Animals Are Great. Furries Are Even Greater.
Money, the world's greatest trust-building tool, instantly turned me and Saintess Caersi into best friends.
"Damn, you could at least pretend to be suspicious. That's possible too. I trust our Caersi!"
"Nyahaha!! I won't betray you, nya!!!"
"Awesome! I'll give you a 'Won't Betray All Day' sticker."
"Cut that crap, nya!!!!"
[Kyaru and Caer are both gonna betray us, aren't they.]
'Ah, betrayal's fine. If Kyaru can be forgiven, our Caer can be too. With this much money, I can understand even if it's prepaid betrayal compensation.'
At that moment, noticing the sharp gazes aimed at the money, I tried to strike first with a desperate cry.
"Haaaaaaaah!!!!"
Directed straight at Elsia. No matter how much of an idiot I am, if I fall for the same trick three times in a row, that's on me. Elsia had already cleaned me out twice with those wide eyes. Even if she said it was going up, it wasn't easy to trust. So this was a safe asset. My last line of defense.
Elsia smiled brightly and opened her mouth.
"Husband! Buy Elf Coin with this money! It's going to rise soon!!!"
"Haaaaah!! That's bullshit, nya!!!"
"That's my speech pattern, nya!!!! Don't steal my concept, nya!!!!"
Caersi stomped her feet and threw a passionate fit at me. Ignoring her, I gently stroked the money bag like it was precious.
"Money, my dear child. I must protect you."
"Bullshit, nya..."
Caersi grumbled at me, then turned her gaze toward Elsia and began speaking to her.
"Since our idiots caused trouble before, this is compensation, nya!"
Following her words, the lead paladin handed over another money bag. At that moment, Elsia and I exchanged glances and immediately took action.
— Thud!
Elsia and I both dropped to one knee in front of Caersi, showing respect like a knighting ceremony.
"Thank you, my liege. My life for Zootopia."
"Give us your orders, Furry."
Caersi didn't seem to like this at all and started getting even angrier.
"Stop saying that dogshit, nya!!!!!"
"Hey, that's speciesist against dogs."
"Nimi-nya."
Then Elsia, still kneeling, lifted her head to look at me and said,
"Husband! I think I'm better at English than you!"
"As expected from a country that uses the inch-pound system. I'll reflect on that."
"That's not the problem, nya!!!! You crazy bastards!!!!!"
[Please stop messing with Blizzard and Disney!!!!]
'It also includes the Soviet Union in "my liege."'
[That's not what I meant, nya!!!!!!!]
But I couldn't just sit there and let Elsia one-up me. Losing to an elf was unacceptable. I muttered another fitting phrase in English.
"I am not a furry, but..."
"Oh! Husband! That's pretty good!"
"Just shut the hell up already, nya!!!!!!!!!"
The lead paladin had already fled the classroom. Probably couldn't hold onto his sanity in all the chaos.
Meanwhile, Caersi fumed in rage before resigning herself and sitting next to Elsia. Watching the whole scene, Hyeji and Jung Ayeon each muttered a comment.
"Idiots..."
"Utter lunatics, they are."
Truly a peaceful Bronze-rank classroom.
***
From the second year at the Academy, things get very relaxed. Once morning theory classes end, afternoons are free time. That doesn't mean the theory is easy, though. The combat department focuses intensely on combat-specific lessons. For example:
"How should one respond when monsters are densely packed? Hyeji, would you like to answer?"
"Yes."
Hyeji proudly puffed out her nonexistent chest and spoke.
"Burn them all without leaving a single one."
"Correct! Ten points to Gryffindor!"
"Damn, you're just spouting whatever from some dead author's novel."
"Be quiet, Kim Shinu."
Starting from simple stuff like that, it escalated to:
"There's a monster with excellent regeneration right in front, and a highly destructive one behind. In this case, how should you respond? Kim Shinu, give it a try."
"Send all the support-role teammates as meat shields and have the dealers focus entirely on the regenerating monster."
"Why?"
"So we can rig the damage meter."
"An excellent answer, but since it's you, Kim Shinu, I'll deduct points."
"Fucking bitch."
Even tactical choices were forced upon us. Theory covered all sorts of angles.
[What the hell do you think of the support department!!!!]
'They're tools.'
[You crazy damage-per-second addict!! What if they die?!]
'What do you mean? We hand them over as materials for the necromancers.'
[......Right, fuck, you were always this kind of bastard.]
In fantasy novels, why do parties sometimes bring along a bunch of porters? A little thought makes it obvious. It's to provide materials for necromancers in emergencies.
'This is common sense. Remember it well.'
[Stop spouting bullshit!!!!!!]
Once the nonstop barrage of theory classes ended, afternoons were free time. Caersi, who had been staring at her phone the entire class, approached me as soon as it was over, apparently with something to say.
"Can you come to the Beastman Kingdom during this vacation, nya?"
"Hell no, I don't want to get covered in fur."
"Shut up, nya!!! Why do you keep going on about fur! Fur! Nonsense, nya!!!!"
Caersi lowered her head and muttered, "Long-haired breeds shed a little, but..." Then she lifted her head again and looked at me.
"The Anima Church officials want to meet you, nya."
"I'm an atheist. Shincheonji? No thanks, too much trouble."
"Stop saying that bullshit, nya!!!!"
Then Caersi pointed at me and declared,
"It's a showdown, nya! If I win, you come to the Beastman Kingdom, nya!"
"A wish-granting bet? I don't mind those. But what are we competing in?"
"If I win the tournament at finals, you do what I say, nya!"
The tournament. At the Academy, second-years take their midterms and finals combined into a single tournament-style exam. Since teams of two compete, finding someone with good synergy or hitching a ride on a carry is crucial. Unlike other exams, it's purely relative ranking, so selection and focus are essential.
Caersi mentioned the tournament and laid out her demand.
"If I win, you come to the Beastman Kingdom, nya!"
"If I win, you'll do whatever I ask?"
"Of course, nya! Anyway, you can't beat me, nya!"
Hearing this, Hyeji and Elsia suddenly rushed over and asked urgently,
"Shinu, that's real, right? If you win the tournament, you'll do anything, right?"
"Husband! I want a wish too!"
"I'll do what I can, but I've only got one body?"
"That's plenty!"
"Me too!"
Hyeji and Elsia said with fierce eyes,
"Don't take that back? If you don't keep it, you're dead."
"I can't give up on this either!"
"Uh...... good luck?"
The moment they heard me, Hyeji and Elsia left the classroom. Piece spoke to me in a panic.
[My lord! What if those two team up?!]
'Ah, fuck. I'm screwed. I should've stopped at least one of them.'
Caersi, oblivious to my rotting insides, said "Just you wait, nya!" and left the classroom. Then Jung Ayeon, who had been watching carefully, spoke to me.
"Ahem! Ahem! Young Master, who will you choose as your teammate?"
"Want to team up with me?"
"Hmm...... Though our ranks don't quite match, if you desperately wish for it, I shall consider it."
Jung Ayeon glanced at me, subtly trying to assert her superiority.
'Not a chance, you bastard.'
[My lord, can't you at least consider letting her win?!]
"I'll look for someone else. Good luck, Jung Ayeon."
"Please don't do that! This one was wrong! Please pair up with this one!"
"Bring the friend fee."
"......Would a bank transfer work?"
Jung Ayeon instantly turned servile. But I wasn't done yet.
[Just how far do you plan to humiliate the heroines?!]
'Who are you trying to lord it over?'
Those who try to abuse power must experience the sorrow of being abused themselves.
"One more thing."
"...Speak."
"Repeat after me. In all situations, I will not act cocky and will follow Shinu-nim."
"Kugh!"
"If you don't, we won't team up?"
"F-Fine! Mo..."
Jung Ayeon struggled to open her mouth, trying to say the line I wanted.
[......I've seen this scene before.]
'What? Suddenly getting déjà vu...'
Anxiety slowly filled my heart. Jung Ayeon clenched her fists, trembling, and opened her mouth again.
"Mo..."
"Keep going."
"Mo, mo..."
"What's so hard about it? We don't have time, so hurry up."
"Momo Chanbara!!! Just die already!!!"
"Ah, fuck."
Jung Ayeon's clean punch landed squarely in my solar plexus. Unlike her vicious words, she wasn't holding a katana, but the sudden ambush left me unable to think straight.
Piece finally seemed to remember and grinned as she spoke.
[I remembered! It was the same when we took Jung Ayeon to the Great Forest.]
'Fuck, you should've said that earlier! It hurts like hell!'
"Momo Chanbara!! Momo Chanbara!!"
"Agh!! You crazy bitch, that technique's copyrighted!"
"Then Moru God Fist!!!!"
"More like 'Don't Know' Punch! And stop making up random hanja!! Aagh!"
After getting beaten for a solid ten minutes, we were finally able to form a team for the tournament.
The birth of the strongest team.