K-Ability Registration: Bureaucratic Hell
Eventually, I still had no idea what my ability actually was. But time was fair to everyone. Whether I agonized over it or not, time kept marching forward without pause. Meanwhile, the uncle had told me not to bother registering at all.
"Why are you pretending to be powerless? The 'hidden strength' meta is over."
"Think about it. Imagine going to register and trying to explain your ability. 'A number appears above your head. And it goes up. But I don't know what the ability actually does?' How long do you think they'd stare at your face before giving you a number?"
"Still, I've got decent looks, right?"
"They'd probably think you're mentally ill and give you a psychiatrist's number instead, you dumb mutt!"
The uncle smacked the top of my head hard with his right hand. His hand swelled up. For the first time, he looked flustered and muttered, "...Your head's ridiculously hard."
"Human skull sturdy-desu-ne!"
While spraying pain relief spray on his hand, he continued, "Anyway, if your ability is nothing special, it's always better not to register."
"Not registering is illegal, though."
"If you don't get caught, it's legal."
Seeming tired of talking, he paused to take a sip of water. Once his throat was wet, he picked up again. "Ambiguous, no precedents, and you don't even know what it does? You're screwed."
"Wouldn't it be cool if my name went down in history as the first?"
"How would you feel if they named a rare disease after you?"
I thought about it the way he suggested. From now on, we're naming this disease after you. The name is Kim Shinu Disease.
"Ah..."
"Get it now?"
"Sounds kinda badass, though?"
"Fuck, I'm the idiot for expecting you to understand."
Looking fed up, the uncle started wrapping a bandage around his hand. Once he finished, he spoke to me with a slightly serious expression. "You haven't looked into how ability registration works at all, have you?"
"Can't I just go to the administrative welfare center and register?"
"Sit down. Let me tell you the whole goddamn story."
After listening to his long explanation, only one thought remained in my head. Registering would be a total disaster.
The registration process the uncle described was even worse than I imagined. First, you had to submit the form. To register your ability, you had to download the ability awakening report form from the internet, fill it out in HWP format, and submit it. If you couldn't use the internet, you could write it by hand at a government office and submit it there. About three days later, you'd get a text telling you where to go for registration. The location depended on your ability, so a lot of people ended up traveling pretty far. If you were really unlucky, you might even get sent to an island.
Once you arrived at the designated place, you followed the instructions. At the end, they drew your blood as an ability user, and thirty minutes later, they handed you a necklace. The necklace was linked to your bio-signals and ability activation, recording all kinds of information in real time. Finally done!
"No, keep listening."
"Fuck."
Depending on the classification of your ability, most required a usage license. Especially abilities classified as dangerous—like fire or electricity—required a license matching your output limit. You only got the license after passing the licensing exam held every quarter. If your ability grew or changed later? You'd have to get the license all over again. Hiding an increase in output was impossible too. If you exceeded the limit, the necklace would detect it and notify the nearest government office. Then you'd have to visit within forty-eight hours and submit a written explanation.
"Want me to tell you something even worse?"
"What?"
"Everything up to this point was just the tutorial."
"Shit."
If you earned income from your ability, you'd need additional business registration. Using your ability outside designated areas required submitting the date, time, and scope at least three days in advance. For banking, you'd need a separate security card and certificate. You'd have to report every time you moved residences. This was the world-renowned K-Ability Registration that made the globe weep in admiration.
"They're basically telling ability users to kill themselves."
"It wasn't always this bad."
The uncle gave a hollow laugh, his eyes sunken. "It was because of one lightning ability user whose mom died."
"What kind of bastard was he?"
"A total otaku. Called himself 'Railgun' and walked around in a school uniform."
A school uniform. Was he an underage hunter?
"Was he a minor?"
"He was thirty-one wearing a middle school girl's uniform."
Thirty-one... that's an auntie, right? But whatever. The most important question remained.
"Was she pretty?"
"......It was a guy."
"Fuck."
I shouldn't have asked. Another abyss was about to be carved into my mind. Did you call, Master? Hell no! Get back in there, HAL! While I was suppressing my primal abyss, the uncle suddenly started grinding his teeth.
"I was the one who caught him, but thinking about it still drives me crazy."
"Crazy from how hot it was?"
"You little shit."
He tried to smack my head but showed superhuman patience after seeing the bandage on his hand. Sighing, he continued. "Anyway, in terms of raw power and utility, his ability was top-tier. Really something."
"At best he could rob ATMs or hack IT security, right?"
The uncle smirked and listed off places. "Hospitals, banks, airports, roads, power plants, government offices, workplaces, broadcasting stations, base stations, schools, shopping districts, residential areas."
"What are those all of a sudden?"
When I asked with a puzzled look, he answered flatly. "Places that bastard paralyzed."
".....What a truly exemplary piece of shit."
"And he did all that in a single day."
"Goddamn, what a diligent piece of shit!"
The uncle stood up and stretched like it was about time to go. "Most importantly, he was a nightmare to fight."
"How bad was it?"
"Get close and you get discharged. Touch metal and you get electrocuted. He could control any conductor."
"How'd you catch him?"
He looked at me like I was asking something obvious. "I put on rubber gloves and beat the shit out of him with a wooden sword and a club."
"By yourself?"
"......No."
At that moment, the uncle's expression stiffened slightly. I wondered why, but after hearing the rest, I was impressed he only got that stiff.
"I had a teammate with me..."
"And?"
"This bastard had a piercing on his dick, so he got electrocuted through it."
"This is what... a hunter is?"
My fantasy about hunters was already half shattered. Apparently, the captured criminal was being put to good use at a power plant now. When you had a human Pikachu, you had to use him. Make him quietly generate electricity.
"Anyway, now you understand why you shouldn't register your ability?"
"My head hurts..."
He said Korea was actually one of the better countries. Russia had a registration rate over 140%. In China, ability users were apparently already registered without even knowing it. And Japan required all registration procedures to be done by hand and fax. Personal seals were, of course, mandatory.
I cleanly gave up on registration and thought about it after finishing training and coming home. If I tried to register, I'd just end up bleeding for nothing. Since my ability was ambiguous, everything would go wrong from the start.
- We can't register this ability here, sir! I'll tell you another location.
- But they said this place handles it?
- Ah! My mistake. It was a different place. I'll let you know.
- ...I already went there first.
It wouldn't just be the beginning that went wrong. The real hell started after registration ended.
- Abilities can't be used here. Constantly active types can't enter.
- Ability users, please read this pledge and sign it before entering.
- I'm sorry, but this is a No Ability User Zone, so you can't enter.
- Since you're constantly active, your income will be counted as ability-based. Please register as a business.
- There are currently no available units in our apartment complex that allow ability users.
- Constantly active types must enter the security certificate for every deposit and withdrawal.
- Are you an ability user? I'm sorry, but you can't subscribe to this insurance product.
Asking mediocre people for help would just get me stabbed in the back. Would my parents be okay? No. They'd force me to register while saying "Let's eat tonkatsu." They did the same when I went to the dentist or got vaccinations. Plus, if someone reported me as an ability user, things would get even more complicated. The bounty was pretty big, so unregistered ability users were golden goblins and walking ATMs. And of course, the person who got reported had to pay that bounty. What a crazy world—tell someone to be a hunter and they end up hunting bounties instead of monsters.
Thinking about it, the uncle was still one of the decent people. His only flaws were being a lunatic and being bald. Though his hair was growing back, so one flaw was about to disappear. That couldn't happen. Characters were meant to be completed by their fatal flaws. I refused to accept a completed form. I resolved to pluck it again right before the academy entrance.
Weeds should be pulled the moment you see them. But right before bed, I suddenly got so pissed that I screamed alone. "Did K-Ability Registration's mom fucking die or what!!!!!!!!!!"
"You idiot! Go the fuck to sleep!"
"Yes."
I quietly went to sleep.
After that, until the academy entrance, I only went between the training ground and home. Classes were replaced with training, and I only showed up on exam days. I graduated high school with no real memories and before I knew it, the academy entrance day arrived.
Even on entrance day, my parents only sent one text: "Handle it yourself." Then they immediately left for a long overseas trip. Should I ask for upvotes on "20 years old and about to have a younger sibling"? Starting with me first!
In the end, the one who saw me off on entrance day was the uncle I'd been seeing for three brutal years. "I can't believe I have to see your face even on a day like this."
"I didn't want to see your face today either, you little shit."
Unfortunately, I couldn't pluck the hair on either side of the uncle's head. Whether it was hunter's intuition or not, he dodged like a ghost whenever I aimed for it.
"I'm really good at weeding."
"Don't bullshit me, I really want to tear you apart right now."
Right before stepping into the academy, I asked him, "Now that I think about it, I spent three years getting beaten up without even knowing your name."
"Oh, right. I didn't know your name either."
"I get that, but why don't you know my name, you bastard?"
Suddenly, the uncle clenched his right fist and raised his fingers one by one as he spoke. First, his index finger. "You idiot."
"Yes."
Next, his middle finger. "You little shit."
"Why are you calling me?"
Finally, his ring finger. "You fucking bastard."
"What?"
Then he folded and unfolded all three fingers at once. "Why do I need your name when you answer to three different things?"
"Fuck."
A sigh escaped me, but there was nothing I could do. I could just tell him my name now. Extending my hand for a handshake, I said, "I'm Kim Shinu. Thanks for all the help over the past three years."
"...Ryu Kanghyuk. By the way, can I still come get side dishes even without you?"
Kanghyuk the uncle took my hand. "My parents are traveling right now so you can't."
"Am I......going to starve to death?"
"Please die while you're at it. You're wasting oxygen."
We let go of each other's hands at the same time, and Kanghyuk the uncle waved at me. "Don't die. If you do, I'll pay you a generous settlement."
"...Settlement? Are you going to kill me?"
"I've wanted to kill you sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"......Pretty often."
I waved back as I answered. "Anyway, see you next time."
"If we meet as a corpse, can I take your head as a trophy?"
We simultaneously flipped each other off. "Worry about your own head instead of mine."
"Yeah, bullshit? You'll never figure it out, right?"
"You fucking bastard."
With that, we parted ways. It was a stupid meeting and a stupid farewell. Still, he was a precious benefactor in his own way.
As I stepped into the academy, I recalled my very first goal. Destroy it. Destroy Ryu Kanghyuk the uncle's head. That was the only thing.
At that moment, I suddenly felt hungry and turned around toward the food court. And within minutes, I ran into Kanghyuk the uncle again. Feeling awkward, we sat at different tables.