The Elves' Dark Secret
Elsia's explanation that followed was nothing short of shocking. She told us that among high elves, incest was completely normal, and regular elves weren't all that different. Originally, elves had interacted heavily with other races, resulting in many mixed-blood children being born. But the problem started when elven blood grew thinner and thinner, slowly eroding their sense of identity. This was a fatal phenomenon for high elves, who demanded pure blood and clung to a supremacist ideology about their own kind.
To overcome this crisis, the high elves put up a slogan: 'Make the blood thicker again!!!' In short, it meant they had to make elven blood denser. Under the aggressive leadership of the high elves, the mindset of 'Incest? Isn't that just common sense?' spread throughout all elf society. There were occasional cases of regular elves mating with other races, but—
Because of that kind of thinking, mixed-blood children were inevitably rejected in the Great Forest. That was the ugly truth of the elves that Elsia shared with us.
We couldn't say a single word after hearing her explanation. We simply followed the path in silence. Along the way, we saw an elf who looked like a grandfather surrounded by other elves. He seemed to have aged quite a bit—probably because even elves grow old if they live long enough. A kind-looking elderly elf was speaking while young elves with bright, sparkling eyes listened intently, notebooks and pens in hand.
We watched the scene from a short distance away. Then the old elf asked a question to the elves around him.
"Who would like to talk about true love?"
"Me! I'll do it!"
A male elf with flowing long blond hair shot his hand up confidently and shouted. The elderly elf pointed at him with a chuckle.
"Hehehe. Then let's hear from you."
"True love is only real when it overcomes blood ties!"
"A perfect answer."
The old elf nodded in satisfaction, stroking his beard with a pleased hum. At that moment, a female elf with the same blond hair standing beside the male elf grabbed his hand tightly, tears welling up in her eyes.
"My baby! You're so wonderful!"
"Grandma, I'm not a baby anymore."
The male elf smiled softly and shook his head. Then, without hesitation, he dropped to one knee, took her hand, and kissed the back of it.
"Please become my wife from now on. Grandma—no, darling."
"Hngh!"
The female elf covered her mouth as tears streamed down her face. Then she broke into a radiant smile, and the two elves embraced each other and kissed without caring who started it first.
The surrounding elves didn't seem the least bit surprised by this sudden confession between grandmother and grandson. Instead, they cheered enthusiastically.
Then other elves began proposing to each other one after another. In the blink of an eye, the educational space had turned into a matchmaking event. The old elf stroked his beard and nodded approvingly at the sight. The whole place had become a crucible of emotion.
But to us, it was just a space full of lunatics.
'These fucking incest freaks are actually real.'
[But what if it's Mi-Kyung and Nezuko?]
'Ah, that's unavoidable.'
Hye-ji clutched her head like she was dizzy and turned to Elsia.
"Kanf, right now my eyeballs are rejecting the visual data they're receiving. Is this normal?"
"You're lucky the scale is small today!"
"I'm going to lose my mind."
"How many people are sharing that hole, you fucking sister-in-law?"
[Don't forget about the pole sister-in-law either.]
'Ugh, shut up. This is all so fucking disgusting.'
On the other side, a fierce debate was raging among the female elves. Two elves who seemed to represent opposing sides were arguing passionately, veins bulging in their necks. Behind them, countless other elves watched with shining eyes, each group supporting their own side.
"Don't you know that the older a man is, the harder his dick gets? How can you not appreciate a legendary dick that's tasted all the sweetness and bitterness of life!"
"Ridiculous. Those of you who haven't tasted your grandson's tiny dick have wasted half your lives!"
"Not knowing the techniques an old man's dick has perfected over a lifetime is a disgrace to an elf's existence!"
"I raise them and eat them. Not knowing the feeling of a womb that might ring at any moment as they grow up? How tragic!"
But their conflict didn't last long. They understood and accepted each other's positions.
"Raising them to eat them! That means you can customize them however you want!"
"Devouring a dick that's weathered the storms of time. That's how elves can grow even more!"
"Starting today, I'm going to sleep with my great-grandson!"
"Ah, in that case, this body will also devour grandfather today as you suggested."
As if supporting each other's opinions, the groups of elves who had been glaring at each other suddenly embraced and began shedding tears. If other elves had seen it, they would have been so moved they might have started making babies right there. To an outsider, it would have looked like a tearful family reunion.
The conflict from moments ago was forgotten as countless elves wept and embraced one another.
[Old man dick versus shota dick... My heart feels so grand right now.]
'These goddamn idiots...'
Of course, to us it was just a scene of incest freaks running wild. We hurriedly passed by that emotional moment and quickly followed Elsia.
After walking a bit more, Elsia finally turned to us and said,
"We're here!"
The place we'd arrived at was quite different from the elegant, antique buildings we'd seen earlier. It was a single old, shabby wooden cabin. While it was impeccably maintained without a speck of dust, it was clearly very old—small scratches and peeling bark were visible here and there. For a high elf's residence, it was extremely modest.
"Where is this?"
"My house!"
Elsia answered brightly as she flung the cabin door wide open. The moment the door opened, we were greeted by—
"Kuuuaaaaargh!"
"Screeeech!!!!"
"Guruk. Guruk. Gurrrruk!"
A ton of animals. A parrot trapped in a cage. Birds flying around. Dogs wagging their tails. And even some indifferent cats. And just as Elsia had mentioned before, a massive brown bear came out to welcome us.
Countless animals made threatening noises as they looked at us, but—
"Shut the fuck up, you pieces of shit. Before I kill you all."
"Whine..."
The animals immediately cowered the moment they saw Hye-ji. Unlike the insane elves, animals instinctively recognized natural disasters when they saw them.
I looked around at the animals and shouted loudly.
"Yaja time! If you think Elsia's a piece of shit, now's your only chance to speak up!"
Most of the animals glanced nervously at Elsia but began voicing their complaints one by one. Most of the grievances were about her stealing their food subsidies or secretly taking their snacks.
"Oh my! It seems their education was insufficient!"
"Hey, Elsia. Stop stealing the kids' food."
"The harder things get, the more we should share! Plus, it's way too harsh here!"
"Please, just shut the hell up."
When I started scolding Elsia, the animals gave me friendly looks. The brown bear even put an arm around my shoulder and pulled out a hidden bottle of vodka to share with me.
Then one of the parrots suddenly screamed.
"Turn me back into a human!"
[Did this body hear wrong?]
'Fuck, so the MahoMaho Kingdom was here all along.'
My hands trembled as I turned to look at Elsia.
"...Hey, Elsia. What's up with that parrot?"
"Ah! He tried to steal my food before, so I gave him a little education!"
"...He's asking to be turned back into a person?"
"Oh my! When I picked him up he was a parrot. What are you talking about!"
Elsia suddenly looked away from me. While I watched her with suspicious eyes, the rest of the group looked around her house and muttered their thoughts. Of course, I added my own comment.
"Kanf... the vibe in here is kinda weird."
"It feels like cockroaches are about to crawl out."
"Hey, Elsia. Isn't this a bit too shabby for a high elf's house?"
By then Elsia was already dropping area-of-effect bombs on the animals. She turned back to us with a bright smile and said,
"Of course! This is the house my parents left behind. They're not with us anymore!"
The moment Elsia spoke, two portraits came into our view. Both showed smiling elves. In front of them were incense sticks that had completely burned out.
We stared at the portraits, overwhelmed by a wave of guilt. One was a silver-haired elf with long ears. The other had the same pink hair as Elsia but with short ears. The elves in the photos were smiling brightly, but we felt like dying.
'Ah, fuck. This is one hundred percent a thalulla moment.'
[You should have watched your words, shouldn't you?]
Suddenly thrust into a thalulla situation, we could only glance at each other awkwardly. After exchanging looks, we had no choice but to apologize to Elsia.
"Looking at it again, the vintage style is actually pretty nice."
"Now that I look closely, it has a very old-fashioned charm."
"Hey, I'm really sorry. I didn't know your parents had passed away."
We all wore somber expressions as we offered our apologies to Elsia. She looked back at us with a puzzled face.
"Huh? My parents aren't dead!"
"Ha??????"
"Ha??????"
"Ha??????"
The moment we all nicely raised our question marks in perfect sync, Elsia continued.
"They went to a casino in Las Vegas to chase their dreams!"
Elsia broke into another bright smile. Of course, we felt like we'd just gone from hell straight to heaven.
"You fucking Kanf bitch, you scared the shit out of me!!"
"You fucking long-eared bitch! You should've said that first!!"
"Why the hell did you light incense then!!"
"It's decoration! Ow! That hurts!!"
We took turns smacking Elsia on the head multiple times. Freed from the thalulla moment, we felt a slight sense of relief.