Kirsi's Resolve
Shining Knight (2)
Even the next day, and the day after that, Caiden did not drop his formal demeanor toward the twins. The more he did so, the harder it became for Asena and Kirsi to breathe. It felt as though something inside them was dying. The distance between them only grew, and with it came the painful sense that their bond was slipping further away. This was exactly what Caiden had planned when he decided to create some space, but the twins had no way of knowing that.
Kirsi found herself lost in thought more often. Unable to find satisfaction in reality, she escaped into memories. Those imagined moments brought fleeting happiness, but when the fantasy ended, the gap between dream and reality struck her with a sharp, bitter pain.
They could only watch Caiden from afar. Kirsi had been told not to interfere with his duties, and Asena had been warned against meddling. Neither of them could bring themselves to defy him now.
Whenever Caiden walked with Daisy, Kirsi's eyes would fix on them. She had to witness, again and again, the woman she had come to resent most—and perhaps envy—standing beside the man she loved. How long will this pain last? she wondered.
Caiden still showed no sign of approaching them first. The longer his absence stretched, the emptier Kirsi felt. She understood why he refused to forgive them so easily. She had suppressed him, spread rumors about him. This was simply karma returning to her.
Kirsi wondered what he was thinking. The fact that he still wouldn't forgive them made her fear he might already dislike her. Even the night he had gently stroked her hair while she slept in his bed hadn't eased her anxiety. She hated how awkward things had become between them.
"....."
She felt she had to do something. He had told her not to disturb him during work, so she would wait until it was over. With that resolve, Kirsi began to form a plan.
****
I finished my duties for the day as usual. Even with the distance I'd put between myself and the twins, I didn't feel particularly stressed. If anything, a new kind of enjoyment greeted me. Having already decided to leave the family, I no longer had to hold myself back and could act with greater freedom.
Occasionally, when shy young ladies approached me, I found myself conversing with them naturally—an act I could never have imagined while the twins kept me hidden. There was a quiet happiness in being able to show more of myself.
Today had been productive in that sense as well. I had made new acquaintances as if at a ball, and spent the remaining time chatting with Judy and Daisy to pass the hours pleasantly.
As I was walking back past the girls' dormitory, a voice called out to me.
"....Oppa."
Kirsi suddenly appeared from between the grass, like a rabbit popping out of nowhere.
"Kirsi.......my lady."
I nearly called her by name in my surprise, but caught myself and added the formal title, widening the distance between us once more. She didn't seem particularly shaken—perhaps she had grown used to it.
"...Oppa, you're free tomorrow, right?"
"That is correct."
"...Then I'll make lunch for you tomorrow. Make some time for me."
"Lunch...?"
Her sudden offer surprised me, but I couldn't deny a spark of interest.
"....It's about time we made up, don't you think? If I cook for you tomorrow, eat it and let go of your anger."
"......"
I looked at Kirsi. Because our paths hadn't crossed much lately, it had been a while since I'd seen her this clearly. She looked visibly depressed, drained of vitality. It seemed she had been through considerable emotional turmoil. Did she really become this downcast just because I spoke formally? A strange sense of injustice stirred in me.
The betrayal I had felt was far greater and more painful. Comparing the weight of our suffering felt petty, but it was the truth. I hadn't badmouthed them, hadn't been ashamed of them, hadn't suppressed or pressured them. I had only spoken formally. Yet here she was, wearing that suffering expression and making me feel like the villain.
Of course, everyone has a different capacity for pain. I told myself it was because the twins cared for me so deeply. But I had loved them just as much. When the people you love betray you, the pain is devastating.
At the same time, I felt a pang of sympathy for Kirsi. She had even snuck into my bed not long ago. Perhaps it really was time to forgive them.
Two conflicting emotions wrestled in my heart: the sense of injustice, and the guilt of making them suffer like this.
"......"
When I didn't answer, Kirsi reached out and carefully took hold of my sleeve. It was nothing like the way she used to throw herself into my arms without hesitation.
"........Please. Let go of your anger now."
"......Haah.."
I let out a weary sigh. My expression softened as I looked at her the way I used to. Seeing that familiar face, Kirsi seemed to relax. She gently released my sleeve and took my hand instead.
In the end, I allowed the faint smile born of sympathy to show.
"...You said tomorrow, correct?"
"....Yes. I'll make something delicious for you myself.."
"You know how to cook?"
"....Not really, but I'll try my best."
"....Understood."
I nodded. Kirsi blinked, her voice brightening with cautious hope.
"..Really...?"
"Yes."
"Then... you'll eat the food I make and go back to how things were before?"
"As long as nothing goes wrong tomorrow."
Her hand tightened around mine.
"....I'll really do my best tomorrow."
Watching her like this, I made a decision. As promised, I would return to how things were tomorrow. It might still take time with Asena, but it was time to reconcile with Kirsi. Truthfully, I hadn't wanted to drag this out so long. At first, I had only been slightly upset. I had planned to show them my anger briefly and then let it go after some time. But Asena's outburst, and the sight of Kirsi asleep, had somehow led to this prolonged formality.
I reached out and stroked Kirsi's forehead, something I hadn't done in a long while.
"I understand."
At my touch, Kirsi flinched, then smiled with tears in her eyes.
****
After eating only breakfast, Kirsi headed straight to the Academy's kitchen. Right after making her promise with Caiden the previous day, she had arranged to borrow a corner of the kitchen. With her influence, she could have demanded far more, but she didn't want to inconvenience everyone. All she needed was one person to help her.
She asked Ewin—the same girl who had once prepared lunch for her during a walk with Caiden—for assistance.
"...L-like this?"
Kirsi carefully sliced an onion with a knife. Her eyes stung, and her once-delicate fingers were now covered in small cuts, but she didn't give up. This was the last of the ingredients. The chopping, too, was nearly finished.
Ewin nodded nervously.
"Yes..! Yes.. F-focus... and be careful... Yes, you're doing well."
Even the simple task of preparing ingredients, which a cook could finish quickly, took much longer because Kirsi insisted on doing everything herself. Ewin watched her and couldn't help but think how unusual this noble lady was. The fact that she spoke so politely to a commoner like herself, and that she had entered the kitchen—a place nobles would never willingly step into—to cook with her own hands... Because she was such an unusual person, Ewin couldn't help but view her favorably.
"..Now, add all the ingredients and stir over low heat. The sauce will come together."
"...Phew.."
After tossing everything into the simmering pot, Kirsi wiped the sweat from her brow and took a short break. Now she just had to wait for the sauce to cook.
With a moment to spare, Kirsi smiled brightly and thanked Ewin.
"Thank you. I ended up making more work for you."
"Ah...! No, not at all..! It's just..."
"....?"
"To be honest, I feel more comfortable when I'm here... Normally I'd only be doing menial chores."
"....Are you being bullied?"
Ewin flinched at the sharp question and waved her hands frantically.
"No! No! It's not that. I'm just the newest and youngest here, so I'm doing what I'm supposed to do."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty."
"We're the same age, Ewin."
Kirsi smiled warmly. Ewin smiled back.
Encouraged by the comfortable atmosphere, Ewin gathered her courage.
"Um........"
"It's Kirsi."
"..Kirsi-nim, but... is there a reason you're cooking yourself today?"
"......"
"Ah... I-If it's a difficult question, you don't have to answer...!"
"Ahaha... It's not that."
Kirsi's smile gradually faded as she let out a long sigh. Ewin focused on her.
"....Actually, I'm making this for my oppa today."
"...I see."
"I made a big mistake toward him. Normally he would forgive me quickly, but this time he's so angry that it's not going away easily."
"So you're preparing this meal as an apology?"
"That's right. Tomato pasta is one of his favorite dishes."
"Wow... If you're going this far to apologize to your oppa, you must really like him a lot."
"......"
Kirsi was silent for a moment, then looked Ewin straight in the eye and spoke honestly.
"...Yes. I like him very much."
"........I'm jealous."
Ewin whispered without thinking. Kirsi didn't miss it.
She smiled gently and asked, "....Do you have any siblings, Ewin?"
She had asked because Ewin seemed to long for a brother. But Ewin gave a lukewarm reaction and smiled awkwardly.
"...Well... I'm an orphan."
Kirsi covered her mouth.
"Ah..! I'm sorry... That was thoughtless of me."
Ewin waved her hands again in a panic.
"No! No! Please don't apologize to me. When I said I was jealous, it wasn't because of that..."
Ewin fell quiet, lost in thought. The sauce bubbled softly in the pot, and a pleasant aroma began to rise. In that moment, the two of them shared a deeper conversation.
Ewin broke the silence first, speaking carefully.
"....Actually, I had an oppa too."