The Second Trial
"Release me! You beings too shameful to even be called unicorns!"
The unicorn was still thrashing wildly, desperate to break free from its restraints, as it spat out its crude protest. Its eyes were so violently bloodshot that it was difficult to call them those of a unicorn—one might momentarily mistake the creature for a bicorn. De-yunicorn beside me widened his eyes and thundered at the rampaging unicorn.
Even after De-yunicorn's rebuke, the creature made no attempt to hide its discontent, openly displaying it for all to see. Still, with the title of God of Virgins on the line, I could not back down. I fixed my gaze on the unicorn once more and spoke with solemn gravity.
"Did I not tell you to recite your sins?"
The unicorn sneered at me with open mockery. Yet it refused to reveal its full misdeeds, repeating nothing but its tantrums. De-yunicorn let out a sigh and addressed me.
"Terrorism? Explain in detail."
The crimes De-yunicorn described were far more serious than I had anticipated. It concerned the second clause in the contract with South Korea: all unicorns must refrain from visiting Korea between December 24 and December 26. This individual had violently opposed the clause and served as the mastermind behind a plan to launch surprise terrorist attacks on Korean hotels and motels during those dates.
The instant De-yunicorn finished speaking, the bound unicorn thrashed violently and bellowed through telepathy.
Merely recalling it seemed to inflict massive internal damage; the unicorn began vomiting blood. Yet even as it continued to cough up gore, it forcefully proclaimed its beliefs.
When I glanced at the other unicorns, several appeared to agree with the sentiment. I pretended not to notice and spoke gently to the prisoner.
"Yet is that not also the day when the greatest number of mothers conceive the purest virgins and chaste innocents?"
My words granted the agreeing unicorns a moment of profound realization, and they expressed their awe. Despite this, the bound unicorn showed no sign of calming. It only grew more frenzied.
"What did you say?"
"You called it a delusional dream." My hands began to tremble. The unicorn that dared utter such a blasphemous phrase looked utterly detestable. I turned to my companions and asked, "Kids, what if the pickup character gacha rate is five percent?"
"Shinwoo, even after filtering out all the K-games, that's still a total steal."
"It's perfectly worth it! You have to roll no matter what!"
"......Have you all lost your minds? Is your head merely decorative?"
Only Jung Ayeon rejected my opinion.
Have you taken leave of your senses? Even after striking the ceiling like that, you still have not regained your wits!
......Fuck.
This time I addressed the unicorns.
"All of you—if the probability of encountering a virgin or a chaste one is five percent, would you pull the gacha?"
WE MUST PULL IT!!!!!
On ovulation days the pregnancy rate typically reached thirty percent. If five percent was already a steal, thirty percent was an absolute godsend—an event that practically handed out free rewards. I turned back to the bound unicorn.
"Does the term 'delusional dream' you used truly apply? This is the very day so many chaste virgins are conceived!"
"Here it is!"
I rose majestically from the throne, looked down upon the unicorn, and declared, "I myself am a Christmas baby."
The bound unicorn stared at the living evidence before it with an expression of utter disbelief. Then its face twisted once more and it began to growl.
"Then tell me—what would you have done if you stood in my place?"
......What? This bastard? He really had lost his mind.
Even after seeing living proof in the form of myself, this radical unicorn continued to spew even greater nonsense. There was no longer any reason to spare it.
My dear, that unicorn does not appear willing to bend its convictions in the slightest.
Then it must die.
"Prepare yourself for death."
The unicorn held its head high, defiantly challenging me. Yet the moment I announced its sentence, all bravado vanished and it began to shake uncontrollably.
"Your sentence is death. You shall thoroughly read Tight Body and Rental Girlfriend five times each!"
"Silence!!! In a Confucian nation, demanding the death of one's own parents is far more unjust!"
I glared with wide eyes and roared at the unicorn.
"Moreover, a new purity has recently been conceived, and you dare spout such blasphemy!"
At my declaration the other unicorns burst into exclamations of awe. Some even shed tears, proclaiming the birth of a new saint. The condemned unicorn collapsed where it stood and soiled itself, but the others paid no heed as they dragged it away.
Only a yellow carpet remained where the unicorn had been. With that, the trial of the unicorns came to a close.
We should have headed straight for the Great Forest the moment the trial ended, but unfortunately that proved impossible for the time being. A unicorn lowered its head with a gloomy expression and apologized.
"Oh my! My hand slipped!"
"Kanf, you fucker, stop!"
Despite Hye-ji's hollow scream, another unicorn was sent into a deep slumber by Elsia's fist. Hye-ji grabbed Elsia by the collar and shouted.
"You fucking Kanf bitch! That one's an engineer!"
"......Instead of reaching the Great Forest, can we even make it back home?"
"Don't worry! It'll be fine once we wake him up again!"
Elsia splashed water on the fainted unicorn, forcibly reviving it. The creature let out a pained groan and began adjusting the gate once more.
Whoa, this guy looks like he's tortured people before.
What manner of anti-equestrian scene is this...?
In the end we were forced to remain at the Unicorn Sanctuary for some time. During that period the rest of the party wandered freely through the sanctuary. With the exception of Elsia, the unicorns even carried the others on their backs while guiding them around every corner of the holy ground.
As expected of a sanctuary inhabited by unicorns, it was filled with countless facilities: a museum chronicling unicorn history, another dedicated to accumulating knowledge, restaurants to satisfy hunger, and even leisure facilities designed specifically for unicorns. In a way, it could be considered a unicorn academy.
Whenever the group passed one of these facilities they would pepper the accompanying unicorns with questions.
"What is this game machine?"
"What manner of book is this?"
I, on the other hand, could not enjoy such experiences. Instead of leisurely following the group and sightseeing, I was constantly dragged into other obligations: the unicorns' heated debates—
—the trials of sinful unicorns—
"For what possible reason?"
—and lectures from scholarly unicorns.
And countless other events besides. I was relentlessly required to attend every single gathering and schedule the unicorns arranged.
How is this stricter than the academy?
Indeed, why did you go around proclaiming yourself the God of Virgins!
I didn't want to, either!
After those hectic, exhausting days, the gate adjustment was finally completed. The increasing number of bruises on the engineer unicorn's face suggested Elsia had delivered periodic reminders during the process.
We lined up before the gate as instructed, and it soon began to open. I had hoped to leave without fanfare to avoid any fuss, but a large crowd of unicorns—including De-yunicorn—had already gathered to see us off.
"Are you going to keep saying dangerous lines until the end? Do you have any idea how many reports you've accumulated?"
Do not worry. Simply show them your total spending and they will forgive you, calling you a pro black cow.
Fuck. Seriously.
We exchanged farewells with the unicorns. Though our stay had been relatively short, seeing one another so frequently had forged a certain attachment.
- Bam!
One exception, as always. After bidding everyone farewell, we slowly stepped into the gate shimmering with blue light. This time the measurements were in proper meters. Thank goodness. The moment my foot touched down, I heard the crisp rustle of grass being crushed beneath it. At last, I had set foot in the Great Forest.