Calm Before the Storm.
Calm Before the Storm.
The short summer break ended, and I headed to class under envious gazes.
I pretended not to notice, but every kid who came in—maybe because of my short hair—checked which direction I was in.
Just like a scene out of some TV drama.
Lunchtime rolled around, and we headed straight for the club room.
The seniors were eating jjajangmyeon.
"They eat like animals..."
"Shub ub."
"You want me to fucking hit you? Swallow that mess before you talk."
The two larger-built seniors had slimmed down noticeably over the break.
They definitely looked a lot better.
We settled into our seats and opened up our own jjajangmyeon.
They clearly knew that wouldn't be enough for Park Ji-hoon, because there were two extra-large bowls of jjajangmyeon and a stack of tangsuyuk waiting for him.
The club atmosphere had definitely gotten warmer and friendlier compared to the beginning.
Maybe thanks to Da-yeon and me, the comic club members had started taking care of their appearance.
You could say they finally looked like proper human beings now...
If only they'd stop looking at Da-yeon with those eyes under the pretense of teaching her to draw...
I threw a slipper and it went whap.
Da-yeon, startled beside me, looked over.
"Don't look at Da-yeon with those eyes... unless you want me to gouge 'em out."
"Hik!"
"Answer?"
"I... I got it...! I won't..."
With my hair cut short, whenever I glared, I looked like a total thug.
Those two who always made those disgusting comments calling it a "reward" whenever I stared them down with my usual contemptuous eyes couldn't meet my gaze anymore.
We'd been hanging out with the club members for a while when Tae-oh called for me.
I tilted my head and followed Kim Tae-oh outside.
He checked around to see if anyone was nearby.
I started getting uneasy.
This was Kim Tae-oh, the guy who usually struck a cool pose around me like he thought he was a model or something.
Kim Tae-oh, who'd been staring intently at me, flushed and opened his mouth.
"I'm supposed to focus only on Da-yeon to protect her, but lately I can't stop thinking about you."
Ah... I'd been trying so hard to ignore this...
I sensed, after a long time, that I was thoroughly fucked.
The one saving grace was that no one else was around.
"I've finally realized my feelings."
"I think I could do without knowing, actually?"
Kim Tae-oh kept talking, ignoring me.
"I like you."
"Ah... fuck."
My single word made Kim Tae-oh stiffen up.
"Get the hell out of my face."
"...A person tells you, with complete sincerity, that they like you... and that's your reaction?"
I was about to just walk off, but figured that would only cause more trouble, so I turned back.
"Didn't I tell you before? You look like an insect and I don't like you."
"I hate to say this myself, but... I think I'm better-looking than Park Ji-hoon."
"Ha... where the hell do you get that confidence, you disgusting piece of shit, you're even worse now."
Kim Tae-oh turned even paler; he clearly hadn't imagined those words coming out of my mouth.
"...Why... when other people confess... you laugh it off... maybe you have feelings too..."
Listening to this batshit crazy nonsense, I was speechless.
Sure, Kim Tae-oh was sculpted-level handsome, and even as a bodyguard he must've taken care of himself because his skin was flawless.
Girls flocked to him, and he even got a fanclub within half a year, so he had reason to be proud of his looks.
But... that initial guilt I'd felt when I rejected him was completely gone now.
This kid lived entirely on his own hype.
"Hey."
"....."
"You confident you won't regret it?"
"...Does that mean you accept?"
I wanted to smack my own forehead at this lunatic's reaction, interpreting my words as asking if he'd regret it if we dated.
"What are you talking about, I thought you were normal but turns out there's a bigger moron here than Park Ji-hoon... stop saying creepy shit. Do you have the confidence not to regret it after hearing the reasons I hate you?"
"....."
"Starting with the way you talk, the kind of delusional horseshit you imagine by yourself, the sight of you striking poses is so disgusting I genuinely feel like my stomach acid's gonna come up sometimes."
I watched Kim Tae-oh's expression grow even whiter.
But he disgusted me even more than that, so I kept going without hesitation.
"You know it's really fucking disgusting how you think you're so hot and get off on yourself? Still, disgusting as it was how obviously you wore your crush on your sleeve, I held it in and held it in because you were next to Da-yeon."
I started hammering Kim Tae-oh with facts without pause.
"From your shit-for-brains head that's dumber than my goddamn housecat, to your overflowing confidence when you don't do a single thing better than anyone around me, it's all fucking disgusting."
As I stepped closer and spoke harshly, Kim Tae-oh kept backing away.
"I made it painfully obvious I don't like you, held it in over and over, and this motherfucker has the nerve to call me out alone and confess with zero awareness? You think in a fucked-up situation like this I can go 'Ahaha... oh I see, sorry, not interested~'?"
Kim Tae-oh couldn't say a word, just stared at me with trembling pupils.
"I asked if you had the confidence not to regret it, right? The guy who was brimming with confidence just moments ago is reacting like this after a few words from me... it's unreal. If you were Park Ji-hoon, I would've jammed something into your eyes."
I shoved past Kim Tae-oh's shoulder.
Whether from shock or not, he slumped down right where he stood.
"I've got a fuckton more to say, but let's stop here. And don't act like you know me when Da-yeon isn't around. It's gross as shit."
"....."
I had followed Si-yoon the moment Kim Tae-oh called her outside.
'Why... again... Si-yoon...'
My expression was already starting to sour, but I thought he must have called her about work and kept shadowing them.
He took Si-yoon somewhere private...
Tae-oh's words rang out clearly...
Tae-oh hadn't confessed yet, but... for some reason I felt so, so hurt, and tears started welling up.
How hard I'd tried... to be the kind of person Tae-oh would like... and in the end, it's Si-yoon again.
And then the words that followed—that he liked her...
I couldn't bear to hear Si-yoon's answer, so I stopped listening and left.
Thinking Si-yoon would be back soon, I grabbed a tissue, wiped away the tears that had pooled but hadn't yet fallen, and sat back down.
I fanned my face with my hand, trying to cool it down, but a long time passed and Si-yoon still didn't come back... and the tears threatened to rise again.
Why... isn't she coming back...
Could it be... that Si-yoon said yes...
Even if they dated, if it was Si-yoon... would they plan to date behind my back...
Just then, the door rattled open, and flustered, I lifted the comic in front of me to my face.
The moment I walked into the club room, Da-yeon flinched and held her book upside down.
Her hands were trembling too much—as if she wasn't even reading it anyway.
Seeing Da-yeon's reaction, she'd definitely figured out what happened.
Still, since Da-yeon would have kept watching that situation, I figured it was a good thing I'd clearly shown her that I rejected him. I grabbed a drink from the fridge.
Hoping she wasn't shocked by my excessive and harsh cursing...
Da-yeon noticed her book was upside down.
'You idiot!! What is this... did she see...? Si-yoon would've definitely seen... I'm so stupid...'
Normally, Si-yoon would have come right up and asked, "Is something wrong?" but she was just sitting there silently.
And Tae-oh hadn't come back into the club room either.
Almost like they were trying to keep their distance from me...
It seemed like Si-yoon and Tae-oh had decided to date and keep it a secret from me...
And I... Si-yoon is all I have...
I couldn't hold back the surging tears, and worried grabbing a tissue would be too obvious, so I wiped them with my sleeve.
The makeup staining my white collar only made me feel more miserable.
Since Si-yoon's entire makeup routine was just putting on sunscreen...
I couldn't cry with Si-yoon there, and the tears streaming silently passed my lips and dripped down my chin.
'This is a total... disaster...'
And then Si-yoon snorted from behind me.
A normal Si-yoon would have noticed I was crying ages ago...
Why is she laughing...? Could it be... could it be... she's mocking me...?
The more I spiraled into my delusions, the more wretched I felt. I bit my lips and held it in to stifle the sobs trying to escape, but I couldn't stop the tears pouring out.
I looked at my phone to pull myself together after the disgusting situation just now.
Dad was on 'Running Person,' and it looked like they were playing hide-and-seek—he was hiding behind a bookshelf and got caught.
Dad staring at Yoo Yeon-seok with trembling pupils.
-"Please spare me."
-"Found you!!!!"
Dad shoved Yoo Yeon-seok aside and started running, then got grabbed by Kim Jeong-guk and screamed.
-"I have a daughter at home who's like a bunny!"
-"I know!"
Zzzzzzt!
-"Noooo! Si-yoon is waiting at homeeee!"
-"Stop saying weird stuff! Anyone watching would think I'm committing a crime!"
I snorted at the pathetic sight of my dad.
Then suddenly I heard a short 'hic' from behind me, and I whipped around in surprise.
Da-yeon's trembling back.
She was one hundred percent crying.
Before I could even think 'Why?!' I ran straight to Da-yeon.
"Da-yeon! What's wro—"
Da-yeon pushed me away, slammed the door with a BAM, and ran outside.
"......Huh...?"
My brain short-circuited at the sight, and I stared blankly at the steel door.
I snapped out of it too late and ran out the door, but Da-yeon was gone.
I searched every nearby third-year girls' bathroom.
Da-yeon was nowhere to be seen.
Ignoring the looks around me, I burst into another bathroom only to find cigarette smoke and some girls staring at me with disdain.
And one of them walking right up to me.
"Perfect timing, you."
"Don't have time for this, move."
"Wow... look at the way you talk. The rumors were right, you've got a seriously shit attitude."
I shoved her aside as she approached and called out.
"Da-yeon!!!"
"Did you just push me? You fucking bitch?"
Suddenly, the girl reached to grab my head.
I dodged it lightly and shoved her hard in the stomach with my foot. She toppled over and slid all the way to the back of the bathroom.
"I said I'm busy... what a pain in the ass..."
I looked at the girls flinching at the sight of me and said with a straight face.
"Hey. You seen a girl who hangs around with me?"
The two of them frantically shook their heads.
""No.""
I headed straight out and quickly searched for Da-yeon.
I ran into Kim Tae-oh halfway and tried to pass him, but I had no choice but to ask.
Gotta separate business and personal feelings, after all.
"Have you seen Da-yeon?"
Kim Tae-oh couldn't meet my eyes.
"No."
"You proud of that? Said that real fucking boldly."
As I tried to brush past Kim Tae-oh.
Offended by my words, he grabbed my arm tightly.
"Let go. I don't have time for this right now."
"No. Just how far are you planning to ignore me?"
"Didn't I tell you I find this disgusting? The person you're supposed to protect, Da-yeon, has disappeared. Let go, now."
I yanked my arm free from Kim Tae-oh and called Park Ji-hoon.
"Where are you."
-"Cafeteria."
"How much more are you gonna stuff your face, you son of a bitch. Quit eating and look for Da-yeo—"
I was looking up at the sky when I spotted Da-yeon.
Da-yeon, who had been crying, turned her back the moment she saw me.
I hung up and ran toward Da-yeon.
I'm sorry to Si-yoon, but...
In this state, I couldn't bear to face her.
After pushing Si-yoon away, I left the club room and went up to the rooftop to clear my head.
I was pulling myself together, telling myself it was just me overthinking, when I saw Si-yoon frantically running around the garden, looking for me.
Si-yoon isn't the kind of friend who would mock me.
Sure enough, it was just my own misunderstanding. I calmed myself down, but just as I thought I should hurry back down because she seemed to be urgently looking for me, Si-yoon ran into Tae-oh.
Tae-oh grabbing Si-yoon...
Even while frantically searching for me, she stopped to talk to Tae-oh.
I couldn't see Si-yoon's expression since her back was turned, but Tae-oh's was complicated.
An expression he never once made when looking at me...
"Haa... so it was... a lie."
I couldn't bear to watch any more, and turned my back.
The intense memory of the first time I met Si-yoon came flooding back.
That small girl, so incredibly pretty and beautiful.
The way she caught the toy thrown at her and smashed it against a locker had captured my heart.
Anyway... from the beginning, compared to Si-yoon, I'd always been lacking in every way. The memory of my past came back, and tears poured out.
Thinking I might never be able to smile around Si-yoon again, even more tears streamed down, soaking my clothes.
"I... I really... had no one but Si-yoon... *hic*... it's so cruel... so... cruel..."
Thinking once more that 'Si-yoon' had mocked me, the shock hit me so intensely the tears wouldn't stop.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"Da-yeon!!!"
"....."
"Da-yeon!!! What's wrong!!"
Is she really asking because she doesn't know... or is she doing this to toy with me...
"Da-yeooooon!!!"
CLAAANG!!! CLAAANG!!!
A strange noise suddenly rang out, and I was horrified.
CLAAAAAANG!!!! CLAAAAAANG!!!!
A sound that could be called a thunderous roar rang out, the violently shaking doorknob shot off, and Si-yoon burst through the door with a BANG.
Clutching a fire extinguisher in both hands, drenched in sweat and panting—Si-yoon...
She tossed the extinguisher carelessly aside and ran to me.
Seeing Si-yoon so exhausted... my heart wavered.
"Si-yoon..."
"Da-yeon!"
Si-yoon's arms wrapping around me...
I wanted to push her away, but Si-yoon's embrace, so painfully familiar...
It was so impossibly warm that, for just a moment, the sorrow faded.