There Are Things Only Visible When Faced
There are things that only become visible when you face them.
We were all sitting around the table for breakfast together for the first time in a long while when my uncle and mom kept glancing at each other until finally Mom spoke up.
She asked what I thought about getting a little sibling.
I was flustered for a moment, but I quickly found my composure again.
I already knew the two of them were getting along well, so a new sibling wouldn't be strange at all. Still, why ask me?
I snuck a look at my sister's reaction, but unlike me she calmly ate her rice from start to finish. It was a little odd that my chatty sister had nothing to say, yet I didn't make much of it. It wasn't the first or second time she'd been half-asleep in the morning.
In the end, after some thought, I answered that it might be fine.
Recalling how happy my uncle and mom had looked at my answer, I wondered what kind of omen it might be as I was about to pass through the school gate—when a sharp sting shot through my back along with a crisp smacking sound.
Wondering who it was, I turned around to find Jin Jo-hwa standing there, grinning after mercilessly smacking someone else's back.
“......What the hell.”
“Hi?”
“Do you have to greet me by hitting me every morning?”
“Hehehe.”
After finishing her rough morning greeting, Jin Jo-hwa looked to be in a good mood.
And for good reason—all the truths had come out, and the misunderstandings were cleared up.
Jin Jo-hwa and I had found a compromise and struck a deal. It wasn't a deal that particularly benefited her, yet even so she seemed very happy.
I felt neither good nor bad.
The wish I had hoped for had come true, and the knot deep in my chest had disappeared, but I still had a long way to go before I could grasp the future I envisioned.
If there was a saying that fit this moment best, what would it be?
No. More than that—why was this girl walking so close to me?
I put some distance between us and voiced my complaint.
“Hey. Walk a bit farther away.”
“Why?”
“Did you already forget the deal we made yesterday?”
“Aren't you the one who forgot? Yesterday you said that if no one was around, you wouldn't particularly complain about me approaching. Look around. Right now it's just us.”
“......”
I looked around, but there were no other students or teachers besides Jin Jo-hwa and me. So I couldn't argue.
Having learned the truth, I had made a deal with Jin Jo-hwa.
The content of the deal was to accommodate each other's wishes as much as possible within reason. What Jin Jo-hwa wanted was a chance to atone and to return to our past relationship with me.
Honestly, giving her a chance to atone wasn't difficult. The past incident had been caused by my own faults as well. But the problem was Jin Jo-hwa's second wish.
My goal had been to put a period on that past incident, not to become friends again.
But Jin Jo-hwa was different.
So the two of us couldn't find a compromise for a while until we finally settled on the following:
When there are many eyes watching, refrain from approaching for personal reasons, but when there are no eyes watching, I won't stop you.
My convictions still hadn't changed, so I had no intention of making friends.
I hated being hurt by others. That was why I also hated hurting others.
The most effective way to uphold my convictions was the calculation that I shouldn't form connections with others. So I wouldn't make friends, and thus I had no intention of closing the distance with Jin Jo-hwa.
Thanks to various people's help I had been able to face her, but I hadn't completely overcome the trauma from the past. I was still afraid of being hurt by others, and afraid of hurting others myself.
Whether she knew my feelings or not, Jin Jo-hwa closed the distance I had opened again.
“......Get away.”
“No.”
“Get away.”
“No!”
“......”
“......”
Come to think of it, she'd always been stubborn and strong-willed since way back.
She really hadn't changed a bit.
Neither had I.
In the silence we maintained while looking at each other, I was the first to speak.
“Honestly, I still don't know my own heart.”
“Yeah.”
“I learned the truth, realized my own faults were greater, and the knot deep in my heart disappeared—but you're still awkward to me.”
“But at least you don't say you hate me anymore, right?”
“I do have a conscience.”
“That's enough. We just learned the truth and started reconciling. Of course it would have been nice if a better result came out than now, but I like this result, this scenery too. We can start over, right?”
Was Jin Jo-hwa right?
I didn't know.
Maybe that was the answer, or maybe not.
Maybe that was the right choice, or a foolish one.
I still knew nothing. But in the midst of knowing nothing, there was one thing I had resolved.
The resolution not to repeat the past anymore.
To do that, upholding my own convictions was the best choice. Even I didn't know and couldn't guarantee how long I would keep such convictions. But someday they would change. Because people can change someday—
“Oh right. After school, let's go to the new tteokbokki place. It's super spicy and delicious! Looking at the many reviews and high ratings, it's a surefire good restaurant.”
“Even if you look at me with those eyes, I'm not going.”
“Why? Let's go, okay?”
“Go with Yoon Na-rae.”
“Why is my name suddenly popping up?”
Out of nowhere, Yoon Na-rae squeezed between Jin Jo-hwa and me. With her appearance, Jo-hwa's mood improved even more, and she didn't miss the opportunity.
“Na-rae, hi!”
“Yeah. Hi. You're energetic as always today.”
“There's a reason for that. Na-rae, you know the new tteokbokki place, right?”
“Ah. That place? I know.”
“I'm planning to go after school today.”
“With who?”
“Just us.”
I knew it would be like this. Look at her casually including me.
“I never said I was going.”
“It's not like tteokbokki only comes in spicy flavors!”
She showed the will to drag me along somehow. It wasn't just me who felt that, as Yoon Na-rae asked.
“You can't handle spicy food?”
“Yeah. And there are other reasons too.”
“Other reasons?”
I turned the gaze I had on Yoon Na-rae to Jin Jo-hwa.
“The promise between me and her.”
“What is that?”
“Ask Jo-hwa later.”
Leaving Yoon Na-rae, who was looking back and forth between me and Jo-hwa suspiciously, behind, I continued to defend against Jin Jo-hwa's attacks.
“If the three of us go together, it costs less and it's livelier and better, right?”
“Don't make me say the same thing over and over.”
“But still!”
“You're really persistent. No means no. Learn to give up.”
“No! How about you give up instead? Even if you like being alone, once you go out into society you'll have to get along with people. If you keep doing this, I'm worried it'll be harder later.”
“Why are you worrying about that? I'll handle it myself so mind your own business. I have no intention of going.”
“I'm going to keep coaxing you.”
“Hey. Watch your words. People will misunderstand. Fine. Try it.”
“Sigh. What are you two doing first thing in the morning?”
Sighing and pressing her forehead with her right hand, Yoon Na-rae said her ears hurt and pushed our backs with both hands, saying we should go into the classroom first. Even then, with Jo-hwa's tenacity of chattering away trying to persuade me, I seriously wondered if I had to drag this fight to the end.
How long had it been since we made the deal, and she was already trying to break it.
It seems like things are going to get a bit—no, a lot bothersome from now on.
“What the hell is with you? Coming to school at this hour.”
“......”
The tall first-year male student was staring ahead without a word, ignoring his friend's words.
“Hey. Hey!”
“Ah. Uh. What?”
“Did you even hear what I just said?”
“Sorry. It's been a while since I came to school early, so I'm a bit tired.”
“Are you really tired? Your eyes are sharp. Full of vitality, you could say?”
“Yeah. I am tired.”
The first-year male student who brushed it off roughly continued walking while staring at the two students ahead with a murderous smile. In his pupils, complex emotions of something like welcome or interest were tangled up.
Then when a small female student squeezed between the two, his eyes completely cooled.
“What. Why is she popping up over there?”
“Huh? What?”
“Nothing. Let's hurry to the classroom. It's still chilly.”
“With a body as big as a mountain, why are you so sensitive to cold. It's spring now. The sun is even shining.”
He didn't react to his friend's teasing.
He hadn't met her for the past few years, but he had heard through his parents that she had enrolled in the same school. He had thought that if they ran into each other later, he might greet her lightly. But of all people, friends with those two. He completely erased the plan he had been making until just now.
The appearance of the small girl had made things complicated for him.
Of course, they weren't on bad terms. Not good either, but if she was friends with those two, the chance of their relationship souring was 100 percent, so he decided to wait for the right time. If he carelessly bared his fangs, his family could fall into ruin, so he decided to devise a strategy. Taking a long time, that is.