Guan Yu Sis (2): The Accidental Grope
Suddenly groping Guan Yu's breasts in that unprecedented blunder brought the fight to an abrupt end. Thump. Her legs gave out, and she collapsed to the ground, glaring at me with eyes brimming with tears.
"Uh... Gong. Sorry."
I found myself speaking politely without thinking.
"To have my breasts touched by a man I haven't even permitted a future with... the worst...!"
Guan Yu cried out loudly, her eyes glistening with tears.
"Ah... sorry. It wasn't on purpose."
I apologized in a fluster.
"Hng..."
Tears streamed down Guan Yu's face. No! Why are you crying! Is it really that tragic? Bodies bump during fights. And she was trying to kill me!! Breasts get touched in the heat of battle.
"Ow!! Get up!!!"
Something about the stinging stares from the crowd.
"Grabbing her breasts so barbarically..."
"As expected of a rootless foreigner..."
The gazes of Zhuo Xian's townsfolk turned icy in an instant. No way. Just moments ago, when I'd held out for twenty exchanges against Guan Yu, they were saying things like, "That guy's something else," with tones of admiration! And now their perception had twisted straight into the gutter.
"It's your breasts that are too damn big!!!"
I felt utterly wronged.
"Hiyaak?!"
Guan Yu's face flushed red as she looked flustered.
"Swinging around something that huge in a fight—it's bound to brush against something! Why are you bawling like a victim!! Snap!!"
You came at me first to lop off my head! What's with the victim cosplay!! And with tits that size, they're gonna get grabbed in a grapple anyway! It's your boobs—you're supposed to guard 'em yourself!
"You swung your sword at me arbitrarily, judging me on your own, and I accidentally inflicted some wounds in return. We're both at fault here, so let's just let it slide."
Persuasion +1
Maybe because I'd thrown in some persuasive words. My Persuasion stat ticked up slightly. Persuasion—the classical term for the power of eloquence. A rhetoric stat of sorts. Level it up, and convincing people or haggling gets easier.
But... the starting protagonist was born with Persuasion at 1, total trash. Naturally, those words carried zero convincing power.
"I was trying to sort out right from wrong!! But you were the one who dragged my late mother into it first!!"
Guan Yu shot back loudly and decisively.
"You started talking shit first, so of course a mom insult slips out! Trash talk happens in fights!"
"Gah!!!! Your vulgarity is plain from that mindset! That's why you toy with a lady's breasts!!"
Looks like my persuasion attempt on Guan Yu had failed spectacularly. Yeah. Obvious failure. We were basically bickering like elementary school kids right now.
Guan Yu immediately gripped her sword and stood.
"Fine!! Let's go fifty exchanges then!!! I'll split your corpse in two within that!!"
She bellowed, her rage boiling over.
"......"
Fuck. Gotta fight again? Seriously, no one's coming?
That was when it happened.
"No way!! Kim!! You're alive!!"
Zhang Fei came charging in like a madman, sword drawn.
"Kim the Hero!! You okay?"
Liu Bei followed right behind, hefting an improvised weapon. The way he casually gripped the sword like a thug's tool gave off serious gangster vibes.
"How dare you touch my brother!!"
Zhang Fei barged into the fray between the market stalls, radiating fury. No. When did you see that and decide we're brothers?
"Yide!! First, we need to figure out why the fight started and sort right from wrong."
Liu Bei reined him in with a scolding tone.
"Liu Bei... and Zhang Fei, huh. So you lot were all in cahoots with Zhang Shiping after all."
Guan Yu seemed convinced by their arrival. That I was in league with these guys.
No. We're not. Just shared a drink.
But with Liu Bei and Zhang Fei treating me like blood kin, it fanned her suspicions.
"Ah... so you're Gong. I've heard the rumors."
Liu Bei spoke with a faint smile, even on the brink of another fight.
"Exactly. Aren't you the ones blocking our little hero's business and intimidating him?"
Guan Yu replied, her face full of fury—mostly aimed at me. Her affinity for me had clearly hit rock bottom.
"That's a misunderstanding. There may have been some friction, but we've never used illegal means to interfere with your business."
Liu Bei stated flatly.
"Then why'd you kill three of our guys yesterday!!"
Guan Yu shouted.
"You really don't get it!! Huh?! I didn't even know they were yours!! What, three punks try to rob me bare, and I just roll over?!"
With allies on my side, confidence surged, and I fired back sharply. Even I thought I sounded a bit sleazy.
"R-Rob you bare...?"
Guan Yu's face turned beet red at that. No. It's robber slang. Why do you react to those words every time?
"Everyone in the market knows it. Kim the Hero isn't some thug. Those three who died yesterday picked the fight first; he only drew his sword to protect himself."
A subtle anger crept into Liu Bei's face. I'd thought it was just a rough, affable mug... but hardened into a fierce glare, it was downright terrifying. Pure gangster aura.
"You keep talking about right and wrong, Lady Guan, but aren't you the one shielding your own thugs and ignoring the truth? Is dragging a simple matter into a duel to the death really the right call?"
Liu Bei pressed her hard.
"Th-That was..."
Liu Bei, you sure know how to work that mouth. Guan Yu seemed at a loss for words.
"Why don't we step aside and talk it out? We'll understand each other if we just converse."
Liu Bei smiled.
"And... Kim the Hero, you went too far with your words in the heat of battle. Let's all cool off."
He turned a stern smile on me too. What the hell. He was treating me like a mischievous little brother who'd gotten into trouble.
Fuck.... scary.
At this rate, I'd wake up as Liu Bei's right-hand man. Already, the way he looked out for his own sent chills down my spine. I really needed to stay sharp.
-------
Anyway, what followed was the classic unfolding everyone knows. Soon enough, Zhang Shiping and Xiao Shuang both showed up with their gangs of thugs, the air thick with the threat of all-out war. But Liu Bei brushed it off with his masterful silver tongue and proposed forming a united cartel.
Xiao Shuang wouldn't meddle in Zhang Shiping's horse trading, and vice versa. No overlapping ventures to spark trouble. They even planned a collab: Xiao Shuang's near-death old nags bought dirt-cheap by Zhang Shiping for slaughter and processing into meat. Xiao Shuang still profited on the cheap sales, while Zhang Shiping's crew provided cheap security for Xiao Shuang's operations.
Fighting in cramped little Zhuo Xian only hurt them anyway. Turn the city into a thug battleground, and customers vanish. Liu Bei reconciled the two outfits on the spot... then extended his claws toward Guan Yu.
After that, it went exactly as expected. Guan Yu came to respect Liu Bei, and before long, Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei were inseparable. In just three hours, he'd normalized Zhuo Xian through sheer camaraderie. Definitely not an ordinary guy.
Yeah. The Peach Garden Brotherhood was formed.
Oh, and for reference: with Liu Bei taking the lead, I apologized to Guan Yu too. She had her pride as a woman. Not wanting to look petty, she admitted her fault and accepted coolly. She didn't seem like a bad person anyway, so no hard feelings.
We shook hands in reconciliation and cleanly buried the hatchet.
That should've been perfect.
Now I can hole up in Zhuo Xian, grind nearby bandits and such to level up...
With the Guan Yu mess sorted, I started plotting my gamer roadmap.
But other problems loomed.
------
"Hey!! Kim!! Morning chores done? Wandering like you've got nothing to do? Uhahat! Wanna patrol the village together?"
"Kim the Hero. Good morning today as well."
"Kim Gong. Good morning."
At some point, the Liu-Guan-Zhang trio started sticking to me like glue every day.
"Those four really look like blood siblings."
"Heh. In these chaotic times, it's a fine sight even if blood doesn't bind them."
The common folk were starting to bundle us four as a set menu.
I've gotta stay sharp for real...!
At this rate, I'd smoothly get absorbed into Liu Bei's faction and suffer endlessly.
"What were you planning to do, Kim Gong?"
Guan Yu suddenly addressed me. We'd blushed and brawled, but she had such a straightforward personality. She warmed up to me quick.
Kinda like the popular neighborhood big sis.
Yeah. She had that carefree charm.
"Lately, the bandits' movements have been fishy. Planning to scout around Zhuo Xian and gauge their forces."
I vaguely shared my recent routine. Yeah. Farming. Nearby Zhuo Xian had manageable bandits for grinding. Catching them leveled my combat skills—Strength, Agility, Vitality stats, even Swordsmanship proficiency up to 3. Still a long way off, but with the hellgate ahead, I had to grind diligently.
"Wow... never takes a day off. Meanwhile, our Yide just drinks all day. Impressive."
Guan Yu said with a laugh.
"Hey!! I work when I work, sis!!"
Zhang Fei protested indignantly.
"Haha. Kim the Hero is a true knight-errant. Learn from him, Yide."
Liu Bei fanned the flames right away.
"Well... Kim the Hero is pretty amazing!"
Yide nodded with a grin.
We chatted amiably like that... but tears welled up inside me. I couldn't keep bantering so warmly with them...! At this rate, I'd end up a full Peach Garden Brother...!!!
"Well then, I'll be off. Nanpi's movements seem off. Better prepare early."
I decided to bail quick.
"Yeah!! Kim!! Gotta patrol with bro!! Drinks after!!"
Zhang Fei snapped his fingers.
I don't wanna keep drinking and bullshitting with this guy every day...!! Honestly, I'm attached now...!! Miss him if he's not around.
"Heh. Then I'll join too. Mother sent some fine tea leaves. Let's share a cup."
Liu Bei smiled. Yeah... time to wean off the attachment. Start some distance.
That's when I tried pulling away.
"Kim Gong. I've got some free time—mind if I tag along?"
Guan Yu asked. No. Guan Yu sis? With me?
"Haven't cut down anyone in ages; my body's all stiff. Good deeds and a workout—win-win, right?"
She grinned brightly.
"Uh... sure, let's go."
A reliable companion? Hell yeah... whatever. I decided to patrol Zhuo Xian's lawless outskirts with Guan Yu sis.