VS Madness of Madness (1)

Even though our dream of breaking into the restaurant business had been obliterated by Elsia's pathetic little Elf Coin, at this point I couldn't help but see that coin as "my little coin" that we were personally raising and feeding. I secretly hoped that someday it would grow up lush and strong, graduating from "my small coin" into "my big coin."

"Shut up. Can't you see I'm busy having a mental victory right now?"

Just like how Al Capone got nailed for tax evasion, running a business while dodging the National Tax Service was damn near impossible. In the end, we abandoned our restaurant dreams and decided to quietly focus on the main tournament.

Anyway, the endless preliminaries were finally over, and the time had come for the Academy's main bracket to begin. The main tournament started from the round of sixteen. The moment all qualifiers were confirmed, matchups ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠were assigned completely at random. Once the bracket filled out, you could check it through the Academy app or the campus bulletin board.

"Young master, have you looked at the bracket?"

"I was just about to."

So right now, Jeong Ayeon and I were studying the bracket. We needed to figure out who our next opponent would be, when we might run into the only team whose name we already knew——and everything else. We calmly analyzed every possible factor.

After just a few minutes of staring at it, Jeong Ayeon and I looked at each other and spoke in perfect unison.

"We're fucked."

"We're fucked."

For some reason the bracket only listed team names, so we couldn't check the actual participants. To make things worse, instead of using our precious preliminary time to scout other matches, we'd spent it frantically selling food. Not that there was anything left to sell now, of course.

'Fuck, it's pissing me off all over again.'

Since we had no idea who the opponent was, we couldn't even look up their abilities. That meant we'd have to improvise every single match. As I let out a sigh full of complicated emotions, Jeong Ayeon fiddled with her phone, pulled up a screen, and showed it to me.

"Jeong Ayeon, what is this?"

"Ah, did you not know, young master? These are the betting odds for each team."

According to Jeong Ayeon, the second-year tournament let you bet on teams like horse racing. There were four conditions, however. First, you obviously couldn't bet if you were a main-tournament qualifier yourself. Second, you had to pick only one team. Third, only second- and third-years could participate. And the final condition was that you had to watch all the way to the finals whether you bet or not.

"I get the first two, but why the third?"

"If first-years were allowed to bet, the Academy said they couldn't handle the deficit when students started raking in money."

Thanks to that last rule especially, the spectator rate among second- and third-years was practically one hundred percent. Given that this place had been crawling with gamblers from the very beginning, it made sense.

'...It would've turned into a coin ending anyway.'

Our little goat. Grow up nice and strong.

When I checked the odds, the team seemed undervalued—their payout was pretty high. On top of that, all our opponents were low-odds, meaning highly rated teams. For some reason our team had received the worst evaluation of all, which gave us the highest payout by far.

This was a guaranteed upset. Right, Nathan Maia, my man?

Right on cue, Hye-ji and Elsia walked over. I grabbed Hye-ji's shoulder tightly and spoke with deep sincerity.

"Hye-ji, I have something to tell you."

"R-right now? All of a sudden?"

Hye-ji's face flushed slightly, startled by my abrupt words. But this moment was incredibly important to me. I stared straight into her eyes and spoke clearly.

"I'll give you all my money, so please place a bet for me."

"Ah..."

Hye-ji looked at me with faintly disappointed eyes, then let out a short sigh.

"How much?"

"It's only the money Caersi gave me last time, but what do you think of this amount?"

When I opened the banking app and showed her, Hye-ji looked genuinely shocked. She spoke as if the sum made her a little nervous.

"This is honestly kind of scary. The amount is huge."

"Just think of it as managing my money."

"Huh? Then... can I consider myself in charge of all your finances?"

"Well, that's currently my entire net worth, so?"

Suddenly Hye-ji put on a confident expression that practically screamed just trust me.

"From now on I'll manage every single cent you have! Just believe in me!"

"You really don't have to go that far... but yeah, I'm counting on you this time."

"Husband! Leave it to me! A wife's duty is to manage her husband's money, after all!"

Are you telling me to starve? Don't even think about it, you bitch.

Instead of answering Elsia, I made Hye-ji an offer.

"Hye-ji, if you keep this money safe from Elsia, I'll give you fifty percent of whatever we win."

- Bang!

The moment I finished speaking, Hye-ji manifested a pistol and fired at Elsia's feet, growling.

"I'll kill you."

"Hing... but Elf Coin is seriously going to moon..."

"Miss Hye-ji, please take care of my funds as well."

Jeong Ayeon apparently didn't trust Elsia either, so she handed her money over to Hye-ji too.

Meanwhile I scanned the bracket one more time. It looked like we'd only meet in the finals. Our first opponent was the team called .

The name alone made it sound like a squad of actual mental patients, which was a little scary. At that exact moment Piece spoke up in a delighted voice.

'Don't spout bullshit.'

The rest of the group saw our next opponent's team name and spoke with absolute confidence.

"This is Shinu's win."

"Because the real crazy dog is my husband!"

"Aah, this duel is a guaranteed victory."

"You fucking bastards, I'm normal."

It was turning out to be an oddly unfair day.

The day the round of sixteen finally began, our team was up first.

The round of sixteen would feature eight matches spread across two days. Since Caersi's match was tomorrow, she had joined Hye-ji and Elsia to watch together. Only authorized team affiliates were allowed to observe from the rear benches, like a sports team's coaching staff. So they were currently lounging on the bench right behind me.

Normally Caersi shouldn't have been able to be here. She wasn't an affiliate, and she was actually a main-tournament participant herself. But—

"Thanks for your hard work, nya!"

"Irrashaimase!!!!!"

The moment Caersi slipped them some cash, people parted like automatic department-store doors. Hye-ji tried to stop Caersi's blatant corruption, but the instant a bag of money was handed over, Hye-ji instantly surrendered her seat.

"Miss Fuckcat, I've warmed the seat for you."

"Nyahahaha! Here's your tip, nya!"

"Furry ma'am! I bought the drinks exactly as ordered!"

"Thank you, nya! Keep the change, nya!"

When Jeong Ayeon and I stepped into the dueling arena, our opponents entered from the opposite side at the same time. The pair walking onto the other platform was a male-female couple. Both had messy yellow hair, white face paint, and heavy black makeup around their eyes and mouths.

'Shit, go rape Tokyo Tower instead.'

Anyway, both teams' fighters were now in position. Right on time, a professor began introducing the teams over the microphone.

The students' deafening cheers swept across the arena. In response, the male and female opponents stuck out their tongues, made peace signs with their hands, and laughed like maniacs while playing along with the crowd. Their unhinged behavior only fueled the audience, who screamed with near-hysterical enthusiasm.

After a while the cheers gradually died down. The professor continued, introducing our team.

The instant our team name was called, the reaction was on a completely different level from before. It felt pretty good knowing our team was apparently famous.

Intense hatred spread through the dueling arena in an instant. The main difference from earlier was that most of those hateful voices came from the professors. Even the professor doing the commentary was freely venting his hostility toward me through the mic.

To respond to their "cheers," I shouted at the top of my lungs.

"Freedom for the graduate students!! Death to the professors!!"

Meanwhile, my mind was busy analyzing the opponents' appearance. The fact that both the man and woman wore identical makeup made them look like an original ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠character and their gender-bent version standing side by side. At that moment, an enormous question suddenly popped into my head.

"Jeong Ayeon, I have a question."

"Speak."

It ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠was probably insane to ask right before the match started, but mere common sense couldn't stop my curiosity.

"If a gender-bent version of me exists, and that gender-bent me and I have sex, would that count as incest or masturbation?"

"......"

Jeong Ayeon's expression began to rot at record speed.