It's Better to Turn Myself In
I hadn't chosen any of this, but to my immense gratitude I suddenly had three girlfriends overnight. An unexpected stroke of luck. Yet right in the middle of that good fortune, a worry suddenly bloomed inside me.
I'm fucked.
The future where everyone gets massacred was a distant concern, but the immediate future worried me far more. Especially my mom, who already brimmed with distrust toward her son. She would never believe the current situation. Even if she somehow did, it would still be a problem. Most likely—no, she would absolutely, without question, give me a savage tongue-lashing.
Fuck. I'm going to get roasted after visiting Choco-hyung.
I mulled over how to break the news to everyone as I tried to sit up, but—
"If you don't wanna die, stay the fuck down, you piece of shit."
"Escape will not be tolerated!"
"Prepare your heart in silence, I say."
I was immediately stopped. A chill ran down my spine right after.
"...Girls?"
As if the touching moment from earlier had been a lie, the atmosphere around them suddenly changed. This time it felt like a pack of hyenas circling a single prey. At that exact moment Hye-ji started clumsily pulling her clothes off again.
"...Hye-ji? We only started dating five minutes ago?"
"The first chapter's already over. Four days have passed in real time. That's more than enough."
"No, what the fuck."
The second we got together Hye-ji had already gone from zero to full throttle. But instead of stopping her, both Elsia and Jung Ayeon were actively egging her on.
"Unnie! Five minutes is enough time to conquer the world, so that much semen should be plenty, right?"
"If one does it multiple times in five minutes, will you count it as one round? This lady is confident, I say."
"You crazy bitches, I'm not a vending machine."
It was technically the best possible situation. Even so, doing a public performance in front of the others was still way too high-level for a virgin like me who hadn't even taken the training wheels off. Plus we were literally locked in a room. Doing it stone-cold sober with no alcohol made it hard for my lower half to even react.
『No!』
...Or so I thought. It was a lie. The second it saw an opening, my dick stood at full attention like a soldier saluting.
Fuck, you insane dick bastard.
Hye-ji immediately noticed my hesitation and shoved a gun barrel in my face.
Click.
"Shinwoo. Choose."
"...Let me hear the options first."
"Stay still and get it up? Or stay still and get it up?"
"Fuck."
Those weren't normal choices at all. I could clearly see Hye-ji's desperate determination not to miss this chance. In her haste, her clothes kept snagging on her completely flat chest. She even manifested a knife to just rip them off.
"...Hye-ji? If you tear your clothes, what are you going to do afterward?"
"That's for you to figure out from now on."
"Crazy."
But life never goes according to plan. Hye-ji was no exception to that rule.
"This is fucked, nya! Hurry up and come out, nya!"
It was none other than Caersi. She burst through the hotel door with an urgent expression, then froze solid the moment she saw us. Hye-ji half-naked. Me in nothing but underwear. Elsia and Jung Ayeon surrounding us. It wasn't exactly a sight meant for public viewing. Everyone except me glared fiercely at Caersi. Naturally she blushed bright red, quietly closed the door, and left.
"Sorry, nya. Have a good time, nya."
The second Caersi left, Hye-ji tried to resume her predator act. However—
"That's not the problem, nya! Hurry up and come out, nya!"
"You fucking cat bitch!!! If it's a stupid reason I'll kill you!!!"
Caersi burst through the hotel door again. The interrupted Hye-ji exploded with rage. Before anyone realized, she was already aiming her gun at Caersi. Even though Caersi looked terrified, she still delivered her message clearly.
"The police are storming in here, nya!"
Police. Public authority. In Korea, you could never ignore public authority. There was nothing more ridiculous than police who did nothing, but nothing more terrifying than police who actually did their jobs.
"Fuck! Why the hell are the police suddenly coming here!"
For some reason Hye-ji's line sounded exactly like a criminal caught red-handed at a crime scene. Still, since the reason was reasonable, she didn't just start shooting at Caersi. If she'd lost any more sanity she probably would have torn through the cops without hesitation, but she managed to hold back.
In the end Hye-ji gave up and started putting her clothes back on. Then Elsia gave her something that was less a suggestion and more a declaration.
"Unnie! If you keep stalling, I'll eat him up before he goes bad!"
Being interrupted was already infuriating, and now she was picking a fight on top of it. Hye-ji looked at Elsia and spoke coldly.
"Don't cross the line, concubine?"
"Get nervous already! Concubine!"
"Stop making a fuss, concubines, I say."
"If you're going to say that line, at least buy the damn Novelpia ticket first."
Once all the illustrations are out I'll try to make a deal, but I'm pretty sure it'll get rejected.
Piece looked like she was already senile and losing her mind. I snapped at the half-demented goddess.
Don't talk nonsense. It's not like you're actually crazy—there have to be regulations, right?
The rumor that there had never been regulations was clearly malicious slander spread by rival companies. A company of that size wouldn't possibly run things in such a sloppy manner. Anyway, that was beside the point.
Meanwhile, something about Caersi's words felt off. The feeling was ominous. I hoped I was wrong, but it seemed related to me somehow. And my bad premonitions were always right. Without fail.
Caersi started explaining urgently, gesturing wildly with her hands and feet.
"They said they're looking for Joseonjok human traffickers, nya! Does anything come to mind, nya?"
"Ah, fuck."
It looked like my action-oriented mom had already taken measures. The group saw my reaction and gave me questioning looks.
"Shinwoo, why?"
"Husband! Are you perhaps Joseonjok?"
"Did you come from the sacred land of martial arts, I ask?"
"Did you run away from a construction site, nya?"
"Everyone shut up. I'm fucked."
I briefly explained the phone call with my mom from earlier. How she'd labeled me as Joseonjok from the very start of the call. How she'd misunderstood that Hye-ji had been kidnapped by Joseonjok human traffickers. And finally, how I never thought she'd actually try to get me arrested.
The moment I finished explaining, Hye-ji started kicking me repeatedly.
"You fucking idiot! How is it that you can't even eat when food is given to you!"
"Unnie! Husband is the one who gives! He's a gas pump!"
"Since he's a bank, isn't it correct that he lends it out? With repayment through pregnancy, I say."
"Fuck! Even during mating season the beastmen aren't this bad, nya!"
Anyway, to resolve the current situation, Hye-ji, Elsia, and Caersi decided to leave first in pairs. Especially since being with Hye-ji would definitely cause misunderstandings. Right before Hye-ji and Elsia left, they growled at us.
"If you do anything weird, I'll drag a unicorn here and run a test immediately."
"If the horn stabs you it's positive! If it doesn't stab you it's negative!"
"Don't use a unicorn as a diagnostic kit, you crazy bitches."
"U-understood, I say. Do not worry, I say."
Overwhelmed by their terrifying aura, Jung Ayeon answered while shrinking back. Hye-ji and Elsia kept issuing threats right up until they left. After some time had passed since they departed, it was my turn to leave with Jung Ayeon.
We snuck down the stairs to the hotel lobby. The police seemed to have already withdrawn; not a single officer was visible.
"This lady will definitely protect you, I say."
Jung Ayeon linked arms with me and summoned two massive wolves on either side. It seemed a bit overprotective, but there was no need to refuse good will. Anyway, once we left the hotel it would be over. The moment Jung Ayeon confidently threw open the hotel's front door—
"Ah! Excuse me, but could we ask for your cooperation?"
We were caught by the female officer who had been the last to withdraw. Talk about terrible luck.
"...You said you'd protect me. We got fucked the second we started?"
"...It somehow turned out that way, I say."
Jung Ayeon looked embarrassed and turned her gaze away. Still, we hadn't been caught yet. No need to get anxious.
"What seems to be the matter?"
"We received a report about a Joseonjok male involved in human trafficking."
"Worry not. This man is this lady's companion, I say."
"Ah! I see! What a handsome couple! You two look perfect together!"
"Thank you, I say."
Jung Ayeon was trying to smooth things over by defending me. The officer gave a small sigh of admiration at our appearance. So far everything was going smoothly. No problems.
"Just to be sure, would you mind showing us your internet history and phone contents?"
"...Why?"
"Human trafficking cases follow similar patterns. Accessing certain sites or sending specific texts or images to someone, that sort of thing."
There was a problem. The officer suddenly reached toward me and asked to check my phone. Jung Ayeon panicked and tried to argue.
"I told you he is this lady's companion, I say."
"Even so, headquarters ordered us to check every male."
"B-but..."
While Jung Ayeon hesitated, the officer drove the nail in.
"Besides, if he's really your companion, you shouldn't have anything to hide, right?"
"N-no matter what, this is too much, I say."
"I will gladly accept any punishment and apologize sufficiently afterward. Right now time is of the essence."
I started thinking. Should I really show them my phone? Was there anything too incriminating in it? The search history I couldn't show anyone. All the images and videos. The 'grandpa' material I'd prepared for people immune to 'grandma'.
The deliberation didn't take long.
"It will only take a moment to check."
"I am Joseonjok."
I calmly held out both hands in a gesture asking to be cuffed. The officer looked dumbfounded but still put the handcuffs on me.
"...Come with me."
"Hǎo."
And so I obediently surrendered myself to the restraints. Jung Ayeon shook her head as she watched me.
"Fuck. I don't know how this lady fell for such an idiot, I say."
Soon she clutched her head as if it was throbbing. The wolves on either side of her looked like they were laughing their asses off.