VS Black Dragon, No, Black Lizard (2)
The Black Dragon's garbage humor showed no signs of stopping. Even though it was still a juvenile, it had lived long enough for there to be a noticeable generational gap in its sense of comedy.
"Do you know what happens when a dragon enters the Nofpia contest?"
"Shut up! If you go on stage, I'll sponsor you! Please, just stop!"
"It's write-a-dragon!!! Ahahahahaha!!!!"
"You fucking bastard, seriously."
I clutched my head and shook it in disbelief. Meanwhile, Hye-ji and Caersi had started roasting Elsia as they watched her.
"Miss Flat, why are your lips twitching? Does this match your taste?"
"Don't say that! We're both alumni of the same Academy!"
"Do you even know how to use a smartphone, nya? If things get bad, I'll get you a senior-friendly flip phone, nya."
"I-I'm adapting well to the latest models these days!"
For some reason, Elsia looked like she was genuinely enjoying the Black Dragon's gags. Of course, the hearts of me and Piece as we watched this were burning with secondhand embarrassment.
The future of this novel looks bleak.
Ha... god damn it.
At that moment, the Black Dragon flashed its eyes and charged straight at me.
"There's an opening!"
"You fucking lizard piece of shit."
This time, it was actually a little dangerous. I dodged, sure, but it was way closer than before. My brain, contaminated by all the dad jokes, had momentarily stopped working.
The dragon's attacks are gradually getting sharper.
This is getting a bit risky.
Just like Piece said, the dragon's attacks were clearly becoming more refined with each exchange. Even though I landed counters every time I dodged, the opponent was still a dragon. It endured my strikes and kept launching multiple attacks. And with every attempt, those attacks grew increasingly threatening.
It took what worked and refined it. It boldly discarded what didn't. The Black Dragon was growing at an astonishing rate in real time through actual combat.
I pleaded with the Black Dragon.
"You bitch. Please stop with the shitty jokes."
"Is it any different from the mental attacks you spew every time you open your mouth? What's the problem?!"
......It has a point.
Fuck.
The Black Dragon prepared yet another black dad joke. But we had to stop here. If this kept going, the comedy tag itself would be in danger.
Show them the Wind Style: Mouth Technique
Naruto, my brother! Lend me your strength!
While I was steeling my resolve, the Black Dragon spat out another piece of trash humor. But this time was different. I was ready to fire back.
"When a lion dies, it becomes the Grim Reaper! So what does a dragon become when it dies?"
"When it dies?"
"You don't know? It's obviously dragon death!!!! Hahahahaha!!!!"
"How pathetic."
The Black Dragon heard my ice-cold response and clutched its stomach, rolling on the ground. Even while laughing nonstop, it pointed at me.
"Be honest, you find it funny now too, right? Hahaha!"
I didn't avoid its gaze. I met it head-on with a calm expression. Then, with a slight sneer, I gave my reply.
"What are you talking about? When a dragon dies, it becomes excellent crafting material."
At that moment, the dragon's laughter froze solid. Its pupils began to tremble slowly, as if asking what kind of discriminatory remark that was. Of course, I had no intention of explaining it to the thing.
Aha. Here it comes. It's finally my turn. Time to return all that garbage dad humor.
"What happens when two dragons fight each other to the death? Go on, tell me."
"Obviously I know! 'They'll both die-dragon'~!"
"Is that head just for decoration? Listen carefully."
I returned the exact same disgusting smile the Black Dragon had been making earlier.
"Since both are exhausted, if I kill them then, I get double the crafting materials. What a steal."
"That's racial discrimination, you son of a bitch!!!!!!"
The Black Dragon finally began showing genuine anger on its face. But it's still my turn, you bastard.
"What if a dragon climbs a mountain peak and gets shot?"
"Are you mocking me? It's obviously 'dragon bone soup'!"
"I really wonder if there's a brain in that skull."
I let out a big sigh and shrugged my shoulders.
"A dragon that climbed a mountain peak is classified as harmful wildlife. So the correct answer is 'pest control.'"
"Shut up!!! What kind of name is that!!!"
"Ah, sorry. My mistake."
I looked at the Black Dragon, who was now making a tearful face, and put on the most despicable expression I could muster.
"It's not even special enough to warrant naming it in the first place."
"Y-you bastard!!!!!!!!!!"
Finally, the Black Dragon lost its mind and charged straight at me, head first. It clearly intended to skewer me with the pair of sharp horns protruding from its forehead.
However, there was no attack easier to dodge than one this honest and linear. I stepped to the left half a beat faster, slipping out of its attack path. At the same time, I planted my left foot and swung my right leg in a wide arc behind me, slamming it down on the dragon's head from above.
It was like a guillotine blade dropping after the rope had been cut.
- CRACK!!!!!!!
"Kwaaaaaaaaagh!!!!"
An impact incomparable to anything before slammed into the dragon. It even seemed to have been stunned by the blow, clutching its head. Since the Cheonma Laser needed a bit of charge time, I condensed mana into only my right palm this time.
And before firing the Cheonma Repulsor, I decided to give the Black Dragon one more dad joke.
"What does a dragon say when it gets hit?"
"Ugh... H-hit-dragon?"
Even while stunned, the Black Dragon stubbornly answered. I grinned and thrust the Cheonma Repulsor upward from below, pressing it against the dragon's abdomen.
"You'll have to say that with your own mouth from now on, you fucking bastard."
A translucent haze exploded from the Black Dragon's stomach. The impact sent it flying into the air.
"Aaaaaaaaah! It hurts-dragon!"
Keeping my eyes fixed on the dragon that was still spouting dad jokes until the very end, I prepared the Cheonma Laser in my right hand. The plan was to fire the finishing blow as soon as it was ready.
But things didn't go as smoothly as I thought. The Black Dragon, whose number above its head had suddenly risen, forcibly flapped its wings in midair to regain its posture. Between its horns and in front of its mouth, it began condensing ominous black spheres of mana.
"It won't go the way you want!"
When the gathered spheres reached the size of a baseball, the Black Dragon opened its mouth wide. Thinking that was the prelude to its attack, I reflexively fired the starlight gathered in my hand.
Soon, a black beam and a white meteor raced toward each other. Neither made a sound. They simply sliced through space as they advanced. But their power was on another level.
A massive explosion erupted where the two collided. The blast sent both me and the Black Dragon flying far apart.
"Flying-dragon!!!!!!!!"
"Shut your damn mouth-dragon!"
The distance between us had grown significantly. At that moment, my instincts were screaming at me. Run.
When I looked straight ahead, what entered my vision was the Black Dragon in a partial polymorph state. Only now, far more of its draconic features had manifested than before. From fingertips to elbows, and from toes to knees, everything had transformed into reptilian limbs. On top of that, black scales covered half its cheeks. Its wings had grown larger. Its tail had doubled in thickness. And the pair of horns had grown longer and sharper.
"I can't fully transform yet, but this should be more than enough."
The Black Dragon muttered while looking at me with the eyes of a predator. Then, as if to signal the end of the game, it raised the scales all over its body and roared.
"The jokes end here!!!!!"
The Black Dragon anchored its tail firmly into the ground to keep its body from moving. At the same time, it closed its eyes for a brief moment of focus. The instant it opened them again, black spheres began to gather just like before. The only difference was that they were incomparably larger, and the very air trembled slightly every time the sphere grew.
It was the preparation for a Dragon Breath that looked far more dangerous than the previous one. No matter how I looked at it, this wasn't for suppression. It was pure, lethal force.
"You crazy bitch. If I take that hit, I don't think even potions will save me."
"If you want to live, get on your knees and beg!!!"
I condensed mana into the bracelets on both wrists and the center of my palms. Then I grinned at the Black Dragon.
"But losing to a beast is even more disgusting than dying."
The bracelets vibrated, and starlight began to gather. I continued accumulating the light while keeping my eyes locked on the Black Dragon.
"So let's go all out and settle this."
And so, we both gathered our strength for one final strike. The Black Dragon was now struggling to maintain a jet-black sphere slightly larger than a basketball. It radiated an ominous aura that seemed capable of swallowing everything in darkness.
Meanwhile, two small orbs of starlight had gathered in my hands. They were tiny compared to the massive black sphere in front of me. But they were my hope, the light that would illuminate the world and pierce through the dark.
With our preparations complete at almost the exact same moment, Black Dragon and I stared each other down. Since the story had started with dad jokes, I decided to prepare one last one for the sake of proper closure.
"What would you say if you saw a dragon who lost an arm while saving someone?"
"Hmph! Still going on about humor! It's 'Dragon!!!Arm!!!'!"
The Black Dragon was breathing heavily, clearly exhausted. But its eyes burned with the certainty of victory. At the same time, it wore a deranged smile, apparently convinced it had given a brilliant answer until the very end.
Of course, I had no intention of letting that slide. Wearing an equally insane smile, I spoke to the Black Dragon.
"I'd say the product's value just dropped, you fucking lizard bastard."