Knowledge I Didn't Know (2)
“...Did you think I wouldn’t hear it, Brother?”
I asked. I had no intention of bringing up the real heart of their gossip. The part where I had called myself a adopted child of the Freister family. The part where I said I had never thought of them as my older siblings. The part where they claimed I smelled. The part where they called me incompetent… Touching any of those would risk shattering this relationship, so I had been careful. If those were things I meant to speak of, I would have done it long ago. Those were words I had chosen to bury. I had no plans to admit I knew about them now.
But the gossip about how it would do no good to grow close to me… that, I could press them on. Expressing my hurt over that didn’t seem like it would cause any real problems. It wasn’t particularly vicious slander.
“Brother… that’s not what I meant…”
Kirsi reached out to me. It was a hand I could not allow to catch mine. My heart would surely weaken again the moment it did.
“No. Hand.”
I pointed at her approaching fingers, signaling her not to touch me. Kirsi’s lost hand hovered in the air, twitching several times before falling limply. The sight of her delicate, fern-like fingers curling as if grasping at nothing twisted something in me. Still, I hardened my heart. I needed to stay true to my own feelings.
“…It’s a misunderstanding…”
Kirsi lowered her head and mumbled.
“…Misunderstanding?”
I repeated the word so she could hear exactly how absurd it sounded. Kirsi’s face began to flush crimson. She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Asena stepped in to continue the conversation on behalf of her flustered sister.
“Brother. It really is a misunderstanding.”
“What?”
I asked again.
“When we said it would do no good for you to grow close to her, we were speaking only in political terms. Just as Daisy said, it was truly nothing more than advice.”
“…”
I stayed silent for the moment. Asena’s face was rigid, yet she spoke without a single stutter, laying out her logic with precision.
“As you know, Brother, Daisy Hextor is the eldest daughter of the Hextor family. Naturally, any marriage discussions involving Daisy are important to her house as well.”
“…”
“Especially now. The Hextor lands have begun to suffer from an epidemic, and a famine is expected from this year through the year after next. In a situation like that, the only straightforward way to secure support is through marriage alliances with other families.”
“…”
I did remember. The novel had mentioned something like that.
“But if she shows any sign of being close to you, Brother… suitable marriage proposals won’t even reach her. That’s why we told her to keep her distance. There was no other meaning behind it.”
“…”
Asena took one step closer, then another. Slowly, she reached toward my hand.
“So please don’t misunderstand, Brother.”
Asena gently took my hand. The soft warmth of her touch reached me.
“…Asena.”
“Yes.”
She answered.
“…Do you think I’m a fool?”
I asked. Asena’s mask shattered in an instant. Panic flooded her expression.
“…I don’t know what they teach in the Political Science Department, but… is the only thing you learned how to do deceive people like this?”
“Ah… no…”
Asena stammered and swallowed hard. Kirsi clutched the hem of her sister’s clothes and hid behind her.
“…I’ve made so many mistakes today. I tormented my friend. I spoke behind your back and told her not to get close to you. What I wanted was an apology.”
Tap!
I shook Asena’s hand away. Her expression collapsed even further.
“I told you I heard everything. I know exactly what you two said.”
The words carried a double meaning. If this had been the first time I overheard their gossip, I might have believed her. But this was the second time. Knowing what the twins had said about me, there was no way I could be fooled.
I quietly called her name.
“Asena.”
“…Yes…”
Only after my voice echoed down the hallway did she answer. Her lips were pressed tightly together. Tears welled in her eyes. She wore the expression of someone fighting to hold everything in. Like a child again, she swallowed her tears out of long habit.
“You shouldn’t keep trying to deceive your brother like this.”
“…Brother… that’s not…”
“Did you think that just because you’ve learned a bit of scholarship, you could easily trick someone like me who wields a sword?”
“…That’s not it… how could I ever…”
“You’re taking something that could have been simple and making it complicated?”
Asena remained anxious for a long moment before suddenly reaching out and grabbing my collar. She was so fast I barely had time to react.
“Hey. Aren’t you going to let go? Did I or did I not tell you not to touch me?”
Asena shook her head. At the same moment, Kirsi threw herself onto my arm, wrapping both arms around it with all her strength. Her entire body clung to my left arm. Asena spoke.
“…I won’t let go. Not until you forgive me, Brother. Just listen first… I’m sorry. I was wrong. I was so afraid of you being angry that the excuses came out before I could stop them.”
“…”
Only then did her sincere apologies begin to flow.
“I should have apologized from the start… I really will reflect on this…”
These were words that would never have left her lips under normal circumstances, and the anxiety she displayed was something she had never shown before. Kirsi, still sniffling against my arm, took a deep breath and wrapped both arms around my neck. Then she began peppering my cheek with kisses, acting as cute as she possibly could. She jumped lightly, launching her lips toward my face again and again.
Chu.
“Brother, I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
Kirsi clung to me, pretending to be cheerful even though her face was still wet with tears. My cheek became slick with her tears and saliva.
Chu. Chu.
“Hm? Brother. I was wrong. Please don’t be mad, okay?”
“…Don’t try to gloss over it again.”
Even as I said it, a smile began to form on my face. No matter how much I wanted to stay angry, I couldn’t. It was entirely my own fault for being such a pushover. This was exactly why it was so difficult. If only I loved the twins even a little less. This was why we could never have a proper argument.
They were siblings I had raised with all my heart. When they cried, I would spend hours trying to make them laugh. When they were scared, I would sleep beside them. If they had done something wrong to Grandma Liana, I would take the scolding in their place. They were children I had come to love in proportion to the affection I had poured into them.
That was why Kirsi’s barrage of kisses made me laugh despite myself. In truth, the comment about not getting close to me wasn’t something to become this furious over. Considering everything they had done to me before, it might have been the final drop that made the cup overflow, but I decided to keep that part buried in my chest. It was a story I had chosen not to bring up.
“Get off.”
I held back a hollow laugh and shook the twins off with a hardened expression. From their point of view, they would have seen only my still-stern face. When I pushed them away, a single tear slid down Asena’s cheek, and Kirsi’s face crumpled into tears once more.
The anger… had mostly melted away.
“Haa…”
“…Brother… please…”
“…Fine.”
“…Hic…”
“……”
Kirsi tried to steady her uneven breathing while Asena roughly wiped at her eyes. Even so, I had no intention of letting this incident pass without consequence. They reached out their arms out of habit. Even Asena, who usually hid her skinship when Kirsi was watching, prepared to embrace me. In the past, after scolding the twins, I had always hugged them. It was the proper balance of carrot and stick. After the reprimand, I would soothe their wounded hearts with words of love, patting them and telling them I wasn’t scolding them because I hated them, but because I loved them. Don’t be hurt, I would say.
But not today. I had decided to issue a warning. This was the second time I had overheard their gossip. I didn’t like being hurt like this over and over. I only endured it because I loved them too much. If they were as clever as they seemed, they might understand what my words truly meant. Their hearts might even tighten with fear. It was clear they hadn’t wanted their backtalk to be discovered.
“Brother…?”
“…?”
When I didn’t hug them as I usually would, the twins called out to me weakly.
“…”
They began to approach slowly, as if intending to hug me on their own. I raised my hand to stop them.
“…?”
They blinked. Kirsi mumbled.
“…Now you’re supposed to comfort me and tell me you love me.”
It was as if she were reminding me of something I had forgotten. But I ignored her words with some difficulty, lifted the front of my clothes, and smelled them. Then I spoke.
“…Let’s stop hugging from now on, kids.”
“……?”
Slowly, their expressions began to twist.
“People say I smell, apparently.”
It was one of the pieces of gossip Kirsi had said about me—that my body smelled. After that day she had still clung to me without hesitation, so I doubted I actually smelled… but she had been the one to say it. Therefore, there would be no more hugs.
Frowning, Kirsi asked, “…What?”
I answered without wavering.
“I didn’t know before… but now I do. So, no more hugs. Let’s not do it anymore.”
The arms they had stretched toward me began to fall weakly. As if time itself had slowed, Kirsi’s pink lips parted little by little, and Asena tilted her head like someone who had heard something incomprehensible.
“……From now on?… Forever?”
After a long silence, Kirsi finally asked.
“Yes. We’ve all grown up now.”
“…For the rest of our lives…? You mean never again for the rest of our lives?”
Asena reached out with one hand, trying to touch my cheek. I turned my head slightly to avoid it.
“That’s right. For the rest of our lives.”
Of course it wouldn’t truly be forever. But for now, I would say it that way.
Asena spoke urgently. I had never seen her act this quickly before. Her voice sounded completely different from moments ago. She seemed far more desperate now.
“…Brother. I… I don’t really understand what you’re saying right now…?”
Kirsi also laughed awkwardly and tried to explain herself.
“Ahaha… smell? I… I don’t mind it at all…!”
I gazed at Kirsi steadily. This much should be enough of a warning.
“…It bothers me, though.”
“No… no…”
Kirsi began to panic. It looked as though countless thoughts were flashing through her mind. Then she swallowed dryly, froze, and stared at me.
“…Th-then… kisses are still okay… right?”
“…Those too. Stop.”
If I wasn’t allowing hugs, there was no chance I would allow kisses.
“Goodnight kisses. Morning greeting kisses. All of it ends. I won’t accept them anymore. Don’t kiss me again.”
I was severing a routine we had followed for ten years. The morning kiss I had received from Asena. The kisses I had given Kirsi at night. I drew a clear line through all of it.
“Understood?”
In the hallway that had fallen silent, the sound of Asena’s footsteps rang out. She approached me slowly, head lowered. Only when she was barely a handspan away did she look up at me. By then her expression had grown icy. Only her eyes seemed to hold a trace of sadness… but I couldn’t be sure. The restless, anxious Asena from before had vanished. The look on her face was frightening enough to intimidate anyone else. She said,
“…How can you say something like that?”
But I did not yield. There was no older brother in the world who feared his younger sister.
“Right here.”