The Academy is a Bunch of Idiots. That's Right.

"So, Elsia. What the hell are you doing here?"

Right now, we're doing the dishes together (not the cute kind). Elsia takes the plate I've scrubbed with detergent and rinses it under running water. The grime and soap swirl down the drain together, and once the plate is clean, the guard elf takes it and stacks it on the drying rack. Without missing a beat, Elsia answers while her hands keep moving mechanically.

"I tried to pay for my meal with Elf Coin, but the price dropped even lower than before I went into the cafeteria!"

"So you couldn't pay and tried to run, then got caught?"

"Yes! That's exactly what happened!"

"You crazy bitch, that money was tied up with mine too."

Elsia plants both hands on her hips and declares proudly, "What's the husband's is the wife's."

"....And what's yours?"

"That's obviously mine too!"

Her bright smile is so beautiful that you'd never guess she's in the middle of washing dishes. Too bad the bullshit coming out of her mouth is giving me a headache.

"Why the hell do you even believe in that garbage coin?"

"It's really going to go up!"

Then she suddenly lowers her head and mutters, "Just a little over a year left."

"What did you say?"

"Nothing!"

I turn my gaze to the guard elf silently moving plates to the dryer beside us.

"Hey. Why are you here?"

"......It is a guard's duty to follow the World Tree Reception Representative wherever she goes."

"Surprisingly normal answer. I'm impressed."

The guard elf flinches at my words. Eventually, unable to bear her guilty conscience, she confesses the truth.

"......Actually, I tried to sell the Representative as bait and run away, but I got caught."

'Every single one of those pointy-eared bastards is like this.'

The moment the words leave my mouth, Elsia and the guard elf stop washing dishes and grab each other by the collar with wet hands.

"Hey! You tried to sell me as bait?"

"The person calling herself the World Tree Reception Representative dumped all that money into some garbage coin!!!"

"You took out loans and even used your retirement fund because you said it was going up!!!"

"I put it in because you said it would go up, but all I see is a blue graph!!!"

"It will definitely go up!!! I saw it with my own eyes!!!"

"It has never gone up, so what the hell are you talking about!!!"

One strange thing though: even though Elf Coin keeps repeating slight rises followed by ghost-like crashes, it still hasn't been delisted. If it had been delisted, maybe they would've given up. In that sense, hope is just another word for brutal despair.

The sight of two elves bonding through honest conversation is almost beautiful.

'I'm betting on Elsia.'

But the scene doesn't last long. The kitchen supervisor spots them once the cycle stops and intervenes. Their physical and mental exchange ends in incomplete combustion.

The mechanical voice flows indifferently from the ATM after I insert my card. I already expected that cash withdrawals would be impossible once the banking app got blocked. Still, humans are the kind of creatures who have to go all the way to the end even when there's a sign telling them not to. I, too, can't accept this outcome. As a result, I'm now standing in front of the ATM, experiencing reality firsthand and chewing on despair.

By default, the Academy deposits a modest amount covering living and meal expenses into each student's account. The official reason is to help students understand the value of money and develop a sense for actually using it. But the reality is a little different. In the early days, they didn't give out money at all and instead let students use all Academy facilities for free. The problem was that students would clear out every drop of alcohol and every snack from the store in a single day far too often. Eventually, unable to cover the costs, the Academy switched from free provision to giving out money under the pretext mentioned above.

'Damn alcoholics.'

I drag myself back to the dorm with heavy steps and toss my now-useless wallet aside. Instead, I grab my phone and start calling the bank. The hold music drags on endlessly. Finally, I'm connected to a bank representative.

"Hello, this is Kim Shinu, a customer of your bank."

- "Yes, hello, sir."

"My cards and account seem to have been suspended. Do you know why?"

After a brief identity verification using personal information, the representative finally starts checking my account details.

- "Oh? Sir? You're registered as an ability user, aren't you?"

"Ah. Yes, that's right. I registered last Saturday."

- "As you know, once you're registered as an ability user, all bank-related services become unavailable immediately."

".....Why?"

The news hits like a bolt from the blue. But the representative continues calmly, completely unfazed.

- "You'll need to obtain the ability-user-exclusive security card and certificate before you can use banking services normally again."

At that moment, I remember something I'd forgotten while riding the high of registering my ability. Ability users can only use bank facilities if they have the exclusive security card and certificate.

'Ah, right. Fuck.'

I freeze for a second, but the representative mechanically rattles off the rest of the script.

- "Issuance is not available on weekends. You must visit during weekday mornings."

- "Deposits into your existing account are possible, but withdrawals are impossible without the security card and certificate."

- "If insurance or subscription products are linked to your account, they may be automatically terminated due to the withdrawal restriction, so please be careful."

- "Do you have any other questions?"

"No....I don't."

The call ends with the representative's introduction and my thanks. But those words don't even register in my head right now. Only one thought fills my mind.

'The Academy's fucking retarded bastards.'

Should I curse the Academy's incompetence, or marvel at the bank's efficiency? Unable to decide, I just vent my frustration.

The semester has started, but that's not what's important right now. I'm currently calling the Academy's HR department and every other office like crazy. I express my maximum grievance and beg them to let me go to the bank, but all I get are cold responses.

- I'm sorry, but according to Academy rules, first-year students are not allowed to leave on weekdays.

- We'll need to discuss this internally, but it will probably take some time to reach a decision.

- Without precedent, it's difficult to grant permission to leave.

'Fuck. I'm the precedent, you bastards.'

Requests to unlock my bank account are also completely ignored.

- A student's account falls under personal information that the Academy cannot touch.

- The student must apply for that themselves.

- You should manage your own account.

As a last resort, I ask for the monthly stipend in cash instead, but even that gets rejected.

- The usage could be unclear, so cash payments are difficult.

- Taxes make it complicated; we can't just hand over cash.

- We can't give special treatment by paying only Shinu in cash.

Even this is denied. The bastards even start blaming me for it.

- Isn't it beneficial that we handled your ability registration for you, even though it's a hassle?

- Did we want to do it late?

- If you're upset, you'll have to do it yourself.

- This department has nothing to do with that story.

- There's talk that you hid your ability when you enrolled. After everything we've done, you should be thanking us instead.

- We only committed the sin of registering you, and now you're asking for the whole bundle? You're a total bandit.

'These Academy bitches. I really need to kill them all.'

I'm human too. I need to eat to live. And I barely found a way. After dramatic negotiations, I agreed to work at the cafeteria until late at night after classes in exchange for a small amount of money and meals. So right now—

"So, Shinu. What are you doing here?"

"Have you switched to the food service industry?"

"I'm on security duty, fuck."

I'm working at the cafeteria. My ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠job is odd jobs and cafeteria security. The odd jobs are mostly simple and dirty tasks. Refilling empty food containers. Moving food waste. Unclogging drains.

"Shinu, why do we need security?"

"Apparently a purple pig is coming to steal tteokbokki?"

"Master. Did that pig say it was riding a water deer?"

"Yeah, that's right. How did you know?"

"It's over there."

At the spot Jung Ayeon points to, there's indeed a pig & water deer duo. The water deer, struggling to lower the pig from its back, suddenly sees me and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠lets out a shriek.

"Shinu, what did it say?"

"It's asking if we should settle this with a duel or a martial arts match?"

".......What exactly happened to you during break, Master?"

"Hey! Water deer! We're going with martial arts!"

The moment I finish speaking, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the water deer starts assuming a stance. Unlike a normal water deer, it takes a posture straight out of a wuxia novel instead of the usual Wi-Fi pose with its front legs. As the water deer charges at me, I decide to respond with Shaolin martial arts in the spirit of wuxia.

- Tatatatatatatang!!!!!!

Hye-ji responds instantly just by reading my eyes, without me saying a word, like a bottom-lane level 2 trade. As expected of a reliable orthodox supporter. The M60 series. The machine gun boasting the highest reliability. It's currently manifesting the Hundred-Step Divine Fist in my hands. Even though my aim is garbage, the clumsy movement proves fatal, and the water deer takes quite a few hits. Lying on the ground twitching, the water deer glares at me resentfully and points at the M60 with its front hoof.

"Listen carefully, you beast."

I raise the machine gun and blow on the muzzle. Looking at the grinding-teeth water deer, I say one thing.

"The M60 is orthodox wuxia."