Prosecutor Seon-a's Criminal Sentencing (2)
Maem kept bursting into laughter that carried a distinctly stuffy-nosed tone. That didn't make a nonexistent crime vanish. If anything, it opened the door to additional charges for obstructing a prosecutor's investigation.
"You brewed the broth but insisted you didn't. That's a serious offense. What do you call that again... the mouth-opening thing. You know what I'm talking about."
"Hello, everyone."
"Hello!"
I had been ready to present evidence, but with the others arriving I decided to hold off. Time was on my side. I was fully confident I could dismantle every single one of Maem's lies.
Brewing broth and then claiming you didn't? These days even the broth enthusiasts have sharp eyes—they know everything. They actually prefer streamers who are honest instead of lying through their teeth!!
"JJangHam, what are we doing today? What's with the sudden mouth-opening talk!!"
"Ah... as expected of Merona-nim."
"Wait, JJangHam, you introduced her as Merona, right?"
"Yes, that's correct."
"I... I'm Rhombus Rice Cake. Where on earth did Merona come from!!"
Kuk. If it had been Maem she would've pressed the issue, but since it was the original Merona... I had nothing to say.
"Should I explain?"
"What are you even saying!! The one spreading weird rumors is JJangHam, isn't it?"
"Is it weird? Having big breasts is weird?"
"Kyaaaaak! Because of this, mysterious viewers keep begging for a breast cam. I'm never turning it on. Even if you pay me, I absolutely won't."
Moddeok's statement just now... one hundred points. No, one thousand. No, a perfect score. A million points. A hundred million points. A flawless woman. The ultimate woman. A lovely woman. A woman of integrity. Not a non-virgin—she's a virgin. The kind who would stay a virgin even if transported to the Middle Ages.
'I'm never turning it on.' Happiness level: MAX. Uhehehe.
I saw it. No one else did. The scene I witnessed. The viewers can't see it. Uahahaha. So this is what happiness feels like.
I know. I know that voluptuous chest... the very pinnacle of femininity. The viewers don't know. Superiority complex overflowing, heehee.
"Whoa!! I feel amazing right now. Uhehehehe."
"Huh? Why?"
"A woman of integrity. A sight only I know. I know it~ Uhehe. Please never turn it on!! Even if they offer a hundred million, five hundred million, a billion... I'll be the only one who knows. Uhehe."
"Seriously!! JJangPoHam, your sexual harassment skills are truly world-class."
Merona sounded genuinely impressed. If you put in the effort, anyone can do it. Should I teach her?
"It's not hard. I'll explain it step by step."
"No... I'm good."
"Hing... it's really easy though. Not difficult at all."
You just scan the person and voice their desires exactly as they are. That person's legs look smooth. Everyone's probably fantasized about it already. Just say the desire out loud without hesitation. It's that simple.
"Hello... sorry I'm late."
I had wanted to tell Moddeok and Maem, but PapaChoi arrived and I couldn't continue.
I'm not particularly smart, but I do know what sexual harassment is. Sexual harassment occurs when one gender makes lustful remarks toward the other. In other words, a man saying sexual things to a woman, or a woman saying sexual things to a man—that's sexual harassment.
So... let's imagine a scenario. I'm 9th-grade prosecutor Yu Seon-a and a case lands on my desk. Woman A says to Woman B, "You have big breasts," "You look like you give birth easily," "You look sexy." Woman B feels sexually humiliated and files a complaint against Woman A. The case comes to me.
If it were me, I would close the case with "no charges." Sexual harassment cannot be established between women. It's just small talk. When a woman compliments another woman, it's not harassment—it's praise. Big breasts. Looks sexy. Looks like easy childbirth... all compliments. She should feel happy instead.
However, let's add one more condition. At the exact moment Woman A makes those remarks to Woman B, a man named C happens to be standing right beside them.
Then it becomes sexual harassment by Woman A toward Woman B. Why? Because A's words forced C to look at B's breasts, hips, and the overall atmosphere. It created an awkward situation between B and C. It made them look whether they wanted to or not.
If someone says "You have big breasts," are you not going to look? Of course you will. "You look like easy childbirth"... aren't you curious? How wide must her hips be for someone to say that? It sparks curiosity and forces the gaze. That counts as sexual harassment.
My logic was flawless. Utterly perfect. Being a prosecutor isn't something just anyone can do. Why have I become so smart? The position shapes the person... I got smarter just by roleplaying as a 9th-grade prosecutor in my delusions. At this rate I'll get a lightning-fast promotion to 8th grade?! Delusions really do make the person!!
"PapaChoi-nim, hello. I'm Prosecutor Yu Seon-a."
"It's fine!! We were having fun chatting too. Hehehehe."
"Everyone's here, right? Looks like it. Shall we start right away? Everyone ready?"
Merona skillfully took the mic and began moderating.
"Today's game is Liar's Bar. We'll all play together. Seon-a, MasterM, PapaChoi, and I—four players. Everyone prepared?"
"Yes~"
"Ready."
After a quick explanation and introductions, Moddeok started the first round.
I chose the wolf. After watching one full cycle, I understood. To survive, I needed to lie in moderation, stir things up in moderation, and tell the truth in moderation.
This time, I'll go full sincerity mode.
"I'll enter sincerity mode. From now on, 9th-grade civil servant prosecutor Yu Seon-a will arrest every liar."
I declared it proudly.
"What the heck is 9th-grade civil servant prosecutor Yu Seon-a? Are you voice phishing?"
Moddeok was already doubting me. The person sitting right next to me? If anyone lies, I'll correct them immediately. Prosecutor Yu Seon-a is...
"Prosecutor Yu Seon-a is the youngest prosecutor in history. Not only that, she ranked first in the 9th-grade civil service exam. According to ChatGPT."
"Oh. Sounds reliable. She'll catch every single criminal."
"Hehehehehe."
PapaChoi and Maem responded positively. Thank you. I'll repay the favor.
"Let's begin right away. I'll make the arrests. I'm going to immerse myself seriously."
I fully immersed myself in the worldview. The case was underway.
K card. You can only play K cards; everything else gets you arrested.
My target was Merona. Special notes: big breasts. Extremely high pure female power. Thought to be a non-virgin, but promoted to virgin status due to her integrity.
Okay. This case is simple. Not guilty.
At the start, everyone receives five random cards.
I had three A's, one K, and one Q.
I went first.
"I'll play three cards."
"Huh?"
"Uhahaha! That's a lie. We have to catch that. Arrest Maem."
"Hehehehehe. Press it. Press it now."
How did they know? Damn it. In that case...
"I knew you'd say that, so I'll only play one card."
"Seon-a only has one card left. Shoot next time."
"No, it's way too obvious!!"
"Actually, that was a bluff. A trap investigation~"
I played two A's. You didn't expect that, did you? Go ahead and press the button.
"Huh... two cards?"
"Uhehehe. Try pressing it!!"
I answered with complete confidence.
Maem didn't even hesitate—she slammed the desk. Slamming the desk meant she suspected me.
"No... you should at least think first..."
"Uhehehe. Arresting Seon-a."
I was flustered. Where had I slipped up? I had been perfect. Now this... the three of them had teamed up... I got played like a fool?
Was there a hidden camera? How did they know?
"This is fraud... the three of you planned this. You were trying to completely fool Seon-a... arrest complete."
"When? No way. Hehehe."
"I knew it. Maem distracted me with her stuffy laugh while Merona peeked at my cards. You're both caught. Hands on the table!! You're under arrest!!"
Ha... I look like such a sucker!!
"When did we do that!! Where's your evidence? Show us the evidence."
"Evidence... I have it."
"Where? Show me."
"Where's the habit of talking back to a prosecutor? Bonk!!"
I smacked Maem on the head. How dare a fraudulent gambler talk back to a prosecutor!! Does a top-ranked 9th-grade prosecutor look like your friend?
"Uwaaa."
"Crying won't help. No... Merona! You...!"
Cunning criminals. While my attention was on Maem, the fraudsters had played their cards and moved on. Good thing my eyes are sharp. Any other rookie prosecutor would've been completely fooled. Because I'm a top-ranked 9th-grade prosecutor—practically confirmed for promotion to true 8th grade—I noticed.
"This is a crime happening right now!!"
I slammed the desk. Huh...? They played it honestly? They actually put down two cards?
"What? What is it? What is it, Prosecutor Jjang? I'm curious~"
"Oh... these fraudsters... checkmate."
My hatred for the fraudsters only grew deeper. While I was busy arguing with Maem, they had cleverly clouded my judgment, then faked an honest play to put me in a bind. Hoo... resorting to such tricks? This was going to be a difficult fight. Still, I had to overcome it. Because I am top-ranked 9th-grade prosecutor Yu Seon-a. The only prosecutor capable of solving cases no one else can. If I can't solve it, no one can. I am the sole hope.
My current worldview was this.
"I can do it."
The awakened me succeeded in arresting Moddeok three times in a row. Moddeok showed reverence each time... but that didn't erase the crime.
Ah! I had originally sentenced her to life imprisonment for the crime of big breasts, but considering she maintained her integrity, I changed it to not guilty.
Maem and PapaChoi, however, remained guilty. Maem: stuffy-nosed laughter crime plus lying about brewing broth when she clearly had—ten-year sentence. PapaChoi: near-sighted streamer. Our room is the sworn-enemy broth room. We must maintain distance from male streamers. To preserve the broth room's identity, I sentence him to death.
Only me, right? Viewer love is fair and square. Uahahahaha.
After careful deliberation, I handed down sentences to all three. Of course, the sentences could change depending on the evidence. Ha, being a prosecutor really isn't something just anyone can do.