my RP.
Only someone who's grown like me would understand. Other people probably have no idea~
See? Called it. This is how much I've grown as a streamer. Everyone can tell. I can predict the flow of the stream now, yot!!
"Then when you look at me, Nem-mo-nim, do yot for me, yot yot. We're aliens. Actually. We're aliens and we have to communicate in alien language. Yot yot yot yot… yot yot yot… yot yoyoyot."
"… Yot yot…"
"Yot!!!! Yot yot yo!!!!! Yot yot!!!!"
"Yot yot…"
"Yoyoyoyoyot yot yot!! Yot yot yot!!"
Ah, right — it's alien language, so the viewers don't understand. That's on me. Completely. Got to stream properly. This isn't solo play.
Thank you for the healthy feedback, chat.
"Yot yot!! Open parenthesis hello I'm Seona nice to meet you close parenthesis."
"Yot yot… that long for two words?"
"Yot yot yot!! Open parenthesis yes that's right it's a really hard language close parenthesis."
After that, until I ended stream, I trailed after Nem-mo-nim like a little duckling and performed the yot-yot medley.
Thanks to that, Nem-mo-nim and I officially became master and disciple.
Of course I never got permission. I just felt like it. It felt like Nem-mo-nim and I had become master and student. Isn't that enough? And that was that.
Anyway, I have something to do today.
The chairman of Nem-mo-nim's stream donated a huge amount of money.
Did he like me? He gave me so much that I wanted to do something helpful for Nem-mo-nim.
What would be good? I thought about it, and then it hit me.
I will prove to Nem-mo-nim's stream chairman that Nem-mo-nim is a pure and virtuous woman!!
Today I plan to properly investigate the relationship between Nem-mo-nim and Subcontract Captain.
I'll look over the case once, go through it point by point, and show that Nem-mo-nim is in fact a pure woman!! Chairman, you can keep liking her!!
But what if the two of them really are a thing? Hmm. Should I issue a refund?
No. Refunds are not happening. He gave way too much, so just force-stan. Force-stan!!