The Algorithm's Train Trip (1)
"You guys… it's over. Every last one of you criminals is going straight to the slammer."
"I just handed down the sentence."
"What sentence?"
"I sentenced the criminals. First up, Moddeok. Originally, it was life without parole."
"Huh? Why? What did I do?"
"The crime of having a massive chest. However!! Taking into account that you maintained your integrity, I find you not guilty."
"What integrity? When did I ever?"
"You did."
Next was Maem.
"Maem, I'm charging you with the crime of reeking of broth and lying about not simmering the stock. Ten years."
"B-broth reek crime…? Ehehehehe."
"It's a serious offense. Next… Papachoi."
I had nothing against Papachoi. But for the sake of broth stability… I had no choice.
"Papachoi, the crime of being a recent streamer. Death penalty."
"Wait, me? No. That's not fair. You're being too harsh."
"Not at all. I strive for a pure broth room. Don't feel wronged."
"Khhhk… So being a guy is a crime now?"
"Being a guy isn't a crime. But collabbing with a recent streamer while aiming for a broth room is. True broth love belongs to Seonpyeong. Mwahahahaha."
I couldn't help but laugh. Should I check the chat? Aren't they impressed? Don't they think I'm cool? Don't they want to praise me? Pet my head and say I did well? Right?
Good. They like it. Aren't they grateful? Happy? Don't they want to pat my shoulder? Aren't I adorable? Proud of me? Right? Mwahahaha.
"Papachoi, don't be too sad."
"I'm not sad. But… is there no room for leniency? I mean, I'm married and have two daughters… Can't we do something about this?"
"Uh…"
I hadn't thought of that. Does being married with kids in the broth room count as mitigating circumstances? This was a whole new problem. Still, he was definitely a recent streamer. By the rules, that meant the death penalty. But this was awkward.
"I think I need to ask about this. One second."
Thud!! Jury chance activated!!
"Jury members… what should I do?"
"Us? I'm a jury member? Ehehehe."
"Not you, Maem. The viewers. The viewers are broth lovers!!"
The jury was split. Was a married recent streamer an exception?
Huh? What kind of logic was that? Boyfriend = death penalty, but married woman = ehehe? What's the difference? Weren't they basically the same? I really didn't get it.
"Inng…?"
"What's wrong?"
"Jjangham, why? Let's play the game."
"It says if he has a boyfriend it's like a cockroach in a restaurant, but if he's a married woman it's ehehe. Why?"
"Hahahahaha. Just ignore donations like that!! Seriously!! Hahahaha."
Maem was laughing so hard she was reeking of broth, but I couldn't hear it. I truly didn't understand. What was the difference?
One of my problems… once I get fixated on something, I have to resolve it. I know that, but there's no fixing it… How do I stop it from spinning in my head? Ugh… I can't take it.
"What's different about a married woman?! What changes if a VTuber is married?!"
"It is different, though."
"Papachoi, what's different? Please explain."
"Uh… um. Yes."
"Tell me."
I pressed relentlessly. Why did he like married women?
"Why do you like married women, Papachoi?"
"Urk. Eh? No. That's not—fabrication, what is this!! It's not me."
"Right. Right. It's not. Jjangham is right. You're married too, so you don't love married women?"
"Uh… Ah! That's true. I do love them."
I didn't get it. I couldn't understand the psychology at all. Ugh… this was hard. I needed deeper research. I thought I understood, but there were still so many things I didn't know. I was learning again. Growing again like this.
"Anyway, let's just play the game. Going in."
Moddeok started the game without giving me time to think. I couldn't focus on it. There shouldn't be any crisis for Inspector Jjang. That was who Inspector Jjang was. And yet… a crisis had occurred.
I didn't get it at all. I really didn't! Why was my brain… researching why a boyfriend and a husband were different?
Even the ultimate liberal arts 9th-grade Inspector Jjang didn't know this logic… The sentence itself was contradictory. I was so curious I asked the chat for help.
Ah! It was a weird hobby? Of course!! I knew something was off. Phew… refreshing. So refreshing. That was the answer I wanted.
That was all they needed to say. Now I could finally focus on the game.
After that, the game was fun. The sentences kept changing, and in the end everyone was found not guilty. They were all good people, and there were parts I'd misunderstood. Everyone got the official verdict of "no charges."
Starting with Moddeok… she was guilty for having a big chest, then not guilty for keeping her integrity, then guilty again for relentlessly attacking me, then not guilty in the next round for always siding with me.
Maem was guilty of broth-reek crime and broth-rambling crime, but awakened her broth-reek power to charm my heart and got not guilty.
Next was Papachoi. I really agonized over it. I considered that he was married, and because he liked married women, he probably wasn't the type of streamer who would harm the broth community. So I concluded not guilty.
For three days straight, I only did the same stream. Today I started my usual routine like a hamster on a wheel. Checked Discord, planned what to do… and turned on YouTube.
I thought it would be another ordinary day, but something felt different. A train trip had popped up in my algorithm. I wanted to try it. I wanted to go on a train trip too. So I looked into it. There were train trips in Korea too. Pretty expensive, but it was a three-day, two-night trip… I really wanted to go.
As if possessed, I made the reservation. Only family rooms were left, so it was perfect for three people. Mom, Dad, and Seon-a. That would work.
"Uh… this should be fun, right?"
I was always like this. Should I tell my parents now? I called Dad, but he didn't answer, so I called Mom.
"Mom. It's Seon-a."
"I know. What's up?"
"Do you know about the Haerang Train?"
"I do."
"Have you been?"
"I went once before."
"I already bought tickets. You, Dad, and I can all go together!!"
"Uh… hmm…"
She suddenly went quiet.
"Um… why don't you go with your friends? Try going with friends for once. You should make the effort. Try mustering the courage to ask a friend."
"Uh…"
I didn't have any friends. I had no friends.
"It'd be more fun if you went with friends, Seon-a~ Make some memories. You've already gone with Mom and Dad plenty of times, right?"
"Ah…!! I see. Okay!!"
"Good. Thank you~ My daughter. Let's go somewhere else together next time~"
"Yes!! Then I'll earn lots of money and we'll go on an overseas trip!!"
"Hahaha. Alright~ You're so thoughtful~"
I'd already paid, so did I have to get a refund? I didn't have any friends… What should I do?
First I called Maru, but she had a schedule and couldn't go. Instead she suggested we go to Japan together later… probably for free? So I said okay and hung up. Maru was out, unfortunately.
Refund? No. There was still someone left. Next was… Pyeong.
"I guess I'll go with Pyeong."
Yeah. Instead of hiking, we could go on a trip. For the company's success!!
I called Pyeong on Discord.
"Hello."
"Pyeong. Are you free from this Friday for three days?"
"What's going on?"
"You know the Haerang Train? I reserved it. Let's go together."
"Excuse me?"
"I asked Mom and she told me to go with friends… but I don't have anyone to go with!!"
"You should go with another streamer…"
"Ugh, you have to come too, Pyeong!! You're my number one priority!!"
I was the boss!! I had to provide employee welfare. Travel welfare meant going together.
"Ah… yes."
"You're coming, right?"
"Yes…"
Now, who should the third person be? Hmm… Ah!! Moddeok. I had to go with Moddeok. In the end, it always came down to my priorities. Zero: parents. First: Maru and Pyeong. Second: Moddeok. Third: undecided. Raming and Maem were still too early. We had to meet in person first.
Then… Merona.
"Yeees~ What is it?"
"Moddeok. Let's go on a trip."
"A trip?"
"It's called the Haerang Train. It popped up in my algorithm today so I reserved it? But it's a family room and my parents said no, so now it's Pyeong—you know Pyeong, right?—Pyeong, me, and you. Three of us."
"Huh? It's not a game?"
"Inng? Not a game, real life!!"
"Ah! Real life? I thought it was a game."
"No… why does everyone think real life is a game? Kong-kong…"
I was genuinely curious, but all I heard was laughter.
"When are we going? I can take a break from streaming."
"This Friday… so the day after tomorrow."
"Ooh. Very spontaneous."
"Are you coming?"
"Hmm… the day after tomorrow? Hmm… okay."
"Mwahahaha. Then I'll send you the meeting place!! It's free! I already reserved it!"
"Ooh. Thank you~ I'll buy dinner."
"No!! Thank you for coming with me!!"
"Ehehe. She's such a kind person. Breasts never lie, after all."