Guan Yu Noona (3)
This game was fundamentally a soulslike RPG, so it naturally came stocked with all sorts of trash mobs. The enemies that popped up frequently during the Yellow Turban Rebellion were bandits. Deserters who'd turned to banditry for survival, or remnants of the Yellow Turbans—they made up the bulk. Their skill level was about the same as those three punks I'd sliced up right after arriving in this world.
What I'd been doing for the past month was hunting down the bastards lurking around Zhuo Xian.
'Villagers wandering the outskirts—it's so damn RPG-like.'
Yeah. You could chalk it up to game-like conveniences... but considering the worldbuilding, it made sense. The late Han Dynasty right now was basically an apocalypse. With Zhuo Xian as a solid base, and plenty of EXP piñatas nearby, there was no reason not to roam and farm.
'Surprisingly good money too.'
Honestly, it beat hauling half-rotten meat from Zhang Shiping's butcher shop. Stripping the bandits of their weapons and clothes and selling them off? Solid side hustle. I'd already squirreled away plenty of rice and cloth.
'Gotta get stronger, and make bank.'
In this insane world, strength and wealth were justice. That's what bought you freedom.
'First, gotta bail outta Youzhou, Bingzhou, and Jizhou.'
The Yellow Turbans were in their fever pitch right now—best to steer clear. Head a bit south to somewhere peaceful like Xuzhou. Live it up until Cao Cao's Xuzhou Massacre kicks off, then slip away smooth.
'After that, maybe hole up in Yi Province?'
So remote, slim chance of war hitting. Should be fine settling there. I knew the Three Kingdoms plot well enough anyway. Just hopscotch to spots where battles weren't likely—easy peasy. Sure, I'd have to hoof it across the Central Plains... but whatever.
'Bet on a specific faction? Nah.'
In these chaotic times, that was suicide. This game had high freedom degree—no need to enlist with any one power.
'Uh? But don't the Wei end up winning? Just cozy up under Cao Cao and live large. Idiot.'
There was a Three Kingdoms nerd in my head, pushing up glasses and spouting that crap. But that was the mindset of some webnovel-brained fool. Join a faction and suddenly you're the protagonist? Yeah right—at best you're cannon fodder, tops a minor general.
'Picking the winning side doesn't mean you survive long.'
Behind Cao Cao's insane win streak in the Three Kingdoms lay mountains of corpses. Death is impartial. Especially in wars fought blade-to-blade. Winners die plenty, losers even more. How many burned to ash at Red Cliffs? Think you're immune? "I'm different" is the most dangerous thought.
Best play: dodge big wars, live as a commoner.
'Merc it up moderately, or save enough to start trading.'
Hunting bandits and thugs could be a chill gig. Build up funds, snag a pretty wife, pop out kids, live happily ever after. Thin and long—that was my stance.
"Kim Gong. What're you thinking so hard about?"
That's when Guan Yu called out to me.
"Ah. Nothing."
I shook my head.
"If something's troubling you, come talk to me. I'm your big sis, aren't I? It's a sister's job to hear out her little brother's worries."
Guan Yu flashed a lovely smile.
"......"
No. Don't flash that pretty smile while looking at me. I'm gonna get attached.
-----
The outskirts of Zhuo Xian were a nightmare. Corpses littered the ground everywhere. Plenty had been gnawed by wild dogs, exposing bleached bones. Charred husks from fires too. The carnage had spilled over from the neighboring village. That place was already smashed by the Yellow Turbans. The imperial troops had tried to hold them back, but got wrecked like dogs.
'Zhuo Xian's turn soon.'
Nanpi, the bigger city up north, had already fallen to the Yellow Turbans. War's flames would lick Zhuo Xian next. Sure, it felt peaceful so far... but everyone was on edge, pretending otherwise. Just ignoring the ugly truth and forcing smiles.
"Sights like this make me doubt the Master's teachings."
Guan Yu squeezed her eyes shut.
"No better than beasts. Truly."
She let out a mournful sigh.
Yeah. Hard to square with benevolence, righteousness, propriety, wisdom.
"These corpses are fresh. Bandits must be camped nearby. Let's clean 'em up."
I drew my sword, shifting to farming mode. Three days of grinding had mapped their patterns around here. Villagers venturing out from Zhuo Xian were easy prey. Loot the promising ones, rape the women—monsters born of the era.
"Mm. I'll help."
Guan Yu nodded firmly, drawing her butcher-knife-like saber. No Green Dragon Crescent Blade yet for this newbie version—rare sight.
"With Lady Guan backing me, I'm golden!"
I gave her the ego boost right away. Used to trash-talk at first, but not anymore. Water under the bridge.
"Ahem. You've got a talent for making folks feel good, Kim Gong."
Guan Yu puffed up instantly. Classic Guan Yu. Sky-high pride, melts for praise. Liu Bei exploited that with endless pets, turning her into his ride-or-die.
"Then let's hurry and smite these wicked fiends tormenting the common folk!!"
Guan Yu bellowed heroically, thrusting her chest out.
Boing.
Her overwhelming bust jiggled softly under her armor. Bust morphing like crazy. Wanna cop a feel pretending accident...? Nah, that's begging for a deathmatch. Self-control activated.
"Let's sweep the area first."
They popped up one or two at a time while roaming.
"Hm. Tracking via footprints and corpse states. You're sharp, Kim Gong."
Guan Yu looked impressed.
"......"
No. Just thinking game-logic. Roam outside, trigger encounters. Pure profit. And she's hyping me up.
------
Even if this felt like a real world, it was built on game foundations. Sure enough, we ran into them easy.
Crackle.
Crackle.
Beyond a half-burned hut, five bandits roasted dog meat.
"Snort...!! Gulp!!!"
And a woman, mouth gagged with cloth, writhing in terror.
"Vile...!"
My Guan Yu noona's face twisted in rage at the sight.
"Fuck that bitch first, then eat. Eh? My dick's already twitching..."
"Nah, we starved all day. Food first."
They chuckled.
"Me? I wanna sleep first."
Another laughed.
"Then sleep, dumbass?"
One snickered.
"You'll scarf all the food and fuck all the pussy while I snooze. Can't let ya have it all."
The sleeper-to-be grinned.
Full basic human needs on display. Food-shit-fuck priorities. But... their happy dilemma ends here.
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs.
"KKKIYAAAAAK!!!!"
I unleashed a battle cry, hyping my battle spirit. Lose momentum first, you're done!
"No!! We were supposed to sneak up!! This kills the ambush!!"
Guan Yu scolded me.
Ah. Slipped out... bit embarrassing.
"Wh-what?!"
The bandits panicked, scanning wildly.
"Hey!!! Block 'em!! Block!!"
They scrambled for weapons by the fire. Aggro fully on us. Hostage ignored. Perfect.
"Urgh!!!"
But sword-first rush wins speed. Game implemented it too—slash a careless foe for crit and execution anim. Game-world perks. Instant beheading motion.
Splat!!!
My sword sank halfway clean into the skull of the guy half-rising. 'Oof. Brutal...'
Blood and brains sprayed everywhere from the shattered cranium.
Crunch.
I whipped the blade, flinging gore, then sheathed it.
"Yeah!! Playin' hero, huh?! Huh?!"
Another thrust a short spear at me.
"Tch...!"
Too late to raise sword. Grabbed the corpse I'd gutted to block. Basic spear NPC thrust—easy parry.
Thud.
His spear lodged deep in the body.
"....!"
Stuck good—hard yank needed.
Squelch!!!
I jammed my sword into his neck while he struggled.
"Gack!!"
One bandit down in blood. Double kill.
Swordsmanship Lv. 6
Agility Lv. 6
Three left. Three was rough. I'd handled 1v3, but 1v5? No way. But no sweat—I wasn't solo.
"You rotten fucks!!!"
I had trusty Guan Yu.
"Hah!! This chick's pretty hot too..."
Clang.
Before the bandit finished his dumb taunt, Guan Yu blitzed and lopped his head. Literal one-second kill. Dude probably died clueless.
Shing.
Her strike flowed seamless, cleaving another's waist clean through.
"......."
Yeah. Fucking strong. Different league from me. But... I'm a growth character. Last hits are mine...!
"Urgh!!!!"
I charged the fleeing one, swinging full force.
Splurt!!!
Sliced his shoulder artery wide open. Each one pure EXP. Bandits cleared.
Weapons and rags'd fetch good coin. Heh heh. Drooling already.
"You alright?"
Guan Yu freed the woman.
"Ah... thank you!!"
She bawled.
"What brought you outside the village? Dangerous."
Guan Yu eyed her worriedly.
"No food... thought to dig roots..."
The woman mumbled her tragic tale.
Insane times.
"I see. Hurry home. And... if no food, find Lord Liu Bei. He'll help."
Guan Yu helped her up with a smile. Sweet to commoners... that's Guan Yu noona.
One job done. Time to strip the bandits.
I was fantasizing about peeling off those filthy dude clothes when—
"Heh hah... vermin... resist if you can... cough..."
The shoulder-slashed one chuckled through bloodshot eyes.
No. Still alive?
"My brothers and sisters in Nanpi... are coming to crush Zhuo Xian. I die easy... but the others... heh...!"
Suddenly spewing third-rate villain lines.
"Nanpi..."
Guan Yu's face hardened. Yeah, Nanpi was held by Zhang Yuanzi and Deng Mu's Yellow Turbans. But coming here?
'Not in canon Zhuo Xian start.'
Game devs' last mercy—starter zones like Zhuo Xian didn't get swarmed early. Pure bluff.
"Uh hah. Kneel and beg now..."
His coughing laugh pissed me off.
"Thanks for the tip."
Shoved my sword down his throat.
"W-wait... guh hah!!! GRAAAK?!"
Shut the chatterbox up, sheathed blade.
But... Guan Yu looked off.
"Kim Gong. What that bandit said... might not be bluff."
Her face pale.
"Nah, Lady Guan. Lowlifes like that know shit..."
I laughed it off, but felt the unease too. Gazing across the plains, a unnatural heat shimmered. North of Zhuo Xian—a yellow storm brewed.