Are You Serious? (2)
After saying goodbye to Kirsi, I attended the afternoon classes. The instructor guiding us was still Lord Hoslow. He had brought a chair out to the training grounds and sat waiting for us to assemble. My classmates were returning one by one after finishing their meals. I spotted Judy Ice coming back with her equipment in hand. I waved at her, but she avoided my eyes. The fact that she didn’t show any outright dislike was enough to satisfy me.
I couldn’t understand why I felt such friendliness toward her. Maybe it really was just because she was the family outcast. Or perhaps I was simply excited at the prospect of making a new friend. Like with Kirsi. I felt no guilt about getting close to someone from the Ice family. Grandma Liana had hated them, but… that was her story. Her feelings had taken root because of her own history and memories. It was different for me. The Ice family had never wronged me. In fact, they were a house I had rather liked while reading the novel. Just because Grandma had warned me to be wary of them didn’t mean I could force myself to hate them.
She stood in one corner of the training ground, waiting for class to begin. But from what I could tell, it would still be a while. Not even half the class had gathered yet. If anything, this was the perfect time for everyone to get to know one another. Just by glancing around, I could see people awkwardly striking up conversations here and there. Deciding to seize the moment, I walked straight up to Judy.
“Did you eat?”
“.......I did.”
Fortunately, she answered.
“Where? I looked for you but couldn’t find you anywhere.”
“You must’ve been too busy happily playing with your sister to notice.”
I scratched the back of my head awkwardly.
“Ah, you saw that?”
“The affection between you two was something else. Not what I’d expect from the family’s leftover.”
Judy Ice looked at me. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes.
I asked, “.....What about you and your siblings—”
“—Of course I couldn’t live like that. You’re the strange one.”
“Hmm…”
“You said we should share our sorrows together, but you seemed to be doing just fine. Were you deceiving me?”
Perhaps in a bad mood, Judy glared at me sharply. But… it wasn’t deception. In a few years, I would be the one exiled from the family. Like being thrown away after they’d sucked out every last drop of sweetness… There was no need to tell her that, though.
“......It wasn’t deception.”
I simply told her in a calm voice. I didn’t know what expression I was making. But after looking at my face, Judy didn’t say anything more.
It was truly fascinating. Through that short exchange, I could already tell what position she held within her family. It seemed she didn’t get along well with her siblings. I didn’t think the children of the Ice family had ostracized her, but… I didn’t know the real story. What must her childhood have been like? If her siblings couldn’t be her friends, had someone else filled that role? Or was she still alone?
While I was lost in those thoughts, Judy spoke cautiously.
“.....Sorry.”
“...Pardon?”
“........I said something unnecessary. You must have your own hardships too.”
Her apology lifted my spirits. A smile broke across my face. Now I genuinely wanted to become friends with her. I playfully bumped her shoulder with mine.
Judy, pushed off balance, stared at me with wide eyes. Before she could speak, I cut in first.
“But why do you keep speaking so casually to me?”
“......Huh?”
“Didn’t you just become an adult? I think I’m older than you.”
“...Huh? Um… well…”
As expected, her reactions were entertaining. Just seeing her flustered made me want to tease her even more.
“How old are you? I’m twenty-one.”
“.....Twenty-one…?”
“I waited so I could enroll together with my younger siblings.”
“.........”
Judy Ice fumbled, unable to answer. Just from her expression, I could tell she was younger than me. She didn’t seem very good at hiding her emotions.
“.....I’m sorry. My mistake—”
“Pfft. Hahaha.”
“?”
When she switched to polite speech, I couldn’t hold back my laughter any longer. Contrary to her first impression, she seemed to have a cautious personality. The way she apologized, the way she read the room.
“Keep speaking casually. I’ll do the same. That works, right? Since we’re friends now.”
“........Friends…?”
“I told you to speak casually. Let’s just talk comfortably like this. Yeah?”
In a short amount of time, I was already trying to close the distance between us. I couldn’t understand how I could speak to her so easily. But somehow, with Judy, it felt natural. There are people you can say anything to comfortably even on the first meeting. I never imagined that person would turn out to be the illegitimate daughter of the Ice family.
“...Friends…”
Judy kept repeating the word. It felt like an answer to the question I’d had earlier—whether she had any other friends. It seemed she had lived a lonely life. I could feel it.
“Are you just going to pretend you didn’t adjust my stirrups for me this morning?”
I drew her in with my words again. Judy looked at me in surprise once more. The venom had drained from her eyes.
“.....I don’t really know what friends are supposed to do…”
“Just talk to each other. Support each other when needed. That’s enough. Don’t overthink it.”
“........”
“Then let’s do this. Whenever we need help during class, we help each other. If we need to form a group, or need a training partner, or have a favor to ask, we look for each other. How about that?”
Judy fidgeted with her fingers. I had said everything I needed to say. If she rejected me even now… well, I’d have to find another way, but at least I had done everything I could to get closer. The choice was hers now. For some reason, I started to feel a little nervous.
“......”
But fortunately, Judy nodded.
“........That much is fine.”
I smiled.
“You made the right choice.”
“......I never thought I’d get close to a Freister…”
“The world is full of things you can’t predict. Don’t you think?”
She adjusted her stance and looked back toward Lord Hoslow. It seemed she was waiting for class to start again. But I wasn’t finished yet.
“So, Judy. You still haven’t told me your age.”
“......Ugh.”
“How old are you?”
As expected, there was something about Judy that made me want to keep teasing her.
“.......”
“Tell me quickly. We’re friends now. How can you not even tell your age to a friend?”
Judy turned the back of her head to me.
“....Nineteen… years old.”
Her reaction was as satisfying as ever.
****
The afternoon class consisted of the familiar drills. Swordsmanship training. It was also the area I was most confident in. After everyone—including my classmates, Judy, and Lord Hoslow—had passionately worked up a sweat, the day’s schedule came to an end.
I could say I had grown closer to Judy. She had even started asking me questions when she was curious. She asked especially often about proper stances. To my eyes, Judy’s swordsmanship was still somewhat clumsy. That didn’t mean her skills were completely hopeless. It simply meant that having trained two years longer, there were a few things I could teach her.
After class, we stopped by the stables together to take care of the horses. ‘Goldie’ became my personal source of amusement. It was the kind of name Kirsi would have given to a doll when she was ten. I kept teasing Judy about it.
Evening was drawing near. After parting ways with Judy, I headed off to find Asena and Kirsi. It seemed like a good idea to talk about everything that had happened today and wrap up the day together. After all, we had spent so much time together that I actually missed the twins after not seeing them for a single day. Especially Asena. The last time I had seen her was that morning.
Wandering the vast academy wasn’t easy. I asked for directions here and there, checked the signposts, and made my way toward the Political Science Department.
Suddenly, as I walked, I found myself reflecting on the days I had lived in this world so far. I really had been lucky. Even after possessing a commoner, I had survived this smoothly. The fact that I had eventually made it into the academy. The fact that I had been able to rehabilitate Asena and Kirsi.
The setting sun made me sentimental. In the distance, I caught sight of a familiar back. A smile rose to my lips.
“Asena…”
I started to speak but stopped. She wasn’t alone. Asena, Daisy Hextor, and one woman and two men I didn’t recognize yet. They were all wearing black clothes instead of academy uniforms. It was the student council. Seeing it in person, the attire looked quite stylish.
They were engaged in an intense conversation. It didn’t seem like an atmosphere I could interrupt. So instead of calling out, I quietly followed behind them. It would be fun to surprise Asena once their talk was over.
Asena was speaking with the red-haired woman. From my memory, she was the student council president. Lucil Hober, a second-year.
Asena’s voice carried over.
“......Please refrain from asking me that, President. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“Why, Asena? Everyone else has shared their stories. Just tell us quickly—”
“—I said no.”
Suddenly, my body jolted at the sharp tone.
“I already told you. Don’t you know it’s rude to casually pry into someone’s family affairs?”
I knew Asena could be cold and indifferent, but this was the first time I had heard her speak in such a tone.
Daisy Hextor moved to Asena’s side and gently placed a hand on her shoulder, as if trying to calm her. I wondered if I should step in and quickened my pace. If they were about to fight, I needed to stop it.
“...Besides, I had an unhappy childhood. There’s nothing worth sharing.”
And at those following words, my legs froze solid. It felt as if a hand had reached up from the ground to grab my ankle. Even if I tried not to understand the context, I could tell. Asena was lamenting that her past had not been happy. I didn’t know why these words had come up, but… it was a story that involved me.
......I see.
It felt a little disappointing. I hadn’t expected her to say she was happy because of me, but… hearing that she had no good memories took the strength out of me. I knew the wound from losing her parents ran deep, but I had thought she had healed while staying with me. Had that been nothing but my own delusion? Had she been hiding her true feelings all this time? The past where I had been so conceited now filled me with shame.
“For someone who claims that, you seem to have grown up remarkably well. Your emotional expressions may be a bit stiff, but you’ve already blended nicely into the student council. And from what I’ve seen, you seem to get along well with your younger sister too. What was her name again… that…”
Lucil Hober tried to ease the stiffening atmosphere by praising Asena.
“Kirsi?”
Daisy Hextor also tried to shift the mood in sync with Lucil Hober. She answered in Asena’s place and continued the conversation.
“Ah, yes. That’s the one. She seems to have grown up just as beautifully…”
In her characteristically gentle voice, Daisy began praising Kirsi in response to Lucil Hober’s words.
“That’s right. Lady Kirsi is truly a kind person. She even spoke to me first when I was feeling awkward. She said we’ve already become friends.”
“....Kirsi is indeed a bright child.”
Asena chimed in with a calm tone. Fortunately, she seemed to be settling down as well.
Then Daisy snapped her fingers as if something had just occurred to her.
“Ah! Now that I think about it, doesn’t Lady Asena have an older brother as well?”
My body flinched. When I looked at Asena, her previously upright posture had gone rigid, her gaze fixed on Daisy Hextor.
“I’ve never met him, so I wouldn’t know… What kind of person is he? His name is Cai—”
“—That person.”
Suddenly, the atmosphere was crushed beneath Asena’s voice. In a cold yet powerful tone, without the slightest tremor, she spoke directly.
“Do not be curious about him, Daisy Hextor.”
Those words felt like a warning. They were so icy that even my own chest felt the chill.
“....Pardon?”
A flustered Daisy murmured. She wasn’t the only one. I couldn’t understand it either. Why was she reacting like that when the topic was me? Where had the small smiles she always showed me gone? Why was she wearing such a serious, cold expression instead?
People become more honest when the person in question isn’t around. They can freely express emotions and words they would never say to someone’s face. They can voice the deep feelings they had held back out of consideration for the other person’s emotions and relationship.
So even though I didn’t want to believe it, Asena speaking about me in my absence felt more honest and sincere than ever before. It was just a feeling. If I stayed here, I would regret it. I turned away. I would meet Asena later.
“That person isn’t even a Freister. There is no reason for you to be interested in him.”
If I didn’t want to see something, I could turn my eyes away. But if I didn’t want to hear something, simply wishing it away wouldn’t stop the words from reaching me. A dagger flew toward my fleeing back at an unstoppable speed and buried itself deep.
“He’s nothing more than a stranger. Please do not think of that person as my family.”
I never imagined that my Asena—the one I had poured all my love into—would say such things behind my back. Had I been the only one who thought of her as family?
The smiles she had shown me, the adorable gestures directed my way. The skinship through which we had shared our hearts, the memories of many years. Had all of it been nothing but a mirage—form without substance?
Even in this moment when I thought my mood could sink no lower, Asena’s words showed no sign of stopping.
“In two years, that person will be expelled from the family. After all, he is an adopted child. We don’t share any blood, in the end.”
I hadn’t thought my heart could shatter this quickly. Too fast, too suddenly, the truths I hadn’t wanted to hear came pouring in.
I looked back at Asena. It was hard to believe she was saying these things. I felt like I needed to see her expression. Her profile came into view. Her face was hardened. Not a single tremor. Not a hint of hesitation.
“...I have never once thought of him as my older brother.”
Those shocking words drove a nail straight into my heart.