Going Home with Everyone
I had turned myself in as a Joseonjok and gotten dragged all the way to the police station. Fortunately, they released me almost immediately. That was only natural—I had passed the rigorous test used to identify genuine Joseonjok without a single mistake.
"Say 'Xi Jinping is a fucking bastard.'"
"Xi Jinping is a fucking bastard!"
"What is a true Chinese citizen?"
"The Tank Man who stood against the tanks."
"What is China's greatest song?"
"I Love Beijing Tiananmen."
At the end, I quickly played the song on my phone. The moment its beautiful melody faded, the entire station burst into applause. A few officers even wiped away tears. Amid the cheers, the cop who had dragged me in shook my hand.
"You're clearly not Joseonjok. Thank you for your cooperation."
"Glad I could be of help."
Luckily they didn't inspect my phone either. The officers had decided it was pointless after I'd already cleared the strict test.
Thank god...
The moment I stepped out of the station, Jung Ayeon was waiting.
"Yo! Long time no see!"
"Do not spout such nonsense."
Jung Ayeon answered in a frigid tone.
"You're so heartless."
"Heartless my ass! I told you to stop carrying weird crap around!"
I was hearing the exact same lecture from Jung Ayeon that I'd heard from Piece. Seeing that "Ju Hwa Im Ma" nonsense on my phone last time must have traumatized her pretty badly.
Jung Ayeon sighed and poured out her grievances.
"Sometimes this lady wonders if she is a fool for having fallen for you."
"Don't worry, Jung Ayeon. You've already become a magnificent fool."
At that moment, Jung Ayeon suddenly clung to me. She glared with fierce, axe-like eyes.
"And while this lady addresses you as 'my dear,' is it not a little much that you insist on calling this lady by her full name?"
"Then what should I call you?"
My question made her suddenly lower her head and twist her body shyly. Then she gave me a dreamy, misty-eyed look and spoke in a tiny voice.
"C-call me by my name."
It seemed that while I kept calling Hye-ji by her first name, Jung Ayeon wasn't happy that I used her full name. It was perfectly understandable. I smiled faintly and answered.
"All right, Ayeon."
"Yes, honey."
"......"
The sudden critical hit left me speechless.
Fuck off. I'll escape soon enough.
When the two of us were alone, Ayeon used different pet names. Just then I spotted the rest of the group approaching from afar. Seeing them, Ayeon asked about our next destination.
"Where shall we head now?"
"I'm going home. What about you?"
Ayeon took my hand and laced our fingers together. A faint smile followed.
"As long as I am with you, anywhere is fine."
Of course, Ayeon's sweet mood didn't last long. Hye-ji and Elsia barged in like a pair of wrecking balls.
"You fucking bitch! The second I'm not around, you start reeking of desperate female!"
"Unicorn! Unicorn! Someone bring a unicorn right now!!!"
"I have not done it yet! If necessary, this lady can demonstrate the 'Heavenly Demon Virgin Membrane' reinforced with self-defense energy!"
"Can we just kill these horny mutts, nya?"
Anyway, everyone who was supposed to gather had gathered. Since we had long-term leave permits, there was no need to return to the Academy. Still, I figured I should check with the others, so I turned to Elsia first.
"Elsia, where are you headed? I'm going home."
"I want to follow my husband! The Great Forest is gone now, and the Academy isn't appealing anymore!"
She was right. Elsia had no home to return to. The only place left was the Academy, but she'd be alone there. I didn't want her to feel that loneliness. Since she was my girlfriend now, I had to take responsibility for her.
This time I asked Hye-ji.
"What about you, Hye-ji?"
"I'm coming to your house too. I should greet your parents while I'm at it."
Hye-ji was already acquainted with my parents, so she'd be a huge help in getting the door open. They wouldn't open it for me alone, but with her there the odds were much better.
Then Hye-ji suddenly asked me a question.
"Want to go greet my dad while we're at it?"
"......Meeting too many parents at once sounds exhausting."
Fuck, he absolutely would.
Of course Hye-ji would step in to stop him, but I had a feeling it wouldn't end peacefully. I'd save meeting Hye-ji's father for later. Someday.
Anyway. It was time to go home.
"Why the fuck aren't you asking me, nya!"
"Oh, right."
I had almost forgotten about Caersi.
"Where are you headed?"
"This one is returning to the Beastman Kingdom. A rather troublesome matter has come up, nya."
Caersi wore a slightly troubled expression. It didn't look like she'd be coming with us anyway.
"Then why the hell did you throw a fit about not being asked, you fucking cat? I'm already pissed I couldn't pull Kyaru."
"I was going to lend you my card so you could take a taxi, nya."
"I might not be able to pull it! Thank you! Lady Kyaru!"
I quickly pressed my head against Caersi in a firm but light bow. Pride didn't matter right now. Hye-ji and Ayeon were sending me icy glares.
Meanwhile—
"Furry big bro! This ear-scratching little brother kneels before you!"
Elsia was bowing her head right beside me. So very like her.
Caersi left first after entrusting us with her card. It wasn't her usual black card but a cute one decorated with a cat paw. Must have been her personal card. Of course Elsia had immediately set her sights on it.
"No matter how much you spend I won't say a word, but if that elf bitch touches it, you're all dead."
"Yes."
It was a call from Caersi, who had predicted this exact situation. Her voice was completely serious; she'd dropped her usual concept entirely. Afraid she might freeze the card, I answered instantly. Elsia, however, kept clinging to me.
"Husband! Please, just once! I'll only spend ten thousand dollars!"
She was persistent, but I wasn't falling for it again. In the end, the defeated Elsia clicked her tongue with a thoroughly displeased expression.
That fucking bitch.
After many twists and turns we finally reached home. For some reason everyone looked tense. This was exactly the moment for the protagonist to display calm leadership. Revealing myself would only get the door slammed in my face, so I reused the method that had worked before.
"Delivery."
"Fuck off. I'm not falling for that twice."
Mom was experienced. Just as I had grown, she had aged and become even sharper than before. Still, the fact that she now knew it was me was enough. I moved on to the main topic.
"Actually, I brought my girlfriend."
"You Joseonjok bastard, if you don't leave I'll kill you?"
"Fuck. Reporting you was a huge pain in the ass."
"Should I report you again?"
She didn't believe a word. She wasn't even treating me like her son. But I'd expected this much. So I added extra credibility.
"I swear on you, Mom."
"I'm your mom, you fucking idiot!!!"
The door flew open and Mom's foot suddenly buried itself deep in my stomach. It was a completely unexpected ambush. As I gasped in pain, Piece desperately pleaded with me.
Shut up. It hurts like hell.
Mom immediately scanned the area with bloodshot eyes, checking whether any Joseonjok had followed me. The moment she spotted Hye-ji her expression flipped to shock.
"Oh my! It's Hye-ji! You weren't kidnapped, were you?"
"Thank you for worrying. Nothing happened."
"I see. What brings you here? Is it already break?"
"Actually, I came to greet you as Shinwoo's girlfriend this time."
Mom looked even more stunned than before. She stuttered in a way that was completely unlike her.
"...R-really? Y-you're not joking... for real?"
"......Yes."
Hye-ji answered with a face as red as a tomato. Mom suddenly grabbed me by the collar.
"You bastard, what weakness did you find on Hye-ji! I didn't raise you like this!"
"No, fuck."
"N-no! I confessed first!"
Hye-ji hurriedly stopped her. Mom paused, then—
"Thank you! Really, thank you! I was so worried about what to do with that idiot!"
She grabbed both of Hye-ji's hands and shook them vigorously. Tears welled in her eyes; she looked genuinely moved. Then she noticed Elsia and Ayeon standing nearby. Mom's eyes narrowed. She probably suspected they were either cultists or more Joseonjok.
Before she could speak, Elsia and Ayeon answered first.
"Hello, Mother. I am Elsia, who is to become your son's wife. Though I am lacking, please take care of me."
"It is our first meeting, Mother. This daughter-in-law, Jung Ayeon, greets you respectfully."
Fuck, it's not even April Fool's.
Elsia and Ayeon were acting completely different from usual. It was a sight I could barely believe, so Mom's reaction was understandable. She looked utterly broken, wearing nothing but a dazed expression. She wasn't even breathing.
A few seconds later—
"Please, if this is a dream, don't let me wake up!"
Mom collapsed on the spot and began to sob. Her words implied that it being a dream felt more realistic. The heroines gently wrapped her in warm hugs. Feeling their warmth, Mom finally realized this was reality. Soon she was smiling brightly and ushering the heroines inside.
"Come in, come in. It's a small house, but make yourselves comfortable."
Then she suddenly shot me a freezing glare. It was genuinely terrifying, nothing like her usual look.
"Let's hear exactly what kind of nonsense you've been up to."
This time I wasn't shut out at the door. It was truly a relief.
Shut your mouth.
This time I had returned home without any major incidents. It had been one hell of a journey.