Principle Above All (5)
"......"
It was quite an unbelievable sight. In the Freister territory, this might have been an ordinary scene, but this was the Academy. Had she been the reason the dorm door was unlocked? More importantly, how had she gotten in? And why?
.....No. I had a rough idea why she had come. But why wait for me like this?
She wasn't sitting calmly on the sofa. She was hiding beneath the blanket.
Once the initial shock passed, my next reaction was a hollow laugh.
"...Haha... I really..."
Pity and heartache welled up at the sight of her, forcing out a weary chuckle. I'd spent the entire day worrying, and this was what she'd been doing. Even after fighting and hurting each other, she still ended up craving my affection. It was impossible not to smile. If I had truly disliked the twins, Kirsi's actions would have been chilling and terrifying. But that wasn't the case. It only made my chest ache.
At the same time, a sense of relief washed over me. The fact that she would go this far meant she regretted everything and felt sorry toward me. She understood her mistake and had come seeking my love again. Unlike Asena, who had engaged in that strange battle of wills today, Kirsi was asking for forgiveness. To demand love after a fight, one had to cast aside all pride—especially in a state like this.
"....."
Perhaps because it was such a surprise, the effect was remarkable. The anger and resentment in my heart began to melt away. That said, I didn't regret my actions. I hadn't done anything wrong. Sometimes, it was necessary to remind them that I wasn't the only one being hurt. And honestly... I still needed to show them more. It had only been one day. Though the anger had faded, I had to continue this as a warning.
"....."
Formal speech was formal speech, and pity was pity. I quietly approached her and placed my hand on her damp forehead, gently wiping away the beads of sweat. Up close, I realized her forehead wasn't the only problem. Her entire body was soaked. How long had she been under the blanket to sweat this much? She must have planned to skip everything today—she was still wearing her casual clothes. A layered top paired with a two-piece outfit wrapped around her waist. At least the fabric wasn't too loose; otherwise, it would have clung to her damp skin and created an awkward scene.
She really had grown up. Perhaps it was time she learned to be more careful.
After wiping her forehead clean, I sat beside her and stroked her silver hair. It had been a long time since I'd looked at her this closely. The busy academy life had left no room for such moments. Touching her brought a complicated feeling to my chest. She occupied a large part of it. The space she filled was warm, but that warmth came with unease. The only ones who could truly hurt me were the people I cared about most, and Kirsi's recent behavior had been more than enough to worry me. The pain still felt vivid whenever I recalled it. The twins had become my fatal weakness. A single hurtful word from them could make me sway like a reed. That was why I had decided to leave. If my resolve had been so easily shaken, I wouldn't have voiced it in the first place.
Kirsi's current state was pitiful, but this moment might also be an opportunity—an opportunity to create distance between us. The twins showed me such contradictory sides. Politically, they pushed me away, yet personally, they clung to me, ignoring the pain it caused. When I resolved to leave, they grew anxious and upset—uncomfortable enough that it made them uneasy. So... perhaps it was necessary to widen the gap between us. Since I would eventually leave anyway, reducing their resistance seemed like the better option.
I set the complicated thoughts aside and simply enjoyed the rare moment of peace that had returned to me. Stroking her silken hair brought an involuntary smile to my lips. I could finally understand how married men felt. They said wives looked most beautiful when asleep... Kirsi was no different. With her mouth closed in sleep, she was impossibly lovely. And the sheer absurdity of the situation kept making me laugh. How on earth had she come up with this idea?
As I mulled over these thoughts, my hand must have pressed a little too firmly, because she let out a soft moan.
".....Oppa...?"
I snapped back to my senses and withdrew my hand, rising to my feet. I wondered if she'd noticed me stroking her, but Kirsi was still half-asleep, her movements sluggish. She called my name and shrugged her shoulders, then suddenly froze. Her eyes flew open, and she sat up in bed, supporting herself with her arms while still on her knees. She looked at me with a flustered expression before hurriedly adjusting her clothes. I had already seen everything, so I didn't understand why she was so surprised. She grabbed the hem of her two-piece skirt and pulled it down again, even though it was already covering her. Then she let out a sigh of relief, as if something fortunate had happened. I couldn't fathom what she was so desperate to hide, but it seemed to me that explaining why she had snuck into my bed should have come first.
"......"
When I simply stared at her, she finally spoke, carefully gauging my reaction.
"Oppa... well, you see, it's..."
I deliberately hardened my expression. My anger had completely dissipated, but I had no intention of acknowledging that today. I made my decision—to uphold my resolve that this matter wouldn't be resolved so easily, and to create some distance for the sake of the future.
"Please return to your room, Lady Kirsi. You shouldn't enter someone else's room so carelessly."
Kirsi's face, still dazed from sleep, stiffened. I held her gaze firmly. As she processed my words, her expression filled with deeper confusion, sorrow, resentment, sadness, and pain—all the negative emotions at once. In an instant, she began to sob.
"...Oppa... please... I hate this so much... Can't you stop?"
"....."
"Why do you keep talking like you're a stranger...? Really... is this the end for us? It isn't, right...? Oppa... you know I can't live without you..."
"....Eventually, you'll have to live without me. I already told you I would leave someday."
"I said I don't want that!"
She raised her voice in protest. At that moment, I heard footsteps approaching from outside. It had to be Eric. A soft knock followed, and he spoke.
'Brother, is everything all right? I thought I heard voices.'
"Ah, sorry. I'm fine! Lady Kirsi....... just came to visit!"
'...Lady Kirsi?'
Eric naturally questioned why I was referring to Kirsi so formally. But now wasn't the time to explain.
"...I'll explain later, Eric. Sorry for bothering you so late!"
'No, it's all right. I was just worried something might have happened.'
"Yeah, get some rest."
'Yes, sir.'
Once our brief exchange ended, Eric's footsteps faded away. After he left, Kirsi spoke again.
"....You call Eric by his name, but I'm Lady Kirsi? How could you? We're closer than that... right?"
"The inflexible one isn't Eric."
"..I was wrong... I did something wrong, so..."
She clutched her chest and spoke through tears.
"Every time you speak formally... it hurts right here, like it's being stabbed. It hurts so much I can't breathe... When I think you've grown tired of me... the tears won't stop. Huh...? That's not true, is it...? You're not really going to keep treating me this coldly forever...? Do you really hate me now...? Do you not like me anymore?"
"....."
At this point, even the devil inside me threw up his hands. The same devil who had felt relieved now whispered that Kirsi was pitiful. In the past... I might have given up here. I might have simply hugged her, stroked her hair, and forgiven her. But the thought I'd had while watching her sleep held me back. Someday I would leave them, and when that time came, the pain would be far greater than this. Wasn't it better to administer the vaccine now? Good medicine was always bitter.
"...."
After staring at my silence, Kirsi staggered to her feet from the bed. As she approached me, she suddenly flinched, as if something had occurred to her.
".....?"
"......"
While I looked at her in confusion, she rolled her eyes, searching her memory. Then her eyes widened, and she asked in a higher pitch.
"....Oppa, weren't you stroking my hair...?"
It seemed the boundary between dream and reality had finally cleared for her.
"...Oh."
When I reacted involuntarily, a relieved smile began to form on her face.
"Ah...! Ah... I knew it...!"
"..It was a dream."
I tried to explain, but she bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut with a face full of joy.
"Right... right...! There's no way you could hate me....!"
Her stammering gradually gave way to confidence. Her swaying body steadied, the expression crumpled in sadness smoothed out, and her actions grew bolder. Before I knew it, she was approaching me, trying to wrap her arms around my neck. I blocked her once, but the memory of stroking her sleeping head seemed to give her unshakable conviction. She quickly regained her nerve and came at me again. The second time, I couldn't push her away. The pity I felt for her and the smile that had formed while she lay in my bed made it impossible to reject her. Her arms coiled around my neck like a snake.
"...I knew it... Oppa still loves me... I knew you would..."
As she writhed with joy after confirming my feelings once more, I finally couldn't hold back my laughter. It came out as a short "Ha," sounding like a scoff, but the smile on my face revealed my true emotions. Seeing me smile, Kirsi burst into tears again, her face beaming, and buried it against my neck. I felt both her warmth and the dampness at the same time. In the end, there was only one thing left for me to say.
"....I do love you, but it's also true that I'm angry right now."
I still hadn't dropped the formal speech. Kirsi nodded vigorously, sobbing harder, like a child being comforted after a scolding.
"Hic... Y-yes... I was wrong."
She even used the formal speech she only employed when acting cute toward me as she begged for forgiveness.
"You've been making mistakes quite often lately."
I said. I still wasn't hugging her back. I simply wasn't pushing her away. But that alone seemed to satisfy her, and Kirsi clung to me even tighter.
"I'm sorry...."
Now she began pressing not just her face but her entire body against me. The sensation of her sweat-dampened skin was a little distracting, but there was nothing I could do about it. At the same time, she took two deep, trembling breaths and spoke in a sulky voice.
"But...! You really went too far this time... Oppa, I hope you never do this again."
"That's something we'll discuss once my anger has subsided."
"Ah...! Th-that's... yes..."
She tensed up as she realized the obvious truth.
"And I have no intention of forgiving you today. Please go back now, Lady Kirsi."
"...Huh?"
She pulled her face away from my chest and looked at me. At the same time, as if unwilling to show her tear-streaked face, she turned her head at an odd angle and only rolled her eyes to glance at me. The arms around my neck tightened further. It was starting to hurt.
"...What do I have to do to make you forgive me...? I can do anything..."
"Even if you do anything, I won't forgive you. Not today."
"Then tomorrow...?"
"We'll see when tomorrow comes."
"...Why... Do you really hate me...?"
She released one arm from my neck and grabbed my hand with it. Then she guided my arm toward her back, as if asking me to hug her. Likewise, she moved my other arm to her back as well. Seeing her act so cute, I gave in—not strongly, but gently—and hugged her. Once I did, Kirsi buried her damp eyes against my neck again and squeezed me tightly.
Looking at her like this... it was impossible to imagine her as the emotionless villainess. I let out a sigh and spoke.
"...I used formal speech with Asena all day today too. And I've warned you multiple times not to do this again, haven't I? Even today, I don't want to forgive you so easily."
"......"
Kirsi's body stiffened strangely, and she whispered quietly.
"....Just now... you called her Asena, not Lady Asena."
"Ah."
"....Then you can call me Kirsi at least once, can't you?"
"......."
In the end, I let out a short chuckle. Whether Kirsi had caught my laughter or found the situation funny herself, she trembled in my arms, laughing through her tears. The atmosphere gradually softened. In turn, I began to hug Kirsi a little more tightly.
"...But why are you here?"
I asked the question that had suddenly occurred to me—one I hadn't been able to ask during the serious moment.
"........"
She remained silent for a long while before answering in a hesitant, crawling voice.
"I... wanted to see you."
Even this answer warmed my chest. But it didn't resolve all my curiosity.
"...Well... I understand that. But there was no need to climb into the bed..."
".....It feels like home. We did this a lot back at the estate too..."
"But today you sweated quite a lot. It seems I won't be getting any sleep tonight."
"......Huh?"
"The sheets are completely soaked with your sweat, Lady Kirsi. What do you plan to do about that?"
"......"
Kirsi paused strangely, then hugged me tighter and tighter. Then she began leaning against me. Pushed backward by her strength, I stepped back until my body met the wall. With nowhere left to retreat, she pressed even closer. Kirsi lifted her head ever so slightly from my neck and whispered.
"....I don't mind."
"....?"
The conversation seemed to be veering off course, and I grew puzzled.
"....What don't you mind? That my sheets are wet?"
At my question, she seemed to snap back to reality. She flinched in surprise, pulled away from me, and covered her mouth. My clothes, dampened by her sweat, felt cool. The blood that had been restricted in my neck began to circulate again with a tingling sensation.
"....."
I couldn't understand any of her actions. So I simply asked the part I had been wary of, honestly.
"You didn't do anything strange, did you?"
It was a question born from the twins' recent incomprehensible behavior. Like spitting on my bed or tearing the blanket—though neither of those things seemed like something the twins would do, I asked out of unnecessary worry.
"........."
But Kirsi didn't answer. Instead, her face turned as red as a tomato. I tilted my head.
".....What did you..."
"Ah.. I didn't, Oppa! No, more than that, I... I think I should go now."
Kirsi spoke in a flustered rush.
"Th-that... I really mean it when I say I was wrong. Today didn't work out, but... tomorrow, I definitely... Please don't use formal speech anymore, like before... I'm begging you. Okay?"
"No, about my bed..."
She ignored my words.
"I... I'll be going now, Oppa!"
The Kirsi who had been running into my arms just moments ago was nowhere to be seen. Instead, she bolted away from me in a hurry. Watching her leave so suddenly, I felt strangely empty. I scratched my head and lifted the blanket again, placing my hand on the sheets. They were cold and damp. Kirsi's flower-like, fragrant scent still rose strongly from them. No matter how sweet the smell was... I had no desire to sleep in a wet bed. In the end, I left the room and lay down on the sofa. It seemed I would be sleeping here tonight. Thinking that even this discomfort was something Kirsi had brought me... well, I felt I should extend the formal speech for at least one more day. Thanks to reconciling with Kirsi, at least, I was able to fall asleep with a lighter heart.