Now It's Your Turn
Even now, after somehow achieving a strange coexistence with the other personalities, I wondered how terrifying it must have been at the very beginning.
"Of all days, it happened on her own birthday."
I stared blankly at the date engraved on the sign once more.
Then I turned the minecart around.
Heading toward the quarantine gate where I could adjust the rail's direction.
I couldn't run away. This was the path Yuri had walked all alone.
Only by understanding what kind of wounds she'd suffered during that time could I get closer to her.
The minecart rolled back much faster than when it had come in.
Was the uneasy feeling that it resembled burying my emotions and fleeing simply my own mood?
The minecart simply kept rolling along the rails.
Wherever that might lead.
Without knowing what waited at the end.
Just heading in the direction it had been pushed.
It's been a while since I wrote. It's already been three months since the new year began, but I'm only now making a diary for when I was fifteen.
Today I'll write in advance! Clear-day Yuri stopped by~!
You left me a present while I was asleep? I'm a little embarrassed. It feels like someone caught me doing something sneaky.
Writing this makes me feel depressed. Still... unlike self-harm, this can leave a continuous trace.
If you see this, can you hold back from self-harming? It hurts so much when I suddenly come to and look at my body.
Sigh... This kind of game really isn't my thing. Original personality? If you see this, could you order me a knitting set?
Yeah. Though I don't know where Clear will toss it in the meantime.
It's finally summer. I didn't go out much anyway, but I've decided to drop out of school. What good would changing classes do? The kids who bullied me are all in the same class again.
This is the Cloudy personality. Original personality, please tell Clear-day me to buy some Monsta white yarn.
Now I can finally feel it inside when you all move my body.
The doctor says it's the collapse of the mental boundaries... but for now, it's actually comfortable.
It's winter. Hello.
Hello, Snowy-day me. I guess I'll only be able to see you during winter.
Another year has come to an end. It's much busier than last year, which is nice. Though the hospital says my symptoms are getting worse.
"So this is how she spent her second year."
On the surface, she looked just a little brighter than in her first year.
She was talking with her other weather personalities and communicating through the Diary.
But... this was just a scab that had formed over festering wounds.
Dropping out. The collapse of personality boundaries. Worsening symptoms.
These serious events were written so casually in the diary that she pretended everything was fine.
What irritated me the most among them was the middle school section.
The kids who had bullied Yuri in first year, the homeroom teacher who had basically ignored it and swept everything under the rug.
And the school that had nonchalantly placed her in the same class as those same bullies in second year.
It made me so angry I felt like I was getting sick just reading it. I couldn't imagine how Yuri must have felt.
"Ha..."
The hand holding the mouse trembled violently.
I barely suppressed the urge to punch the wall.
'Getting angry now won't change anything. Hold it in. You have to hold it in.'
I calmed myself and forced my breathing to steady.
What mattered wasn't venting my anger, but Yuri's fractured mental state.
From the entries that appeared later, it seemed the Snowy-day personality was essentially limited to winter.
Given how concise she was, I could assume she had a cold personality.
"The biggest problem is Yuri's mental condition..."
I rested my chin on my arm and reviewed the diary entries again.
'The mental boundaries are collapsing.'
'The hospital says my symptoms are getting progressively worse.'
The fact that the original personality could now watch the other personalities' activities in real time from inside wasn't simply because they had grown used to each other.
Both the Yuri who wrote this diary and I had simply thought it was a convenient feature.
'Does that mean the other personalities being able to see each other's memories is also a result of her mental deterioration?'
Considering the diary's contents, it was entirely possible.
If they could peek at each other's memories, there would be no reason to log into the game and leave notes.
The multiple personality characters in fiction didn't seem to suffer any of the usual inconveniences, but that wasn't something to celebrate.
"Even when she met me, her insides were already rotting away."
If things continued like this, the boundaries supporting Yuri's mind would grow even blurrier.
In that case, rather than the happy ending of 'integration,' we would be heading toward 'collapse.'
And the end of that collapse would be the horrific conclusion I had witnessed firsthand when I was twenty-three.
"...That kind of ending is the one thing I absolutely refuse to accept."
I wanted to rush outside right now and run to Yuri.
But I couldn't.
"This year's diary..."
The tunnel had three sections in total.
If the first two sections contained her first- and second-year records, then the final one would hold the current year's entries.
Yuri had written in her diary consistently.
Even though only four months had passed this year, there would surely be signs posted.
Yuri would want me to read all the way to the end.
I had a duty to honor that wish.
I sat back down in the chair and moved my character.
Guiding the minecart toward the final section—this year's diary.
It's a diary that only I write again? Now that everyone can share memories.
Even though you don't write, thinking that you're all watching makes me feel like an author.
I had dinner with Mom after she came back from her business trip. I must be such a burden to her right now. Does she hate me?
"There's no way that's true."
On the contrary, she had said she felt sorry for not being able to stay by her side more.
After losing Dad, she had worked so hard to raise Yuri all by herself.
That's why she had been so happy when I said I was going to find Yuri.
Come to think of it, I haven't been to the hospital at all this year. Well... it'll be fine. It's not that uncomfortable anyway.
It's March. From Clear-day me's perspective, everyone on the street looked so full of energy. I'm jealous.
It's a lie. Even as I'm writing this right now, I can't believe it. Is it really... really true that you've come back? Am I not crazy?
From this point on, she could no longer hide her intense emotions.
Naturally, the day this entry was written was the day we first met.
The diary continued a little further after that.
I'm so happy. Noah contacts me every day. After coming back from America, he seems even cooler.
My other personalities can't contain themselves either. I hope Noah doesn't feel burdened.
Um... when I came to, I realized I'd been blankly listening to the voice message Noah sent over and over. Even as I'm writing this.
I'm trying to get Noah's attention using the method I saw on that broadcast... Is that okay? I'm not doing anything weird, right?
I got jealous when I heard his partner was a girl. But I want to go to school with Noah too... That's supposed to be my spot.
Before I knew it, only the final sign remained ahead.
Beyond it, only untouched walls filled the heavy space.
In other words, this sign would be the most recent entry Yuri had left yesterday.
It was the happiest week out of the past three years.
I hope the atmosphere someday will be like it is now.
It was short and simple.
Yet they were words I couldn't stop repeating in my head.
Yuri's last three years had been filled with nothing but pain and loneliness.
And she was saying that this moment was the happiest time of all?
The door burst open as I kicked it and I dashed straight out of the house.
I ran. Without even asking where Yuri was.
It was fine. I already knew.
The last text Yuri had sent me already held the answer.
[Remember the full moon we saw at the jungle gym? Isn't this the exact same photo?]
That single line.
That one photo.
There was no way I wouldn't know.
The only playground left with a jungle gym was that one.
Even as my breath burned in my throat, I didn't stop.
My feet kicked hard against the ground, propelling me forward.
"Just wait a little longer. I'll be right there, Yuri."
(Hehe, this is fun. Even without sunlight, just waiting for you like this is dazzling and joyful, Noah.)
She brushed herself off as she rose from the swing, then lightly climbed to the very top of the jungle gym.
She had definitely struggled and whined while climbing it as a child.
"Even after I got up here, I was scared of the height. 'Noah, help me down, hehe!' That's what I used to say~"
'Shut up! Of course I was scared back then—I was short!'
"You're getting all shy♪"
Even though it was the middle of the night, the original personality had handed control of the body over to me, the Clear-day personality.
She wasn't as bad as Cloudy, but she was full of worry and pessimism.
Of course, since I was one of her fragments too, I couldn't say I didn't understand.
"Noah will be here soon. Have you decided what you're going to say?"
'That's what I should be asking. We're outside. This is the only place where you can be active.'
Instead of answering, I looked up at the sky and reached out my hand.
Toward the Big Dipper—the only constellation visible even in the city.
Hummed the melody of a song I'd recently heard and kept wishing upon the stars.
"If I could become a constellation with you♪"
Tap tap tap.
The sound of feet pounding roughly toward me.
At the same time, a shout calling my name urgently.
A smile naturally formed on my lips.
"...You've come, Noah. My wish has really come true."
Finally spotting me, he shouted.
"Huff... huff... Yuri. Yuri!!"
I stood fully upright on the jungle gym, looking at my childhood friend.
To Noah, I probably looked hidden in the moonlight.
Aah... I wanted to run into his arms right this second.
I just wanted to act spoiled and cling to him with a bright smile.
But this wasn't my time.
No matter how dense I could be, I had at least this much awareness.
'It's dangerous. You'll fall. You might even lose consciousness.'
"Yeah. That's exactly why I climbed all the way up here. If a split personality loses consciousness, the original personality takes over the body in a hurry, right?"
Back when Cloudy had hurt herself badly, the original personality had rushed to call the hospital and get help.
'Wait, what are you doing!! Hey—!!'
"It's your turn now. Do your best♪"
Without a moment's hesitation, I threw my body into the empty air.