Today Too, I Worship... GOAT
Any university, any department—it's routine at the start of the semester for them to order matching jackets as a group rep. The student council usually collects the cash from students, then bulk-orders them. In return, you get decent fabric and pretty good quality group uniforms... but...
"These fuckers are crawling out all slimy again? I swear I killed 'em and even took their ashes with me."
The guy who, right at the start of the semester, blew up an entire department's student council and laughed his way back to the army amid the rubble. To Kim Chomo, this was just "Oh, these bastards are at it again."
Judging by the numbers on the jackets worn by the next-shift part-timer whose conscience finally snapped, they looked like freshmen from this year's intake...
"Guess some of the student council who enlisted before me must've come back while I was in the army?"
He still vividly remembered how they'd blown everything up to hell, then got roasted alive in front of everyone. With keywords like "after coverage began," "under the eyes of countless people," and "even made the news," it was the first internal scandal against outsiders in the department's history—a massive disaster. Sure, it hit the news as an anonymous tip to protect him, but anyone from the same department would've known damn well it was Kim Chomo who pulled the trigger.
Whether it worked or not, back when he enlisted, they weren't collecting money for department jackets anymore. And now they're starting up again? Only one answer for that.
"These fuckers must've thought I'd stay in the army forever."
A mad dog that bites at anything slightly off—just the certainty he wouldn't return would've been enough. Even if he didn't have many close friends in the department, there was at least one other guy from the same unit who was tight with him.
"Hi, shit. Come to think of it, Jeong Il-hwan was an SNS addict... Should've seen it coming from all those PC bang fights."
Even without selling him out, info could've spread naturally through casual chats. Makes sense.
"Lemme check—my blow-up was recent... before that, start of semester... so probably spread when the law changed and everyone was down in the dumps?"
A mad dog like him wouldn't suddenly grow the balls to extort cash from kids knowing he'd reenroll. The moment they realized "Wait, that guy's coming back? Our world?"—that's when they'd blow it up themselves. No way freshmen paid upfront, but "Everyone else is doing it" could've swayed them. Perfect for leveraging the "illusory truth effect" to boost department unity and avoid standing out.
"Then I should have some fun right before finals end...?"
Just jealous of everyone else doing it, pooling money voluntarily without forcing anyone? Too legit a group buy—nothing happens. But if it's the last survivors of that department's idiots, who stacked up grudges over "why aren't you paying?" until petty resentment exploded into a full-on inferno killing everyone involved?
"If they even think about posting a public notice in front of everyone bitching about who didn't pay, it's disaster number two."
The victim-turned-biggest-perp, a legendary psycho etched in that department's history. His close buddy called him "I'd rather go AWOL than fight that fucker." Kim Chomo grinned chillingly.
If you've got a target you wanna hit hard, the first thing isn't to punch it.
"Figuring out what the fuck they're up to—that's the basics."
Punching's just short-term damage. But if you paint the big picture? You craft a lifetime of shame and regret in a massive disaster. Make 'em hang from the courthouse instead of a cross, so no copycats even dream it.
Similarly, straight-up grilling for info is amateur hour. Once he snagged old contacts from his phone, bombarding them would spread rumors about him.
"Alright! First round of makgeolli on me at this joint—drink up, tons! Drink!!"
"Kya... Classic Chomo! You still remember this makgeolli spot!!"
Under the excuse of "Discharged, so lemme see some old faces before reenrolling," he rounded up old acquaintances. For college kids where drinking's passive mode, this is everyday life. Especially these guys, his cohort—re-enrollees who gotta maintain senior cred with juniors!
"Man... How'd you know we're broke these days and call us out like this?!"
The seniors who'd been their free-meal tickets had graduated or taken leaves. With more damn juniors every year, free booze sessions must be missed.
"Hey, I'm broke too, but long time no see—so this one's on me!"
"Yeah, yeah! No next time, so chug hard today! Glasses up!"
If ancestors could down sodium hydroxide for free, ethanol and a bit of methanol's a thankful steal.
"Hehe, no skipping bottoms! Mix or not, you gotta drain the base shot!"
"Urgh... Oof! One-shot... ain't easy."
Drinking rules depend on who's buying. Here, the booze lord outranks landlords, so toasts were impossible from jump.
"Yo! Heard about free booze and came! Lemme in!"
"Aigoo, latecomer—finish this full dae that's about to overflow first?"
Not some life-or-death card game, but mid-game penalties hit hard.
"Ughhh... Stomach's killing me... Blegh!!"
"Damn, am I getting old? Used to pound 1st and 2nd rounds no problem..."
Before PC bangs banned elementary kids, their livers gave out first. Red faces, queasy guts, legs drawing figure-eights instead of straights.
"Tch, you weak-ass punks. How you dropping after ten pitchers?"
The lone guy who'd filtered "grain fermentation's final product" through his Plant Plunder ability as fuel without waste. Kim Chomo eyed them pitifully, hauling 'em to a familiar convenience store nearby.
"Go in, grab some grub for the kids. Ice cream or chocolate milk or whatever."
Sounds like hangover helpers—fats and sugars for tomorrow. Seems like a normal guy's lingering kindness... but his part-time Convenience Store pre-fries instant foods in old oil. And these guys pounded booze non-stop for under two hours.
Acute alcohol poisoning patients on the verge of bursting—hit 'em with stale oil fumes? Oh, what's this? Wanna flip those guts proper?
He stayed out, leaning on a tree since he was fine. Soon, the jackpot he hadn't expected hit.
"KyaAAAAAHHH---!!"
That bloodcurdling scream? No need to see—you know the scene.
"But no time to scream, right? Emergency smells and sights... they spread contagiously."
Humans, wise pack animals, have this trait: brain auto-pukes when someone else does, like a defense mechanism.
"Smell, instinct... one nudge, and dominoes fall chain-reaction style."
Post-topple, like a water bomb game—every drunk's mouth verifies what they ate/drank, primal instinct check from ancient times...
Ting-a-lang... ♬
"Ugh, uwaaak!! Th-this ain't it!! I gotta get outta here!"
The late guy who'd drunk less burst out the door. Inside? Past pandemonium—pure hell.
"Truly, humanity's GOAT beverage throughout history... you again, Alcohol."
--And the soccer spirit that pukes weirdly often... Lately it's been slacking a bit, but thanks anyway.
Kim Chomo thrust two fingers sky-high, deeply moved by alcohol's power, praying some antipodal soccer player quit copying that meme. No real link, but he was the most infamous puker on the pitch.
Tap, ta-tap, tap-tap...
'They get home okay...? After you went in, my stomach turned so I'm heading out first...'
Not super close, but casual contacts—just a check-in text. The mess? Next part-timer's problem after wasting 35 minutes of his life.
'Lately some "provisional student council" popped up asking if we'd join.'
'Ah! Those guys? The ones who delayed the opening assembly a month after semester start then suddenly held it?'
He'd stuffed 'em booze to near blackout, so intel value paid off.
"Got all the circumstantial evidence. Now... see how much they milked in that short time."
Ting-a-lang... ♬
Head clear after sorting his to-dos, Kim Chomo opened the convenience store front door for his chill shift swap.
"...Hey! How many times I tell you yesterday to receive the delivery—you didn't?!"
A scowling middle-aged face greeted him.
"Oh right. Don't forget that 35 minutes extra pay."
World's full of folks who dish it out then get their heads smashed on the edge.
"...What?! You didn't follow orders...!!"
"Why should I cover your dumbass mistake with extra work? 1.5x the hourly at 60%—don't forget."
Kim Chomo ignored him, picking his ear, tying on the apron.
"Ugh, what's this smell. Gotta air it out."
Door open for the faintly sour counter air.
"No business? Head out then? Or stand there? I'm sitting."
Mirroring yesterday's prior shift's attitude, he smirked at the boiled-octopus-skinned owner like a red-pilled humanitarian.
"Y-you...!! Don't forget to help with delivery today...!!"
Can't leverage power where it profits him? No longer boss. No demands met, just chasing a dream? No longer underdog. A bizarre convenience store.
"Aigoo, one minute to go... Gonna be late again today?"
The highlight: next shift nowhere in sight as swap time loomed—punishment served.
No report? Direct bitching at him, so phone it is.
"Hello? Next guy's one minute—no, 30, 29, 28... seconds late, no sign."
Two days straight after yesterday—normal folks get "Don't come tomorrow."
- No, kid's busy at uni! Some student council stuff, tight schedule!
To the owner whose goal's easy pocket money for family, Kim Chomo's murder-worthy.
- Old part-timer had tact and smarts, what's your deal...
Comparing to justify his extensions.
"Yeah, not my problem. Locking up, key in mailbox. Thanks for the hard work~"
- ...So, receive delivery and work an hour... What?! Hey! Hey!!!
Work for empty praise? Not his sin. Rightful order: stuff boss's head in the empty bowl, ship to kin.
"That's your family, not mine. Spouting nonsense from your trap."
Ting-a-lang... ♬
Already packed mid-call, Kim Chomo shut the door. Yesterday's 35 minutes: about six customers.
"Lose six a day average or nag kin."
Curious what time that shameless shifter shows tomorrow.
"If you come on time, I'll start happy five minutes early..."
No Little Prince, but he'd play little patient for that damn human plenty.