Dinner. But Something's Off...
The reward for finding the Academy President's son last time came the following Friday, after all classes had ended. The Lizard Beastman personally summoned us and handed each of us a thick white envelope. Thanks to the succubus-hunter capture event, it seemed they'd thrown in some extra hazard pay—the cash envelope felt heavier than expected.
At that moment, Elsia had somehow materialized right beside me. By the time I noticed, she was already applying pressure from my side. She didn't reach out to snatch it directly, but standing there with that bright smile was enough to create a subtle sense of burden.
Then Elsia looped her arm around mine and spoke in a sugary voice. "Husband! Do you trust me?"
"Not this time, you crazy woman."
No matter how you looked at it, a person didn't fall for the same trick three times. Once was a mistake, twice a coincidence—but three times? That was deliberate.
[Has anyone ever been bunker-ed three times in a row?]
'......Oh, shit. I was supposed to upload at 22:22.'
'......Oh, shit. I was supposed to upload at 22:22.'
[Why say it twice?]
'Felt like I had to.'
Elsia's physical pressure through that supreme softness against my arm. At the same time, the gentle psychological pressure she exerted on my mind. I felt like my brain was going numb.
To escape the two kinds of pressure, I quietly slipped my arm free and bolted for the convenience store. Elsia looked disappointed, but I ignored it and kept moving.
[That pressure was no joke.]
'Dude, I thought I was gonna lose it.'
The store owner frowned the moment he saw me rush in. He clearly remembered the last time I couldn't use my card.
"What do you want?"
"Give me alcohol."
"We don't do credit here, so get lost, you broke bastard."
The owner growled while glaring at me. It was a pretty threatening howl, but I had nothing to fear this time. I flung the cash envelope straight at his face, smiling as sleazily as possible.
"I'll take everything in alcohol."
"My apologies, dear customer! Right away!"
Most people would get annoyed if you threw something at their face, even if it was money. But this guy was a money-obsessed freak—your classic cash gremlin. If SpongeBob saw him, he'd ask if this was the Krusty Krab. The owner was basically Mr. Krabs in human skin.
After catching a whiff of the faint money scent from the envelope, the owner immediately switched into customer-service mode.
"Will this be enough?"
"Bring more!"
"Yes, sir!"
"No, bring everything!!!"
"Understood!!"
The owner dragged out every bottle of alcohol in the store while the part-timer frantically rang everything up. Suddenly, the owner pulled out a particular bottle and started recommending it.
"Sir! This one's discontinued—please try it!"
"Put it in."
It didn't take long for all my cash to be converted into alcohol.
[Isn't it a waste to turn that much cash into booze?]
'If I keep it, Elsia's just gonna take it anyway.'
[......Buy that one too. We should get rid of the change.]
Piece rarely agreed with me. Following her advice anyway, I bought even the small bottles of whiskey and pack soju—anything to leave not a single coin behind. I asked for everything to be delivered to the dorm and leisurely headed back.
The moment I returned, I invited everyone to the group chat and sent a message.
Me: [Everyone worked hard last time, so how about a quick dinner? I bought the drinks, so just bring some food.]
Bunny Ears: [Sounds good! I'll grab some meat to grill, vegetables, and ssamjang with the others!]
Tool: [Yeah, let's wreck Shinwoo's room. Everyone bring whatever.]
Champi: [Even so, everyone probably has weekend plans. Alcohol might be difficult, no?]
Me: [Everyone except Jung Ayeon.]
Champi: [I was wrong! Please include me too! Don't leave this lady out!]
Me: [If you got it, hurry up and buy stuff. See you in an hour.]
I finished by posting the dorm room number as a notice in the chat. The alcohol I'd ordered earlier had already arrived, so I started cramming it into the fridge. The bottles that wouldn't fit went into the closet—simple insurance against any potential thieves. Like Elsia. Or Bunny Ears. Or Kanf. It might seem biased toward one person, but yeah, it was biased. Of course Elsia wouldn't just take it outright, but there was no harm in preparing.
[Dealing with a gluttonous child is tough.]
'Still, she's trying to restrain herself in her own way.'
Then Piece suddenly started panicking.
[My dear! Now that I think about it, aren't you inviting three heroines into a guy's room?!]
'Does this novel look like it's heading for a sweet, pink development?'
[......It looks like it's heading for a soggy okonomiyaki development caused by vomiting.]
'Shit, should I remove the harem tag?'
But a far more serious problem was waiting—one serious enough to blow away such trivial worries.
***
"You fucking bitches......"
The moment everyone gathered in my dorm room, I had expected at least some heart-fluttering atmosphere with one guy and three girls. But the second they pulled out the meat and vegetables they'd each brought, my heart started pounding for an entirely different reason.
Yeah. It was pounding with rage.
I prayed the scene before me was just a dream.
"Why the hell did all three of you only bring vegetables?"
They'd each supposedly prepared something, yet somehow they'd all shown up with nothing but greens at the exact same time—like they'd sworn a blood oath. The only saving grace was that the types were different. Four portions of lettuce. Four portions of perilla leaves. Four portions of peppers. No kimchi, of course. Ssamjang? Garlic? Would've been nice. I couldn't not be pissed.
Like guilty puppies, they all started glancing sideways while sneaking looks at me.
"Let's hear your reasons. Elsia, you first."
"Yes! Husband! Elves love the forest, so we couldn't possibly prepare meat that requires taking lives!"
"You fucking eat two whole chicken legs when there's chicken."
"I eat the wings too!"
With a heavy heart, I turned to the others.
"Hye-ji and Ayeon. Why you two?"
"......They say vegetables are better for breast growth than meat."
"......To reach the pinnacle, vegetables are superior to meat."
"You both realize you're spouting bullshit, right?"
[They got paid quite well too...]
'These bastards are really doing this because meat's expensive.'
I'd wanted to buy it myself, but I'd already spent all the money, so that option was gone. Looking at their eyes, I could see the stubbornness—they wanted to eat meat but didn't want to spend their own money. That wasn't happening. I wanted meat, dammit.
"Hey, someone go buy some right now."
"Husband! I already spent the rest of my money on coin, so I'd love to buy meat but it's just too sad!"
"Hey! Kanf, you!!"
Elsia's preemptive strike. She flat-out refused, claiming she had no money. Hye-ji and Ayeon immediately followed suit.
"I-I spent everything on breast-enlargement pills!"
"This lady spent it all on Heavenly Demon merchandise."
'Please stop bullshitting.'
[Crazy bitches.]
Then these lunatics who couldn't even do their part suddenly turned their blades on me.
"But Husband! If you were going to invite us, you should've at least prepared some simple food! Inviting people without food is wrong!"
"We may have messed up, but isn't buying way too much alcohol without restraint also a problem?"
"This lady agrees. It's lamentable that instead of building a healthy body with food, you only prepared alcohol that loosens the mind."
'These bastards? You guys are the ones who went crazy.'
[How about we transfer to a different novel together?]
'And get the four-drone regret-obsession-madness tag?'
But if I backed down now, it would feel like losing. They thought they could beat me? Absolutely not happening.
"Actually, vegetables are enough for me! I don't need meat at all."
I suddenly changed my attitude and grabbed one of the vegetables the heroines brought, munching on it loudly.
"If you still want meat, I won't stop you. If you buy some, I might even share a bite or two."
"Oh my! I'm an elf, so I'm not attached to meat! Well, if you really want to eat it, I won't stop you!"
"I don't like meat that much either! Vegetables are plenty! Do we really need meat?"
"Th-this lady also finds meat repulsive! Just looking at it makes me shudder!"
The moment they saw my expression, the heroines instantly converted to veganism. Then they each started munching on vegetables with completely unbothered faces.
'Vicious bitches.'
[Are you any different...]
Whether there was meat or not no longer mattered. This was now a petty battle of pride. If I lost here, the bare minimum would be bowing my head and apologizing. In the worst case, I'd have to buy meat myself while feeling miserable, like some pathetic defeatist.
"Now that I look at it, we're all vegans here, so let's drink to that!"
"Oh my! Elves are vegan from the moment they're born!"
"Koreans' ancestors only ate mugwort and garlic anyway, right? This is plenty for us."
"This lady was originally raised in the Shaolin Temple."
No matter how you looked at it, drinking while chewing on vegetables was torture. But I couldn't buy meat. So I threw out a compromise, setting the bait.
"Still, isn't this boring? Want to grill them?"
"Oh my! Husband! So you were a fashion vegan!"
"Shinwoo, if it's really hard, just say so. We can understand."
"Hmph, you're still far from Confucius."
Yeah, screw this. Let's take this as far as it goes.
"Of course that was a joke!!! My glass is empty! Let's drink already!!"
We clinked our glasses together once more.